Need huggies and cuddlies please ❤️

[Little Becca]

Hi, everyone!!! 😊 I am sorry to write this, because it is sad, but I just really needed to talk about my feelings with people who can understand me and maybe help me, just by listening to me even though this is sad. 

Today is a really very sad day for me. It is my beloved brother’s birthday today. He died nearly 20 years ago in a car accident. I still can’t believe he died, I just can’t believe it. I still miss him right now, after all this time, as much as I did back then. He was funny (hilarious!!!), bright, accepting, kind, pure-hearted. He was just a really, really good person. He made me laugh lots. He was only 18 when he passed away. He is one of my little brothers, and our family is sad without him. He loved me very much, and I loved him just the same. 

I have been really sad about this for the past week. I keep crying without realizing it is happening. All of a sudden, there are tears on my face and I am trying to make them go away. I don’t know why it’s so hard this time when I have been through this 19 other times. I remember when I learned about his death, just like it was yesterday. I went through counseling when it happened and I worked hard to process it.

I know that everyone goes through something like this in life. Some kind of great loss. I hoped and even assumed  I would have support today but I just didn’t, so that is why I am asking for it now. I really need it. I welcome hearing about your losses, too, and helping if I can. 

I know it is very sad to think of these things, but I also know this is a very, very supportive community and that we are here for one another. Today has been a hard day for me. I need huggies and cuddlies, please!!!! I will give them in return. It is hard to face this without feeling like I can just be myself. Thank you very, very, very much for taking the time to read this!!! I feel a lot better just sharing. 🩷

[BelladonnaTheNightWitch]

Hi Becca! I am so sorry about what happened. I was scrolling through the index and came across this post as it said "Need huggies and cuddlies please" and I just had to click on it. I wanted to give support the best that I can, because I know that loss is tough and sometimes it feels like no one else understands what is running through your mind and what you're feeling in your heart. Really quickly, today felt off to me tbh and I had a dream that someone had passed. A young man, and no one seemed to care but me. I felt that loss and nobody else did. Handsome young man, no one knew what happened, and I feel like this is it.

Being the oldest sibling with brothers and a sister, I can just imagine the heartbreak that you feel. Even thinking about it now, I want to cry and my gut is turning inwards at the thought. I once grieved heavily over someone that I never knew. I felt lost, hopeless, and confused as to what I was going through and what was happening to me. The constant tears and the realization of it all was horrible. I couldn't even eat and watch a film without tears coming down my face and I could never control it. I was in denial and it reached the point where I was reading the autopsy file online and I was making promises that were of no good to my mental. I started to harm myself because I didn't know what else to do, I just wanted to get rid on the feelings. I was lashing out on myself....even attempted and that next day or two...I realized that if I had succeeded, where would that leave my siblings, my family. My youngest brother had gotten his thumb sucking guard removed not to long after and it dawned on me that I would've missed out on that milestone of his. It may seem small to others but to him that was an accomplishment. He stopped sucking his thumb and he was so happy...and it was important to me because I was able to see him have his celebration and to see him so happy...

 

Grieving is tough...I know. Sometimes we think that time heals all wounds but it doesn't. You lost a loved one, someone that you cared deeply about and he you. He was your brother and I know how you're feeling. It hurts, it's scary, it's lonely. You will get through it. You will have days where it feels like you just...can't. But you can. I will not tell you that it's easy to move one or you will be able to move on because that is sometimes not the case. You will still feel that loss, that hurt, and that's okay. Just always make sure to remind yourself that he loved you to the fullest and would want the best for you. It's hard being the big sis. Everyone expects you to be the tough one. The smart one, the dependable one...so when something hits you and you go through something that's heartbreaking, you don't know where to go or who to go to. You may feel like you have to put on a front and make everyone think that you're fine when you're not. I'm really happy that you sought help when you needed it by going to a counselor or a therapist and it's okay to talk to someone whenever it gets too bad.  

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and it's okay not to be okay.❤️‍🩹

He loves you Princess.💌

HUGGIES AND CUDDLIES TO YOU, LOVE

[Lady Angel]

Hi Becca, 

First I want to send you Huggies and cuddles to you. As many as you need. 

It has been four years since the passing of my mother. She was my rock and my best friend. She passed of covid pneumonia, so she died alone in hospice. I wasn’t even able to be with her during her last moments of life. That will haunt me forever. Some days were better than others in the beginning, I guess I was on auto-pilot doing adulting. It did get to be overwhelming and let’s just say, I pass the area everyday that would have been my permanent place of resting. No matter what, we never get over it, we just adjust to our new normal. I continue to have good days and bad. This weekend was bad for me, a lot of anxiety and depression because I am alone. My therapist has said that the grieving process is as personal as our identities are, and she’s right. There is no time limit, no rule book, no instructions. Embrace those feelings darling, for in doing that you are keeping his memory alive through you. As DaddysDarkling said “ It’s okay not to be okay!” Just as long as you Keep Going…

 

Blessed Be Little Becca, MANY HUGGIES AND CUDDLIEST TO YOU SWEET ONE!

[Little Becca]

On 4/15/2024 at 10:48 PM, DaddysDarkling said:

Hi Becca! I am so sorry about what happened. I was scrolling through the index and came across this post as it said "Need huggies and cuddlies please" and I just had to click on it. I wanted to give support the best that I can, because I know that loss is tough and sometimes it feels like no one else understands what is running through your mind and what you're feeling in your heart. Really quickly, today felt off to me tbh and I had a dream that someone had passed. A young man, and no one seemed to care but me. I felt that loss and nobody else did. Handsome young man, no one knew what happened, and I feel like this is it.

Being the oldest sibling with brothers and a sister, I can just imagine the heartbreak that you feel. Even thinking about it now, I want to cry and my gut is turning inwards at the thought. I once grieved heavily over someone that I never knew. I felt lost, hopeless, and confused as to what I was going through and what was happening to me. The constant tears and the realization of it all was horrible. I couldn't even eat and watch a film without tears coming down my face and I could never control it. I was in denial and it reached the point where I was reading the autopsy file online and I was making promises that were of no good to my mental. I started to harm myself because I didn't know what else to do, I just wanted to get rid on the feelings. I was lashing out on myself....even attempted and that next day or two...I realized that if I had succeeded, where would that leave my siblings, my family. My youngest brother had gotten his thumb sucking guard removed not to long after and it dawned on me that I would've missed out on that milestone of his. It may seem small to others but to him that was an accomplishment. He stopped sucking his thumb and he was so happy...and it was important to me because I was able to see him have his celebration and to see him so happy...

 

Grieving is tough...I know. Sometimes we think that time heals all wounds but it doesn't. You lost a loved one, someone that you cared deeply about and he you. He was your brother and I know how you're feeling. It hurts, it's scary, it's lonely. You will get through it. You will have days where it feels like you just...can't. But you can. I will not tell you that it's easy to move one or you will be able to move on because that is sometimes not the case. You will still feel that loss, that hurt, and that's okay. Just always make sure to remind yourself that he loved you to the fullest and would want the best for you. It's hard being the big sis. Everyone expects you to be the tough one. The smart one, the dependable one...so when something hits you and you go through something that's heartbreaking, you don't know where to go or who to go to. You may feel like you have to put on a front and make everyone think that you're fine when you're not. I'm really happy that you sought help when you needed it by going to a counselor or a therapist and it's okay to talk to someone whenever it gets too bad.  

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone and it's okay not to be okay.❤️‍🩹

He loves you Princess.💌

HUGGIES AND CUDDLIES TO YOU, LOVE

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for your response!!! This helped me so much!!! My big girl job has been really demanding of me lately. Plus I am going through some other difficult things and it has been hard to try to manage all of this on my own. You seem to really understand so much how I am feeling. I have been feeling so badly lately, like so lost. One day, I thought everything was ok and I was protected and cared for; but then I realized it was not the case. 

I’m so sorry that you went through so much grief for someone you have never met. I actually have also experienced that. I don’t know why that happens, but sometimes you just feel a connection with someone somehow, and you hear their story and feel as though you knew that person. When you felt that a handsome young man had passed, it could have been my brother. One of the worst things I did was to read his autopsy report; I have too much knowledge and I love him too much to have done that and it was very upsetting to me, so I understand how that affected you. 🩷

It means a lot to me that you took the time to respond to me and I need and appreciate the huggies and cuddlies!!!!!!  I have been without them for a long time. Thank you so much for helping me feel better. I will help you feel better when you need it, too!!!!!! ☺️🥰💕

[BelladonnaTheNightWitch]

15 minutes ago, Little Becca said:

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for your response!!! This helped me so much!!! My big girl job has been really demanding of me lately. Plus I am going through some other difficult things and it has been hard to try to manage all of this on my own. You seem to really understand so much how I am feeling. I have been feeling so badly lately, like so lost. One day, I thought everything was ok and I was protected and cared for; but then I realized it was not the case. 

I’m so sorry that you went through so much grief for someone you have never met. I actually have also experienced that. I don’t know why that happens, but sometimes you just feel a connection with someone somehow, and you hear their story and feel as though you knew that person. When you felt that a handsome young man had passed, it could have been my brother. One of the worst things I did was to read his autopsy report; I have too much knowledge and I love him too much to have done that and it was very upsetting to me, so I understand how that affected you. 🩷

It means a lot to me that you took the time to respond to me and I need and appreciate the huggies and cuddlies!!!!!!  I have been without them for a long time. Thank you so much for helping me feel better. I will help you feel better when you need it, too!!!!!! ☺️🥰💕

I'm very very happy that I could help!! It means a lot to me that I can be of help through tough days and challenges. Sometimes we just can't help it, we want to know more and we only hurt ourselves more. It's okay to want closure...It will always be a mystery to me as to why I went through what I went through but that experience has now allowed me to connect with others❤️

I'm really glad that I could make you feel better!! Helping others truly is good for the soul.

Thank you so much for the offer🥰 Hopefully we can be there for each other in the future.

💜🖤

Edited April 17 by DaddysDarkling
Wanted to add something

[Little Becca]

On 4/16/2024 at 2:21 PM, Lady Angel said:

Hi Becca, 

First I want to send you Huggies and cuddles to you. As many as you need. 

It has been four years since the passing of my mother. She was my rock and my best friend. She passed of covid pneumonia, so she died alone in hospice. I wasn’t even able to be with her during her last moments of life. That will haunt me forever. Some days were better than others in the beginning, I guess I was on auto-pilot doing adulting. It did get to be overwhelming and let’s just say, I pass the area everyday that would have been my permanent place of resting. No matter what, we never get over it, we just adjust to our new normal. I continue to have good days and bad. This weekend was bad for me, a lot of anxiety and depression because I am alone. My therapist has said that the grieving process is as personal as our identities are, and she’s right. There is no time limit, no rule book, no instructions. Embrace those feelings darling, for in doing that you are keeping his memory alive through you. As DaddysDarkling said “ It’s okay not to be okay!” Just as long as you Keep Going…

 

Blessed Be Little Becca, MANY HUGGIES AND CUDDLIEST TO YOU SWEET ONE!

Oh my goodness, dear Lady Angel, I am so, so very sorry to hear about the passing of your beautiful mother in the way she did. The absolute worst thing about Covid was that people had to pass from this world without their loved ones at their side. That makes the grieving process so much more difficult for you, I know. To this day, it is still so heartbreaking to hear that and I just want you to know that there are many in the healthcare field who are very sad that this happened to so many. You are not alone and your mommy is not alone; in spirit, she had many people with her when she left this world. I know you were with her and she knows that, too. You’re connected to your mother eternally. There’s nothing more special than the bond you have with her, and she does not want you to be sad. She wants you to move through the grieving process at your own pace; she is encouraging and nudging you along and wanting you to be happy again, knowing that she is always still with you. That will never change.  ♥️

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience with me. Some things are always hard; it will always be hard, the loss of your mommy. But she is watching over you and she knows every part of you and loves every part of you, I promise!!!! You’re a very good girl!!!! Thank you so much for helping me feel better!!!!!!! ☺️🥰💕

[Little Becca]

6 minutes ago, DaddysDarkling said:

I'm very very happy that I could help!! It means a lot to me that I can be of help through tough days and challenges. Sometimes we just can't help it, we want to know more and we only hurt ourselves more. It's okay to want closure...It will always be a mystery to me as to why I went through what I went through but that experience has now allowed me to connect with others❤️

I'm really glad that I could make you feel better!! Helping others truly is good for the soul.

Thank you so much for the offer🥰 Hopefully we can be there for each other in the future.

💜🖤

I think it is very important to be able to connect with others. I think most littles are very empathetic and it hurts us deeply sometimes. We don’t know how to manage it on our own and it can become very painful. If we don’t have the right Daddy, we are left to try to figure it out on our own, and it may end up leading to a dark place. Littles need guidance with these things, even if from other littles. I agree that helping others is so good for the soul!!!! This has helped me so much, I wanna show you guys my sticker and teddy collection and also my coloring books!!! ☺️💕

Yes I would love to be supportive to one another!!! I don’t know if I will ever find my Daddy. But, being little is also about making connections with others like me, who understand me. I hope I can help you when you need it!!!!! ❤️💕

Thank you again for taking the time to help me!!!! 🥰💕

[BelladonnaTheNightWitch]

49 minutes ago, Little Becca said:

I think it is very important to be able to connect with others. I think most littles are very empathetic and it hurts us deeply sometimes. We don’t know how to manage it on our own and it can become very painful. If we don’t have the right Daddy, we are left to try to figure it out on our own, and it may end up leading to a dark place. Littles need guidance with these things, even if from other littles. I agree that helping others is so good for the soul!!!! This has helped me so much, I wanna show you guys my sticker and teddy collection and also my coloring books!!! ☺️💕

Yes I would love to be supportive to one another!!! I don’t know if I will ever find my Daddy. But, being little is also about making connections with others like me, who understand me. I hope I can help you when you need it!!!!! ❤️💕

Thank you again for taking the time to help me!!!! 🥰💕

I agree 1,000% with you. Not having a caregiver, especially one that is truly there for you can often feel dark and even lonely and that's coming from someone who LOVES being alone, hehe. I even start to wonder if the lifestyle is even worth it. But talking to other littles can help big time🤗

I would also LOVE to see your sticker, teddy bear, and coloring book collections!!💜🖤 Maybe one of us could start a topic or something to display our collections whether they're big or small! You could message me personally if you'd like to discuss it further! 

 

[Lady Angel]

16 hours ago, Little Becca said:

Oh my goodness, dear Lady Angel, I am so, so very sorry to hear about the passing of your beautiful mother in the way she did. The absolute worst thing about Covid was that people had to pass from this world without their loved ones at their side. That makes the grieving process so much more difficult for you, I know. To this day, it is still so heartbreaking to hear that and I just want you to know that there are many in the healthcare field who are very sad that this happened to so many. You are not alone and your mommy is not alone; in spirit, she had many people with her when she left this world. I know you were with her and she knows that, too. You’re connected to your mother eternally. There’s nothing more special than the bond you have with her, and she does not want you to be sad. She wants you to move through the grieving process at your own pace; she is encouraging and nudging you along and wanting you to be happy again, knowing that she is always still with you. That will never change.  ♥️

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience with me. Some things are always hard; it will always be hard, the loss of your mommy. But she is watching over you and she knows every part of you and loves every part of you, I promise!!!! You’re a very good girl!!!! Thank you so much for helping me feel better!!!!!!! ☺️🥰💕

I’m glad I was able to help you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it means a lot. I know she is with me, I can feel her sometimes, even smell her. I know that one day I will get to the point where I accept the new normal, it’s just hard right now with all the changes I have gone through since she has been gone. I’m glad that my story could help. 

Blessed be Little Becca, and we are here to support you always little one. ❤️ 💕

[Little Becca]

On 4/17/2024 at 8:30 PM, BelladonnaTheNightWitch said:

I agree 1,000% with you. Not having a caregiver, especially one that is truly there for you can often feel dark and even lonely and that's coming from someone who LOVES being alone, hehe. I even start to wonder if the lifestyle is even worth it. But talking to other littles can help big time🤗

I would also LOVE to see your sticker, teddy bear, and coloring book collections!!💜🖤 Maybe one of us could start a topic or something to display our collections whether they're big or small! You could message me personally if you'd like to discuss it further! 

 

Oh thank you so much!!!!  I just ended a relationship that was very unhealthy for me. I am sad about losing the hope of what I thought would be, but I finally saw how badly I ended up feeling about myself. I have a lot of happiness and sunshine in me that I want to feel and share, not sadness. I just can’t be that way, feeling so sad and bad about myself.  I am finding my happy self again. ☺️😊🥰

Thank you for wanting to see my collections!!!! I will post some on my profile soon!!!!!! ☺️💕

[Little Becca]

On 4/18/2024 at 12:27 PM, Lady Angel said:

I’m glad I was able to help you. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, it means a lot. I know she is with me, I can feel her sometimes, even smell her. I know that one day I will get to the point where I accept the new normal, it’s just hard right now with all the changes I have gone through since she has been gone. I’m glad that my story could help. 

Blessed be Little Becca, and we are here to support you always little one. ❤️ 💕

I am so glad you can feel her and sense her, Lady Angel!!!!!  That is very wonderful!!!!  What a happy blessing. ☺️💕

Thank you for being here for me and I am also here for you, too!!!!! ♥️💕