What to do when you're feeling needy?

[Maxibon]

Hello everyone!

 

Being Little for me can be pretty tough, especially when I can get really clingy and needy. And, due to past experiences, I've learnt to stop expressing it, just keeping it internal.

 

But now, there are times where I really need my Daddy, and I've tried hinting about my neediness, but sometimes it's either not enough, or she* just might not be feeling up to being Daddy in that moment (which rarely happens, but when I'm emotional, I tend to make things bigger than they really are). We're switches, so they aren't permanent roles, and I guess that makes it a little difficult. However, I can't just tell her straight-out that I'm feeling needy. And I even more so don't want her to feel like she has to put her emotions and stuff aside to be Daddy and deal with my neediness, when she might not be feeling it. I don't know, I just feel really guilty, and I can't shake it. Even when she's being my Daddy and she reassures me that she's totally okay with it, and she wants to, I still just feel guilty for being needy.

 

We're still new to this dynamic, so I assume we'll eventually figure out something, but I thought it might help to ask the forum! What do other Littles do when they're feeling needy? Do you guys also feel guilty? And if there are any other switches out there, what do you do when you're feeling Little and your partner isn't feeling all that much up to being Daddy?

 

I'm also sorry that this is being posted while I'm irrational, whoops >.<

 

 

*Yes, we are both girls, and we call each other our Daddy. It just feels better for us personally--for people who use Mummy, that's okay, it's just not for us.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

hi there! 

there are a lot of topics about this already out there, so you certainly aren't alone! 

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33726-any-other-littles-worry-if-their-too-needy-for-their-mommydaddy

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31370-what-do-you-littles-do-when-daddy’s-not-around

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/27228-am-i-too-needy-please-help
 

[Maxibon]

 

hi there! 

there are a lot of topics about this already out there, so you certainly aren't alone! 

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/33726-any-other-littles-worry-if-their-too-needy-for-their-mommydaddy

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31370-what-do-you-littles-do-when-daddy’s-not-around

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/27228-am-i-too-needy-please-help

 

 

 

Thank you so much for these! It's really assuring to know that I'm definitely not alone, and the thread about what Littles do when Daddy's not around is really helpful in how I can distract myself!

 

One person mentioned to communicate, and that kind of reminded me of the importance of communication, and how we're actually really good at communicating. However, I just don't know how to tell her this. Even just admitting it here was really hard. I don't want her to feel like she has to be Daddy for the sake of my wellbeing, if she isn't up to it. Because if she isn't up to being Daddy, then I wouldn't want her to be… but I'm still feeling needy for my Daddy. I suppose it's more of a switch problem. Like, she'll still be totally okay with my clinginess, but I just won't feel like she's being Daddy, and that's what makes me feel needy. I just feel like I'm being too demanding, I guess? 

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i'm a switch too, but i'm not a switch in my relationships, if that makes sense. 

i think you could implement something like a worry book, but a "switch book"?

 

ok so.

get a couple cheap notebooks.

make one your "submissive book" and one your "dominant book"

write in them, and pass them back and forth with your partner. 

she can write in them when she's feelin' like daddy + read them when she's in the right space to while still giving you an outlet to express yourself without any pressure.

plus, it eliminates the facexface anxiety + it gives both members a time to think about their responses before answering. 

 

for the record, i don't think you're being too demanding, i think you're a human being who is experiencing normal emotions.

it would be different if you were expecting her reaction to your feelings to be an immediate shift into daddy-space, ignoring her own desires/needs.

[LittleTeacup]

If it was me, I'd probably just walk up to my caregiver and stare at them until they look up and patiently wait for me to manage to communicate what I need. Bonus points if my caregiver can read my facial expressions and guess what's going on.  Because especially when I'm nervous or stressed there's like a malfunction between my brain and my mouth and words have trouble coming out or come out weird.

 

My advice is to think about the opposite occurring. What if your girlfriend had needy time but was afraid to tell you for the same reasons you describe? Would that make you sad to learn? So she would probably be sad if you were needy and didn't tell her, even if she's not quite up to being daddy in that moment.

 

You could also make an "I am needy" card so when you feel that way you could give it to her instead of having to make words come out.

[junebug0325]

Hiya!

 

I first want to start off by saying that I completely understand how you are feeling. Sometimes, it is difficult to explain in words how we feel to a partner, especially if we have been through traumatic experiences in the past that affects how we communicate with others. 

 

I would say that you should first start off by doing things that make you happy. It can be Big or little activities, but either way, if your Daddy is unable to take care of you in the way that you need, keeping yourself occupied can help. Additionally, it might also help her see that you are feeling little and it might encourage her to "get in on the fun" of your activities (i.e. if you are coloring, she might decide to join you because she sees that you are little and having fun).

 

If this doesn't help, you might want to try writing her a letter telling her how you feel. Like I said before, sometimes it's hard to verbally communicate with our partners when we need something, so writing it on a piece of paper and giving it to her might be a better option for you. It will also give you a chance to write and re-write how you are feeling so it expresses exactly how you are feeling.

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[Maxibon]

Thank you guys so much for your replies! It means a real lot to me! 

 

One thing I forgot to disclose, is that we are in a long-distance relationship, so physical stuff is impossible, for now. I feel that, if we were together in person, she'd have picked up on how I'm feeling a little iffy, and she'd help me get it out, so we can talk about it. But it's a lot harder to see through texts.

 

I actually do the "imagining the opposite" thing all the time, it helps me to be considerate and understanding when I'm irrational and it doesn't happen naturally to me, but for some reason, it kinda slipped off the top of my head this time. Thanks The thing is, I did end up telling her I was needy, and she said that it was okay and that she was there for her, but as "herself" (like, not as a Daddy nor Little), but that didn't feel enough for me at the time? And it was the fact that I was expecting her to be my Daddy in that time, that kind of brought me down, because I knew that was unreasonable of me, but I still couldn't shake the feeling.

 

However, I now know that, while she may not be feeling up to being Daddy, she's still just as caring and loving and supportive, and she is always absolutely okay with my neediness. It just might take a little getting used to.

 

I do love the needy card idea, though! I think that's a great idea, and it'd be super helpful for me to be more open about my feelings of neediness, when I get the spouts of insecurities again!

 

And the keeping-yourself-occupied suggestion is also a really good idea! It helped me quite a bit But I'm glad that I'm not alone, it's really reassuring to know that there are other Littles who struggle with the same thing!

 

Thank you so much everyone, you have all been such an amazing help! I was super torn when I wrote this post, and you guys gave me suggestions and made me feel better! I love this forum!