Advice wanted and needed : )

[Guest Carson_Daddy]

Hello everyone! Thank you for dropping a visit to read this post. I would appreciate it immensely if you could drop a comment as well, even if it’s not a lot of text.

 

So I have been dating my babygirl for about 2 weeks now and overall it’s been great so far but in these past few days I have realized something. I, as a daddy, really love a clingy little. One of the most important things for me in a relationship is having a little that always tries to gain my attention and always messages me first. I truly enjoy that experience because I as well like to message my little and be with her a lot. But the last thing I want is me, as a daddy, becoming the clingy one. My little doesn’t normally message me first and she doesn’t act as clingy as I would truly prefer. As I said, the last thing I want is me as a daddy to always be gaining her attention and messaging first; something I believe is not a role I would like to see as the dom and confident one in the relationship and something I also believe my little wouldn’t like either (me being clingy).

 

As you might have expected from reading the paragraph and the title, my post has as an objective to ask for advise from the community (little, switch, or dom). I desperately want this relationship between me and my little to work, and I believe it has been working so far. My little is one of the only littles I have seen in my geographical area. So what I ask from you is if you could please give me some specific things I, as a daddy, could do, without acting desperate, to make my little more clingy and want to message me much more. Something I would highlight from my request for advice is “specific”. I would love a solid list of specific things I could do instead of being sorry for me or having a very vague advise reply.

 

Before anyone asks, I have in fact tried to talk with her directly about wanting her to be more clingy and message me first but it didn’t go as planned. When I first messaged her about this, she interpreted the message as thinking that I was blaming her (which was not my objective of course) and so the conversation came from starting with the objective about talking about the issue all the way to an argument. At the end, we did talk it through (the argument not the issue) and relaxed but with no solution found to the initial purpose. So please, in your responses, I would prefer that the advise wouldn’t be to “talk to her directly” about it.

 

On another note, if any little would be open to it, I would love to be able to have my very own ‘little advisor’. Any little that would like to be a person that I could message frequently for quick advise that I might have involving me and my little, I would deeply appreciate it. It would strictly be only for advice and tips, nothing more then an advisor or even a friend : ). If so, either privately message me or reply on here

 

Thank you so much for reading this far. I would gladly appreciate any amount of advise: From littles, anything that your daddy would do that would make you want to message and be more clingy/addicted to him. And from doms, anything you might have done or think would work on getting your little to be more clingy to you. And as a bonus question, i would like to know from littles, what their view is of a ‘clingy daddy’.

 

Thank you!

[SadLittleGeminiMoon]

Hi There  

As a little, and someone who is very clingy themselves, I may be able to offer some advise. The first thing that came to mind while reading this was of course "talk to her" and then I read a bit further and noticed you had stated you guys had. What struck me in all of this is how you say she responded, thinking that you were blaming her. Things always get confusing in text and can make all parties super upset. When talking about big things in a relationship that is bothering you, calls and face to face are always the preferred method. You said this little is in your area, have you guys met face to face yet? There's a chance that being over text she may not know how to express herself fully, or she may not know what her boundaries are. Simply for myself I hold back being clingy at all costs because I don't want to run anyone away, so I end up pacing myself, especially at the beginning of any newly formed relationship. Another thing to take into consideration is that you two may have completely different love languages. The best way to find out is through communication and finding where your love language lies.  https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ This website is of much help in finding out the different types of love languages and also how they are expressed. She may be showing her love in another way that you may be completely missing over, because its not your type of love language. It is perfectly acceptable to have different love languages and wanting someone to be clingy, but you must both be open to communication, listening, and adapting to each others life styles. She may not understand why you want her to be clingy, or in her mind being clingy may be something that in a past relationship ended up hurting her. There are many reasons behind this, but its so so so important to know that this will take time an patients and will not happen over night. You must continue to open in communicating about it, but if something doesn't work the first time, try a different approach. 

 

 

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” - Anonymous 

 

I hope this helps at least a little bit. Just remember to try different approaches when communicating. Maybe make a game out of it, something fun, so its a bit more relaxing and nobody feels like a victim and no arguments happen. We don't want anyone with hurt feelings over a miscommunication!  

Edited March 22, 2020 by SadLittleGeminiMoon

[Daddyprof]

If your little is not clingy, I don’t know that you can “make” her clingy. And I don’t think that you reaching out to her first makes you a “little” or less dominant. It just makes you caring and a good daddy. You can actually assert your dominance through emailing her first. Give her assignments and then contact her to check on her progress, etc.

 

You may need to learn to compromise, and she may as well, or you may learn that the fit is not right. It’s like saying that you don’t like being with a brat, so you want a little bratty to stop being a brat. It doesn’t work that way. It’s like asking someone to grow a third arm because you like that look better. Geographic convenience is not enough to make a relationship work.

 

Perhaps you really just need to focus on who she is, who you are, and If this is something you both want, rather than wishing she was someone she may not be.

[Vampiress]

Hello! I think that SadLittleGeminiMoon is very correct about the pacing thing! Some of us are very slow to get to that level of clinginess and affection because that turns a lot of people off, and so maybe she needs some time to feel her way through the relationship and trust that she's not going to get scolded or pushed away over too much attention, affection, etc. Being clingy can get a VERY bad reaction from some people, and a lot of us have been bitten by that and shy away. I know you said you specifically asked for the clinginess, but when you're used to being treated poorly over something like that, it can still take time to really believe that it's okay.

 

With that in mind, some of us are pretty insecure. Maybe she is, too? I know for me it's hard for me to always be the first person to initiate conversations or anything else because I'm afraid I'm being annoying or not wanted. Fear of rejection can be a pretty big thing, so perhaps it would be best to keep getting to know her and see if she needs help with confidence in that area. Plus it's just good to make her feel wanted and praised so that she can learn to feel comfortable and to know she is always welcome and wanted and free to come to you always.

 

I know you said it makes you feel clingy to always be going to her first, but I think to some extent you need to meet each other halfway. I understand as a Daddy it feels very nice for you to always have her coming to you, but she might get self-conscious or feel unwanted if you're wanting to go to a point where you're almost never coming to her first. There needs to be a balance, you still need to express how much she's wanted, loved, etc. You still need to message her first sometimes. When someone contacts us first or is excited to talk to us about something or show us something it lets us know you've been thinking about us, that you really want to be around us, etc. I know I really hate it when others rely on me the majority of the time to initiate all conversation. It FEELS like if I don't talk to them first then they don't want to talk to me, that's the impression it gives me. Then I feel annoying and a whole bunch of other negative emotions. It's just never nice on either end to always be the person to contacting anyone, especially your special person first.

 

And lastly, consider if your little is an introvert. Those of us who are introverts sometimes really struggle with conversation or reaching out. There's a lot of information out there on how to deal with introverts and how to communicate with them. I also agree with SadLittleGeminiMoon about potentially having different love languages.

 

My main advice is patience and communication. Learn each other more. You said you've only been together for two weeks, so you have a lot left to learn and grow together. Be gentle with her, talk with her, find out what her needs are and express yours but try to do so in a way that doesn't make her feel like she's failing. A conversation might go best if you praise her for where you can really see that she's trying, let her know what you might need and why, and express to her you're also there for her and want to know what you're doing right and what she might be lacking and want more of from you. Make it constructive, productive, and positive. No one is wrong for not doing everything the other person wants right away, what matters most is that you're willing to listen to each other and work together to build an even better relationship and foundation.

Edited July 8, 2020 by Batgirl

[Guest Looby-Lou]

You've already been given some excellent suggestions and advice above so I won't repeat it, but I will second it

 

It's great that you're putting so much effort into improving the relationship between you and your little, but please don't let yourself fall into "catastrophic" thinking - believing she's your only opportunity to ever have a DDlg r'ship and that you must do whatever it takes ...

 

One suggestion to avoid the arguments and feelings of accusation, is to agree at the beginning of any difficult discussion "We're in this together. We're looking for a solution. It's you & me together against the problem, not you v. me."

• Maybe make a note of things you particularly want to say.
• Take a break if things get too heated.
• Own your feelings e.g. "If I text you first in the morning it makes me feel too needy and I'm worried you'll think I'm not Dom enough. Does it seem like that to you?" is better than "When you don't text me first it's horrible and you make me feel unwanted and you're not clingy enough"
• Arrange a discussion when you both have time, no other immediate interruptions expected, and preferably in person.
• Re-visit it Come up with some ideas and give them a try. Agree to review, discuss, and change what's not working. With no blame attached.

And she might not feel the same as you. As a clingy little and someone who feels insecure at the beginning of a new relationship, I absolutely love it if he messages me first in the morning, responds quickly to my msgs to him during the day, etc. It reassures me that he's enthusiastic about me. 

There's a few sayings along the lines of "A DaddyDom needs to feel needed, and a babygirl needs to be wanted". 

 

I'd caution you against having a 1:1 with another little at this point. Unless it's someone you already know very well.  For example, my point of view might not be right for your situation. Or another little might get attached to you or you to them. IMO you're far better off posting here and getting a variety of responses. 

 

Also IMO a mentor should be someone in the same rôle as you. Another DaddyDom, someone more experienced than you, who might be able to give you suggestions or advice for how to handle YOUR rôle in this r'ship. And it's not something to rush into, you want someone who you've noticed over time that you value their contribution to the forum and you respect the way they answer questions etc. 

 

Only your little can tell you what sort of Daddy she wants. Listen to her more than anyone else.

 

Wishing you both all the best,

Looby

 

[baby_k]

Great advice above from all

2 weeks is SUPER short time. I would never be clingy that fast with anyone, it builds up, and in the beginning I would expect the dude to be really active as they want to talk to me.

 

But everybody is different and different dynamics also play part of how people act.

 

Please consider:

 

Anyhow, she is who is she is and that cannot be changed. She can change her BEHAVIOUR and like send message in morning etc. but if she is not clingy, she isn't, and I would feel it to be unfair towards her to try to make her something she isn't and sort of belittling as she is not good enough as she is. In someways it could even be seen rude that you want to change her to fit some role of yours and not just accept, love and appreciate her as she is. I would also question if you even like her as a person at all, or is she just "some little to fill the void".

 

You asking her to change after only two weeks of dating sounds bit... etreme to me as that should still be sort of honeymoon phase where you get to know each other and see each other with rose tinted glasses.

 

( I hope and assume that you actually like her but wrote that above, so maybe you could see how it sounds when you try to change her. Relationships should not be changing the other person 'just because' but allowing them to grow to their full potential. Being clingy is not being one's full potential, it is just a feature some people have, and often actually it can be seen negative trait and codependant. And I'm clingy myself 8) )

[princesshima]

Maybe she's just not the clingy type of little? I understand that you want to make the relationship work, and in that case I'd recommend honestly accepting her as she is. In my opinion, trying to get someone to change isn't exactly a great thing, and it could hurt the relationship.