Big Book of Dad Jokes.

[WizardofOSS]

What has one horn, but isn't magical?

 

 

 

 

A Dead Unicorn

[yeahokaysure]

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin? 

[WizardofOSS]

What do elderly women and crumpled shirts do to help smooth their wrinkles?

 

 

 

 

They get more Iron!

[WizardofOSS]

Why does Batman wear dark clothing?

 

 

 

 

Batman doesn't want to get shot!

....

...

Why does Robin wear bright clothing?

 

 

 

Batman doesn't want to get shot!

[WizardofOSS]

Camoflage clothing is so ugly,...

 

 

 

 

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it!

[WizardofOSS]

A woman about to get audited by the IRS, asks her accountant what she should wear. "Wear shabby clothes. Make them think you're poor." he replied.

Next she went to her lawyer and asked her the same question. "Wear your finest attire. Don't let them intimidate you!" she answered.

Undecided, she decided to go to her Rabbi and ask him. "Hmm...let me tell you a story..." he replied.

"A woman about to be married asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. "Wear a long, heavy, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck." But then she asked her friend and got conflicting advice, "Wear your sexiest lingerie!"

The woman asked, "What does all this have to do with my problems with the IRS?"...

 

 

 

 

 

The Rabbi replied, "Don't you see? It doesn't matter what you wear my dear, the results will be the same!"

[WizardofOSS]

A little boy cam home from school with a black eye and a bloody nose. It was obvious he had been in a fight.

"What happened?" asked Dad.

The boy replied, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And you know I gave him his choice of weapons like in the movies."

"Yeah?" Dad replied

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, I never expected him to choose his big sister!"

[WizardofOSS]

What kind of clothes do Karens wear?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Lawsuit

[NickyMoon]

On 8/8/2025 at 1:54 AM, WizardofOSS said:

Why can't you hear a Pteradactyl urinate?

 

 

 

 

Because the P is silent!

this is my new favorite lol

[WizardofOSS]

The actor that played Captain James Kirk on Star Trek tried to start his own clothing company making pants, like in his movies. It didn't go very well.

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason, people didn't want to buy Shatner Pants!

[WizardofOSS]

My conservative Aunt thinks the crucifix is too revealing, with Jesus just in a Loincloth. So, she decided to start making clothes for the small jesus.

 

 

 

 

 

She a Cross-Dresser now.

[WizardofOSS]

You know the clothing company Puma? The make Puma Shirts, Puma socks...

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder why they don't make pants?

[WizardofOSS]

A Psychic goes to buy a new shirt and the clerk shows her a nice selection of small shirts.

"Oh! Those are too small" says the Psychic

"How do you know?" asks the clerk

 

 

 

 

"I'm a Medium" replies the Psychic

Edited 3 hours ago by WizardofOSS

[WizardofOSS]

I just met a boy wearing some poor, shabby clothes

I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yeah...what gave me away?" the orphan asked

 

 

 

 

I replied, "Your Parents"

[WizardofOSS]

What is a Magician's favorite clothing item?

 

 

 

 

A Card-again?

[WizardofOSS]

Levi Strauss created the biggest clothing company on Earth!

 

 

 

 

 

He was a jeanius!