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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

In an Ice Cream parlor....

Me: Three scoops of Vanilla in a cup please!

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

 

 

 

 

Me: Uh...OK. What time do you get off work?

Conor Mckenna Bed GIF by FoilArmsandHog

Posted

My wife just got done making some cookie dough...

Wife: You want to lick one of the beaters?

Me: Does it have raw egg in it?

Wife: Yeah, it does...

 

 

 

 

Me: Well, it might make me sick, but that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Australia Beat GIF by MasterChefAU

Posted

I brought some cookie dough into work today.

I formed some cookies on a sheet, baked them and shared them with all my co-workers despite their dirty looks and hesitancy.

But....then the Boss heard about it and fired me!

 

 

 

He said I was being "Insensitive" and "Fired from the Crematorium"

Elisabeth Moss Fire GIF by HULU

Posted

An employee at Chip's Ahoy, fell into the dough mixing Vat....

 

 

 

 

...He's OK and going to make it, but was badly battered.

Blog Baking GIF by Lesaffre MECA

Posted

I ate too much cookie dough and got sick from it!

 

 

 

 

It was an overdoughse!

sick ubisoft GIF by Rabbids

  • giggling 1
Posted

A good mother will always let her kid lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it...

 

 

 

 

A great mother will turn off the mixer first!

Tongue Goat GIF

  • snickering 1
Posted

Why doesn't the Cookie Monster have good internet privacy?

 

 

 

 

 

He always accepts the cookies!

cookie monster art GIF by Atinum

Posted (edited)

Cookie Monster was happy to light the candles for Zoe's (Elmo's Girlfriend) Birthday...

 

 

 

 

...until he noticed it only had three candles! Elmo has been around for 45 years.

Tired Over It GIFCookie Monster GIF

Word of the day kids, is:

Awkward GIF

Edited by WizardofOSS
Posted

I heard Oscar the Grouch was getting kicked off of Sesame Street...

 

 

 

 

...He was caught trash-talking the other actors behind their backs.

Sesame Street No GIF by Muppet Wiki

Posted

Deep Thoughts:

If Seasame Streets had an awards show, would they be handing out Oscars?

 

Sesame Street Trash GIF

Posted

Who else thinks we need to call out Sesame Street for what it is?

 

 

 

 

A Show of Hands?

Screen Media Films Puppet GIF

Posted

Why is the Count from Sesame Street still single?

 

 

 

 

Because he doesn't ever wanna Miss Count!

elmo count GIF by Sesame Street

Posted

The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3 to 5 years...

 

 

 

 

...but I finished it in 18 months! Woot, woot!!

Puzzle Solve GIF by Pudgy Penguins

Posted

After all these years of watching...

 

 

 

 

 

...I still don't know how to get to Sesame Street!

la la land lol GIF

Try Google Maps....still nothing. :( 

Posted

One day in Preschool...

A child is making ugly faces at a classmate

Teacher: Stop that.

Child: Why?

Teacher: When I was you age, my mother said that if you make ugly faces, your face could freze that way.

 

 

 

Child: You should have listened to her!

baby lol GIF

Posted (edited)

I saw two kids fighting in the school playgroud and being the only adult, I decided I had to step in...

 

 

 

 

 

...Little buggers didn't stand a chance!

Trick Or Treat Slapping GIF by Xbox

Edited by WizardofOSS
Posted (edited)

Why do you put diapers on a baby?

 

 

 

 

To tie up loose ends

Panda Cartoons GIF by Nickelodeon

Edited by WizardofOSS
Posted

What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

 

 

 

 

Snap, Crackle, Poop!

Snap Crackle Pop 90S GIF by ADWEEK

Posted (edited)

What is the best time to change a diaper?

 

 

 

 

In the wee hours of the morning.

Baby Crack GIF by TLC

Edited by WizardofOSS

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