Nothing is Helping

[Guest Lil.vamp.90]

It doesn't matter what I do, how distracted I am, how much I try not to think, I still end up in my bed holding my stuffed animal, and cry. 

 

I thought writing about his and my relationship, would help, I thought going back to work, and refocusing my brain to school work, would help. Nothing is helping, everything I do reminds me of him, especially at night, my heart hurts so much, I don't know what to do. Every one is telling me about all these negative and red flags they so saw when he and I were together, and I find myself defending him, how dare they speak this way of him, but I can't fault them, they are angry for my sadness, and he was the cause of it. BUT their words don't help, and I've tried to distance myself from them, but unfortunately, these humans are family, and co-workers. Most of my family is telling me to let it go, to move on, to get back into the dating world, and one human in particular keeps telling me how I need to take this on the chin and stop having a pity party for myself. 

How can I DO THAT? I loved this man with my entire heart, with my very soul, we made plans for the future, how can I just disregard him? I know he let me go, as if I didn't matter, as if the life we were building together meant nothing to him, but how can I do that? How can I pick up the pieces and trust my heart with someone else? 

How can I let him go? Nothing is working, the humans in my life and their words, keeping busy with work, focusing on school, nothing is working. Now my thoughts are going around in circles, over and over, and I feel like I'm suffocating, like I can't get out of this without causing my harm to my heart. All I want to do is sleep, hold my stuffed animal, curl up in my bed and sleep. 

What do I do? Will I ever get past this? 

[LongTimeMe]

Your heart is breaking, your brain is confused and you life seems like it is in tatters. Most of us wish that this never happened or that there was some magical method like professor Dumbledore and the Pensive that could remove our memory of such events. But there aren't. I won't tell you to get on with your life because only you know when you are going to be ready to try to trust someone new.

What I will say is that time is a healer, I know from experience. The pain will lessen and you will learn from the experience, but next time you will know when you can trust someone, what traits that trustee of your heart will hold dearest, and see deep in their eyes whether you are willing to let them into your heart, soul and life.

Until then be like the beach and let life and each day wash over you a few times, and let the universe carry you along it's great path.

[beanbean]

it takes time to slowly heal its not going to happen all at once sadly .so you coulb respectfully ask your people to not talk about it at the moment.  and the one that tells you to take it on the chin you might need to be a bit more forceable with an explain to them thats not helping. i know it does not seem like its going to get better but it will i promise you

[Vampiress]

It sounds like the people in your life mean well and want you to be able to move on without torturing yourself, but I know it isn't that helpful if you're not ready to receive hearing that right now. Loss of a relationship is a grieving process, and you will grieve it in your own time, but make sure to let yourself go through the various stages of grieving.

I think right now the best thing you can do is focus on self-care and be kind to yourself. Do things you like, and things that usually relax you. When you do think about what you've lost, remind yourself that you are worthy of being loved and being happy. This means eventually accepting that he is not going to be the one here to do that, and you need to give yourself permission to let someone else be that person someday.

Sometimes people feel like letting go means you never loved them or didn't love them as much as you said you did, but that isn't true. Sometimes loving someone also means letting go, and sometimes loving yourself means letting someone go. It's okay to love him, but for whatever reason you two weren't right for each other. Falling out of love with someone doesn't mean you never loved them, either.

This is going to take time, and maybe you won't get past it as quickly as everyone else would like. Just be kind to yourself and know that you do need to take steps when you are ready, because you don't deserve to be feeling like this forever. Whenever I've gone through this I remind myself that the person who has moved on isn't agonizing over me like this, and they are moving and finding their happiness elsewhere, so why shouldn't I? Reframing your thoughts and focusing it in a more positive direction for yourself should help. It won't happen over night, but don't block yourself from moving towards finding your happiness.

[Mr. Ducky]

9 hours ago, Lil.vamp.90 said:

I find myself defending him, how dare they speak this way of him, but I can't fault them, they are angry for my sadness, and he was the cause of it.

I know your heart is aching right now, but try to take at least one small moment to appreciate the people in your life that have come to your defense. Like you said, they're angry for your sadness. That means they care about you and your well-being. You're blessed to have people like that in your life.

As far as "moving on" you're going through a process that takes time. It's healthy to give yourself time to mourn, time to cry, time to be sad, time to look back on what you had, etc. It also says something about who you are. The more intense your emotions are when a relationship ends, the more intense they probably were in the relationship. In other words, you probably got a lot more out of the relationship than would someone else who chooses to be more closed off. You're experiencing life more fully, and while it may hurt more at times, it's also that much more exciting and thrilling when things are going well. 

Take as much time as you need and don't feel like you need to rush through the sadness. There is no "right timeline", just the right one for you.

[Cebakes]

14 hours ago, Lil.vamp.90 said:

It doesn't matter what I do, how distracted I am, how much I try not to think, I still end up in my bed holding my stuffed animal, and cry. 

 

I thought writing about his and my relationship, would help, I thought going back to work, and refocusing my brain to school work, would help. Nothing is helping, everything I do reminds me of him, especially at night, my heart hurts so much, I don't know what to do. Every one is telling me about all these negative and red flags they so saw when he and I were together, and I find myself defending him, how dare they speak this way of him, but I can't fault them, they are angry for my sadness, and he was the cause of it. BUT their words don't help, and I've tried to distance myself from them, but unfortunately, these humans are family, and co-workers. Most of my family is telling me to let it go, to move on, to get back into the dating world, and one human in particular keeps telling me how I need to take this on the chin and stop having a pity party for myself. 

How can I DO THAT? I loved this man with my entire heart, with my very soul, we made plans for the future, how can I just disregard him? I know he let me go, as if I didn't matter, as if the life we were building together meant nothing to him, but how can I do that? How can I pick up the pieces and trust my heart with someone else? 

How can I let him go? Nothing is working, the humans in my life and their words, keeping busy with work, focusing on school, nothing is working. Now my thoughts are going around in circles, over and over, and I feel like I'm suffocating, like I can't get out of this without causing my harm to my heart. All I want to do is sleep, hold my stuffed animal, curl up in my bed and sleep. 

What do I do? Will I ever get past this? 
 

Break ups can be brutal.   I went through a break up in April and read a fair amount of articles on the topic. Most people take about 2 to 3 months to get over a break up.  If you are struggling after that, it’s probably best to seek counseling or see a doctor.

You do need to grieve, learn from this, get back to work, school, spend time with family and friends.  Now is a good time to focus on something new for self improvement and throw yourself into that. It’s a great time of the year to diet or spend extra time at the gym.  

I read several of your old posts and it appears this break up is brand new.  These feelings you are experiencing are not unique to you.  You need to have the mentality that you will love again and you are one day closer to finding the right person.   

As I mentioned above, it is a good time to look back and learn from the relationship. If family and friends are all saying negative things about this guy, there’s probably a little bit of truth in there.  The way someone handles a break up,  is telling on who they really are.  If your old CG had issues,  and chose to shut down and walk away, instead of getting help, you have to accept that he probably won’t be capable of having a longterm relationship.  

 

 

[Andriel_Isilien]

Nothing is helping YET because you are still processing the emotions this break up is giving you. You are still in the thick of it. 💔 Try to not focus on the past (mistakes, red flags) or the future (letting go, trusting again). Yes, these people mean well but patience I think is the best thing you need in the moment. Advocate and show patience for yourself to feel these feelings. I'm so sorry you are having this breakup. 😥 It sounds like hell. 

This has been helping me last year as I keep moving forward from my divorce of a 4 year relationship.

- vent and cry about it if you need to. This can be writing out your feelings or talking to someone you trust.

- discover a new hobby. Something you are passionate about or that brings you joy. (For me this is working with animals at shelters/rescues)

- Delete, block, unfollow anyone that brings back connections with your ex. This is VERY hard and must be done carefully as you weigh who is best to keep in your life for YOU.

- Work on improving yourself. Yes, you feel like a wreck right now so invest in getting healthier, stronger, or whatever. This period of time, everything in your life is about YOU.

- Stay active. The hurt will keep flooding back in. Give space for and validate those hard feelings but don't stay in them. Keep getting back up. Keep moving forward.

- Repeat over and over as time will make it more bearable. Be patient with yourself. You are going to be OK and you can get through this. 💗

It has been a full year for me and I'm just now feeling like I'm back on my feet after starting my life over. I have been (and still am) working with a therapist to help me overcome my loss. I even had to work with another doctor of mine to alter my medications to get my mind and body back to homeostasis. I had to start new routines and I had to take months off socializing until I was ready to talk. Breakups are like death of a loved one, but this is hurts even more because it's a choice that was made. Take your time, please. Don't be afraid to feel these emotions as they come. Keep yourself safe. Take whatever advice on here that rings true for you. Leave the rest. No one should be judging you on how long you need to recover. ❤️ I wish you all the best.

[Guest Lil.vamp.90]

😢