Big Book of Dad Jokes.

[WizardofOSS]

I took my son to the fair this weekend, and while there we saw a palm reader. Naturally I let him see her and after about 15 minutes, he came out all sad. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He replied, "She said I would have the worst day of my life in 15 years after a loss."

Being the great dad that I am, we stopped along the way and got him a small rescue puppy he's been asking me for. Thanks to me, he won't ever think about that palm reader again!

[WizardofOSS]

People think staying awake all weekend is unhealthy, but...

 

 

 

 

Sleep is for the week!

[WizardofOSS]

My weekend was like the movie "The Avengers". You know...

 

 

 

 

Loki

[beanbean]

8 hours ago, Baby Manda said:

Thanks @beanbean I really needed that tonight! 😆🤣😂

I really liked that one 😂

[beanbean]

What did the guy get fired at the rock quarry?because he took his job for granite 

[beanbean]

Son :” dad I watched some one do 50 pushup’s today, could you do that many dad? Yes son I don’t want to brag but I bet I could watch someone do a 100 pushup’s 

[beanbean]

Why did the zombie go to the toilet? Because he had die-arrhea

[beanbean]

A weasel walks into a bar the bartender asks what can I get you?  “Pop” goes the weasel 

[beanbean]

I was on a train and the women next to me said “ every time you smile ,I want to take you to my place ! I asked are you single? No I am a dentist she said 

[beanbean]

I was on a plane that was making a crash landing , the guy next to me said see you next fall

[beanbean]

How does the rock pee?   He Dewaynes his Johnson 

[beanbean]

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving probably not the sort for you

[beanbean]

What did bro order in the Mexican restaurant? Carne “Asuh duh

[beanbean]

Did you hear about the guy with five penises?? His pants fit like a glove 

[beanbean]

My marriage is like a workshop,, I work and she shops

[beanbean]

My son asked me if I ate more bananas than monkeys. My son when the last time you saw me eat a monkey?

[beanbean]

Three years into my sentence… I decided writing wasn’t it for me

[beanbean]

What do you call an invisible robot?see through PO

[beanbean]

What brand distills whisky in space ? Jhonnie Skywalker

[WizardofOSS]

A Collie was complaining one day about how much work he had to do on the sheep farm.

A nearby sheep heard him and replied, "You don't work hard! All you do is boss us around all day!"

"What did you say?" replied the Collie.

"You Herd me!" The sheep replied

[WizardofOSS]

Two high school graduates are discussing plans for their futures.

"I think I'm going into farming. It's what my Father did and he made a good living at it."

The second one asked, "What kind of farming? Wheat, Corn, Livestock?"

"I don't know. There are so many fields to choose from." came the reply.

[WizardofOSS]

I told my wife, "Did you know that they are using Artificial Intelligence at Old MacDonald's Farm?"

She replied, "AI?"

"AI", I said again

"Oh." she finished.

Edited May 12 by WizardofOSS

[WizardofOSS]

I was walking past a farm and I read a sign that said "Duck, eggs"

I thought, "that was an unnecessary comma?" And then it hit me.

 

[WizardofOSS]

Why shouldn't you tell secrets on a farm?

 

 

 

 

 

The Potatoes have eyes and the Corn has ears.

[WizardofOSS]

A Texas rancher was touring England and visited a nearby farmer. He asked, "How big is your farm?"

The elderly English farmer replied, "35 acres"

"What? 35 Acres?" the Texan scoffed, "Why, I can get in my truck at 8am, drive till noon, eat a lunch, then drive until 5pm and still be on my farm!"

The farmer replied, "Ah yes, I remember having a truck like that once too."