WizardofOSS Posted July 6 Report Posted July 6 Last year we were in Chicago during the 4th of July, and we invented a nice little game, where we'd get quiet, listen and wager if the sound was... ...Gunshots or Fireworks?
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves, so they ran into the thicket. One rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well we got two options, we can either make a run for it or.... ...wait a few days and then we'll outnumber them!"
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 Why did the bald man get tattoos of rabbits in his head? Because form a distance, they looked like hares!
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 What do rabbits say before feasting on your garden? Lettuce prey!
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 A vulture boards an airplane holding two dead rabbits. The Stewardess says,... ..."Sorry sir, only one Carrion per passenger!"
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 How do Dyslexic Rabbits pass the time? They buck like funnies!
WizardofOSS Posted July 7 Report Posted July 7 Why should you bring rabbits when making craft beer? They'll bring you the Hops!
WizardofOSS Posted July 8 Report Posted July 8 My daughter wants a pony for Christmas this year.... ...We usually have Duck, so this'll be a new dining experince!
WizardofOSS Posted July 8 Report Posted July 8 Knock, Knock.... Who's there... *cough* Pony Pony who? Pony *cough* sorry, I'm a little hoarse.
WizardofOSS Posted July 8 Report Posted July 8 What do you do when there's a Deer next to you, a Lion chasing you and a Pony fleeing from you!! Get off the Carousel and stop drinking!
WizardofOSS Posted July 8 Report Posted July 8 Did you know Helen Keller had a pony? Neither did she.
WizardofOSS Posted July 8 Report Posted July 8 My stylist interrupted my horse story... ...even though I told her *not* to cut off my pony tale!
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 A man walks up to the Hotel Concierge and says, "I am checking in with my Family. I hope the Porn is disabled." The Concierge says, .... ..."No, it's regular porn you kinky freak!!"
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 (edited) At my annual checkup, the Doctor told me, "The problem isn't that Obesity runs in your family.... ...it's that no one runs in your family!" Edited July 9 by WizardofOSS
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 I was visiting with Family during the 4th of July and it was mentioned that every State in New England has a town called "Warren". Warren, Vermont, Warren, Maine, Warren, Rhode Island... ...and there's even a Warren, Ukraine!
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 My family insists I am addicted to drinking brake fluid.... ...but I can stop anytime I want!
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 A man decided to come out to his family. "Grandma, I uh...I have something to tell you" "Yes, sweety?" "I, uh..., I'm gay." "Gay?" The young man's heart stopped. "Does that mean you put men's things in your mouth?" "Grandma!!" "Well?" Mortified, he muttered sheepishly, "Well, yeah"... ...Whack! The wooden spoon hit it's mark! "DONT you ever..." she replied,"complain about my cooking again!"
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 My family treats me like a God... ...they forget I exist until they need something.
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 I think my family is racist. I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce my spanish girlfriend... ...my kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack all my things!
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 A family of ducks filed for Bankruptcy.... ...they just had too many bills!
WizardofOSS Posted July 9 Report Posted July 9 What do you call family members you sleep with? Nap-kins!
WizardofOSS Posted Wednesday at 05:41 AM Report Posted Wednesday at 05:41 AM I belong to a family of failed magicians.... ...I have 2 half-sisters.
WizardofOSS Posted Thursday at 03:46 AM Report Posted Thursday at 03:46 AM "Happy Birthday Jimmy!!" says his girlfriend "Aww...thank you Emily! I can't wait to get my gift!," says Jimmy "Well, since you're 18 now I wanted to give you something special. I got you something that starts with 'F' and ends in "uck", " replies Emily. Jimmy seems super excited and says,... ..."Yay!! I'm getting a Firetruck!"
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