I'm in Love with a Married Man

[Guest MaddieMoo]

My daddy and I have been together for 5 months now, and even going a few hours without talking to him makes me sad. But, he is married, and happily. I knew from the beginning he was married, but I'm ashamed to say that I just needed a daddy-figure to help me get over some tough times. I thoroughly expected him to ghost me after a few weeks, but now here we are, five months later. I would love to have a future with this man but the thought of sharing my daddy.... It makes me cry, so normally I just ignore it, but lately, as the chances of us meeting increase, I am getting scared. What if we meet and all he does is talk about his wife? What if he compares me to his wife? I am just so lost and confused and have no one else to go to for help. Any advice, questions, comments, anything would be helpful yall.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

What if his wife knows about you and doesn't care? What if his wife secretly wants to be poly? If you are going to keep playing the "what if" game you might as well think all of the possibility.

[Guest Arc]

I hate to say it, but if he's married she will always come first. Even if you enter a poly relationship with him, she will be his primary. If you cannot handle that then it won't work. You need to be realistic on this. If it's something that even the idea upsets you then how will it ever work in real life?

 

If you meet and all he does is talk about his wife, then you're either going to be have to be a grown up and accept it, or try move the conversation along. Either way, he's married and it is going to come up at some point, and it will come up many times again. And if he compares you to his wife then I personally would get out of there. You are a different person and you will be different to her. If he's expecting the same then he has some very unrealistic views on how things work. 

[DaddySweetDaddy]

I hate to say it taking to another level of realness, unless she if fully aware of the situation you're participating in a deception. 

 

And that is just plain wrong.  You're hurting someone and so is he by being dishonest if she doesn't know.

 

I'm sorry, but you're more concerned about him comparing you to his wife? What about her feelings? 

 

It's never ever good to participate in deception.  

[Guest SUeB]

You chose to be a side chick. To help some douchebag cheat on his wife. Sorry, but you get no sympathy or good natured advice from me. Deal with the backlash of your decision.

Of course, this is assuming she hasn't agreed to let him see other people. But let's be honest here, that's very unlikely to be the case.

[Guest Arc]

I was assuming that she knew.... You probably want to check that out before anything happens because you don't want to be the girl he cheated on his wife with, or the girl that broke up their marriage or whatever happens. It's the harsh truth but you will be largely to blame if anything happens between them if she doesn't know and doesn't consent to him being with you. Plus if he's willing to lie to his own wife then he's not going to treat you any better. 

[Daddy4babygirls]

Did you know he was married when you became the “other woman?” If so, you should have known your place. My ex’ father had a “mistress” for 31 years, who bore him a son. He would go by her place on the way home from work for an hour and get his rocks off, swear he loved her, then go home to family. It is an age old relationship. Your choice is to accept things as they are or move on. I suggest you move on. He will never be yours.

[Guest BabyPeach]

If his wife isn't aware of your relationship (and I doubt that she is), you shouldn't meet him.  You're just going to cause yourself further emotional pain if you take this offline and it becomes physical.  He even told you that he's happily married.  You don't want to spend the rest of your life as a woman on the side.  You deserve better.

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

Nothing good is going to come out of this.

 

I'm not asking to be cruel, but you also need to consider this: What if you're not the only one? What if he has other girls in addition to you? I'd bet money that he does or has in the past. Are you willing to put yourself through that pain and are you really willing to make his wife feel that pain because of YOUR actions?

 

But like everyone else has said, if he's happily married then you already know how it will end.

[Daddy4Princess]

In my opinion, this all comes down to if the wife knows about you.

 

If she does, you're the secondary in a poly relationship.  If you can't deal with sharing him, then you should look for someone else who will be there for you and only you.

 

If she does not, you are there for him to get his jollies with, and you will never be more than that.  If he's happily married he has no intention of leaving her for you.  You're there to have sex with on the sly, period.

[cuddlebear55]

A different perspective.  I am a married man in an open relationship.  When I was working away from home we each had our own steady relationship.  The girl that I was seeing started to catch feelings, she was mature enough to know that nothing could come of that except pain for her so she talk to me about it and we put some distance between us for a time, and then had a wonderful FWB relationship until my wife and I decided to close our relationship to have a child. 

 

So yes, everyone is right in saying that his wife will always come first, and the fact that he is open and honest about having a wife, 'and' being happy with her proves that she is first and forever.  That suggests to me that she knows what he is doing, but only you and he can know that for sure.  You need to realize that she is first in his life and could at any time decide that he is no longer allowed to have another.  The foundation of an open relationship is honesty and unanimity.  Unless both of them are on board then it will not work.

 

You also need to discuss with him exactly how a relationship between you and him will look and function.  First thing is how much does his wife know.  Second is can you accept what he can offer.  If it works for now until it's time for you to find your own exclusive then good.  If he can offer you enough that you can simply stay then good. 

 

If he loves his wife as much as he is saying, then he will probably talk about her, and so he should, and you need to be mature enough to engage in that.  But if all he does is talk about her, and if he compares you to her, then you will need to have a talk with him about that.  You deserve more respect that to be compared to her.

[Guest secretlylittle]

I'm in the same boat, dm me if you would like to talk, or kik, same username.

[DaddyAlphaca]

Cheating is always bad, i mean, try to put it like this: you are married with a guy and he is having another relationship without you knowing. Now, she is throwing a question thorough the Internet that she loves your husband and been out with him for a while. What would you feel about it?

 

Unless his wife is agree with an open relationship, you will never be on his priority. It's just bad that you knowing that he is having a wife and you let him cheat on you. Think about what the other side would feel.

 

In my opinion, nothing good will happen if you continue this, either you will ruin someone's family or you will just hurt yourself. Ask for his wife acceptance (which very unlikely won't happen), if that's okay for her, ask how much he could give you and how much you can take.

[Guest MaddieMoo]

UPDATE: yes. she knows about me. and he has assured my many times that i am the only one besides her. 

[xBabydollx]

I am confused. u say u want a future with him, and u hate the thought of sharing him....but u are already sharing him. Even if u and the wife are the only ones, is that enough for u? What kind of future do u expect to have? He is already married/happily settled in his life after all. As for comparisons, I honestly doubt he will be talking about his wife while yall do whatever yall will be doing. When y'all sessions end tho is when u would always be reminded of her as he will be going right back to her. So I assume u must be able and willing to live with that. As long as u know the role u play in him and his wife life, and the limitations u will have, I think you'll be fine. Know ur place and you'll have fun. If u try to take more than he is willing to give u is the only time u would have problems. I highly suggest discussing yall expectations of each other, yall arrangements, and yall possible future.

[Guest Arc]

Well it's good she knows. But the point still stands - she will always be his primary and you will be a secondary. If you can't handle that then move on. Be realistic - you can't change his situation and if it's already upsetting you then it's only downhill from here. 

[cuddlebear55]

It seems like your main fear is that he is going to talk about his wife and compare you to her.  If he is mature enough to have a successful open relationship with a woman he is clearly in love with, then I would expect him to be mature enough to handle it properly.  He won't be perfect, none of us are, and there will be opportunity for you to guide him in treating and respecting you properly.  There is an awesome opportunity here for all of you to have a very beautiful relationship.  You, and him and his wife all have to be mature enough to accept it, and make it work.  As I said before, talk to him about what he can offer you, tell him what you want, if it isn't going to be right for you, then that is fine, and you need to make that known and make your decision.  Sharing is not for everyone, nor should it be. 

[Guest SUeB]

Ok, so if he's telling the truth (which, sorry, is still highly unlikely - can you contact her to ask? Ask him that, see how he reacts) You already know the answer or you wouldn't be here asking for advice. This isn't good enough for you, so do what you know you need to do.

[cuddlebear55]

How is it unlikely that he is telling the truth?  Maddie has never suggested that he has done anything wrong.  There is nothing in her query to suggest anyone is doing anything wrong.  She is asking for advice on the fact that she is not sure that she can handle the fact that he is already married and that she will have to share him.  There is no question on whether he is telling the truth.  She knows the truth but isn't sure she can handle the truth.

 

There is no harm in speaking to the wife.  I have met several of my wife's friends at the same time she did, and have met most eventually and vice versa.  If you want to be in an open relationship you better be able to do that.  Maddie you should talk to him about the possibility of speaking to his wife at some point, even if it's just a 20 second conversation to ask if she is ok with you and her husband.  If you can't handle the thought of talking to her, then that might be a sign that this is not for you.

[Little Illy]

I think a big thing is being overlooked right now:

 

But, he is married, and happily. I knew from the beginning he was married, but I'm ashamed to say that I just needed a daddy-figure to help me get over some tough times. 

 

You said you needed a Daddy-figure to get over tough times. And I hate to say it, but in a way you have used him. And in turn you have cornered yourself with your back against the wall. It sounds like you didn't want to overcome the tough times on your own or with a proper channel of support (friends, family, etc and not a stand in). And now you have an unhealthy attachment to this man. He is the light when you didn't want to turn on the light yourself. Which is why these feelings are so strong. And which is why you probably put yourself in a position that you otherwise wouldn't be in.

 

From everything, what little there is, I have seen is that you have formed a bond with him out of an emotional unstable place and the fear of losing him is because you equate stability with him. It doesn't sound like you want to be in a Poly relationship, let alone the secondary. Which there is nothing wrong with that. And because of this, I would recommend breaking it off sooner rather than later.

 

You are clearly unhappy with the arrangement and it doesn't seem like him and his wife will be getting a divorce (not that I am wishing he would or anything). Because of this, if you continue to stay with him, you are going to continue to be in situations that hurts. Times when you can't chat with him because his family needs him. Times when he can't fulfill promises because it doesn't work logistically with you and his family. Or times when you all have agreed to hang out and spend time together, but can't because his family needed him again. How are you going to handle those times? My assumption is not well (and that isn't a bad thing).

 

I would recommend truly thinking your situation through and see if it is okay for you to be with a man in an open relationship. If it is worth the hurt and the understanding that you are secondary and his wife is primary. I know these are the hard questions that seem impossible to act upon, but your happiness relies on it. You need to decide what is best for YOU and YOU alone. And I hope everything works out.

[Guest SUeB]

Lol, so you are saying you are totally unaware of how common it is for people to say their partner knows about them sleeping with other people, when the partner actually has no clue whatsoever?

Its so common it's beyond a joke.

That's exactly what i said - ask for contact with the wife. Let's see how that goes. If i am wrong, then i will quite happily accept it.

[Harddaddy]

It’s a difficult one.

 

Cards on table. I’m married, but my wife is disabled. I have a desire for dominance and kink that I cannot forfill in the marriage. Some play partners are judgemental of that, others are not. Things find their own level.

[Guest MaddieMoo]

im not meaning to upset anyone. im sorry... yes she knows. i have spoken with her in video chat before.

[Guest MaddieMoo]

and reading these comments just makes me feel worse honestly... im just so lost i love him and i know he loves me, but he also loves another equally. that iis my problem. i get equal, if not more, attention. but she is WITH him.

[xBabydollx]

so the problem is that u wish he loved u more than his wife? and that he was with u and not her? that's a bit fairytale-ish. it overall sounds like u want more than what u will ever get tbh. that's a sad road to head down, and u already sound discontent about it. she's not going anywhere and u can't outshine or replace her.