Curious about Jobs and how they effect headspace.

[LittlePapaPhoenix]

Hey everyone. So I just recently got a new job as a Head Chef, and as I was working I started to realize that it can be difficult for me to sometimes turn off "Daddy Mode", and find it effects how I interact with my team at work. It's super subtle (I think), but I find myself very easily giving commands, resolving conflict, and showing compassion to my crew, just as I would with my Littles that I've been involved with. So it got me thinking...Does anyone else notice a similar affect in their work life? What do you do for a living, and how do you handle "Caregiver Mode" in the workplace?

[ohyeahmetoo]

I'm always in caregiver mode. It's the way I'm wired, and what I was raised to be. The context and activities are much different than when I'm with my ld little and when she's in littlespace, but the authority and support I use then is in full force at work. My coworkers come to me for support and they take direction from me. 

[Little kaiya]

I'm a Deputy Director / Strategic analyst at work so often find myself leading or being put on the spot to resolve complex socio/political/economic issues. Due to the nature of my work I can't be in littlespace which is probably why it's a relaxing and recuperating space for me at home with my Daddy.

[SoftHeartHardKinks]

This is a very deep topic to really get into but everything you do for a while will eventually become somewhat real and true, as you carve out brain structures to do it and those can and will be tapped into by other thoughts or behavioral patterns over time. It's really difficult to compartmentalize, especially for DDLG, as you spend a lot of time in the headspace while you go through your daily life - that goes for both CG and Little alike. If you spend a lot of time trying to be (not to say pretend) dominant and in charge then you will eventually become relatively competent at being so and that will sooner or later manifest in other fields you previously thought are unrelated. People often do not notice it for a while until they realize they've become more confident and feel more natural doing certain tasks, which were still emotionally difficult years ago. It's a very slow and gradual process and the result is often discovered by surprise.

While it isn't relevant to the positive example you gave, it goes without saying that it can also have downsides. In any D/s dynamic, including DDLG, a sudden absence of the counterparty causes trained behavior to no longer function well. You therefore often see "abandoned" subs who have a really hard time going through daily life until they learn to regulate independently again. The persistent conditioning, combined with a lack of build up for paralell fallback systems, to act as basic support in case of a failling dynamic, are one of the big caveats I warn beginners of any kinky lifestyle about. Sadly most have to find out the hard way, as nobody prepared them, their partner wasn't guiding them out of the dynamic or they weren't aware of what the outcome will be many months or years into it, as the changes are very subtle at first.

[beanbean]

12 hours ago, LittlePapaPhoenix said:

Hey everyone. So I just recently got a new job as a Head Chef, and as I was working I started to realize that it can be difficult for me to sometimes turn off "Daddy Mode", and find it effects how I interact with my team at work. It's super subtle (I think), but I find myself very easily giving commands, resolving conflict, and showing compassion to my crew, just as I would with my Littles that I've been involved with. So it got me thinking...Does anyone else notice a similar affect in their work life? What do you do for a living, and how do you handle "Caregiver Mode" in the workplace?

Yeah I mean I also easily take charge at work it’s kind of a blessing to be honest never anything advert but things get done😂😂

[Daddy_Panda]

Hey, Phoenix! I am a school bus driver for work & I find I thrive having the independence of running my own bus while having the consistency (stop times) and structure (rules of the road). Also I feel it's easier working with children vs. other adults, and they really appreciate the patience and guidance I can offer them.

 

"Daddy-Mode" is rooted deep in my character and so my personality stays the same even in the workplace. Congrats on the new job, and best of luck to you as a Head Chef🖤

[redruffle41]

I know you're talking dad stuff but can I comment too? As a little it's hard to switch out too.....the way of being seems to have this way of getting into my brain.  It can be effective too. I'm more cohesive with my child. But it's not always the mom I want to be. And my kid is used to my big side. 

I'm a social worker and massage therapist so here is what I would say. You have to be intentional and aware of what you're doing and the effect you're having on others. But mostly you have to stay in touch with yourself. Not everyone in your life deserves your dad side. That's gonna take a lot of energy from you. And it may end up confusing you if you encounter another little. So watch your boundaries and just stay aware. And have fun! This is also maybe developing a side of yourself that is a very skillful leader. So use it 🙂 you're a smart daddy so be one 

[naberrie_knower]

I'm sorta a lead cook (long story) and I find it very difficult to be in a little headspace at work. They need someone to make decisions and do paperwork and help keep the other cooks in line. Kinda hard to be little and/or subby while doing all that. 

[redruffle41]

 

7 hours ago, naberrie_knower said:

I'm sorta a lead cook (long story) and I find it very difficult to be in a little headspace at work. They need someone to make decisions and do paperwork and help keep the other cooks in line. Kinda hard to be little and/or subby while doing all that. 

I hear you! I was married to a guy for 15 years and I'm pretty sure he's a little prince at heart if he would let himself be. He needs a lot of love and then likes to play king of the hill. Its hard to be in charge. It made me so sad and scared to be so alone for so long. But! I think once I learned about little-ing it became easier to bring my skills into myself. Littles can STAY LITTLE AND STILL GROW!!! so you didn't ask advice from me but maybe you need to play king of the hill at work and find your happy bossy side. I think we all learned at some point that bossing is bad but it can be fun too. A mentor at work or outside of work to help you feel supported in leadership can be really helpful. Lmk if u need work advice or to just vent bc some people in the really real world aren't good on the playground and can be super mean if you need to play king for the day. Is hard. But 💰.....Gots to do it.

[SaltyChindit]

On 1/12/2025 at 1:57 PM, LittlePapaPhoenix said:

Hey everyone. So I just recently got a new job as a Head Chef, and as I was working I started to realize that it can be difficult for me to sometimes turn off "Daddy Mode", and find it effects how I interact with my team at work. It's super subtle (I think), but I find myself very easily giving commands, resolving conflict, and showing compassion to my crew, just as I would with my Littles that I've been involved with. So it got me thinking...Does anyone else notice a similar affect in their work life? What do you do for a living, and how do you handle "Caregiver Mode" in the workplace?

Not sure what the issue is here? You're in a leadership position in your workplace and you're happy telling people what to do and (I assume) chastising them when they foul up?

I'm guessing you're a D type so that may just be 'you' and your personality. It's not as if you're some CEO who goes home to get spanked by a private Belgian nanny after making 500 people redundant.

[redruffle41]

56 minutes ago, SaltyChindit said:

Not sure what the issue is here? You're in a leadership position in your workplace and you're happy telling people what to do and (I assume) chastising them when they foul up?

I'm guessing you're a D type so that may just be 'you' and your personality. It's not as if you're some CEO who goes home to get spanked by a private Belgian nanny after making 500 people redundant.

Lol!!! I wonder if daddies feel vulnerable too when they're in their daddy dom mode. Maybe it's too revealing and you're afraid you're going to be "outed" at work?

[Liamo]

To embrace your vulnerabilities is not a sign of weakness, but of maturity. 

[WizardofOSS]

Sorry, I can't contribute to this discussion but only to say, find a job that suits your personality and you'll find a slice of happiness.

After several careers and volunteer opportunities in various clubs, I have found I always rise to the top in leadership positions, over and over, and over.....even when I try not to. LOL!! For years, I couldn't understand why, but it was the Dom in me. Coming to terms with that, I looked for jobs that suited me.

In this current career, I found a job in which I don't have to turn off my caregiver headspace....I'm a teacher!  

 

[Beanie19]

I know this was a daddy question but when I was working in the medical field as much as it fun to pretend to do daddy job with giving command and fixing problems after a while the people pleaser in me couldn’t stop and I was horribly drained and it did effect my mental in not the best way 

My new job I get to paint and draw most of the day so that’s fun all the time

[Liamo]

2 hours ago, WizardofOSS said:

Sorry, I can't contribute to this discussion but only to say, find a job that suits your personality and you'll find a slice of happiness.

After several careers and volunteer opportunities in various clubs, I have found I always rise to the top in leadership positions, over and over, and over.....even when I try not to. LOL!! For years, I couldn't understand why, but it was the Dom in me. Coming to terms with that, I looked for jobs that suited me.

In this current career, I found a job in which I don't have to turn off my caregiver headspace....I'm a teacher!  

 

Ditto. I am a teacher too. I can relate to your post, I too raised to the top, and rather quickly. I loved being in charge of an organization, and I love being in the classroom. 

[BabyPoppy]

I stumbled upon this today... hope it's ok to respond as a little....

I've been struggling with this a lot lately! In my heart, I am little. I really need to have someone care for me when I am not at work. I love and need to  have someone check to make sure I eat all my meals, take my meds, brush my teeth and go to bed on time!

At work, I keep taking on more and more responsibility! I don't know why and I don't understand how, but I am best for the positions I hold. I'm an early childhood teacher with years of special education experience and training. I started working with infants, toddlers, and 2 yr olds. Then ran an inclusive preschool classroom co-teaching with special education.  Then implemented training for the preschool program center wide. Then headed the preschool program, navigating new partnerships with multiple agencies,  and 5 classrooms. Currently I'm running multiple school aged classrooms for summer care, and managing the staff, implementing center-wide curriculum and training with the goal to collaborate agency-wide in the next year. I'll return to multiple preschool sessions and classrooms, while still heading the preschool wing this fall. I'm also working on a Graduate degree and a couple of new endorsements to my teaching license.... (yes I'm crazy)... oh and single parenting....

At work and as a parent it feels so easy and natural to just lead. To help others find the answers and solve the problems, encourage, correct, and protect with love, mercy and grace. But, I still need someone looking out for me.  Someone to say, wait, slow down, take care of yourself. You need to rest... When I don't have that, I shut down emotionally and cannot function.  I get sick and my mental health struggles get overwhelming.  

But it's hard to turn off my need to be in control,  to make decisions and take care of everyone else. I still embrace my little self,  but when I want to, or have time. However this causes problems coz I get all .... oh idk know the word.... kinda like the goofy and out of it feeling you get when you're super tired but need to stay up til that annoying guest leaves your house... anyways...I feel that way a lot... especially when I don't have a Caregiver and I have to be big all the time... it drains me... its like I can be big and in charge,  but only if I'm little outside those times and I really do need help being little...

But I'm not inviting anyone to message me based on that!! Just looking for support affirmation that I'm not completely...ummm entirely unique by myself on this one.... do others feel similarly? 

[Toph-R]

Absolutely agree with the teacher CGs here, it's so lovely, when that caring personality is natural, to find a job where you don't have to change for it. I used to work in primary (elementary) and thrived, but found I didn't want to actually be a whole class teacher for that age, so I now work with 16-24 year olds who need English and Maths skills. Working with teenagers is also how I worked out I'm not sure I want a middle, haha! At least not a brat 😂 

I don't think I could, or would ever want to, turn off that part of me, so it was important to find a job that allowed me to be my true self, and I'm only just starting to look that way towards my relationships too.