How do you recover from betrayal/trauma by your baby?

[FallenApprentice]

As a caregiver/daddy, as much as I've tried, I'm still really struggling to get over my last relationship. I honestly thought I was there, but she has routinely turned up on my doorstep every three months for purely selfish reasons. This has only served to remind me of what I lost and set me back months, when she moved on days after discarding me. The latest was a just under a month ago, when she dropped and broke her phone and woke me by knocking on my door first thing on a bank holiday Sunday morning. She said she was at the retail park over the road (highly dubious), and asked me if I still had spare phones as she 'obviously needed one'. This was more than nine months after the break-up. I hadn't seen her in three months, and then she turned up out of the blue asking for things she'd let here five months prior and said she didn't want (including a teddy she gave my autistic son).

It's such a long, convoluted story, but suffice to say, it was the most wonderful, intimate relationship I've ever known. She adored me, until she didn't. She was the daughter I never knew I needed. Then she became increasingly enmeshed in the kink scene, reassuring me it was for friends only, but after months of what I now realise was emotional abuse (constantly breaking up with me and getting back together, unhealthy bratting, low-level cheating by kissing couples at non play parties, saying 'I love you' then recanting it etc), she discarded me by text message without warning.

After six months I learned that just four days later she was in a swingers' club 90 miles away with a sadistic dom who soon transformed her into a masochist, non-monogamist swinger, whom he shares out with his friends in clubs and strangers online. The girl who turned up on my doorstep wasn't my baby. She looked and sounded like an entirely different person (and by looked, I mean a total physical transformation). She was so cold and distant. Rude. Hurtful. Like I never mattered and nothing we had was real. She also had a second profile on FL, in which she advertised herself as a free use F-Doll, under the pet name I gave her as part of our romantic relationship...

I hate myself for acquiescing. I was caught unawares every time. I gave her what she wanted, as I still saw her as my little girl, not the person she has become. Since then I've found it very difficult to meet people. Anyone I have met has either been too far away, or has had serious mental health/substance abuse issues that prevented them from entering into a dynamic.

I'm almost fifty and I've never experienced anything like this before. I went through a divorce, but the bond I had with my baby was unlike anything I've ever experienced and the loss is unlike anything I can explain. I cared about her in ways that I never knew I could for a romantic partner. She cultivated it, then abandoned me like I meant nothing. Like I never did.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you cope and eventually come through it? I've tried to move on, and I thought meeting new people would help (even if they weren't a shadow of what I had with her), but I can't stop her turning up on my doorstep and messing with my head, and I seem to be incapable of telling her where to go. Am I being unfair in thinking she's selfish for her actions? I don't want to be bitter, but she's tainted the memory of everything we had and I'm so sad thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, but for a brief moment I was perfect for her, then she changed. I know people in their twenties are still developing, but this was so sudden and drastic. The day she ended things she told me she missed me and that she really thought I was a good Daddy. Two hours later it was over.

How do you cope with this as a daddy? I feel like I've lost a part of myself and I'll never get it back, or find anyone who understands and wants the same thing... 😞

[-Soul-]

Hello! Hi! Friendly neighbourhood Soul here!

First off, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. That’s not easy, especially when you're still carrying the weight of what sounds like a deeply meaningful and intimate dynamic. From one CG to another, I see you and I feel the ache in every word.

What you’re describing isn’t just heartbreak. It’s grief. You didn’t just lose a partner you lost a little, your dynamic, and the emotional space where you gave your care, protection, and love freely. That’s no small thing. When we step into a CG role, it’s not just romantic, it’s nurturing, guiding, emotionally enmeshed. And when that is suddenly discarded or manipulated, it leaves a void that standard dating or casual company just can’t touch.

Her repeated returns to your doorstep, asking for favours or items under the guise of “needing” things, isn’t care! it’s control. And while part of you may still see the girl you cherished, it sounds like the person showing up now isn’t your little anymore. She may be wearing her skin, but her actions don’t reflect the bond you had. And that’s the hardest part, when the person you once held so close becomes a stranger with your history in her pocket.

Dude, let me be blunt but kind: You’re not a doormat. You're a Daddy. And Daddies set boundaries, not just for littles, but to protect our own hearts too. Compassion doesn’t mean self-sacrifice. It means care with accountability. She walked away. You didn’t. And she doesn't get to keep walking in and out of your life like it’s a revolving door she controls.

You asked if you're being unfair for seeing her behavior as selfish. No. It is selfish. Full stop. And recognising that isn't bitterness! it’s clarity.

But here’s the part I really want you to hear:

You haven’t lost your ability to love or be loved. You haven't aged out, burned out, or missed your shot. You’ve simply outgrown a chapter that was never meant to last forever. That kind of sudden, painful change can feel like it broke something inside you. But you’re still you!!! caring, invested, loyal. And there is someone out there who will meet you where you are, who craves the structure, warmth, and safety you bring without taking it for granted.

Grieve her. Mourn what you had. But don’t romanticize the parts that were manipulation cloaked in affection. Not all bratting is playful. Not all D/s is healthy. And not everyone who calls themselves a little is ready to receive the gift of true CG care.

Maybe it's time to sit down and write a letter you’ll never send. Pour it all out, every hurt, every memory, every unfair moment she put you through. Then tear it up or burn it (safely! fire play isn’t always fun 😅). Because she doesn't get to keep haunting the home you've built in your heart for someone who will actually deserve to live there.

You're not alone, and you’re not broken. You’re just healing. And healing is rarely pretty, but it is powerful.

Your girl is still out there! your kind of little. One who craves your care, respects your structure, and never makes you doubt your worth. Until then, protect your peace like you'd protect your little from a nightmare. Because right now, you're the one who needs the Daddy energy and it starts with giving it to yourself.

Here if you ever need to talk to.

Stay strong, stay kind but don’t stay open to someone who’s only knocking to take, not give.

– Soul

[Cebakes]

It was six years ago today when I met my old middle S.  I was just sitting here thinking about that when I read your post. She was very pretty, honors student going into her senior year of nursing school, and a collegiate rower.   I had never been with anyone that young, she approached me on Tinder.   It was supposed to be a summer fling,but  it went on to be a storybook like romance.  It would literally make a fantastic DDLG novel.

She was my princess, my little girl, and my middle.   With our age gap we always discussed right from the start and knew we would not be with each other forever. She also wanted to get married to someone closer to her age.

We had an amazing three years together and had to end things so both of us could move on with our lives .  Even though it was mutual, it was extremely painful and gut wrenching.  

While our times were amazing, they weren’t perfect. She certainly had her demons and flaws.   It did take me several years to get over her.  It didn’t help that she would call me every now and then and we would end up seeing each other.  We haven’t had any contact  since last year.  

To the OP, you need to move on. Hold onto the fond memories, but with what you’ve shared here,  she has very serious issues .   Being honest, my old middle has some of these issues, but they are too private and personal to discuss.  After we broke up, I would focus on and remind myself of these issues.  

 

[karan]

I am not going to give advice because I am not that good, I just want to tell you I went through not something similar but accusations and lies being told about me which kind of made me lose trust in littles.
I am so sorry you went through this, I hope it gets better, all we can do is try and take it 1 day at a time.

[FallenApprentice]

Thanks for the replies. I was in a particularly low place when I wrote this, having had some recent setbacks, when I stumbled across some old messages between me and my ex. I stupidly read them and it just reminded me of how amazing it was in the beginning, which made what happened even harder. Having unexpectedly seen her so recently, just when I had turned a corner, well the combination of everything hit unexpectedly hard...

She approached me when I'd been single for almost a year and had all but given up. While I was initially unsure about such a large age gap, I thought the worst that would happen is we'd meet for a drink and wouldn't get on. After all, she only wanted to see someone a couple of times a month, and was seeing other people. Neither of us were prepared for what happened that night. Chemistry and connection unlike either of us had ever known. The 24 year difference felt like nothing in a vanilla setting, as we surprisingly had so much in common and just sparked off of each other from the moment we met (we later said we both knew within 30 seconds of meeting that we liked each other). We spent three days together before she had to go home, then she came back almost immediately and stayed for three more. She spent so much time staying with me over the following months, talking about all of our most intimate secrets and desires, free from judgement. There was never any awkwardness from minute one, and we were seemingly compatible in so many ways, not least kink/physically in a manner neither of us had ever experienced before. We very quickly developed a shorthand and shared sense of humour and reference. She said I understood her in ways no one else did. That it felt like she'd known me in a previous life. I helped her apply for jobs, celebrated her success, championed and supported her, and she was so sweet, intuitive, gentle and loving then. It was intoxicating and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. Just when I'd almost given up, she came into my life. We'd found each other. We adored each other.

Then, after a few months, things started to change. Although I could get her into little space (the only person who could ever really do it), regression wasn't usually for her. She was a middle, and always so including in everyday life. She was a bratty one at that, delighting in pushing boundaries and causing chaos. While our back and forth was initially playful and sparky, I'm no brat tamer, as I don't relish that constant pushing and stress. She knew this was because of my own childhood trauma with abuse, as it was something we had bonded over, but she kept pushing and getting frustrated that I wasn't what she 'needed'. She wasn't shy in telling me I wasn't up to the job, frequently dropping me, then coming back when she couldn't find what she wanted elsewhere. That went on for five of the nine and a half months we were together. After our longest 'break-up' the final two months genuinely felt like we'd finally turned a corner. We barely said a crossed word during that time, and I helped her find and move into a house a mile and a half down the road from me. It was, she said, going to be amazing for us. It would take our dynamic to the next level. She planned an entire summer of things we were going to do. Then, two weeks after moving in, she ended it out of the blue and it totally blindsided me. Despite that she still came back, asking to be FWB. I desperately wanted to keep her in my life in any way, so I agreed. If I couldn't have my baby, at least I could have my best friend. A couple of weeks later she cut me out of her life via the aforementioned text and, as I later discovered, almost immediately embarked on her current journey with her sadistic dom. The girl who said she ended it because she didn't want a daddy, a relationship, a dynamic, or feelings of any kind, almost immediately jumped into something where she had all of those things with someone new. That she could be calling someone else daddy so soon felt like a total betrayal of our time together. I couldn't even think about looking for months after our break-up, but it was clear she'd been looking while we were still together, just waiting until someone 'better' came along. She'd started getting more into 'spirituality' and tarot near the end, having made a new friend who was also a brat and into those things, and I feel like that definitely played a part. Her entire mindset seemed to change almost overnight.

I think you're right in that it is grief. I am mourning the loss of my romantic relationship, but more so the loss of my little girl. It is like a bereavement, or perhaps worse, an estrangement. She's still out there without me and I feel guilty that I couldn't 'protect' her from the life she now leads. The body positive brunette who didn't want to be one of those 'skinny blonde girls', has now transformed herself into one of them. The girl who had hard limits around impact and anal, now displays pictures of herself plugged and covered in welts and bruises. Who 'couldn't do' poly and was ashamed of her past promiscuity, who never wanted to let anyone with whom she didn't share a deep connection use her again, now advertises her availability for casual use in clubs and elsewhere at her dom's leisure. Who no longer calls herself a middle, but rather a brat/mindless doll, and freely admits she never knows which one will turn up. When I first discovered all of this, well it felt like a gut punch, and with each revelation things only felt worse. I felt like I'd failed her as her Daddy. This was compounded because an ex babygirl of mine was in that lifestyle when we met, and she still to this day credits me with 'saving' her from it. We parted as friends and remain so to this day, which is all I wanted with my last relationship, but instead she went the opposite direction, embracing the kink/swinging scene. The person to whom I felt the most bonded ever in a relationship, who said I was in her soul and always would be, who even after we split said she couldn't imagine us not being in each other's lives, now choses to have nothing to do with me unless she needs something. Acts like she's ashamed of what we had, and so diminishes it with cold indifference and hurtful comments. She even told me she doesn't think we were really friends. This from someone who once asked unironically if I could 'adopt' her.

Still, perhaps some good has come of this. Reading our messages, while incredibly bittersweet, has reminded me, perhaps even made me realise for the first time, that her anxious-avoidant style and commitment issues were always there. She was convinced I would leave/abandon her for someone younger and skinnier (she used to 'joke' about me DiCaprioing her; the irony being that she reversed it when she turned 25). The more I loved and reassured her, the further away it seemed to push her, as she couldn't handle the 'intensity'. Even her non-monogamous tendencies were on show early on, indicating that she wanted to try a threesome with a random couple because, in her words, she didn't care about them so it wouldn't affect our relationship if it went wrong. She couldn't see that it would directly affect someone she cared about precisely because she wanted to have sex with strangers. I'd actually forgotten all about that, and it was something that happened in the first week of knowing her. I'll never truly know if she cheated more frequently and more seriously than I was aware, but I think I am definitely guilty of putting her on a pedestal and romanticising her. Most people would have said 'I'm done' after the first time she broke up with me, when she said she was still in love with her ex, then recanted and said she made it all up because she was 'scared' of her feelings for me (she'd just spent the weekend with him as a 'friend'). Interestingly, I also saw a message in which she talked about her ex, and said she couldn't understand how someone could tel you they loved you one day, then break up with you literally the next, again the irony being that it's exactly what she did to me. I either overlooked or forgave all of her bad behaviour because I've always believed that you can forgive almost anything if you truly love someone, but again that's probably my own childhood trauma coming into play. It's undoubtedly what attracts me to DD/lg; the need to care for an protect someone, and receive the same love and affection in return. To help people heal and feel loved and supported in ways I never knew as a kid.

I really do hope I can find someone who wants the things I can offer. Who sees all the positives, rather than focussing on the things I can't give them. While I've dated people with bratty tendencies, I've learned that I'm probably not suited to lifestyle brats. I just can't provide the constant rules, structure and punishment they require. Or maybe my ex really did brat me in an unhealthy manner. She was still learning after all, and obviously it works with her new daddy, so perhaps she needed someone who genuinely relished the challenging behaviour. I'm not feeling great about my chances at the moment. My recent experiences haven't been good. A little with mental health/substance abuse issues who cut all contact and said she couldn't have a dynamic with anyone, another I was chatting to who was real, but  turned out to be underage posing as someone older (and had been doing so for years), and most recently, a catfisher... As I get closer to fifty I'm attracting fewer and fewer people. I almost felt like my ex was my last chance at happiness. I know things can change quickly, but it's so hard to find a genuine connection with someone, let alone someone into DD/lg with similar wants and desires, it has left me wondering whether this chapter of my life is over for good...

Anyway, I appreciate that this is a very long post. Probably a bit self-indulgent. Writing things down helps though, oddly even more so publicly on a forum where I know some people will have gone through similar things and relate to my experiences. So, for anyone who read this, thanks. To myself, try not to give up hope that someone out there is just waiting to meet you and that this time those wonderful early months will never end...

Edited June 5 by FallenApprentice

[Cebakes]

I’m curious how long it’s been since you last broke up with your former Little?  Do you still sit around and look at old messages and pictures? Have you blocked every way for both of you two to communicate or follow each others lives?  Have you taken a critical look at yourself and asked if you are healed? You really don’t want to be out there until you are healed. 

We are somewhat close in age, and yes, you need to accept the fact that you may be attracting fewer women that meet “your criteria “.    Some young women find older guys attractive, others find them ick.   I would urge you not to let the world and time pass you by while you wait for your perfect Little.  

Are you looking at middles  and women closer to your age?  At our age, you probably need to be flexible on different things.  I date and meet all different types of women. You need to remember DDLG is a small and narrow kink or lifestyle.   

[Real Princess]

On 6/1/2025 at 9:23 PM, FallenApprentice said:

As a caregiver/daddy, as much as I've tried, I'm still really struggling to get over my last relationship. I honestly thought I was there, but she has routinely turned up on my doorstep every three months for purely selfish reasons. This has only served to remind me of what I lost and set me back months, when she moved on days after discarding me. The latest was a just under a month ago, when she dropped and broke her phone and woke me by knocking on my door first thing on a bank holiday Sunday morning. She said she was at the retail park over the road (highly dubious), and asked me if I still had spare phones as she 'obviously needed one'. This was more than nine months after the break-up. I hadn't seen her in three months, and then she turned up out of the blue asking for things she'd let here five months prior and said she didn't want (including a teddy she gave my autistic son).

It's such a long, convoluted story, but suffice to say, it was the most wonderful, intimate relationship I've ever known. She adored me, until she didn't. She was the daughter I never knew I needed. Then she became increasingly enmeshed in the kink scene, reassuring me it was for friends only, but after months of what I now realise was emotional abuse (constantly breaking up with me and getting back together, unhealthy bratting, low-level cheating by kissing couples at non play parties, saying 'I love you' then recanting it etc), she discarded me by text message without warning.

After six months I learned that just four days later she was in a swingers' club 90 miles away with a sadistic dom who soon transformed her into a masochist, non-monogamist swinger, whom he shares out with his friends in clubs and strangers online. The girl who turned up on my doorstep wasn't my baby. She looked and sounded like an entirely different person (and by looked, I mean a total physical transformation). She was so cold and distant. Rude. Hurtful. Like I never mattered and nothing we had was real. She also had a second profile on FL, in which she advertised herself as a free use F-Doll, under the pet name I gave her as part of our romantic relationship...

I hate myself for acquiescing. I was caught unawares every time. I gave her what she wanted, as I still saw her as my little girl, not the person she has become. Since then I've found it very difficult to meet people. Anyone I have met has either been too far away, or has had serious mental health/substance abuse issues that prevented them from entering into a dynamic.

I'm almost fifty and I've never experienced anything like this before. I went through a divorce, but the bond I had with my baby was unlike anything I've ever experienced and the loss is unlike anything I can explain. I cared about her in ways that I never knew I could for a romantic partner. She cultivated it, then abandoned me like I meant nothing. Like I never did.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you cope and eventually come through it? I've tried to move on, and I thought meeting new people would help (even if they weren't a shadow of what I had with her), but I can't stop her turning up on my doorstep and messing with my head, and I seem to be incapable of telling her where to go. Am I being unfair in thinking she's selfish for her actions? I don't want to be bitter, but she's tainted the memory of everything we had and I'm so sad thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, but for a brief moment I was perfect for her, then she changed. I know people in their twenties are still developing, but this was so sudden and drastic. The day she ended things she told me she missed me and that she really thought I was a good Daddy. Two hours later it was over.

How do you cope with this as a daddy? I feel like I've lost a part of myself and I'll never get it back, or find anyone who understands and wants the same thing... 😞

As a little, I met many daddies who earned Daddy Title from me and left me later on for another girls. The difference between you and me is only this that you met her in person and I in distance. It is painful. I can empathize your situation. Just have one suggestion, do not restrict yourself to the boundaries of UK only. This is a big world. Go for distance relationship and explore yourself as much as you can. May be you can meet someone who will stick with you for forever facing all troubles. Surely, not talking about me. I have no heart. Good luck.

[FallenApprentice]

Sadly I need an in-person relationship. I crave the intimacy it affords, both mental and physical. I dated someone who lived in Texas for nine months about six years ago and it's just not sustainable (we saw each other twice for a combined duration of about a week and a half during that time). Friends for sure, but not a relationship. Sadly this is why DD/lg is so hard. We're already a niche group, and even if we do find each other, distance is often a problem, before you even get to things like emotional and kink compatibility. I can't relocate for family reasons, so I either need to meet someone fairly nearby, or someone willing to uproot their entire life to be with me, and that's even rarer.

Personally I just don't think you can really be a daddy online/remotely. How can you have such an intimate relationship with someone you've never met? Appreciate that's not everyone's definition, but it's what I need.