DD/lg and it's ties to love

[xBabydollx]

I truly believe that most ppl have come to the realization that there is no "one true way" with DD/lg and cg/l, but, I also believe most ppl don't see just how unique things can be. I see so many comments of ppl saying things like, "A real Daddy will show how much he cares about u and loves u." Other things like, "My Daddy isn't doing xy and z. He doesn't treat me like a gf." So on and so fourth. What I want to talk about is DD/lg and it's ties to love and the vanilla gf/bf world. Rest assured, I also include MD/lb, MD/lg, DD/lb, gf/gf, bf/bf or whatever other variant that floats ur boat, but to keeps things simple for myself I will be using restricted titles.

 

 

There is a lot of ideals for what DD/lg or cg/l is, but one thing everyone can agree on is that it involves by default: care/caregiving. Let me tell u what it does not involve by default: love. So many my read this and think, "How can someone possibly care for somebody and not love them?" I have the perfect example for u; there is caregivers in the vanilla world and for many ppl this is their profession. They may take on clients such as the elderly and disabled, and be amazing caregivers for them. However, they do not love or are IN love with their clients. They get the job done tho. Another example that may hit home for more ppl here, is ppl that have platonic littles and caregivers; meaning they may be in this dynamic with a new person they met or friend in their life, who they may have love for, but is not IN love with. Just because someone is looking for a Daddy or little doesn't automatically mean they are looking for love or a gf/bf.

 

A Daddy does not = boyfriend. A little does not = girlfriend. DD/lg does not = love or a gf/bf relationship. I will list some examples of various types of dynamics u may come across.

 

Example 1

"I am a Daddy and I care for and adore my little so much, but I do not have love for her and I'm not IN love with her."

"I am a little and I am looking for a Daddy to care for me, but I am not looking for love or a gf/bf relationship."

 

Example 2

"I am a Daddy and I care for and adore my little so much. I have so much love for her, but I am not IN love with her."

"I am a little and have a Daddy who cares for me. I know he loves me so much and I have a lot of love for him too, but I am IN love with someone else; my boyfriend who I have a relationship with."

 

Example 3

"I am a Daddy and I care for and adore my little so much. I have so much love for her as a person, and I am IN love with her too. She is also my gf."

"I am a little and I am looking for a Daddy to love and care for me, and hopefully be my bf who I can fall IN love with."

 

Now, let me make something perfectly clear. If u want a Daddy/little who will care for u, love u and be IN love with u, and also be ur gf/bf that is 100% ok, and ur preference, but do not assume that other ppl are looking for the same thing. According to u, DD/lg and love may go hand in hand and be the "only" way this dynamic works in ur eyes, but u would be doing ur self a great disservice if u choose to ignore that not everyone has the same preference as u. It's like if u are mono; nothing u believe in changes the fact that there is poly ppl out there in the world. u are likely to run into ppl with other views on this dynamic, so it will be helpful for u if u are aware and prepared to ask a potential partner if they are poly, or if they want to be ur gf/bf etc. Do not assume that they do. Ask questions.

 

The reasons I bring all of this up is so that hopefully ppl will stop making assumptions. Do not assume the little u are talking to wants to also be ur gf. Do not assume that every Daddy has to be madly in love with u and spend the rest of their life with u in order to be a Daddy. When u are talking to a potential partner, no question is a dumb question or "too small" to ask. Are they also looking for u to be their gf/bf? Are they looking for love? Are they mono, poly, or something else? Are they straight, gay, bi etc? Are they a transgender person? Do they want this dynamic to be nonsexual? Do they want this dynamic to be only sexual? A mix of both? Are they ok with ageplay or age regression? Do they expect or desire diaperplay? Do they want a 24/7 dynamic? Do they want a power exchange? Do they want rules? Do they even like the title Daddy? Maybe they hate it. There is SO much to ask, and the moment u assume anything about someone just because they identify as a Daddy or little, is the moment u will find ur self in sticky situations down the road. Make ur ideals, expectations, and desires known from the beginning and find out the same information from ur partner because no detail is too small and no answer is obvious or a given.

 

Just because someone doesn't love u or is IN love with u, doesn't mean they aren't a real caregiver/little. Just because someone doesn't want a gf/bf relationship, doesn't mean they can't offer someone who is willing a meaningful and satisfying DD/lg dynamic. Do not expect YOUR needs and preferences to match everyone elses, even when it comes to love.

[Guest little_ballerina]

Agreed. People need to take responsibility for both obtaining full information in the beginning as well as full disclosure about themselves. Making assumptions is foolish. And putting expectations *on* the other (things they never agreed to or expect of themselves) down the road, is unfair and can lead to hurt feelings and disappointment. It's easier to look for compatiblity at the outset (have a list of needs/preferences/expectations and check them).

 

I'd go further than just love y/n and ask about what type of love, how do they express love, how do they 'read' love etc ('love languages'). The word 'love' is ambiguous, so it's worth exploring personal definitions, especially in our community since 'care' (from a CG) might feel like love to a little. We're all different, even with love (even in romantic love). Those seeking love need to find someone who speaks and reads love in a compatible way.

 

Basically: Assume less. Ask more. Get specific.

[xBabydollx]

That is very true. Love can be perceived differently by various ppl. Some ppl need grand gestures to feel love, others need 'the little things' to feel loved, some ppl need a lot of touchy touchy stuff or PDA etc. So many variables. Everyone has their love language like u said. I think it's just important for ppl to know that not everyone in this dynamic wants, or is willing to offer love or a relationship (like a vanilla one) at all. Other times, love is just not in the cards even when it's not intentional. I knew a sub who fell in love with her Master, but he told her that even tho he have love for her, he wasn't in love with her or wanted to have a vanilla gf/bf relationship with her. Many ppl would think, "wow, end that dynamic because he doesn't love u." However, he was a great Master for her and the dynamic still made her feel happy and fulfilled, so for her, the dynamic still worked. Love is not always necessary and can't always be expected. Before a relationship starts, and even after a relationship begins, it is helpful to "check in" with ur partner to see where y'all stand. Ppl fall in love and out of love all of the time, but a dynamic can be successful without it (depending on the ppl). Also, just because the care u are receiving makes u feel loved, doesn't automatically mean they love u. It's good to ask how they feel as well.

 

Assume less. Ask more. Get specific. Couldn't agree more with u.