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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

What do you call a Fish with no eyes??

 

This Is Going To Be Good Lets Go GIF by Zypto

 

 

 

A Fsh!

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

What do you call two bananas on the ground?

 

 

 

 

 

Slippers!

Falling Over GIF

  • giggling 1
Posted

What is a Freudian slip?

 

 

 

 

When you say one thing but actually mean your mother.

The Office Slip GIF by BuzzFeed

Shay Mitchell Wow GIF by Openfit

  • giggling 1
Posted

One day there were two muffins in the Oven when one muffin turns to the other and says, "It sure is getting hot in here!"

 

 

 

 

The other muffin looks surprised and says, "Look! A talking muffin!!"

bff GIF

  • giggling 1
Posted

I'm opening a funeral parlor for people of no specific religion...

 

 

 

 

I'm calling it "Die Agnostic Services"

Die Season 3 GIF by The Office

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

What's the worst thing to do at a funeral?

 

 

 

 

 

Wake up!!

dark shadows horror GIF by absurdnoise

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

Why did Pirates always name their swords after women?

 

 

 

 

 

Because they were Cutlasses, not Cutlads!

North Carolina Football GIF by ECU Athletics

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

What is it called when you get your lover's soul magically enchanted into a sword?

 

 

 

 

A Bae-Blade!

GIF by LevelInfinite

  • giggling 1
Posted

What did the Beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

 

 

 

 

Not a dam thing!

saludmental saludmentalparatodos GIF by mentalizarte

  • giggling 1
Posted

Why do you have to act quickly during a flood?

 

 

 

 

Because it's an emergent Sea!

tsunami no GIF

  • Mind Blown 1
Posted

Did you know the Ocean isn't always salty?

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it's peppery. It depends on the Season.

donald trump t GIF

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus......

water salt GIF

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

I was going to tell you all a joke about Time travelling,

 

 

 

 

 

But you all didn't like it.

Matt Smith Talk GIF by Doctor Who

  • giggling 1
Posted

Why are people with Dextrocardia so nice and generous?

 

 

 

 

Because their heart is in the right place.

Spoiler

Dextrocardia is a medical condition in which the Heart is actually on the right side on the torso instead of the normal left side.

Telehealth GIF by Amwell

  • Blushing 1
Posted

I was proud to a part of the part-time Blackwater Village Volunteer Firefighter Department....

 

 

 

 

In all that time, we never lost a single foundation! Never!

Burning House On Fire GIF by Petit Biscuit

 

Spoiler

Funny thing is that this is a true story! I was a volunteer firefighter. However, my deepest respect and thanks to all the paid, full time professional firefighters out there!! Keep up the fight and save lives!

 

  • Thank You 1
Posted
6 hours ago, WizardofOSS said:

I was proud to a part of the part-time Blackwater Village Volunteer Firefighter Department....

 

 

 

 

In all that time, we never lost a single foundation! Never!

Burning House On Fire GIF by Petit Biscuit

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Funny thing is that this is a true story! I was a volunteer firefighter. However, my deepest respect and thanks to all the paid, full time professional firefighters out there!! Keep up the fight and save lives!

 

Haha I do appreciate your posts it hear. If I ever repeat a joke that you told I am sorry we have a lot of posts in here now lol 

  • Like 2
Posted

Only two years ago , my wives gynecologist delivered pizza. .  The both still thing it’s a awful name

  • Shocked 1
Posted

What kind of income does a vegetable receive? A Celery 

  • giggling 2
Posted

What sound did Skype make when it went away?  Zoom

  • giggling 1
Posted

Why did John Cena go to the eye doctor? Because he looked in the mirror and his reflection said you can’t see me

  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

A Policeman came up to me with a drug sniffing dog and said, "This dog tells me that you may have some drugs."

 

 

 

 

"I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs!" I replied

viceland GIF by WEEDIQUETTE

  • giggling 1
Posted

My friend's dog died yesterday, so to cheer her up, I went out and got her an identical dog. She was pretty upset...

 

 

 

 

She said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs??!!"

Dogs Love GIF

  • Ninja 1
Posted

I can't take my dog to the park anymore, because all the Ducks and Geese keep trying to bite him!

 

 

 

 

I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bread dog!

Dog GIF

  • giggling 1
Posted

NSFW

Spoiler

A Dog and a Cat are argueing about who Humans love more.

The Dog says, "Humans like us more. They even named a tooth called the "Canine" after us. That proves they love us more because they named an important body part after us!!"

The Cat says, "Guess what? You're not going to win this one!"

Puss In Boots Hello GIF by First We Feast

 

  • giggling 1
Posted

In America, Dogs are also referred to as K9.

In China, they are E10.

dog eating GIF

Posted

If all dogs go to heaven, where do cats go?

 

 

 

 

Purrrgatory!

don bluth 80s GIF

  • Eye Roll 1

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