Secret mindfuckery/psychology of respect and romantic interest

[redruffle41]

redruffle41

Originally posted on my homepage but had to share:

Hey Loved ones, here is a good one to consider.  For the daddies who just can't find the right fit no matter what. This is a big one as far as how to have a LTR or at least positive relationship with a girl.

(Caveat: humiliation, mindfuckery or degradation fits into this subject BUT I'm not talking about stuff that takes place in a scene /consented play, I'm talking about the relationship as a holistic entity that exists between two individuals).

 

Don't treat your girl in a way that if she stayed with you despite your actions, you would lose respect for her. If you want a LTR your actions can't be in conflict with your respect for your girl.  AND If you have a problem respecting women you're gonna have a hard time finding long term happiness with one. Most guys will test this at one point or another to make sure they're with a person with a strong character, to test the subs boundaries and/or just plain old human nature to slack off.  It sounds a bit backwards BUT it's possible you may lose respect or interest for a girl based on YOUR unexamined actions and attitudes.

Doms who do this especially put their sub in a position to choose between her ability to care for you (through virtues like patience, commitment, and emotional regulation) and her own self worth.  Especially in the beginning of a new relationship a sub is generally unaware of your perspective on her or on women in general.  1. Most girls WILL chose to stay at least for a while through dismissive or slightly disrespectful behavior. Girls don't see it as a weakness to hold space for someone else's (your) bullshit behavior. It's a strength to give people a chance.  She might be demonstrating some of her best character traits and the whole time you're losing respect and interest for her! Is she "letting you get away with sub par treatment", or she's "immature" or "crazy"?  Double check your actions. If you have been a gentleman then you know for sure you can walk away. But if you have been unregulated emotionally AND sexually. If your leadership is sub par. If your words say one thing and your actions say another then you're jerking her around and she is most likely doing her best to keep up with you.

 So, if you find yourself losing girls left and right and unable to find the absolutely right fit .... Check your attitude towards women in general, your attitude towards submissives and your attitude towards virtues like forgiveness, commitment, emotional regulation and temperance. In short,  check in on your leadership, your balanced masculinity, your relationship with yourself and maybe your mother 😂.

 

Subs! Keep an eye out for the FIRST TIME a Dom will "get naughty" with you or cause you disappointment and bring it to his attention right away. Don't be afraid to lose him. He should respect you for it immediately and acknowledge. If he doesn't or if he slips up repeatedly then most likely he has big issues that you can't fix namely because he won't respect you enough to actually listen to you.

[minni]

oh wow…thanks for this ! i’m new to these dynamics and never thought i’d be tested in a relationship. now i know and can be aware if that happens to me 🧐 i like to think i have high standards but once i place trust in my partner, i don’t believe id be expecting tests like this…very interesting insight into human psychology as well. 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Doms who play these sorts of games, absolutely don't deserve to be called Daddy.

[LeftyGuitar]

Always be aware of your surroundings and always be cautious. If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut.

[redruffle41]

2 hours ago, LeftyGuitar said:

Always be aware of your surroundings and always be cautious. If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your gut.

Yah, the gut. There's no problem on calling a spade a spade and just letting the other person know that you see them, you see their words, you see their actions and decisions towards you. 

[DaddyShenanigan]

This is a great post redruffle and something I feel should be discussed more. I have seen a decent amount of people come on this site and head straight into the personals section. There is an inherent imbalance of power in the DD/lg dynamic and as others have responded it is important to be cautious and not rush into a relationship. Instead get to know someone well first and make sure you are compatible. 
 

There is also documented phenomenon of women abusing men. So, I am sure it is rare for a mom-dom to abuse a little, but littles in this dynamic should also be cautious. 
 

stay safe out there everyone

[redruffle41]

6 hours ago, Warmandfuzzy said:

This is a great post redruffle and something I feel should be discussed more. I have seen a decent amount of people come on this site and head straight into the personals section. There is an inherent imbalance of power in the DD/lg dynamic and as others have responded it is important to be cautious and not rush into a relationship. Instead get to know someone well first and make sure you are compatible. 
 

There is also documented phenomenon of women abusing men. So, I am sure it is rare for a mom-dom to abuse a little, but littles in this dynamic should also be cautious. 
 

stay safe out there everyone

Lol, good point...I'm pretty sure I waited...............five days before I headed right over to personals...lol! And then check out how many revisions I did to my ad as I was learning and thinking. The shit of it is that some stuff u only learn by DOING. and you get HURT. shoot. Even we hurt ones we love at times .....so, each person needs to sheppard their own growth....but we also need to sheppard the growth of the ones we are with......kinda like the boyscout rule. Leave a place better than you found it. So, leave each other better. That's all. But Lord how sometimes I would smash myself up against a daddy and hurt my own self! And Lord how some people are just HUMAN and doing their best and it's not enough to avoid hurt. Good talk

[redruffle41]

@Warmandfuzzy you know what else???? I think that almost none of these littles actually know about BDSM. I didn't at first. And when I asked only a few responded. So when it comes to the idea of a little being a sub and this being role play....littles dont seem to feel that here. And for some folks here there is different ways of being little that really should include the idea that you're subbing and this should be agreed upon role play. When u give a daddy all ur bubbly good energy it should be treated the same as an agreed upon act in bdsm. But it's not usually. And we get a lot of skeevy guys who just get to suck all that up and give free advice. And no one here seems to hold in their heads that we are all doing bdsm role play. (Oh man......am I gonna get kicked off the site for this???)

[Guest Lumilu]

22 hours ago, redruffle41 said:

@Warmandfuzzy you know what else???? I think that almost none of these littles actually know about BDSM. I didn't at first. And when I asked only a few responded. So when it comes to the idea of a little being a sub and this being role play....littles dont seem to feel that here. And for some folks here there is different ways of being little that really should include the idea that you're subbing and this should be agreed upon role play. When u give a daddy all ur bubbly good energy it should be treated the same as an agreed upon act in bdsm. But it's not usually. And we get a lot of skeevy guys who just get to suck all that up and give free advice. And no one here seems to hold in their heads that we are all doing bdsm role play. (Oh man......am I gonna get kicked off the site for this???)

I couldn't agree more! I just can't conceive the Ddlg dynamics for me without the daddy knowing about BDSM... the D/s dynamics feel safer to me, even with a daddy. As soon as a daddy tells me he is not interested in BDSM, I run as fast as I can

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Someone(s), preferably not just me by myself, should make a starter guide to understanding what bdsm is. Have it's language aimed towards all Littles, regardless of identity, who are new to the concept and interested in learning. Subbing could be it's focus, but an honorable mention to dominant Littles wouldn't hurt, for informative purposes. Someone recently posted what I'd consider a half-baked guide, but it was aimed at men and felt largely misogynistic, imho. I know guides exist elsewhere online, but those places aren't specifically aimed at ddlg dynamics. I'd hate doing it by myself for fear of misunderstanding a newbies' thought process, but as someone familiar with this dynamic for as long, I wouldn't mind being an informational assistant if need be.

Just throwing the idea out into the void. Maybe it'll stick~

Edit;

Just to clarify; I specifically mean a guide that's worded in a less intimidating way. Utilizing simple language in an easy-to-follow format, could potentially be beneficial to help break the ice for newbies.

Bdsm should only be learned while in bigspace. 

Edited May 4 by .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

[Guest Lumilu]

I think littles should be willing to learn about BDSM when they are in adult mode, cause it's pretty hard to explain the complexity of D/s dynamics to an adult, therefore, it'd more difficult to do it with a little. That's why there are courses where experienced Doms teach the dynamics. But you don't need to attend the courses, just by learnng the basic signs of fake doms can lead you to an experienced one who can be your mentor, whether you are a Dom or a sub. 

Edited May 4 by Lumilu

[redruffle41]

On 5/2/2025 at 10:46 PM, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Someone(s), preferably not just me by myself, should make a starter guide to understanding what bdsm is. Have it's language aimed towards all Littles, regardless of identity, who are new to the concept and interested in learning. Subbing could be it's focus, but an honorable mention to dominant Littles wouldn't hurt, for informative purposes. Someone recently posted what I'd consider a half-baked guide, but it was aimed at men and felt largely misogynistic, imho. I know guides exist elsewhere online, but those places aren't specifically aimed at ddlg dynamics. I'd hate doing it by myself for fear of misunderstanding a newbies' thought process, but as someone familiar with this dynamic for as long, I wouldn't mind being an informational assistant if need be.

Just throwing the idea out into the void. Maybe it'll stick~

Edit;

Just to clarify; I specifically mean a guide that's worded in a less intimidating way. Utilizing simple language in an easy-to-follow format, could potentially be beneficial to help break the ice for newbies.

Bdsm should only be learned while in bigspace. 

@.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ I know the post you're talking about about! Totally empty of any of the good stuff and clearly set up to benefit the Dom. Yeah an actually informative bdsm guide for littles would be good. Wanna collaborate? 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@redruffle41

I'm absolutely willing to collab on this! Just let me know what you need~ 

[DaddyShenanigan]

@redruffle41 and alexibaaa! 

I know you are both talking about creating a guide specifically for littles. I have been on this site less than a month and started out thinking I was a DD but have changed to a CG. The point I am making with that is from my limited knowledge and humble opinion is when entering the DD/CG/lg world, there is a whole other half to it besides the DD/CG and being around littles opened my eyes. I have learned a lot so far and have much to learn. I feel like your project is great and could be informative for the DD/CG too, to give a perspective from littles and help a DD/CG create better relationships with littles or contribute to making the world better for littles! Speaking for myself, there is a lopsided sense of imbalance of power on the DD/CG side and a guide that would provide littles with an ability to navigate the DD/lg world and the BDSM world beyond it is much needed. Your guide could help to empower and educate on safety for littles. I feel like I am rambling a bit here but if you have interest in my perspective let me know 🙂

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@Warmandfuzzy

Having a big's perspective can always be helpful, if it's coming from an honest pov. I'll be sure to keep you in mind while I'm working on this!

And you're right, there is a difference between d, dd, and cg, but a lot of newbies on both sides don't always realize this.