overthinking

[Guest notsoweirdnikki]

To be honest, I really have no clue how to start this so please bear with me as I struggle to create meaning out of my words:

 

A good way to start this perhaps is by saying, I've always been too aware about my existence and what lies beyond it. Ever since I've experienced losing someone at a young age, I've always thought about death and the inevitability of one day losing my existence. As a 5 year old kid back then, it didn't scare me as much; however, as I grew up I became terrified of it as the thought started to repeat itself like some twisted mantra. 

 

During daytime, I feel fine thinking about it (as I'm able to write this at 9AM without feeling anxious) but as soon as I see the sun set, the thoughts slowly creep in like a thief in the night. First, I think about what life would be like years from now. (For example, "oh in 2040 I'll be 39 years old." then it'll escalate to thinking about the year 2100 and how I'll be 99 years old and probably already dead) Then, the anxiety starts to creep in. I'll have thoughts like, "What's there beyond death?" "What if it's just an abyss of nothingness when we die?" "Maybe our concept of the afterlife is just created to help us deal with death but it's really not real?" "Why do we spend so much time putting effort into a lot of earthly things that can be taken from us in an instant?" With these questions in mind, I start to detach myself from reality, choke on a few tears and let myself be overpowered by the jarring monster who instills these thoughts in my head.

 

I'm scared to die when that time comes. I'm scared that I'll be soon forgotten eventually. I'm scared that I won't be able to leave a legacy that's helpful to society. Needless to say, it's scary to think how fast time flies - in one time frame I'm present but in the next, who knows? I'm scared of the uncertainty of death.

 

It's really terrifying and it has affected my life in a negative way. I do know I'm wasting my time finding answers to my unanswerable questions yet, I can't seem to let go of these thoughts. Ironic enough, they seem to comfort me because I know that at the end of the day, all of us will have the same destination regardless of who we are and what we've done and achieved in this lifetime. 

 

Gah, I think I need to learn how to break the cycle of my overthinking. 

 

Anyway, to end this, I really need advice as to how I'll be able to deviate myself from thinking too much about it. Please post below if you have any advice or similar experiences/thoughts; I'll appreciate it a lot! 

 

 

[Pupperoo]

God. I wish I could give you some saintly advice on how to deal with this, but I feel the same thing too. It's not that strange of a thing to agonize over, I think. Overtime you learn to handle those thoughts better (I think and hope, my own success on that is... limited). 

Just remember that you're not alone in this and know that death is just a natural part of life.

You'll be fine, I'm sure ♥

[Alaskan Daddy]

I am glad you shared your thoughts. Theses are thoughts many of us have. Life seems to happen in a flash after we finish high school. The only advice I can give you is to live your live the best you can, Try to make a difference in some-ones life every day, Be kind and try not to judge. Don't get caught up in gossip. The best way you can make a difference is to look at things like being a mentor, There are many community programs that you can get involved with to do that. I know I made a difference as a big brother and as a coach for JR. High and HS kids. As for myself I feel I am making a difference in the lives any little I have been a daddy to. By being positive as best you can every day with the people you come in contact with is something that can a big difference in ways you may never know. Knowing you are being the best person you can be every day is all any of us can do. If you do that I know that when you pass from this life you will have made a difference. I hope my thoughts will help point you in a direction that can help you understand how you can make a difference in the life you have and can give you peace of mind you are seeking.

[Bluepandavideos]

I feel this on some level. I feel as though if I died, did I leave enough of a lasting memory of myself so I won't be forgotten?

 

It messes with me sometimes because I don't have friends, I dont have close family - i have 2 cats and a boyfriend. So it dawns on me, that when I die no one will probably remember me. I won't have large number of people coming to my funeral. I won't have people swapping stories of our great adventures together.

 

Death is a scary thing because we don't know - and not knowing gives me anxiety.

 

The thing that helps ground me when I get stuck in wondering "then what happens?" I try to focus on here and now. What can I do now that will help me in my future? It can be as simple as going to wash my hair, because if I died, at least my hair will be cleaned.

[Dino-Daddy]

Hi Nikki..

 

just here my 2 cents on it .. maybe it doesnt make sense or i did not understand what you said but that might be the translation

 

Hmm thinking bout death isnt to bad, but when it get you that feeling, of .. what if and it creeps you up is not all that good.

No one knows the why we die and then what answers .. But in a way i think everyone has moments that they do think about it in one way or the other. Me for myself im older then most around here and i have to say, the older i get the more ad ease with it. Legacy and remebrance, i dont know but along the way in your life you have or wil meet people on whicht you made a impact. So dont worry about that.  Ive had times in my life that i was realy depressed and alone and i mean real  alone.. i was one of those people you read in the papers about.. person found dead after weeks  etc but life is strange and can twist .. that is all behind me and im a happycat now and know now there are people who like me and therefor will remember me in some way . The fact that you worry if its all done and dealt with once the time comes and if you will be rememberd seems to me also a bit that you feel alone .. so ask yourself, are you? if so what can you do to change that..

 

And always always know .. you are important more than you think

[Nymph]

I just hate it when I hear young kids say what you just said about leaving a legacy and being helpful to society. I feel they are being robbed of their childhood or if they are not so young then I am just sad they are not being allowed to enjoy adult life. If there is no value in a simple life that does not look promising... then suddenly it sounds like you need to prove your worth to be alive... and who do you have to prove it to? when? how? Most people who have done big things for the world, they were doing their own thing and not thinking about the future of humanity, hell most things where discovered by mistake. I urge you to take that weight off your shoulders.

 

As long as you are not hurting anyone (including yourself) you could be already be doing your part. For example maybe you talked to some random stranger online who turned out to be pretty nice, you never meet them again but that chat was enough to keep them from killing themselves and in 10 years they discover the cure for cancer... sure, a bit of a long shot but hey, you never know right? maybe they will just start a family and be awesome parents to some lucky kids and in this day an age that is kind of rare already.

 

As for what is after death, like you said, we are all heading that way so it doesn't matter. Some people find comfort in religion so if you swing that way you might want to give it a try. If all these thoughts happen a lot every single day and keep you from focusing on anything else I would consider talking to my doctor, there are some ADHD medications that will aid in stopping your mind to wonder too much or perhaps he will suggest therapy for the anxiety or a life coach even who can help you find your goals and develop a plan of sorts.

 

But honestly, I think you should first try to focus all that energy in something that will benefit you, something that you can start seeing result soonish to stay on track. If you are not interested in superficial "earthly things" then work on your health, volunteer at a pet rescue and see the cute furr babies find their forever home, start a balcony garden to learn the basics and then look for a community garden you can work on once this covid craziness is over or just visit elderly homes and listen to the cool stories they have to say and are more than happy to tell you... more than once if you let them lol

[Vampiress]

I think Nymph put this beautifully. It's not important to leave these lasting legacies that will be written about and known for years after our deaths. Instead of focusing on living some grand life that will be remembered by many, turn your focus to leaving a positive impact on this earth. Don't commit crime, be kind to others, be helpful when possible, etc. Even if you aren't remembered in some grand way, your positive impact may have a ripple effect towards positive things in others. I find it a far better thing to focus on and avoid leaving a negative impact that creates harm.

 

As for existential questions and worrying about death and what happens after... I can find myself going down this rabbit hole of thought sometimes but I remind myself that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm not alone in this, death comes for everyone and when it does come all of this won't matter anyways. Once I'm gone I'm just gone, there's nothing to stress over and nothing I can do to change the outcome. And if you're worrying about not many people being at your funeral... that's okay. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. You're not actually going to be there to see it or care. It's just something the living do to grieve someone they've lost.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

It's really terrifying and it has affected my life in a negative way. I do know I'm wasting my time finding answers to my unanswerable questions yet, I can't seem to let go of these thoughts. Ironic enough, they seem to comfort me because I know that at the end of the day, all of us will have the same destination regardless of who we are and what we've done and achieved in this lifetime.

 

 

Maybe you partially have a hard time detaching from these thoughts because while half of you is terrified of them, the other half of you finds comfort in them as you say. Just something to consider. 

 

From a young age, I guess I was a bit opposite in that, since I started off believing in an after life due to growing up in a religious home, I would ponder how long eternity was and it would terrify me lol -- probably because I was imagining it would be meaningless or boring. It was hard for me to fathom in my current/limited physical state. I no longer feel that way now, but I just find it funny to look back on.

 

I went through my own existential crisis years ago. I used to be religious, then I started to fear Hell, then I didn't know what to believe any more and that maybe there was no after life etc. -- and all of these things combined created major cognitive dissonance inside of me which led to panic attacks which I had never had previously. I remember at the time, my ex hubby would tell me I was asking questions that were akin to: "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" And I felt that accurately summed up the questions I was asking at the time. It got so bad that I never though I'd be mentally stable ever again after that point, but slowly but surely, I did find my place to firm ground in my beliefs again to where I am now where I feel very confident and satisfied.

 

I think everyone is different, so different things work for different people but for me, I think even having someone tell me that my questions were impossible to answer, while it was temporarily relieving/validating, it never really *ultimately* satisfied/settled me because deep down, I always believed that wasn't entirely true. Deep down, I always believed that I could find answers that satisfied me or at least more information to lead me to firmer conclusions. But I'm someone who gets very determined to understand things so it's kind of impossible for me to shut that off. So in some sense, I don't think you're wasting your time, perhaps you're just going about it the wrong way. It's easy to get lost inside the vacuum inside your own head on one end of the spectrum where you're just consuming nothing but your own fears which becomes biased because you don't stop to question or doubt your own doubts. It's sort of just like assuming the worst. On the other end of the spectrum, you can become too trusting of external data -- to the point where you become out of tune with your own internal guidance system/intuition. In my experience, it's important to have a balance of both. I think it's good that you reached out for input here, because it seems you're in the first category where it's lost inside of internal self-defeating/unproductive thoughts, and not taking in enough external data to bounce off of. I know that's something that helped me, but not obsessively researching things as I'm prone to do, I just sort of organically found my way over time through receiving more external data through reading and what not.

 

I naturally moved away from religion eventually and would just consider myself spiritually independent now. I've studied near death experiences like crazy as well because those things always fascinated me. From my understanding from things I've learned along my journey, people say death isn't painful or scary, so much so that many people don't even realize their physical body has died once it happens. Being born is supposed to be more traumatic lol. Anyways, I have reasons for why I believe we're eternal beings and why it's so hard for people to feel/remember their connection to their soul/spirit here (the spiritual veil is currently thick right now), but you don't have to believe that stuff. Just find your own way. Keep what *resonates* with you and throw out what doesn't. I still have moments where I get discouraged when Life doesn't go my way and I feel the sheer pointlessness of Life or dread that my life will ultimately be meaningless etc., but that's just when I've temporarily lost my way and have forgotten why I'm here and what my purpose/value is. Someone here mentioned the Ripple Effect and I believe in that as well. it's just one way we influence others in this life for good but there are many ways to fulfill your soul. Follow the things that fill you up and bring you joy and from there, you'll naturally spread love and joy to others. It won't be something that is forced. Everyone has different skills after all.

 

And it's okay to feel scared or sad too. The fear of Death is so damn common yet so taboo. I feel like it should become a more common topic to talk about since talking about things usually winds up taking the power of fear out of them or at least soothes/calms people's minds because it makes one realize that they're not alone in their feelings/experience. We're all connected.

Edited July 26, 2020 by Teasing Tink

[Guest Thunder Sprite]

Hey there,

 

These are tough questions that I think many simply avoid thinking about; some of us aren't really afforded that luxury however. I've sent quite a lot of time "overthinking" these very topics myself, and FWIW I can share what I have come to understand so far. I do tend to struggle with delving too deeply into topics, but I will try my best to address the heart of the questions without writing a novel. ^^;

 

 

 

"What if it's just an abyss of nothingness when we die?"

 

I think there are specific reasons that this cannot be the case. Mainly, the experience of undergoing anesthesia or other forms of dreamless unconsciousness are basically like "missing time". From the perspective of the person who was unconscious, the clock simply jumps ahead; they never actually experienced being unconscious. In fact, "consciousness" is presently defined in purely experiential terms (much to the consternation of scientists and philosophers who are trying to decide when a computer program that accurately emulates consciousness actually is conscious; the presence or absence of experience turns out not to be objectively measurable to outside observers), so it is by definition impossible to "experience unconsciousness." So it seems that if your mind / spirit does not persist in some form beyond death, you'd never actually experience the void.

 

 

"What's there beyond death?" "Maybe our concept of the afterlife is just created to help us deal with death but it's really not real?" "Why do we spend so much time putting effort into a lot of earthly things that can be taken from us in an instant?"

 

This is where I need to be careful not to go too far into rabbit holes. ^^;

 

Reality, per se, is almost certainly not what you take it to be. (Bold statement, right?) It virtually can't be, for the simple reason that human cognition is an inferential process — literally all you know, and all humanity knows collectively, is the result of educated guesswork. And none of it can ever be known with certainty… in science theories can't be proven, in mathematics theorems reduce to unprovable axioms, etc. The very belief that there is a definite truth to be found, an ultimate theory of things which will never need to be overhauled or replaced but only added onto, is really just an inference itself. It's not a given that any such thing is possible.   There are tons of seemingly obvious inferences about reality that are already known (in the realm of modern physics) to be entirely misguided, and I feel like it may be worth illustrating one of them here…

 

Probably the most well-known strange effect from Einstein's Relativity is "time dilation", commonly understood as "time slows down as you approach the speed of light." While weird and unexpected, it seems easy enough to picture clocks running at different rates for different observers. But it's actually even weirder than just that… observers witnessing the same set of events can disagree over which happened first, and there is ultimately no "correct answer"; the historical sequence in which events have taken place is actually observer-dependent. The notion of a universal past, present moment, and future is not "real" in the sense that it is not manifest in physics. It is merely a human inference, however compelling it might seem.

 

Similarly, I think it's helpful to recognize the intuitive notion of "existence" as a human inference that may be of only limited usefulness in characterizing reality. It is usually thought of as a binary property (something either exists or does not), and trying to pin down what it means from a functional standpoint usually comes down to something like "to exist means to be at least potentially measurable". (It's actually really, really hard to be more precise about it!) One problem with any definition along these lines is that, as mentioned before, experience is only measurable to the experiencer and not to any third parties, and that makes classifying the existence / non-existence of experience rather problematic. It actually seems nonsensical to advocate either conclusion, that experience has existence or that it does not. As if perhaps the best answer to the question of whether experience actually exists is "not applicable".

 

And that's intriguing, seeing as reality is ultimately known purely through experience. Strictly speaking, it could be said to consist of experience first and foremost; the inference that experience results from interaction with things that "exist" in a stronger sense than experience itself does is but one interpretation. It may be right, it may be wrong, it may be half-right… but even this much is not a given.

 

So the big kahuna then is what reason there is to care about things with so much uncertainty, or how to find meaning or purpose in any endeavors. For me, I think the best reason is that "you are what you do"; you care for things because it is part of who you are and what sort of being you want to be. When the goal is to improve oneself, the details of what is or isn't real, and what does or doesn't "matter" in some allegedly objective sense, aren't really as important anymore. They're ultimately just a bunch of inferences anyway, not to be taken as gospel truths and allowed to distort one's feelings or intentions, and by extension one's identity.

 

Easier said than done, of course… ^^;

 

I hope this made sense and is helpful and wasn't too long / deep / abstract. If nothing else, you're certainly not alone in struggling with these sorts of questions. ^.^

[baby_k]

I don't see any of that as overthinking. And telling yourself you "overthink" seems like negative self talk and belittling your own worries and thoughts.

 

You have unanswered questions and worries, so I think you should think about them and what is your view on them, maybe see who other'sthink also as it can open your eyes to really new perspectives. By considering those questions you are actually crafting your own world view, and after you know how you see world, it is lot easier to work in this world and be happy as then you also are more likely to know your own values and have the possibility to live by them.

 

You worry about leaving legace for example. Why is that? What are you now not doing that you somehow think you should be? It seems to me that you are not living a life you want ot live. Why is that? What would need to change? So, those worries are actually superduper helpful as they make you change your life into something you actually want.

 

Obviosly if you are never satisfied with anyhting you do, is also important to question that do you really think that the only lives that are worth anything are those who invent something amazing and who are remembered thousands of years later? ( Look at history, there ain't too many of those. And those people have not always even been so great, so at least I prefer to be good person by my own standards and happy instead of been remembered as the nutcase ruler of random country ). And why are you so brutal and not having any compassion towards yourself or other humanbeings?

[Vichel]

The one thing that seems to help me is to write it down. At the end of the day, before going to bed, I write in my diary all the things that have been on my mind and have been bothering me.

I think there is plenty of evidence for the therapeutic effects of writing, even when it's just for yourself and even if you aren't going to read it again after writing it. When you write something down, your mind is "Tricked" to some degree. I thinks "oh.. it's on paper now. It's been documented. It's written down. I no longer need to think about this issue. If I need to think more, I can write more down."

Whenever you write your thoughts down it can effectively do the trick when it comes to having something on paper to erase from the mind or transfer and if you like, you can erase it or crumple it and then throw it away. A lot of mental energy that was poured into that thought or pattern of rumination is now released.