Big Book of Dad Jokes.

[WizardofOSS]

As I handed my Dad his 75th Birthday Card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, ...

 

 

 

 

 

..."You know, one would have been enough!"

[SweetLittleDreamer]

What kind of shoes to frogs wear?
 

Open-toad sandals.

[SweetLittleDreamer]

I poured some water over a duck's back yesterday.
 

I don't think he cared.

[WizardofOSS]

A Frog went for a DNA test and got the results back....

 

 

 

 

 

.....He was 99.9% Amphibian and a tad Polish.

[WizardofOSS]

Little girl goes to her father and says, "Daddy, talk like a frog?"

The Dad says, "No, get out of here. Talk like a frog? Ha!"

The next day the little girl again goes to her father, "Daddy, talk like a frog!"

Dad says, I told you yesterday, beat it with that frog stuff."

Again on the next day she says to her Dad, "Daddy, please can you talk like a frog?"

Her Dad looks at her and asks, "Ok, what is it with those frog talk? Why do you want me to talk like a frog?"

The little girl answers....

 

 

 

..."because Mommy says that when you croak, we're moving to Hawaii!"

[WizardofOSS]

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing.

[WizardofOSS]

What is a frogs favorite Drug?

 

 

 

 

 

Croakcaine

[WizardofOSS]

Did you hear about the new frog movie?

 

 

 

 

I hear its ribbeting!

[WizardofOSS]

Why are frogs so happy?

 

 

 

 

Because they eat whatever bugs them!

[WizardofOSS]

Where does Mr. Frog go when he gets really sick?

 

 

 

 

The Hopital!

[WizardofOSS]

Where did Kermit kiss Miss Piggy?

 

 

 

 

Under the Mistletoad

[WizardofOSS]

My Dad had a water line break and was without water for a week, so...

 

 

 

 

 

...I sent him a "Get Well" Soon card!

[WizardofOSS]

Why was the penguin convicted with a crime, but given bail to get out?

 

 

 

 

 

...He wasn't considered a flight risk!

[WizardofOSS]

A Man runs into a Library and yells, "How tall is a Penguin?"

Confused, the Librarian said, "Excuse me, sir?"

The Man repeats, "How tall is a Penguin!!"

"Oh....about 3 feet tall" the Librarian responds...

 

 

 

...the Man looks pale and replies, "Oh no! I ran over a Nun!!"

[WizardofOSS]

How does a Penguin build a house?

 

 

 

 

Igloos it together!

[WizardofOSS]

A Penguin walks into a bar and asks the Bartender, "Have you seen my brother?"

The bartender says, "I don't know....

 

 

 

 

...what does he look like?"

[WizardofOSS]

What do you call a Penguin with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

...a Pengun

[WizardofOSS]

What's the difference between a White Penguin and a Black Penguin?

 

 

 

 

The White ones walk toward you and the Black ones walk away from you!!

[WizardofOSS]

What do you call a Penguin who can't win?

 

 

 

 

...a Pen-lose!