Posted 17 June 2018 - 08:21 AM
- Siniwit likes this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 09:16 AM
@Foxette: Your daddy is "a guy I met on the internet", there is nothing wrong in that and it also does not change the fact that he can also be your daddy.
I'm in same situation as you, going to meet for first time my Daddy ( initially I wanted to start using that tittle only after meeting and seeing that we get along in real life also but... life happens, right? ) -and that will happen on the otherside of Europe than where I live.
I trust him 100%: he has stayed up with me numerous times because illness, nightmeres, got me through medical situations, had massivemassive fights with me and still stayed on my side, worked through issues, made sacrifices for me... you name it. BUT, bigbigbig BUT: I still need to keep myself safe. This has nothing to do with how I feel about him or do I think he is trustworthy. Our emotions cloud our thinking and sometimes even rationality can lead us to take unnecessary risks. And sometimes we missjudge situations. Being safe creates no harm, there is no negative sides to it. So, why not do it?
My Daddy actually has stopped me from booking tickets to meet him when it was just random thought from me: he wanted me to be sure of what I do and that I have considered all options. He also is more than happy if I try to look after myself ( like checking his ID ) and actually would scold me if I would be doing something stupid/reckless: after all, he wants me to keep myself always safe. And learning good process to meet "strangers" is part of keeping me safe. He wants to know that even if we end, I don't do anything stupid with some other man because I did that same thing with him. So, he can know that he is decent but he can't know if other people are, so learning proper procedure is important.
Note that whenever YOU have an adult problem, you need to be able to take care of that. Without a daddy. Your daddy also cannot over rule you or speak for you unless you ask him to do so. You need to be able to take care of yourself and state your opinions. If you feel unsure of something, you need to be able to make stop to the situation and stand back from it for example. You are an adult after all and you have responsibility over yourself.
I would like to point out also that sometimes people outside your rel can see something you are blinded by. Sometimes they are wrong, sometimes not. But it is good to take their view points into consideration: there might be something there. Don't get upset if they try to help you, it is not insult towards your daddy but just taking care of you and also trying to make you learn good ways to deal with people.
Red flags would be on how person handles critisism or fights. What happens if you two have massive fight while you are there? What happens, how he acts, how you can handle the situation? As fights happen and new situations and stress really can bring them out. So, just be safe and think also these things in advance in order to know how to act. (Personally I'm reliefed that we already have had massive terrible fights, so I have some idea what probably can/will happen.)
Now, about my meeting: I will have own hotel room. Will my Daddy be there on first night? To be seen, he has stated that I probably should be alone and process the day by myself and get comfortable with him ( agreed but I'm impatient person and might want to chat till late at night! ). After all: we are strangers in physical world even online we know each other. So, it would be good to take it slow, just like you would in real world: have the first date, go home, call each other... All the cute stuff. To make it special when you first time touch, hold hands, kiss... If you put all that to same day, I think the rel looses some magic there. At least I want to create cute memories to cherish with my Daddy. But maybe I'm overly romantic sometimes
What I want to say: you have all time in the world with him. Even LDR means that you have only short perionds of actual physicality but try to enjoy all that and not rush things. The butterflies in ones belly when meeting your crush, just walking with then, first touches.... those moments are priceless and you can never get them back. So, cherish them <3
- Keks, TheDaddyest and WanderingWonderland like this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 09:46 AM
There is a difference between those two worlds. By all means,it's not a bad one! Just something to be aware of in general and not just in regards to safety concerns.
- baby_k and WanderingWonderland like this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 09:52 AM
First of all, what has tipped me off by that message that WanderingWonderland has said is that I do not like it when my Daddy is lumped up as "a guy I met on the internet" it is much more than that and we spend a lot if not all the time in the world together, so it's not some aol sketchy chatlog. You're putting "a man I met on the internet" in the same title as I call my Daddy, which is quite disheartening. Yes, you may be using that as a figure of speech but please be more sensitive compared to what you know behind closed doors. I understand that your cautionary messages were meant to be taken as a caring way of keeping me grounded by reminding me of these things, but please do not devalue my Daddy like that. You may not know him, but I do, insanely well. I tend to take things in good faith as I search for the best in everyone, but I can't help but feel a little bit insulted by that.
Besides, RL people can be equally if not more shady than an online relationship. It is possible LDR and RL. Everyone has the potential to do such a thing.
I do have ideas now and will be looking into my Canadian Embassy, knowing routes to the police station, keeping my money and documents safe, taking the lead for the most part with things ( he offered this ), I will be discussing a safeword with my family incase anything were to go awry, I will be doing daily timely checkins ON THE PHONE so she will know it's me.
Yes, Keks, he and I were just speaking about how the males tend to be forgotten about a warning about potential threats of a female. I am glad that you are able to keep him in thought aswell and not completely isolating him into a box of threats.
Also, ANYONE who has any doubt about the nature of my Daddy or our relationship, read this post I made: https://www.ddlgforu...ppy-daddys-day/
Oh, good grief.
I was under the impression, given the information you have told us, that you both met online and that you will be meeting in person for the first time come October. Therefore, Siniwit is a man you met on the internet and remains, at least in a physical person-to-person capacity, a stranger to you, yes? These are factual statements based on what you have written about your relationship, not judgements of that relationship. I was very clear in saying my post was about safeguarding, not a character slight against either of you. I would be offering the same advice to anyone posting what you did. Similar sentiments regarding safety have been echoed by other posters, yet you’ve taken direct issue and insult over my post. I can hazard a guess why, one that is entirely unrelated to this thread and beyond the pale of petty, but that’s by the by.
What I know based on the information available? You are only 19. You have never flown before. You are flying all the way to the UK in October to meet Siniwit, a man you did meet online but have yet to meet in person. You will be in a strange country. You have admitted to feeling anxious about it. You hinted at upset over not being able to bring your bunny. You asked for advice on travelling and stemming the nerves that so often come with meeting somebody for the first time in person.
Your use of big, loud, underlined lettering to highlight whatever flowery things you have to say about your relationship, while certainly eye-catching, seems … uh … odd? I’m scratching my head, trying to figure out why that was at all necessary. It is your relationship. Nobody is judging that relationship. Said relationship may mean the world to you, but it will realistically mean little to nothing to anybody else. All anybody has done is respond to your post as neutral members of a public forum. The overwhelming advice has been: stay safe. I think we can all agree safety is paramount. I’m not sure where my supposed insensitivity in hoping you stay safe filtered in. There really is no need to clutch your pearls over it. My hoping you keep yourself safe during your travels does not equal devaluing your partner. Yeesh. You are both strangely defensive. As stated above, I would be saying the same things to anybody posting what you have.
I’m sure if Siniwit has his own concerns and wishes to ask for help and advice on this thread (or even start his own), people will be more than happy to respond. As it stands, you started this post seeking advice, Foxette, so people are directly responding to you. You being a young woman who is flying into the UK solo for the first time come October to meet somebody you have never met in person before. That is all.
Thank you, Keks, for being the only one to consider the other side of the coin. I agree, and honestly, it upsets me how often the stigma comes up of the predatory male who sets out to trap the innocent young girl. We have literally just finished discussing that if I were the one to post this, that not very many (if any) people would be posting and saying the same things about safety and potential predatory behaviour.
I have zero qualms about my girl and I've had all my concerns answered and catered to. I know everything I need to know with regards to safety in the places we'll be. I fly a lot for family holidays etc. so know the airport fairly well - arrivals less so, as I don't spend too much time there, honestly! First time I've ever met up with someone internationally, so it's a new experience for us both - hence all the talking and discussion between ourselves and our families.
For us this is legit and as real as it gets; the internet and the distance isn't fazing us. The only element we're missing in our relationship is the physical aspect and that's how this whole trip came about. She is under no obligation to do anything she isn't wholly comfortable with and we have agreed that I will be following HER lead until she feels relaxed and safe enough to proceed with anything.
Sex/scene-wise, we have no concrete plans for doing anything there and I've assured her there is ZERO expectation from me to do anything and that I'd be perfectly content with simply spending the time we have together, doing no more than a bit of kissing and cuddling if she'd even be comfortable with that. The ball is entirely in her court and she knows that.
At the end of the day, I wholeheartedly agree with the basic concerns regarding safety and we'll both ensure that we're fully covered in that regard, but it really is quite sad to see that many immediately jump to paranoia and stigma surrounding male Dominant behaviour when meeting up with their partner. Truth is, more often than not, these meet-ups go over quite well and the majority of the relationships do well thereafter - we just don't always hear about the "good news"; it's more "sensational" for the media (and the public) to report the "bad news". She and I have every faith that this will work out and I'm doing my absolute best to ensure she feels as safe and comfortable as possible, before, during and after.
Also, ETA: Regarding picking her up at the airport, she has already stated how much of a challenge this will be for her, simply to journey here, especially without her EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL and that she will already be upset, stressed and frustrated. THE LEAST I CAN DO, is be a fucking gentleman and collect her at the airport so that she has a safe and familiar face to meet her and take her to HER hotel (not mine - I have a house) rather than sit on my ass and leave her to hop in a taxi with some random ass stranger (who could very well be the predator people are warning her that I "could" be) or the trauma of being surrounded by people on a bus or train for a further hour or two, after an already distressing journey to a foreign country she's never been to.
She will not be jumping in my car immediately and we will be stopping to chat in a public area (probably with a hot or ONE alcoholic beverage - for her TO CALM HER NERVES, not me, 'cos I don't and have never, and never will drink) to get acquainted first and be assured that we are indeed both the same people we make ourselves out to be online - not that either of us are pretending in any way, shape or form, or indeed hiding anything. We literally sit on Skype 24/7 and don't really mute except for bathroom breaks (if you must know), so we literally hear everything going on in each others' lives. There is an awful lot of assumption and stigmatising going on in these posts and while I agree that there are dangers out there, I'm that guy who fights against all that shit and it greatly, greatly offends me that people would insinuate anything against what I feel I do in good character.
In addition, this topic was not made so that people could patronise and scaremonger, but rather, she was seeking advice and help on how to cope on the flight since it's all new to her.
.... But what do I know? I'm just "some man she met on the internet".
Would you like me to fetch you some smelling salts … y’know, to help with all that bold, screechy, capitalised CALMING? Yikes! Believe it or not, people are merely looking out for your little, Siniwit—the 19 year old who has never flown, never visited the UK and apparently has anxiety problems severe enough to require an emotional support animal in her day-to-day life. There is absolutely no need to get so het up. It was not a personal attack. The fact you have reacted to it that way … that’s telling. Sorry to say, but ‘little’ safety trumps ‘Daddy’ ego.
You two can tag team through threads and put up a strong, united front every step of the way, but … people will eventually stop responding to either of you if they feel one (or both) of you will end up reactive and challenging. It was impartial advice offered from outside of your relationship and whether you choose to acknowledge it, it was actually kindly meant. It came from a place of concern for Foxette’s wellbeing, given everything she mentioned in the OP. I would have that same concern for any person posting about going to meet an LDR partner for the first time, regardless of title, role, kink, etc. If neither of you are interested in what people have to say, don’t post on a public forum asking for advice. Simple way to solve the issue, don’t you think? It would also mean people don’t waste their precious free time responding to you.
And scaremongering was my word. You can’t have it. Your using of it has been stamped DENIED. <light-hearted>
Seriously. Best of luck.
- Keks, TheDaddyest and Barbiedolly like this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 10:57 AM
Also, a small piece of bunny fur from a leather craft shop might do the same thing.
Just my two cents.
- Keks likes this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 11:43 AM
I just don't understand when the little seems to be dealing with over-the-roof anxiety yet she's she the one visiting the Daddy who's apparently fully aware of it. A lot of the issues that she seems to be struggling with wouldn't be the case then.
Besides if at every turn the Daddy is going to be responding with how he/they've got everything covered and discussed, what's the point of all this? Is he like disregarding his own little's plea of asking advice or help or what?
- baby_k likes this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 01:12 PM
Our original plan was for him to come see me, we had a plan and everything lined out for when he comes to see me - then I changed my mind and wanted to go see him because I wanted to see a band that was touring around his area. I want to get stamps on my passport and stories under my own belt that say "I have been out of Canada" I know I have plenty of time as I am young, but it seems next to impossible due to my home issues. That's another reason why I'm wanting to get out of this country, just for a week to get away from my family issues and have an escape.
I am IN the situation, I do know that my Daddy is on the internet, but it's incredible devaluing to hear him continue to be called that despite me pleading for you not to. He may be a "man I met on the internet" in your eyes, but you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. I am completely aware that yes I have seen him on camera every single bloody night, I talk to him on the phone 24/7, I have seen him at his worst moments, he has seen me through my worst moments, yet to meet eachothers families - doesn't mean I know him fully in person. Everyone has their secrets... but back to what I said above, with all that I have going on in my life - isolating my Daddy into a box of uncertainty and threats isn't the best idea as he is my safe haven from all of my other shit going on, which is not going to be mentioned in this topic as it's a completely different and sensitive topic.
He has earned all my trust and I feel so safe with him, even with my request to stop calling him devaluing terms and continuing to badger my Daddy with very little to know care of how I feel. So do not go around saying you are "looking out for me" when you completely ignored my request.
I made this topic to gather more ideas to help me fly smoothly and cope without my ESA present, not to be told repeatedly how much of a bad man my Daddy could possibly be - so what if I am the one flying with all of my anxiety? I want to. I don't want to be in a safety bubble my whole fucking life. I feel - well felt that way about him, but all of this has made me doubt that one of my merely few certainties and safeties are possibly facades. It's different to just like someones post and say "Yes, I agree with x please be careful but here is some advice that you were looking for..." rather than me constantly reading the same thing and creating a bigger void in me.
I have said many times that my Daddy is trustworthy and it was just Dulci's paranoia, why do you feel the need to keep stirring the pot of uncertainty? We acknowledged and tackled the insecurities in the call, then the pot got stirred again...
I'm closing this topic because it has officially stopped being helpful and now my Daddy and I have to rebuild our foundation. I made this post to feel less alone that it's a "you'll be okay on the flight and you will cope without your ESA" for some mere confidence boost - but it has turned into the complete opposite with shoving doubt and isolation in my face. I have never felt more alone in my fucking life.
Thank you for those who were actually helpful...
Edited by Foxette, 17 June 2018 - 01:12 PM.
- Siniwit likes this
Posted 17 June 2018 - 05:24 PM
- Maids and Siniwit like this
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