WizardofOSS Posted September 3 Report Posted September 3 Why isn't Cinderella good at sports? She always runs away from the Ball and her Coach is a Vegetable.
WizardofOSS Posted September 3 Report Posted September 3 Do you do any sports? Yeah, I do crossfit! Crossfit? What's that? I cross my fingers and hope the clothes fit!
WizardofOSS Posted September 4 Report Posted September 4 My Mom stuck soap in my mouth so much for swearing, I liked the taste of it and became addicted to it. I realized this was weird and stopped... ...I'm clean now!
WizardofOSS Posted September 4 Report Posted September 4 Drag racing is my favorite sport! It's just amazing... ...how fast they can run in heels!
WizardofOSS Posted September 4 Report Posted September 4 What sport does the Grim Reaper play? Sickle Ball!
WizardofOSS Posted September 4 Report Posted September 4 If the President of the Theater Club resigned, would that make the Vice-President... ...the Acting President?
WizardofOSS Posted September 5 Report Posted September 5 What do you call it when a Hen looks at Lettuce? A Chicken Ceasar Salad!
WizardofOSS Posted September 5 Report Posted September 5 What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly Squats
WizardofOSS Posted September 5 Report Posted September 5 Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 Contrary to church teachings, did you know that everyone actually is born with two soles? One on each foot!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 Ukraine has announced plans to re-open Chernobyl as a theme park. They say it'll be just like Disneyland except,... ...the 6 foot mouse is real!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland? They thought it would be fun for the hole family!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 The President decides to visit Disneyland. Suddenly, a kid squeals, "Donald Duck!!" Needless to say, the secret service were not amused.
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 Look, I'm all for coloring books, but Connect the Dots?... ...that's where I draw the line!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 What's blue and tastes like red food coloring? Blue food coloring!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 (edited) Deep Thoughts: Every Book can be a coloring book... ...if you hate Librarians! - Mitch Hedberg (RIP) Edited September 8 by WizardofOSS
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 What do you call an infection from coloring? The Crayola-virus!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 My wife threatened to leave me because I wouldn't stop singing, "I'm a believer" and I thought she was joking... ...and then I saw her face...
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 A Genie once granted me one wish. I said, "I just want to be Happy!" So...now I work in a mine with 6 others, whistling while we work! Be careful what you wish for... LOL!!!
WizardofOSS Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 Deep Thoughts: I wonder if anyone has broken the first rule of singing in the Bathroom... ...To never use the Toilet Brush as a Microphone! -Some things just shouldn't be seen!
BabyPoppy Posted September 8 Report Posted September 8 I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down. 😉🤭 1
WizardofOSS Posted September 9 Report Posted September 9 I love that one! It reminds me of this Book on Helium I had to watch fly off the shelf! And then my book on Hydrogen exploded into flames when I zapped it with my finger's static electricity. However, it's my Book on Lithium that settles my ADHD tendencies to do something other than read.
WizardofOSS Posted September 9 Report Posted September 9 I wrote a book about "How to safely fall down the stairs"... ...it was a step by step guide
WizardofOSS Posted September 9 Report Posted September 9 I was reading a book, when a 5 year old ran up to me and asked "Why is that book so think?" I replied, "It's a long story"
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