WizardofOSS Posted June 26 Report Posted June 26 Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son. His toddler starts gurgling, trying to talk and clearly says the word "Mother" Samuel says, "Look Honey! He just said half a word!!"
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Did you hear the score between the ocean and the beach? I heard it was tide 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Did you hear about the snowman about that a had a huge tantrum? It was quite the meltdown 1
BabyPoppy Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 11 hours ago, WizardofOSS said: A preschool teacher asks her students if anyone can count. Little 3 year old Timmy throws up a hand swiftly saying, "I can!!" and started counting, "One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine and Ten!" "Very Good!" exclaimed the teacher, "Who taught you that?" "My Uncle Bob," replied Timmy "And can you count past Ten?" the Teacher asked... ..."Easy!" replied Timmy, "Jack, Queen, King..." I've seen that one irl! 😆and the kids who can subitize numbers faster than adults.... 😂🤣😆 it's how I learned to count! 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Used to suffer from constipation so I took a laxative! Now I suffer from can’tstopation
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 What did the Irishmen say to the other Irishmen that couldn’t stop farting? Why don’t you put a cork in that Derry air? 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I was shocked to find out my son had a AI girlfriend. He told me he was dating a model 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Don’t bother buying handcuffs if you’re dating a valley girl! She literally can knot 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Did you hear about the new plumbing company ran by witches? Double Bubble Toilet Trouble 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I put my money in a snowbank.. now all my assets are frozen 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 @BabyPoppy someone else to catch. I been hunting Bigfoot. Yeti seems elusive 1
beanbean Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 What do you call a brain freeze while stoned? A highgrain
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 My parents read a book I had written and said the main character isn't likeable... ...It was an Autobiography. 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I also ordered a book called "How to scam people online" 2 months ago... ...it still hasn't arrived! 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 My Mother-in-Law read the Exorcist. It was the most evil book she ever read. She hated it so much, she drove to the beach and threw it in the Ocean... ...the next day, I bought another copy, ran it under the faucet, and then placed it beside her bed. 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I'm writing a book about how Tornadoes and Hurricanes develop... ...Right now it's just a Draft.
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I just finished a book called "101 Mating positions" and was really disappointed,... ...It was a book about Chess.
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I just finished writing my book on penguins... ...my publisher said it would have been better if I wrote it on paper. 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I wrote a book about falling down stairs once... ...it was a step by step guide.
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Bible study 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 Call me crazy, but did you know that if you take the first two letters of the title of each Harry Potter book, it spells a secret message? Spoiler HaHaHaHaHaHaHa 1
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I asked my son for a Phone Book. He says, "Ok Boomer, we don't use those anymore" and gave me his phone to use... Well, now he's upset his phone is smashed but I got that spider!! I hate spiders!
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 (edited) Judge: What's the charge against this young man? Prosecutor: He's accused of stealing 5 bottles of Beer your Honor. Judge: I can't make a case out of only 5 Bottles! Case dismissed! Edited June 27 by WizardofOSS
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I wrote a book on reverse psychology.... ...please don't read it.
WizardofOSS Posted June 27 Report Posted June 27 I am currently writing a book about the things I should have done in life... ...it's an oughttabiography
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