Do you want a relationship, or do you want attention?

[camden_cross]

Perhaps I've just become cynical over time, but I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed this particular trend in the community. It seems that almost everyone I've met over the years is after attention, and doesn't truly want a dynamic or a relationship. I'm in a place where I can offer a bit of financial support as well as the emotional kind, but the people I've met seem to get cold feet the instant anything IRL is discussed, even if that's just a brief meeting or even just  a phone call.

These dynamics take a lot of trust to be done correctly, and that requires getting to know someone fairly well. I don't think it's an unreasonable ask that people looking for this kind of relationship have enough independence and maturity to actually maintain a relationship, but it seems like most people are after the fantasy and not the reality. Mental health issues aren't a problem for me, but it's impossible to build rapport with someone who either leaves you on read or only wants to communicate on their terms when it's convenient. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, I don't expect 24/7 availability from anyone, but I don't think basic communication is too much to ask for.

Has anyone else struggled with this?

Edited June 8 by camden_cross

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

A lot of people do want irl connections, I just think some people go too fast for others.

Edit;

You've only had a personal ad here since May and expect to have found the right irl partner already? Oh boy...

Edited June 8 by .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

[camden_cross]

I didn't post this as a reaction to anything that happened on this site. I've been in the community for 14 years, and it's more a pattern I've noticed than a reaction to anything here. Please don't assume my meaning.

[beanbean]

Well I think more then wanting attention people just go to fast be it for loneliness or other things . Though I am sure some people do only look for attention but what you going to do

[SweetLittleDreamer]

I’ve found there are two types of people, those that are looking to have a strong, committed relationship &/or Dynamic, & then those that are just looking for a CG or Little to give them attention when they’re in the mood, but with no strings attached or a relationship.

In my opinion both are just as valid as the other, there’s no right or wrong way to have a connection with a Daddy or Little, so long as both are on the same page with what type of connection they are wanting. Which is why no matter the connection it is so important that in the beginning time is taken to have a conversation around expectations & what each want out of it, that way nobody is finding out a few weeks or months in there’s actually a pretty decent mismatch of wants happening. Nobody should be jumping in no matter what type of connection they are looking for. 

[Lil_K47]

So, no judgement, I promise, but I’m curious, on the other sites you’ve been on what’s the average age of the women your connecting with? 
 

At the risk of sounding like a total creeper, I was curious, so I took a quick peak at your profile. Of the 9 women that show up there as following you, 6 of them are age 25 or younger! 
 

straight up, at age 19, I couldn’t tell you what  I wanted to eat for dinner tomorrow let alone what I wanted out of life, or a relationship for that matter. I just wanted to be noticed/liked/accepted. So honestly, I probably would have told you anything you wanted to hear to keep your attention. Heck from 25- 30ish I was experimenting, just beginning to dip my toes into the kinky waters, and still finding out I really liked  in and out of the bedroom. I’m currently 47, and its just been within the last 10-15 years that I’ve really come to understand what I want and need out of a relationship. And well,  now years old before I’ve felt confident enough in myself to be an active  participant in a community like this.   
 

now, let’s throw in your interest of the abdl aspect of a DDlg dynamic (which personally doesn’t interest me at all) but at 19/20 I’m pretty sure I might have found that new/interesting and/or exciting. But speaking as a lady and a gyn nurse once upon a time , talking about your body functions via text is totally different than an irl conversation/ video call/ real meet up. I can see how a young lady could feel intimidated / shy / scared when it actually came down to it… 

 

These are just my random thoughts, take from them what you will. 
 

and anyone else in my age rang feel free to chime in on this, but the older I get, the younger anyone under 25 seams! lol these young girls I work with are flighty as hell! And that’s just what I notice while at work!! 

anyway, best of luck in your searching! 

[camden_cross]

Duly noted. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I've been in the community for 14 years and have had partners from the ages of 19-44 over that time. I'm commenting on a common theme I've noticed, and I understand that people who are 18-25 are still figuring themselves out. However, everyone is different, and my experience with the 25-35 range has been largely the same, and at that age most people have kids--which is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I've been taken advantage of and used much more often by the older people in the community, and most of them have very unrealistic expectations for what they want in a dynamic, or are not prepared to compromise to achieve something mutually beneficial. The trend I'm commenting on has persisted across my interactions with people in the community regardless of age, and it is extremely frustrating to invest time and energy into what seems like it might turn out to be something beautiful, only to be treated like an afterthought.

I know abdl is a hard pass for a lot of people, which is why I mention it up front, so that people who aren't interested know we may not be compatible. However I would appreciate you not speculating on my interactions with other people as we don't know each other and it seems a bit disingenuous to say "no judgment" and then proceed to judge me after stalking my profile for ammunition. Just because they're following me doesn't mean we are actively talking, especially given the fact that I am monogamous and only give that kind of attention to one person at a time.

If there's anything that I've learned from being in this community, it's that age and maturity are not mutually exclusive. I've met people in their 30s who were unemployed (by choice) and still lived at home, and people who were 25 and owned their own businesses. Trauma and other experiences cause people to mature at different rates, something that is represented disproportionately in this community and is the driving force behind seeking this kind of relationship for a lot of people. 

[BabyPoppy]

5 hours ago, Lil_K47 said:

So, no judgement, I promise, but I’m curious, on the other sites you’ve been on what’s the average age of the women your connecting with? 
 

At the risk of sounding like a total creeper, I was curious, so I took a quick peak at your profile. Of the 9 women that show up there as following you, 6 of them are age 25 or younger! 
 

straight up, at age 19, I couldn’t tell you what  I wanted to eat for dinner tomorrow let alone what I wanted out of life, or a relationship for that matter. I just wanted to be noticed/liked/accepted. So honestly, I probably would have told you anything you wanted to hear to keep your attention. Heck from 25- 30ish I was experimenting, just beginning to dip my toes into the kinky waters, and still finding out I really liked  in and out of the bedroom. I’m currently 47, and its just been within the last 10-15 years that I’ve really come to understand what I want and need out of a relationship. And well,  now years old before I’ve felt confident enough in myself to be an active  participant in a community like this.   
 

now, let’s throw in your interest of the abdl aspect of a DDlg dynamic (which personally doesn’t interest me at all) but at 19/20 I’m pretty sure I might have found that new/interesting and/or exciting. But speaking as a lady and a gyn nurse once upon a time , talking about your body functions via text is totally different than an irl conversation/ video call/ real meet up. I can see how a young lady could feel intimidated / shy / scared when it actually came down to it… 

 

These are just my random thoughts, take from them what you will. 
 

and anyone else in my age rang feel free to chime in on this, but the older I get, the younger anyone under 25 seams! lol these young girls I work with are flighty as hell! And that’s just what I notice while at work!! 

anyway, best of luck in your searching! 

I agree with most of what you say! My journey is different,  yet similar. I'm 45 and I know from 19 - my mid 30s I was pretty unsettled on what I wanted in a relationship. I didn't know about kink or ddlg until the last 10 years. Even now, I'm still trying to navigate what I want in a relationship plus what I need when in littlespace from a partner. I do consider myself abdl,  due to some health issues, and that seems to make things more difficult with finding a potential Daddy. Discussing my body is difficult, but so many potential Caregivers jump to conclusions about what I want because of the abdl and the younger age regression.  Few take the time to know me as a person outside littlespace.  Several Caregivers have even left me very vulnerable in littlespace and not checked back to make sure I was recovered later. Being super little is an added layer of complexity. 

Communication is so incredibly important and so difficult online. Words alone don't convey the depth of emotion people are experiencing.  Going slowly is so very important.  Building friendships that grow into more is so much safer for everyone, big and little. 

(Extra note: not all my experiences were on the forum either. I have found the most support, safety, and accountability here on this forum.)

[camden_cross]

6 minutes ago, BabyPoppy said:

Communication is so incredibly important and so difficult online. Words alone don't convey the depth of emotion people are experiencing.  Going slowly is so very important.  Building friendships that grow into more is so much safer for everyone, big and little. 

 

That is the thrust of what I was saying. I was frustrated because basic communication seems to be very difficult for most people, and it makes building a friendship, much less a dynamic or relationship, next to impossible. And it's something that's fairly common regardless of age in the community.

[Lil_K47]

@BabyPoppy darlin, I am so sorry that you’ve had some bad experiences with people who have left you in a vulnerable state, that makes me very angry for you!

any good daddy, hell, any good human being would not do that to another person, period!! You finish after care always!! 

im here if you’d ever like to chat 🥰
 

 

[BabyPoppy]

14 minutes ago, Lil_K47 said:

@BabyPoppy darlin, I am so sorry that you’ve had some bad experiences with people who have left you in a vulnerable state, that makes me very angry for you!

any good daddy, hell, any good human being would not do that to another person, period!! You finish after care always!! 

im here if you’d ever like to chat 🥰
 

 

Thank you for the concern! I didn't even know about aftercare until about 9 months ago! It is a learning curve when you first start. I didn't know I age regressed and I didn't know it could take days to come out of if you didn't deal with it appropriately. (The big emotional outbursts and heightened senses really interfere with daily life!) I have a lot of trauma triggers and I am a work in progress. I am taking time to build friendships now, so I don't repeat these communication blunders in the future. I don't feel that any of the problems were intentional, more a matter of I didn't know what to ask for and being online is so much harder to judge how people really feel. 

[Lil_K47]

Taking time for yourself is essential! I think we’re all works in progress in  way or another 😉. And props to you for taking time to focus on you and work through your triggers! You are fearless and a rock star girl!! Embrace the journey and the friends you’ll make among the way! 🥰