redruffle41 Posted Wednesday at 02:19 PM Report Posted Wednesday at 02:19 PM Hey all, I'm open to feedback on this one ... So my mother has been married to a Christian man for over 20 years. This man has been.......a very typically flawed human being but basically a good man. However, this man has also been very divisive in our family. He has told all of us we are going to hell. He recently told me I'm committing adultery bc I'm talking to men online but my divorce isn't final. He even went on to say that he didn't divorce his ex wife but that she divorced him.... As if to judge the very idea of divorce. He's Lutheran.... divorce isn't a sacrament in that faith. This guy 🙄. He is a fundamental Christian man who takes the Bible literally. He rolls in his politics and interpretation of the constitution into his religion as well. His attitude seems to be a bit holier than thou and ready to debate and argue at any turn....and it seems to be at the mercy of any relationship he would hope to have with his wife's adult children. The past 10 years of politics, masking, vaccines, aging, etc has basically turned our family into a silent tomb of unspoken disagreements. I'm getting tired of going to family gatherings and silently eating cheese together....there's nothing to do, say or connect about. I recently told my mother that I was concerned about my 9yo daughter being around her grandfather. I did this because of a conversation between him and I where he told me I was committing adultery. I had to defend myself against this man. And I had called him to say thank you for being a step father. Honestly, what a jerk. I'm concerned about my kids relationship with God being affected by his judgemental attitude, and willingness to weaponize the Bible. I told my mother all this very calmly and with as gentle words as I could. I was as tactful as I could be. My mom wanted to take my daughter on an extended trip and I just couldn't feel comfortable with that. I view this man as unsafe emotionally, unsafe relationally. How can I have my daughter engaged in a relationship with someone who I can barely speak with? My mom said she was sad. She would hate for my daughter to not have a relationship with her grandparents. But....I'm so sick of getting hurt by harmful judgemental people. My own grandfather told me I was going to hell...I was 12. So, I don't want this same horrible exposure for my child. I'm really stuck on this one.....I feel pulled between the idea of disagreements as a normal healthy dynamic in a relationship vs toxic arguing vs conflict avoidance on my part due to past hurts. I think I'm doing what I need to do to protect my child.....I don't expect this to change either my mother or her husband.....they're set in their ways and have said they have no intention of changing .... Navigating this is hard.....it feels like a lose lose no matter what.
beanbean Posted Wednesday at 05:37 PM Report Posted Wednesday at 05:37 PM Well I don’t know maybe it’s time to stop going to family gatherings for a while . People who judge by the Bible typically only follow half the Bible and ignore many other part’s and many times cause more harm than what they believe. But I would stay away for a while 1
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