Intolerance

[Guest You're adorable.]

Ok, first please note that I am not in the best state to even be writing anything at all, but I guess to adress the topic that i want to write about,

one needs some of the personal "fire" and to be a little bit agitated. Not just my everyday disinterested, dead "objective" opinion

Also, when i read some posts and I see the topic labeled as sensitive, then this one will qualify as a clit-level of sensitive (please slap me for the horrible joke)

 

So.... *deep breaths* Intolerance. 

 

Intolerance

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I guess anyone that is in DDlg community knows that word very well. But what I want talk about is not the usual "Poeople don't accept me being a little" or "Some people are fake" kind of stuff and not the "intolerance" that is sometimes going on on the forum. What I wast to address is a little bit different.

 

Intolerance. The dictionary describes intolerance as "Unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behaviour that differ from one's own.", yet, when people accuse you of being "intolerant" it usually differs from this definition. Everyone, you, me, just everyone, isn't perfect in the way they view certain things. (really?? ) What I want to say without sounding absolutely obvious is that everytime we read something, no matter if it's news, blog, post, etc, It gets processed differently by our "machine", than by "machines" of other people. Therefore, even the most obvious statement, even a fact, can be subject to certain kind of "branding" in our head. This happens even to the simplest pieces of information. 

 

Now imagine that if this happens even to things like "Apples fall from the tree", what must happen to things that have far deeper meaning. Things like acceptance etc. (my vocalbulary of "big" words is limited shame on me ) That's right. You guessed it. It gets scrambled very differently in our head than in the heads of others.

 

By now you are probably thinking. "What is this guy trying to say? That each of us thinks differently? Well duh!". In a way, yes. But what I want to convey to people with this post is something different.

 

As the time progresses and our personality, views, knowledge etc. evolves, all of this will have an impact on any new kind of information that we receive. So me comparing this to "processing" is not very

far from the truth. In fact I would tell I am pretty close. So my point on this is. No matter how objective and tolerant we try to be, we will never be truly and fully objective. 

 

Jenny and Bob

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Now let us take a look at example (don't worry no tests or control questions at the end of this post )

 

Suppose Jenny is reading a blog that Bob wrote. Let's say, for the sake of simplicity, that the post is about strawberry jam. (disgusting thing full of sugar, yes ) Bob wrote about the different brands of strawberry jam, talked bout the composition, manufacturing prosess, how it's done in big companies so that they maximize their income and leave the poor workers work day and night WITH- anyway. So Bob wrote a post and posted it online. Now that Jenny typed into browser "strawberry jam" and by some miracle, she found Bob's post. Let's a ssume that Jenny is a strawberry jam expert. She graduated at the top of her class in "straweberry jam studies" so she knows a thing or two about strawberry jam.

 

Now, she notices some mistakes in Bob's blog post regarding, let's say, manufacturing process of the strawberry jam. So she writes to Bob that some of the information that he has are incorrect. Let's say that Bob reads the suggestion from Jenny and immediately accepts it and publishes it again with the correction that Jenny sugested. This will never happen in real world. Let's say that Bob was asking his grandma that was making strawberry jam for years about the way it's made and she gave him the recipe.

 

Now Bob decides to not correct what Jenny suggested to him, saying that his grandma has made it for years etc. Now Jenny writes to Bob that his grandma is not making "True" strawbery jam, instead 

she is making "subspecies" of strawberry jam and call it strawberry jam when it shouldn't be called so.

 

And BOOOM!!!! Now we have situation that happens in every blogpost, every post, every comment section etc.

 

It's different for each of us

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So, as an outside observer, what is our look on this? Well, we look at the fact that Jenny is a strawberry jam expert so her knowledge about what classifies as a "strawberry jam" should be the most sound one. On the  other side, we look at Bob and his grandma with years of experience on the subject. Anyway, each of us draws a different conclusion and forumlates a different opinion on the subject. So, what was this example about?

 

I chose this example specifically because nobody cares. Nobody here is interested in strawberry jam so much that they will write blogs about it or study it. (to any strawberry jam enthusiasts, if you are reading htis, I apologize ) And even if none of us personally care about this situation or isn't affected by it, if i were to collect all of the opinions of people reading that example, they would be vastly different, but objective, because nobody is "touched" by the subject.

 

So, now imagine if it's about a subject that "touches" many, or all of us, for example "DDlg is intolerable and should be banned". Question. How many people from this forum would say "yes"? That's right, 0. You may think this is somewhat irrelevant because if you ask this on a DDlg forum, where all the people are like-minded in this aspect. Let me show you my intention and where I am going with this. Even the most open minded people have a certain "level" of  the acceptance that they are not going to go beyond. It can happen on very rare occasions, but an arugment over a post, or in a comment section is not that situation. We may have experience something significant in our life that made us think certain way and that opinion holds a certain value to us far beyond a mere "I think this" kinda stuff. So, no matter how open-minded or liberal or any else "big" word that you can think of we proud ourselves with, there will always be a certain situation that will make us go "What do YOU know, I know better than you". 

 

In summary what I want to say that just because you don't go "witch hunting" on people whose opinions differ from your own does not in any way affect your own opinion or it's valid for that matter. Opinions differ, they will always differ. How can they not when every "machine" is different and your "levels" on each topic are different. But do we really want to create a toxic environment just because we can't get our opinion through to people the will possibly never even consider our opinion as something valid? We can voice it, some people will agree, some not. We can disagree on some opinions too. But we can be RESPECTFUL of the fact that each of our "machines" is wired differently, shaped with our experiences and our knowledge. That alone doesn't give us the right to belittle the opinion of others. 

 

Do some opinions make my blood boil? Absolutely! But what makes conversation and/or argument exciting and fun if not that? Maybe it's just me, but in the end we all talk to get something from it. So all information that comes to us is  valuable to us in some way. Whether we agree with it or not. Maybe I just stated the obvious, but i want everyone to understand that behind even the silliest opinion, there is a person with path in life very different from our own and there definetly is something that we can take from their point of view.

 

Now that I read it, it's not all that grand of an idea that I wanted to convey, but I already wrote it so.... Just remember don't OVERTHINK anything I said. 

 

YA checking out.

Edited May 11, 2018 by You're adorable.

[Guest Little Otter]

Very well put. This reminds me of Wittgensteins' "limits of language", where basically he posits that most interpersonal problems derive from our inability to cohesively operate on the same form of language as others. He didn't mean language-barriers from an aspect of different sounds carrying the same meaning (English to Spanish, for example), but rather even within the confines of similar language and dialect we tend to apply our own meanings to terms, or at least shape a meaning slightly to carry a different connotation. For example: I use the term "deviant" to describe unconventional desires or habits, and for me it's a neutral and simply honest term. To most it carries a negative connotation to it, like it's a term of judgment. That's the problem of language he was speaking of.

 

I have noticed the same here within the debate about inclusivity (I assume this was on your mind). I have emphasized multiple times that I carry no negativity in anything I am saying in regards to my opinion, but people still extract incorrect assumptions just based on the associations they personally have with terms and context. 

 

This touches on the difference between each of our "machines", as you put it, because our own experiences will build upon the language we use, how we use it, and what meaning it carries. Much of language is not terms with concrete meanings carried with, but rather the emotional connection individually placed on those terms. 

 

So in short, I agree with your assessment, but wanted to add a reminder that much of our intolerance may stem from our differing perceptions of the connotations in language, and how we perceive others to be speaking to us. Sort of extracting an emotion from that person that may in fact not exist.

[Child Of Light]

Great post! My idea being most things are "Do what you will as long as it harms none" -- if a behavior or action is physically or mentally harmful to someone, yeah, speak up. I think sometimes we all have to take a step back and realize we don't know what each others have been through, what our kinks are (as consented adults).

Edited May 11, 2018 by Child Of Light

[Tinka]

Really? Strawberry jam? 

 

Ehem well put for now  *does the ''i ll be watching you'' hand gesture to ya*  

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

As a strawberry jam enthusiast, I am HIGHLY offended by this post.

 

Of course, I like my strawberry jam with blueberries and lemon zest.  Sometimes I see people asking how to make strawberry jam, and I understand that they are beginners.  I was once in their place.  So if I have something to add, I'll give them a pointer or two.  But I don't think it is my place to impose my favorite kind of strawberry jam on everyone.  After all, some people don't like blueberries or lemon zest.

 

If someone asks about whether to add cinnamon and apples to their strawberry jam, I may think it sounds funny or weird, but in that case I just won't respond since it doesn't pertain to me.  It always amazes me when people get upset or offended by another person's jam recipe.  If I don't have to eat it, who the fuck cares?  If your jam stinks, I can leave.  If your jam looks funny, I can laugh behind your back.  If you want others to try your jam, I can choose whether I want to or not. 

 

My participation in jam enthusiasm is 100% consensual and the experience I have is dependent on the perspective I have.  I am making the choice to meet other jam enthusiasts and am having a great time doing so. And if one of those cinnamon and apple nutjobs says something I disagree with, I can choose to ignore it or I can choose to engage.  However, I have better things to do with my life than argue about cinnamon and apples in strawberry jam.

 

All this talk of jam is making me crave toast like a mofo

[~Lost_Little_Searching~]

Love!!!  Fantastic post!!

[Big Daddy D]

Great post! My idea being most things are "Do what you will as long as it harms none" -- if a behavior or action is physically or mentally harmful to someone, yeah, speak up. I think sometimes we all have to take a step back and realize we don't know what each others have been through, what our kinks are (as consented adults).

The funny thing about the DDLG or CG/little relationship, is that there is scientific evidence that it can actually be very therapeutic for the little. Many Littles do have Daddy issues, abandonment issues, severe depression or have suffered some sort of emotional trauma or sexual abuse. The whole act of regressing and being babied by someone you trust can help people better cope with the hardship they've suffered.

 

There are some great articles about this out there if you Google it. I'm very happy in my Daddy role, and I think it's been very therapeutic for myself as well. I'm happier than I've ever been. My Little told me once, she likes herself better when she's with me, and I knew what she meant because I feel the same way.

 

On a side note, I've also never been in a relationship with such open discussion and honesty. I'm typically a very closed off person. I change this girls poopy diapers, so if we can't share our thoughts and feelings openly after something like that, there's something really wrong. We have yet to have an actual argument, because there's nothing to fight over when you don't have secrets. In fact just being with someone who literally knows everything about me, every dark disturbing thought, every fantasy just everything, is also very comforting.

Edited May 16, 2018 by Big Daddy D

[xBabydollx]

The whole jam thing has been quite funny to read lol. Anyways, everyone have their own terminology and ideals of what cg/l and DD/lg is. Some ideals are more popular than others (especially depending on the group/forum/chat or whatever u are interacting on). On this site my ideals could be unpopular, while on another it can be common/expected. Everyone is free to share their ideals. We are free to engage. Sometimes u are even able to change ppl mind. Other times u are not. Its best to never 'plan' or intend to impose or force ur views on others. If someone doesn't agree with u, u should be able to discuss/debate it respectfully, or simply respect their view, and/or walk away. As for DD/lg, I only care if someone's ideals 100% matches mine if they are someone I plan to deal with. When they dont match, I smile, nod, and be on my way. When it comes to ppl I dont plan to deal with, they could believe DD/lg is about Disasterous Deaths in Laggy Games. Who cares really. My panties wont get in a twist because I cant make u see my way. Doesn't effect me lol.