My Lg is gorgeous and doesn’t need makeup but

[DeepMango]

I’ll message you.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I have never taken anything away from her. Last week I took her on a shopping spree and bought her $250 of makeup. I’m supportive of her but at the same time I am concerned. I do talk to her all the time. We talk about four or five hours a day about everything!!! I came here for advice so I can more effectively talk to her about this specific thing. I’ve gotten some good feedback too but a lot of people assume I’m trying to control her. I’m not. She has a history of self destructive behaviors (bulimia, cutting, cheating, lying and stealing). I’m trying to help her heal and focus on her internal growth. Mahalo to everyone for your feedback. If a mod wants to close this thread, I’m cool with that.

 

 

I don't think you're trying to control her, and it doesn't come across that way at a glance btw. It's just how different people interpret the situation. So don't feel too bad, we don't all think that.

 

I didn't want to say anything because I couldn't think of anything useful to say.

 

I'm not a makeup fanatic. But I do get obsessive over material things when I'm stressed out (e.g. L.O.L dolls etc.) and it can become expensive as well as unhealthy.

She might need to just calm down- whatever else helps her do that. Take a real break. And maybe see if she can go a day or two a week without makeup.

 

Like, sure we like makeup as a hobby or interest and it's not just to please people or whatever. But if you put it on every day, it becomes habit and sort of addictive (especially if she has a repetitive or addictive personality). There's a big difference between doing it because you want to, and doing it because you feel like you NEED to.

 

Personally when I'm in that kinda addictive mode it really really helps to go without whatever it is first 'once' when I feel like I need or want it.

Then the next time I might buy/use/get whatever it is.

But then I will try to go without whatever it is 2 times in a row.

Then 3, 4- etc. Until I realize "Phew, y'know what I actually don't need that thing."

And then when I go past it at the shops later I don't feel as compelled to get it.

 

You clearly care a lot about her, so I don't think she'll get pissy with you over it. I mean she might get moody being asked not to do something that she wants, but not at you for caring and trying to help.

 

Idk. Sorry if this turned out to be unhelpful afterall.

[Little Illy]

I don't think you're trying to control her, and it doesn't come across that way at a glance btw. It's just how different people interpret the situation. So don't feel too bad, we don't all think that.

 

I didn't want to say anything because I couldn't think of anything useful to say.

 

I'm not a makeup fanatic. But I do get obsessive over material things when I'm stressed out (e.g. L.O.L dolls etc.) and it can become expensive as well as unhealthy.

She might need to just calm down- whatever else helps her do that. Take a real break. And maybe see if she can go a day or two a week without makeup.

 

Like, sure we like makeup as a hobby or interest and it's not just to please people or whatever. But if you put it on every day, it becomes habit and sort of addictive (especially if she has a repetitive or addictive personality). There's a big difference between doing it because you want to, and doing it because you feel like you NEED to.

 

Personally when I'm in that kinda addictive mode it really really helps to go without whatever it is first 'once' when I feel like I need or want it.

Then the next time I might buy/use/get whatever it is.

But then I will try to go without whatever it is 2 times in a row.

Then 3, 4- etc. Until I realize "Phew, y'know what I actually don't need that thing."

And then when I go past it at the shops later I don't feel as compelled to get it.

 

You clearly care a lot about her, so I don't think she'll get pissy with you over it. I mean she might get moody being asked not to do something that she wants, but not at you for caring and trying to help.

 

Idk. Sorry if this turned out to be unhelpful afterall.

 

*claps* This is brilliant and exactly shows how ANYTHING can be addictive and not "just for fun." 

 

Thank you for your insight - I totally forgot about how refreshing breaks from the addictive object can help . You're awesome

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

Or could they just tag me and tell me that as I think differently, I just shut up instead of throwing hint. 

So I stop worrying about the welfare of another little.  

[Little Illy]

 

Or could they just tag me and tell me that as I think differently, I just shut up instead of throwing hint. 

So I stop worrying about the welfare of another little.  

 

 

No one has directed anything negative towards anyone. Yes, I do think there is a bias with women and makeup and I think it can be a bit closed minded. But that is my personal opinion. 

 

The thing is with the forum - everyone has a different opinion. Just because I was enthusiastic that someone was compounding on something I believed in, shouldn't be seen as a slight to anyone else.

 

And just because everyone else agrees with what you have said - I don't see it as a slight.

 

Do I think there were some biased opinions? Yep. Do yall think I am biased because I don't like makeup? Probably. Do I care? Nah. Because the beauty of life is the different opinions. That's all.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

I was just trying to say that makeup really is not the problem. Have tastes either. When a person has external problems, is stressed, depressed, or whatever, tends to take refuge, and perhaps too much in personal tastes. Like makeup in this case. So I think the root of the problem is not really makeup. So I don't see logic to take something that could be just a refuge of something that is affecting her. And yes, it's just for fun, and why she's obsessed with that is what you should look for. Not away from it, that doesn't solve the problem.

That's why I asked if she was going to therapy, a person who had problems with bulimia, cutting, cheating, lying and stealing needs constant therapy. Not to fall back on that, and perhaps with the help of a professional can find out why it leads to being obsessed with makeup, to the point of forgetting things.

 

[Guest SUeB]

If she has such serious mental issues, she probably needs more than simply a supportive partner. To me, this clearly has little to do with makeup.

[DeepMango]

If she have that big history. Is she in psychological therapy? because if not, she should, and if she is already, you should also talk to her therapist and tell them your concerns and what worries you.

Yes. She has and is currently working with a therapist as well.

[Guest 12sparkles21]

The question here is why is she wearing the makeup. If she is wearing it because she loves it then I don't understand why you would want her to stop? Sure sticky lipgloss might be a little inconvenient but just ask her to take it off before you guys kiss? If she feels confident in herself and when she wears makeup support her. I would want to help a little with anything that makes them happy.

Its a little different if she is wearing it because of self esteem issues. Someone I know is gorgeous but wears makeup not only because she likes it but because she is very insecure. Me telling her she is beautiful and telling her not to wear it will not help her! She said it undermines her confidence when she does wear it. Its about working with her to improve her self esteem if this is the case, not about trying to get her to stop wearing makeup but to see it as less of a crutch for her insecurities. As she grows in confidence she will come to see herself and her appearance in a different way. She will love herself more. That should be your focus, not getting her to stop wearing makeup.

[PrincessNdea]

Well as some of the other people have said; girls don't always wear make up because they don't feel pretty, often its just because its fun and we just like it! Maybe instead of telling your Lg "how much beautiful she is without her makeup," you could try suggesting to her different makeup looks? Or you could surprise her by taking her to make up stores like Sephora or Ulta, yeah sure it sounds boring, but then you could see the make up she's getting or wants to try and then you can make suggestions to her about other make up brands. My daddy knows how much I like my make up but sometimes he'll make suggestions to me about different looks he thought I might like (which makes me think he's actually cares) or maybe not wearing a lip color because my make up already looks perfect. Telling girls they already look great and don't need to wear make up majority of the time is really hurtful; we spend alot of time on it and it's actually calming for us, so to hear that we don't need it, makes us feel like we wasted our time on something we like doing. Not to say that's your intention with your little but maybe you could try suggesting other make up looks you saw on tumblr or other social media and thought might be cute on her too, or as stated making a date out of taking her to a makeup store and seeing the things she likes and maybe you like, along with telling her how cute and beautiful she is! Hopefully this is helpful!

[DeepMango]

Well as some of the other people have said; girls don't always wear make up because they don't feel pretty, often its just because its fun and we just like it! Maybe instead of telling your Lg "how much beautiful she is without her makeup," you could try suggesting to her different makeup looks? Or you could surprise her by taking her to make up stores like Sephora or Ulta, yeah sure it sounds boring, but then you could see the make up she's getting or wants to try and then you can make suggestions to her about other make up brands. My daddy knows how much I like my make up but sometimes he'll make suggestions to me about different looks he thought I might like (which makes me think he's actually cares) or maybe not wearing a lip color because my make up already looks perfect. Telling girls they already look great and don't need to wear make up majority of the time is really hurtful; we spend alot of time on it and it's actually calming for us, so to hear that we don't need it, makes us feel like we wasted our time on something we like doing. Not to say that's your intention with your little but maybe you could try suggesting other make up looks you saw on tumblr or other social media and thought might be cute on her too, or as stated making a date out of taking her to a makeup store and seeing the things she likes and maybe you like, along with telling her how cute and beautiful she is! Hopefully this is helpful!

. I took her to Sephora and Mac just last week. We flew to Oahu and stayed at a luxury hotel over looking Waikiki. All part of a shopping spree I took her on.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

Have you thought that the problem is that you are spoiling her too much, giving her all the makeup she wants and that makes her not in control because she knows she can spend without stopping?

I like makeup, a lot. But having a monthly limit of money, because I do not have money left over, I have more control over it and I spend on things that I really need and not on something that I will use once or be saved forever.

Then you keep saying she is beautiful without makeup, however you do not want her to use it, but you spend large amounts of money to buy her makeup, but you also think that it is bad that she is so obese. So maybe you're boosting that by not putting a limit on purchases. And I really think that you are contradicting yourself. It's as if you take a child every day to a candy store and complain that you eat too many sweets. Has no sense. Not only buying everything she asks is showing support and interest. And if you buy her so much, she already has a lot of things that she can work with in beautiful makeup.

Because buying without stopping, the only thing you do is enhance what you're complaining about so much.

[Little Illy]

 

Have you thought that the problem is that you are spoiling her too much, giving her all the makeup she wants and that makes her not in control because she knows she can spend without stopping?

I like makeup, a lot. But having a monthly limit of money, because I do not have money left over, I have more control over it and I spend on things that I really need and not on something that I will use once or be saved forever.

Then you keep saying she is beautiful without makeup, however you do not want her to use it, but you spend large amounts of money to buy her makeup, but you also think that it is bad that she is so obese. So maybe you're boosting that by not putting a limit on purchases. And I really think that you are contradicting yourself. It's as if you take a child every day to a candy store and complain that you eat too many sweets. Has no sense. Not only buying everything she asks is showing support and interest. And if you buy her so much, she already has a lot of things that she can work with in beautiful makeup.

Because buying without stopping, the only thing you do is enhance what you're complaining about so much.

 

 

 

I see kind of a catch 22. Like... first he can't support her enough but now he is supporting her too much? In this thread I see a ton about him not caring enough or trying to change her. Then see that its too much.

 

This is why I said (multiple times) - moderation is the key. EVEN IF she has a deeper issue, moderating the symptom can help her get more control of her life. If this topic wasn't about makeup, but about, lets say, junk food. Or soda. Or, or, or.

 

Or a little asking for help for her Daddy's video games obsession - this thread would have a massively different vibe.

 

I'm just saying. An objective stance is the most helpful.

[Guest SUeB]

Spending money does not show care.

i agree that you seem to be focusing on what you spend on her more than anything else.

Maybe this really is part of the problem.

Its the old line "its not presents that mean anything, it's presence" (or words to that effect)

Not saying you don't care, but throwing money at her achieves nothing.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

I see kind of a catch 22. Like... first he can't support her enough but now he is supporting her too much? In this thread I see a ton about him not caring enough or trying to change her. Then see that its too much.

 

This is why I said (multiple times) - moderation is the key. EVEN IF she has a deeper issue, moderating the symptom can help her get more control of her life. If this topic wasn't about makeup, but about, lets say, junk food. Or soda. Or, or, or.

 

Or a little asking for help for her Daddy's video games obsession - this thread would have a massively different vibe.

 

I'm just saying. An objective stance is the most helpful.

The only thing I said is that removing it completely is not the solution. I said several times that there are limits to everything. But you see validates only your opinion just because you do not like make

The only thing I said is that removing it completely is not the solution, because surely there is a deeper problem. I said several times that there are limits to everything. 

And no extreme is good, either removing the makeup completely, or blaming just that, or that he gives her money so she spends whatever she wants in what obsesses her. None of these is a long-term solution.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

Spending money does not show care.

i agree that you seem to be focusing on what you spend on her more than anything else.

Maybe this really is part of the problem.

Its the old line "its not presents that mean anything, it's presence" (or words to that effect)

Not saying you don't care, but throwing money at her achieves nothing.

I completely agree. It's like parents who work hard and almost do not spend time with their children and compensate that with expensive gifts and buying everything they ask for. And it will never be enough, because no matter what they ask for, it is not what they need.

[Wolfycheeks]

What SUeB said..

Is this a sugardaddy/sugarbabe relationship? does she really care about what you tell her (involving her make-up habits and that she's the most beautiful girl) or is she in it for the money and doesn't care about what you tell her? It does sound all about the money. And 250$ is an awful lot to be spending on make-up I think.. LOL.

[Guest ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾]

What SUeB said..

Is this a sugardaddy/sugarbabe relationship? does she really care about what you tell her (involving her make-up habits and that she's the most beautiful girl) or is she in it for the money and doesn't care about what you tell her? It does sound all about the money. And 250$ is an awful lot to be spending on make-up I think.. LOL.

 

It's a lot! That's why I say that he is also part of the problem, spending that amount of money on makeup is insane! I mean, it's a bit hypocritical that he complains about how much he hates something if he is paying for it and is happy to do it. And he has not said that she forces him. And I'm sorry, but it's her daddy, and also her partner, not her bank, you have to know how to stop it. Put a limit on spending money.

[DeepMango]

What in there that said I gave her money? I went shopping with her. We spent every moment of a wonderful two days together going shopping and eating at restaurants and laying on the beach. No distractions. Just us in conversation and chilling together. Moderation does seem like the key. Mahalo everyone.

[DeepMango]

Btw there was only a few things. At Sephora we spent about $100 and walked out with five items. And this is he first time I bought her make up. She usually pays for it herself. I don’t care about the money. And she never asks for anything. Twice a year or so we do special things like this. For example, we went to Thailand in June to help rehabilitate and take care of injured elephants. A lot of assumptions are being made here.

 

Through this process I figured I wanted some tips about how to talk about it and I think I got those from some of you. Mahalo for that. Peace.

Edited December 16, 2017 by DeepMango

[DeepMango]

And I don’t hate the make up. It is far outside my realm of understand. Well, it was before this discussion.

[Guest SUeB]

On at least three posts, you talk about taking her shopping, and have said that she breaks her bank, but you are happy to refill it for her. This is from you yourself, not us making assumptions. So yes, it sounds like she's happy to spend your money and you're happy to let her. If that's the case and you're okay with that, , then no reason to feel defensive about that fact.

[Wolfycheeks]

tbh why would she even stop using her amazing expensive makeup if you refill her bank anyways??? like i wouldn't lol

[Guest Zephy]

I think you approached the subject wrongly when telling her how "much more" beautiful she was without make-up and her reaction was normal, even if though your intention was good. Many other women may feel the same and start overthinking things negatively and think they aren't appreciated who they are or how they look. It does seem like in regard to this, it's your own personal preference towards her appearance, while it's something she's passionate about and wanting to just feel pretty. If it's just this, I'd say leave it be, respect and accept it.

 

If you assess the situation as an unhealthy obsession and it affecting her priorities or unable to manage her time, all I can tell you is, as her partner, you need to teach her some self-control, discipline her, and not add to the problem. As much as you love her and money being one of your ways showing you love her, this itself can also be considered unhealthy and may very well lead to more problems in the future. I will believe your word though as you live with her, but please do think for yourself how you can really help her with this and reflect on your own actions whether or not they are really helping the cause of this particular unhealthy obsession she may be developing.

 

My advice is to cut the money flow and let her spend her own till she breaks her bank, perhaps even have a (healthy) budget for it she could spend her make up on, this will make her more conscious about spending money, because when it runs out, it runs out and you need to be able to be firm on this. Approach the subject carefully, communicate as adults and come to an agreement as this may also involve giving you financial control over her own money.

 

I wish you good luck with your current situation and hopefully this is something you both can work out together too!

Edited December 16, 2017 by Zephy

[Guest Stinkin'ol'Fred]

Maybe since you like minimal make up and she likes more, maybe be proactive with her about it? I myself never put on more than eyeliner.just to make my eyes pop. But maybe do a lil research yourself, find a YouTube tutorial that is simpler make up but still let's her feel like she covered her face. Find one you like and suggest it to her.