Little needs some help

[Susy98]

My daddy and I are having a long distance part of our relationship and it's caused some fights. I have to prove to him that nothings chaneed between us and it has to involve my insecurities and how he sees me. Help please?

[Guest SUeB]

You have to prove this to him? Seriously? How old is he? Sounds like a very immature, manipulative and insecure thing to tell someone. If someone told me i had to prove something, i would only prove how easy it was to say "seeya loser". Sorry, but that's my grown up and blunt opinion.

[MrJohnny]

Sounds to me like you are not the only one in the relationship who has insecurities. The only help I can offer with so little information provided is this: talk openly and honestly about how you feel and acknowledge the validity of your partner's feelings. Seems to me you should be able to relate to his feeling unsure of how stable your relationship is facing the challenge of separation. So use that as common ground to talk. We all need some reassurance from our partner now and then, and that is magnified over distance. Daddies are people too, and all people have times when we simply need more from those we are in a relationship with. I agree that for Daddies this should be the exception and that Daddies should put their little's emotional needs ahead of their own, but, again, we are people first, and Daddies second. Not one of us is perfect.

 

Another thing which may help is increasing the frequency of communication if that is reasonably possible. If you are finding it difficult to talk because of the "fights", then that should be a valid indicator that more talk, not less, is what should be happening.

 

At some point, you are going to have to evaluate the value of the relationship to you in consideration of the investment you have made and the needs you have which the relationship fulfills. Is the relationship worth fighting for? Can it be? Only you can answer those important questions.

[Tbmine]

SUeB,

She is asking help. Not your opinion / criticism.

I'm sure most of us have been in wrong situation at least once in our life. 

Don't know much about her situation. However, it sure looks she needs comforting advice....

[Guest hashtag_daddy]

My advice would depend on what he is asking you to prove and what your insecurities are.

 

If he knows you are insure about something then he should be supportive and understanding of that. This may mean helping you challenge and overcome your insecurities by pushing you a little, but this is best done slowly, together and with great care... it should never be part of a "deal" or bargain or as proof of your love/commitment. That would just be trivialising your issues and would only be the act of someone either unaware of the problem or trying to manipulate the situation.

 

Talk to him about why you feel insecure, empasise that you want to get over that with his help but that an LDR situation is not best and you need more support than he can give at the moment.. its not Never, just not Now.

 

As for proving something. Both partners actions in a relationship should be proof enough of how the feel. Coercing someone into doing something they are not happy with is not "proving" anything other than tey have been manipulated. Again... Talk talk talk! Tell him in words how you feel about whatever he is asking you to do, let your own, un-manipulated actions show how you feel and back that up with words and reassurances. But... never ever be pressured to do something you don't want to do yet (or ever). Sometimes its good to be persuaded to step outside your comfort zone but it is never right to be pressured or blackmailed to do so.

 

Talk to him about how you feel, how what hes asking makes you feel and why its triggering insecurities. A good Daddy will be supportive, understanding and loving, will appreciate your honesty and work with you to find a way forward. A 'fake' daddy will coerce, cajole and blackmail you and when he doesn't get his own way will walk away.

If its the former then you will both benefit and your relationship will be stronger. If its the latter, then remember... you have NOT lost the love of your life, you have dodged a bullet!! It is for the better and the next daddy will be better!

 

Hope everything works out. Stay safe. Stay happy.

[Guest SUeB]

SUeB,

She is asking help. Not your opinion / criticism.

I'm sure most of us have been in wrong situation at least once in our life. 

Don't know much about her situation. However, it sure looks she needs comforting advice....

OK. My advice for her is to tell this child-boy where to go.

[daddy1992]

Sounds to me like you are not the only one in the relationship who has insecurities. The only help I can offer with so little information provided is this: talk openly and honestly about how you feel and acknowledge the validity of your partner's feelings. Seems to me you should be able to relate to his feeling unsure of how stable your relationship is facing the challenge of separation. So use that as common ground to talk. We all need some reassurance from our partner now and then, and that is magnified over distance. Daddies are people too, and all people have times when we simply need more from those we are in a relationship with. I agree that for Daddies this should be the exception and that Daddies should put their little's emotional needs ahead of their own, but, again, we are people first, and Daddies second. Not one of us is perfect.

 

Another thing which may help is increasing the frequency of communication if that is reasonably possible. If you are finding it difficult to talk because of the "fights", then that should be a valid indicator that more talk, not less, is what should be happening.

 

At some point, you are going to have to evaluate the value of the relationship to you in consideration of the investment you have made and the needs you have which the relationship fulfills. Is the relationship worth fighting for? Can it be? Only you can answer those important questions.

I agree on this. Just sit down with your daddy and have a long chat about how you are feeling. This will probably take time but give it time and you guys will work it out. good luck!!