TW- my Daddies mean and doesn’t act like daddy

[Guest •Ashbash•]

Hello!

 

So I’ve been with my daddy for about 10 months now and he used to be really kind. He would give me rules and reward me. We would cuddle and hang out when I was in my little space.

 

This is my first serious relationship and I never knew how much having a 24/7 daddy would help my mental state but it does immensely.

 

We live & work together at this farm so it’s pretty much just the two of us always. Around summer time though he stopped being nice to me. We rarely sleep in the same bed and when we do there’s always space in between us. He isn’t appreciative when I do the things I’m told. I don’t get any kisses or hugs from him ever and no reassurance.

 

I told him that this dynamic was not what we agreed on and I don’t want to continue how we are.

 

He immediately said he would be different and for a few days he was but he stopped again.

 

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong here. I act out but it’s because I’m frustrated. I’m getting not attention or love from him and I’m depressed/ lonely.

 

I accidentally backed up into a bin and he came over to my car and grabbed and pinched my arm hard. I bleed cause he dug his nails into me and have bruises. This isn’t the first time he’s gotten violent with me. He put me through the wall and choked me once but that was a while ago.

 

I’m really attached to him and when he’s nice he’s unbelievably nice. Everything I want in a daddy but it’s been months and nothing’s changed. He didn’t even apologize or seem that concerned when I showed him my arm.

 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just need help please I don’t have many friends and no family.

 

Please and thank you.

Edited October 21, 2019 by •Ashbash•

[Guest purpleroses06]

This is actually a serious problem that can turn into a life threatening problem in the future, and it's good you came before it turned really bad.

From personal experience this is going to screw you over if you don't get out of this while you can, these are early signs of an abusive person, they lure you in being nice and putting up a front and making you fall for them to make you feel as if you can't live without them, after they're sure they've got you they start showing they're true colors and then begins an abusive relationship and long lasting scars

The fact that he made you bleed and choked you and didn't show remorse shows he doesn't care with what he does to you and how you feel. This is a abusive manipulative person and he's going to hurt you and break you down to the point that you loose yourself, you have to leave the relationship. It's not that he's going through something, I can tell. It's going to hurt but it's for the best for you and your sanity, and health to leave this relationship. You aren't doing anything wrong, it's just him. If you don't have any friends or families reach out to resources like a woman shelter, and if he harasses you or stalks you call the police and put a restraining order on him. His true self is slowly showing now that you're attached to him he feels as if he could do anything to you, but you're going to leave this relationship before it turns abusive.

 

I really hope you understand that im saying this from personal experience and watching others suffer from it as well so I know this behavior very goddamn well. Please seek help and leave him and get somewhere safe before he can do anything to you and take advantage of you. I'm very serious and really concerned for your safety, it might hurt now but it's going to hurt worse if you stay. Please, please, please, I'm begging you to leave this relationship and get help! You deserve better, you don't deserve to go through what so many people have gone through, I would hate to see someone else fall into this pit of abuse without me saying anything, I'm genuinely concerned and serious, please im begging you, get help! It might sound like im exaggerating but please, get of this relationship while you still can!!

I hope you choose the right choice, we love you and hope you find a good place to be!

[Chrisx]

purpleroses06 really killed it in their reply. This situation could turn extremely dangerous and honestly already sounds like it is. It's best if you get away from it. Daddy's can have periods of time where they may be out of it, but that's no excuse for being abusive in any way shape or form, and that's exactly what this is. Someone who's already willing to put their hands on 'someone they love' in a violent manner, will almost always continue to do so, and it'll only get worse. Your safety above all else. Edited October 21, 2019 by Chrisx

[Lollipox]

In addition to what purpleroses06 has said-

 

Don’t make the mistake of thinking “oh they’re being overdramatic because it’s the internet and they don’t know him like I do, they’re just strangers taking it way out of context. He wouldn’t be as nice to me when he IS nice if he didn’t love me.”

That’s avoiding the issue and succumbing to the fear of losing his presence in your life, maybe the fear that you won’t find someone else who will love you like “he does”. And going to a women’s shelter may also sound scary (meant tobe a safe place, I know but it can still be uncomfortable especially if you’ve never been to anything like that before).

 

A lot of people who post similar topics end up removing them because they get frightened by people urging them to leave, or they feel embarrassed for sharing this part of their personal life with a bunch of strangers as if they’ve done something to betray their partner by exposing them.

 

Let me reiterate- he is not worth it. No amount of “being nice” accounts for abusive behaviour like that, no matter the gender of the offender.

 

And yes it may be easier for us to give you advice or tell you what to do, since we will not be the ones experiencing the hurt and devastation of your relationship ending- but you can always come back for advice and emotional support.

 

Make sure that the decision you make and the actions you take are what’s best for you. It’s hard to start over but it’s not impossible. Hey, it could even be easier than you imagined. Either way it’s gotta be better than this, right? Wasting your time and affection on him when you could be resetting and finding someone who won’t abuse you.

 

Anyway, best of luck with everything. ♥️

I truly hope you find a healthy solution that suits your needs.

[Guest ~GlitterUnicorn~]

This has turned into an abusive situation and there are many resources that can help you. No matter how nice he may seem while nice you deserve 1000000000000000000000000000x better, you deserve someone who will always love and care for you.

Please please please get out if/when you can

[Little kaiya]

Get away now. The person you are with is abusive, period. Nobody who loves you is going to withhold their love and affection or choke you or put you through a wall. He is NOT nice, he is manipulative and abusive.

 

Please, please, please, realize that this is not about you doing anything wrong, this is about him being abusive and NOBODY deserve what he is doing.

 

Little kaiya

Edited October 21, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest LittleBunBun84]

I have to agree with the others here - get out of this situation.  I've been in a similar situation and I can promise that it won't get any better.  You need to remove yourself from the situation and the person.  It'll be difficult for you, I know, but he won't change and I think you probably know that on some level.  It's hard to leave someone that you're attached to and I have no doubt that he's really nice when he wants to be but this isn't a healthy relationship to be in.  There has to be a balance between both partners, mutual respect and love, and, from what you've said, that just isn't there.

 

Please take care of yourself and update us on what's happening. 

[MrDaddydarnit]

I'd run from this. it's not a safe situation at all. you need to find the strength to leave asap.

[Guest Mr. J]

As someone who's been in a physically abusive relationship and quite a few otherwise abusive and toxic relationships, I beg you to get away now while you still can! This person (if we can even call it that) is manipulative, abusive and does not give a single little shit about you or anyone else besides them. I know it's difficult to leave, especially with this kind of dynamic, but you're not alone and I see some people have said you can talk with them if you want/need to so you have great support here. I too am available to chat at pretty much any hour of the day. Stay strong and get out of this relationship, we're here for you!

[ForeverFluffy]

I agree with everyone. This isn't a safe situation for you anymore, sweetie. He lured you in by being kind and sweet. But he's been physically violent with you on more than one occasion, emotionally withdrawn and it sounds like he's isolated you from family and friends.

I know leaving seems like a huge challenge, maybe even an impossible one. I would really loon for resources that might help you. If you're in the US, use this: https://www.thehotline.org This website is for victims of domestic violence and provides resources for you, such a s safety plans and even a directory of shelters you can go to. I would really ask you to consider using this. If you're not in the US, look for an equivalent program in your country.

[Barbie Lumina]

Having been in your situation I know no amount of talking will convince you to leave. Abusers dig their thorns in deep and you normalise their behaviour. It's even worse when you become dependant on them.

 

TW: the thing that helped me was what someone said in passing, if sociopaths show who they were to begin with, they wouldn't have any friends. I used to say it was like my ex was 2 different people, at one moment he was the sweetest guy in the whole world, the next he was throwing me through a glass table, pushing me off a balcony, then he'd spoil me with jewellery, cake, cuddles, anything I wanted, then he'd punch me.

 

You'll feel so much better in the long run if you leave, but even if you feel you can't right now LOG EVERYTHING HE DOES. Take pictures, screenshots, whatever evidence you can get as you WILL need it one day. .

 

It helps to think about your future too, would you want this man around your kids?

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

I'm with everyone else here. If someone puts hands on you instead of using their words and talking to you calmly--or walking away to calm themselves down, they are not safe.

 

If they've "changed"...chances are they were pretending to be something else to lure you in. What he acts like now is who he is. Make no mistake--if he's not treating you the way you discussed and want to be treated, he won't change.

 

He will NOT change.

 

For your safety and mental health and well-being, you need to take care of you. There is never a reason or excuse for hurting someone. it always escalates.

 

A mistake is never a good reason for assaulting someone. If he'd done that a stranger, he'd go to jail for assault.

 

Please be safe. Call someone who knows your situation and can help you. I know it's hard to do this alone, and you don't have to be.

[Guest littlebabyslittlespace]

Oh bless you this is heart breaking, please get out now before it's too late

[Guest •Ashbash•]

I don’t know what to say... I grew up worser then this so it’s not too bad just scary sometimes.

 

I’m he keeps all of my money I’ve made since I started working here and it’s been 9 months & it’s usually 70 + hours a week.

 

I’ve only gotten paid two times and he ended up borrowing the cash and never giving it back. I can use the card for amazon sometimes. Or grocery shopping

 

I’m out of my home state and we don’t leave the farm ever

 

I don’t know what to do and It’s scary your responses are scary

[Little kaiya]

Hun, a relationship should not be scary. You should not be scared of someone that is supposed to love you. Just because you grew up with worse does not make what he is doing ok. He has committed physical assault and battery which are criminal actions.

 

Why is he keeping your money? That's another significant red flag of someone who is controlling and abusive. Talk to your employer and have YOUR pay cheque put in YOUR bank account and make sure he doesn't have access.

 

Yes, our responses are scary because domestic abuse IS scary. Please, reach out to local resources or family or friends or someone and get yourself safe because right now you are at risk and I don't say this lightly, you should be scared of the situation because it IS scary.

 

Little kaiya

[Alaskan Daddy]

your case is a classic domestic abuser. He lured you in with a loving personality and made you get attached to him emotionally and physically. He isolated you. Then he turned cold

and abusive. He is not going to change. I know inside that you love him and miss the loving he showed you. you did nothing wrong accept love the person he wanted you to see. I really believe he manipulated you to where you are today. I know it is hard to just walk away but you need to and never look back. Things will probably just get worse. There are no easy answers only hard decisions. You can do this and regain your independence. I hope this helps.