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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

 

 

 

 

Because he took a leek!

boat leek GIF

Posted (edited)

What do you call a second Vegetable?

 

 

 

 

 

A spare I guess.

stop motion cooking GIF

Edited by WizardofOSS
Posted

How do you kill a root vegetable?

 

 

 

 

 

Cut it's carroted artery.

Unicorn Donut GIF by Scorpion Dagger

Posted

I've started investing in stocks: Beef, chicken and vegetable.

 

 

 

 

 

One day I hope to be a Buoillonaire!

GIF by Grace Foods

Posted

My sister thought she was so smart, she said the only vegetable or fruit that could make her cry was an Onion...

 

 

 

 

 

...So to test this, I threw a Coconut at her.

Happy Coconut Water GIF by Squishiverse

Posted

Most vegetables grow above ground, but not onions, because...

 

 

 

 

 

...Onions have lairs.

shrek GIF

Posted

I heard that Beans were John Lennon's favorite vegetables, unitl...

 

 

 

 

...he decided to give peas a chance.

john lennon GIF

Posted

What is a chicken's favorite vegetable?

 

 

 

 

Bawk-Choy!!

Hell Yeah Chicken GIF by 8it

Posted

A Vegan said to me, "People who sell Meats are gross!!"

 

 

 

 

 

I said, "People that sell Fruits and Vegetables are grocer!"

Dance Shopping GIF by Save A Lot

  • Like 1
Posted

I can't find any Vegetables,...

 

 

 

 

Hopefully, they turnip soon.

michelle obama GIF

Posted

Why didn't the Vegetable pay it's bills?

 

 

 

 

 

Because it was a dead Beet.

Season 9 Baby GIF by The Office

  • Like 1
Posted

Are Vegetables required in every joke?

 

 

 

 

 

Not Nececelery!

excited shake GIF

  • Like 1
Posted
8 hours ago, WizardofOSS said:

I heard that Beans were John Lennon's favorite vegetables, unitl...

 

 

 

 

...he decided to give peas a chance.

john lennon GIF

Moar bean jokez

  • Fist Bump 1
Posted (edited)

I have never understood vegans . But I certainly don’t have any beef with them

Edited by beanbean
  • giggling 1
  • snickering 1
Posted

Go do octopuses reward there fishy partners? With a bit of squid pro quo

Posted

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if they had four doors you would call them chicken sedans 

  • giggling 1
Posted

I was suffering with an egg salad addiction! So I went to the Mayo Clinic 

Posted

How do they bring a body on a plane ?a carrion bag

  • giggling 1
Posted

Why did the scientist alway work in the sun ? That’s how he got his bright ideas

Posted

Steven Seagal knows aikido,taekwondo , jujitsu. And many other dangerous words

Posted

How many Beans does it take to make the ultimate best Chili?

 

 

 

 

239, because one more and it would be too farty!

Hot Dog Food GIF by Rachael Ray Show

Posted

What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Pinto Bean?

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

I never had a Pinto Bean on my face!

Vegan Cook GIF by Aquafaba Test Kitchen

Posted

What did one Bean say to the other Bean?

 

 

 

 

 

How you bean?

Posing Mr Bean GIF by Working Title

Posted

I just traded my Girlfriend for a Bean Burrito....

 

 

 

 

 

...Food for thot!

Duck Dynasty GIF by DefyTV

Posted

How does a Baked Bean learn from it's mistakes?

 

 

 

 

 

It uses Heinz sight!

Hungry Baked Beans GIF

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