Kill it with kindness.

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Hi hi 👋

I wanted to share thots of mine with you. I hope you're doing well~ ♡

**TW**  Trauma caused by parental abuse. Mental health/nursing home. No contact. Religion.

Please don't read the spoiler/hidden tag while in Littlespace or in a smol mindset. Go ahead and skip after the hidden tag, it's safe.

Thanks muchly

 

Spoiler

Just found out a little bit ago that my biological mother more than likely has dementia. She's currently undiagnosed, but being held until Monday at a nursing home. This is for safety reasons, until she can get diagnosed properly by a full team. She even has a handy-dandy ankle monitor! /s

I did talk to her, despite having gone no contact. Despite my better interests. Despite everything- if only because the weekend staffers indirectly pleaded that I tried to calm her down.

And I know from personal experience of an extended stay while relearning how to walk (after getting covid), that this particular home does more than what the owner's pocketbook wants.

I did what I could. It didn't end well.

So, on top of her NPD and Paranoid Schizophrenia that had always kept us at odds ever since I can remember, I now get to "deal" with this too. Happy Easter! /s

But please don't feel sorry for "Karen".

She's not worth your effort. I know because even now, even with everything she's ever done to me and put me through, I'm still struggling to break the trauma bond. Still struggling to not care. Still struggling to not be her "daughter", despite her bigoted religious beliefs that directly affect my personal safety.

But I'm not posting all of this for sympathy. I'm posting this to let anyone who needs to know, including my future self that:

 

 

You are not alone.

You can over come your trauma. Just take baby steps day by day. Babble incoherently while hugging a stuffie, if you need to.

You'll get there.

In the meantime; feel the kindness, spread the kindness, be the kindness.

Love yourself and everyone around you. Take the negativity that surrounds you and kill it with kindness, not fire. Because you're worth it.

You got this. I believe in you.

"MOON PRISM POWER, Make Up!"

 

Edited April 19 by .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

[PigtailPrincess]

I will keep it simple because more words here seem to cheapen it. Thank you... deeply. And I am also just as deeply sorry for you. Please take care of yourself.

[Aikko]

Oh sweet bratty sheep, hugs to you. Trauma bonds are awful, and in my opinion, some of the hardest to break. I’ll just boil it down to this: I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this again; the old memories rushing back, I’m sure, and new ones from this current situation. I’m not naive enough to think I can do anything for you from here, but if you ever need a friendly ear who “gets it”, please reach out. 💜

[Warmandfuzzy]

Thank you for opening up and inspiring the rest of us with your message to know that we are not alone! I am so appreciative of this community and happy that you are a part of it! You def are a part of the kindness here 🙂

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@PigtailPrincess

I know I'm not the only one here who's dealing with heavy stuff, so you're very welcomed. I promise that I'm safe and I hope you are too. I'm an ear if you need one~ ♡

@Aikko

I don't think I'll ever fully get over it or have a true closure. Thank you, these new memories with her definitely are up there with some of the worst. And of course, I'm open if you ever need an ear as well~ ♡

@Warmandfuzzy

I just want people, anybody who needs to know, that they're not alone. I don't normally overshare publicly like this, but I know that this particular community can benefit from gentle reminders from time to time. You are apart of the kindness as well~ ♡

 

[-Soul-]

The only words I have are thank you! It’s always heavy and hard when sharing but someone may take away from this! You’re a wonderful soul and you care so much! Thank you

[PigtailPrincess]

42 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

@PigtailPrincess

I know I'm not the only one here who's dealing with heavy stuff, so you're very welcomed. I promise that I'm safe and I hope you are too. I'm an ear if you need one~ ♡

@Aikko

I don't think I'll ever fully get over it or have a true closure. Thank you, these new memories with her definitely are up there with some of the worst. And of course, I'm open if you ever need an ear as well~ ♡

@Warmandfuzzy

I just want people, anybody who needs to know, that they're not alone. I don't normally overshare publicly like this, but I know that this particular community can benefit from gentle reminders from time to time. You are apart of the kindness as well~ ♡

 

Thankies for that friend. I am glad you are safe now. I am too I promise. Daddy saved me 12 years ago and as of last year I am no contact with my parents and in intense trauma therapy. It isnt easy but folks like us can escape and live the lives I truly believe we were meant to.

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@-Soul-

Thank you and you're welcome. ♡

Yeah, that's the only reason I'm sharing. I know it can benefit someone else.

@PigtailPrincess

Of course~ ♡

I'm so happy you've come so far! I'm not as far along as you years wise, but my Mommy (my wife) has done simular for me that your Daddy has for you.

[PigtailPrincess]

12 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

@-Soul-

Thank you and you're welcome. ♡

Yeah, that's the only reason I'm sharing. I know it can benefit someone else.

@PigtailPrincess

Of course~ ♡

I'm so happy you've come so far! I'm not as far along as you years wise, but my Mommy (my wife) has done simular for me that your Daddy has for you.

It sounds like yall are well on your way to happy forever ❤️ and bless the partners in our life that saw us as treasures and treated us as such. Lol I get sappy when I occasionally come out of hiding.

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@PigtailPrincess

Lol, gurrrl same!

12 years you said?

I started my recovery 10 years ago, meet my Mommy 7 years ago, went low contact 2 years ago, then full no contact in January. Today's the first day I've talked to her since the day before my birthday.

And while I certainly could have gotten as far as I have by myself, I'll admit that Mommy has definitely helped along the way.

But that's a ramble for another day, lol

[Baby Manda]

I am so encouraged by this thread! I have been slowly distancing myself from my family over the past 12  - 14 years, but I've been more intentional about it the past 2 years. I did attend a funeral for an uncle in January and I enjoyed time with a few of my cousins, but my mom and siblings were so negative... it was nice to see that I'm different and I'm ok. In fact, I'm better without them.

I was able to connect with a cousin who's actually a lot like me and had no idea there were others like us in the  family. She's a bit older and lived halfway across the country, so we never really had an opportunity to know each other, but she's really helping me find myself. 

I like how AlexiBaa and Pigtails both shared they had Caregivers support them in their journey! That gives me hope. I often feel too overwhelmed with surviving daily that I forget to enjoy the day and look toward the future. 

There could be a Caregiver for me one day, even though I'm a hot mess most days and afraid to sleep with any lights off, there is hope. One day I will slow down enough to breath and be ready for that person... until then I have this beautiful community that truly understands the deep pain of walking away from those who raised us and starting over. 

Hmmm... kinda like a Phoenix rising from the ashes! We get to be who we truly are after all the heartache and pain, we will soar! 

AlexiBaa, I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am also so happy for you that you have support now, too. Thank you for sharing this today. 

 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@Baby Manda

Thank you as well. I'm glad my mini story time and Pigtails helped you realize that you're not alone with starting over. It's not something that will ever fully get closure, but it does get easier to deal with.

I'm honestly still suprised that my Mommy has stuck with me. When I got covid, I became physically, mentally, and emotionally useless for an extended period of time.

Caregivers, the real ones at least, can, will, and do see past things like chronic illness and will do what they can to give you the care that they know you need, within their limitations, but to the best their abilities.

If you look, I'm honestly certain you'll find your caregiver someday. But it does take time to find the right one who clicks and vibes right with you. Now, that doesn't mean caregivers you didn't vibe with are automatically bad, it just wasn't meant to be at that moment, with that particular person.

Also, I'm absolutely not a Phoenix rising from the ashes... I'm a sheepie hugging a toesock. <3

[Baby Manda]

4 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

@Baby Manda

Thank you as well. I'm glad my mini story time and Pigtails helped you realize that you're not alone with starting over. It's not something that will ever fully get closure, but it does get easier to deal with.

I'm honestly still suprised that my Mommy has stuck with me. When I got covid, I became physically, mentally, and emotionally useless for an extended period of time.

Caregivers, the real ones at least, can, will, and do see past things like chronic illness and will do what they can to give you the care that they know you need, within their limitations, but to the best their abilities.

If you look, I'm honestly certain you'll find your caregiver someday. But it does take time to find the right one who clicks and vibes right with you. Now, that doesn't mean caregivers you didn't vibe with are automatically bad, it just wasn't meant to be at that moment, with that particular person.

Also, I'm absolutely not a Phoenix rising from the ashes... I'm a sheepie hugging a toesock. ❤️

Thank you❤️