Not sure how to come out to partner

[Sourcious]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here, but i have a question, or more a quandary. How should I let my partner know about my fetishes/kinks? I have only had this one partner, which has lasted for over 15 years, so I haven't had previous experience. I have interest in ageplay in general, both with being a little and with being a daddy but don't know how to broach the subject. I've previously disclosed a few of my other fetishes with her, with mixed results, mostly neutral, and a few negative(water sports), although she was for a time into light bondage. For the past year or two her libido has dropped lower than ever and I don't want to kill any chance I have when it comes up, so I haven't built up the nerve to even discuss these wants with her. Does anyone on here have any ideas as to how I could gently ease into the subject? Thanks in advance!!

[baby_k]

Considering her libido is going down, I would focus more on HER fantasies and likes. As yes, your stuff may creep her out and then it can be even harder to have even the normal vanilla sex as she has "trauma" with the stuff she has heard you want. I also believe that people who get satisfied in bed and get positive experiences on that side are more open to try new things.

 

So, talk about what you could do to your sex life but leave your own needs out for a bit and just see what she might want to try. Maybe you find something new too.

 

Of course maybe her libido is so low that she has nothing but then it is good change to start going through things that could spice up your bedroom stuff. This should be started with easier stuff like toys or whatever she might feel less threathning ( you know her: what she might be curious about or not be totally against ) and then start talking of random kinks you could try lightly and see if she likes them. This way you might be able to get what you want without even pushing her with "my needs, I want this, this is FOR ME" as that is highly unsexy and selfish ( unless we talk of kink where one likes to please in bedroom ).

 

+when you get the conversation chnnel opened with sex in general, it is a LOT easier to start talking of your fantasies and kinks anyhow. So, baby steps: start just by having talk of your sexlife and build yourself to be "erotic couple" who can easily talk of these topics and are trying TOGETHER to make their sex life awesome.

[Shy baby]

drop subtle hints and hope they pick it up, if that does work have a lil sit down and just very confidently place something on the table that is very obvious to what you're into. and if they ask what it is then just say exactly what it is and attempt to explain that you're into that kind of thing. (i probably shouldn't have answered this, i'm partially in little space and i'm a lil brat who believes that i don't really need to use words) but yeah..

[SmolAetherr]

honestly you should adress the low libido before bringing kink in a person like that wont value kink as much and they wont even be in the mindset to entertain it my advice is just ask her about her libido and if there are things you both can do to improve it a healthy sex life comes before bdsm and kinks

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

There are two podcasts that I really like that address a lot of sex hangups/questions/how to approach things.

 

The first is

https://www.sexuallyliberatedwoman.com/

and the second is

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dream-a-little/id1090668917 .

 

I've been in a relationship for nearly 28 years and came out as a little to my SO last year--and I only got the courage after listening to both of these.

 

As far as the libido issue? There are a lot of physical problems that can cause that. I highly suggest seeing a doctor. If someone had a libido and now it's dropped off, that signals a problem.

 

Conversely, couple's therapy can sometimes help, too (for underlying issues).

 

I hope that everything works out for you!