advice CG/L Newbie Seeking Advice on Rewards and Supporting My Anxious Little (SFW)

[Ghee Buttersnaps]

Hello, I'm (39M) and my partner (31F) is my little. We're semi-new to this dynamic and I'm looking for some guidance. My little recently expressed interest in getting a new stuffie and mentioned that she's motivated by rewards for good behavior, like other littles she sees. I'm looking for ideas on rewards beyond stuffies that she might enjoy, especially since she's fond of stickers on her chart. Some specific questions I have: What kinds of tasks or behaviors could she earn stickers for on her chart? Are there other reward ideas that might be meaningful for her? Additionally, I'd love some general tips on being a supportive partner, particularly since my little is shy and struggles with anxiety. She often worries about me and tends to slip out of her little space when she's feeling anxious about my well-being. She reassures me that it's fine, but I want to do more to alleviate her concerns.I'd also like advice on lingo I could use. My little likes to call me alpha and asked that I refer to them as little. When they get upset, she wants me to be stern in a caring way, so I'm not sure what that means. They seem to want me to take charge.
One thing that's interesting is that my little is very independent in everyday life and makes most of the decisions on her own. However, when we're in our dynamic, she prefers to let me take the lead and doesn't want to be in charge. I'm trying to navigate this contrast and figure out how to support her in both aspects of our relationship. Any guidance on how to balance these different sides of our dynamic would be appreciated. She's given me permission to ask for advice, and I'd be grateful for any insights or suggestions from experienced CGs on how to best support her. (Cross posted)

[Insanity_Stars_Birdie]

Hi! Fellow anxious little here. Not a CG but using some stuff that my CG has used with me. I'll try and comment on each of your questions. But first and foremost you should ask her about these things. She'll understand what she means by "stern in a caring way." She'll understand what rewards motivate her. 

 

What tasks or behaviors could earn her stickers?

Well, what things is she working on? Is self care a struggle? Reward her for taking care of herself. Are chores and daily tasks a struggle? Reward her for those. But in general? Rewarding her for following rules, completing assigned tasks, maybe having a good day/week where she follows all her rules are a good place to start.

 

Reward ideas that would be meaningful to her?

That's hard to answer. I'd say just think about what she likes. I like stuffies, extra cuddle time, and snacks. So those are meaningful rewards to me. But they might not be for her. 

 

Advice on having a shy anxious little?

I am also a very anxious little. Really that comes down to a lot of repeated reassurance to alleviate her fears. I still worry about my daddy's wellbeing when I'm small but he reminds me that he loves taking care of me and that our dynamic helps him too. And it works. So lots and lots and LOTS of reassurance when she worries is always a good thing.

 

Lingo?

That's a super personal thing. It sounds like she's expressed the nicknames she likes though. But if you want to add more discussing with her would probably be the best route. Same thing with what she means by stern in a caring way. You'd likely have to ask her since what that means to her could be wildly different to what that means to me.

 

Balancing independence with dependence?

A lot of subs/littles are VERY independent outside their dynamics. I'm a very much in charge person at work and take care of my siblings as well. My daddy is supportive of my independence outside our dynamic. Because when I'm not little? Hes not in charge. But when I am little he's there to make all the hard decisions and let me relax. That is to say our dynamic is a separate state of being to our real lives. And that sounds like what your little has to. She has times where she wants and needs independence and times where she wants and needs to be taken care of.

 

Overall I tried to give some general advice but a lot of this is also stuff that comes from communication which is a huge part of any bdsm dynamic. Not just cgl.