Tips for helping a reserved/scared little to be comfortable again?

[MrJJ]

Hello everyone! I recently decided to put myself back out in the ring for becoming a Daddy / Caregiver, but I'm having some struggles getting my head back into it (for lots of different reasons.)

I started talking to someone (just getting to know one another right now) and I remembered that... I really suck at social stuff lol.

She had a bad experience with a Daddy where he wouldn't let her "be her little self" and would say she was "too needy", crappy stuff like that. I've put some of that at ease already, but I'm struggling to get her to open up about her little side and I'm not sure how to approach it.

She just seems almost afraid to open up about her little self, which is a shame, and I want to help her feel comfortable once again, but I feel like my lack of social skills is working against me. I tried simply asking "tell me about your little self," hoping that the openness of the question would make her open up, but she wasn't really sure what to say or tell me.

I'm going to try to be more specific like "Does little you like to color?" (that was the easiest example I could think of) Then follow up with more related questions, what colors/topics/etc. but I'm also struggling to come up with topics.

This sounds like a better approach, right? I will take suggestions for more questions / topics.  And do you have any suggestions in general for dealing with a little that's been hurt like this?

I just feel like I've been "out of the game" too long and kind of forgot stuff... and god, I really suck at being social lol.

She seems very sweet, we're getting along well, and I just want her to feel comfortable and I'd like to get to know more about her!

Edited June 16 by MrJJ

[redruffle41]

Sounds like it's online......don't forget to chill out with the timing of things.....it's ok to let it be slow. Opening up takes time. Just relax and be yourself. Just remember that she's a little and treat her that way as much as it feels right to do so.

[MrJJ]

49 minutes ago, redruffle41 said:

Sounds like it's online......don't forget to chill out with the timing of things.....it's ok to let it be slow. Opening up takes time. Just relax and be yourself. Just remember that she's a little and treat her that way as much as it feels right to do so.

Yea, it's online. I'm taking it slow over all, but I guess I just get excited about learning about people. It's like I "need to get the point" of a conversation because I suck at socializing. I suspect I have autism (level 1), if that makes it make more sense, lol. Relaxing is not something my brain or body seems to be able to do, it's actually a serious issue of mine, and I "be myself" so much it hurts lol.

I am very much "treating her like a little." I've been very gentle and understanding of her situation from the previous daddy. I comforted her a lot already about how it's ok to be herself around me and she should just relaxes and acts like herself (advice I can give but can't take lol.)

Honestly, I'm probably just overthinking everything and worrying over nothing. I'm a very anxious person and you may be right that I'm not letting it take time in that way. So thank you.

I'm still open to hearing suggestions about questions I could ask her. Are there quizzes or other fun things we could do together? I guess I'm just looking for more ways to learn more about her that sort of circumvent my crummy social skills. It's like I want to know things about her, but forget what to ask when the time comes.

[Andriel_Isilien]

You can offer to watch shows together that she likes. I've done that over discord. If she feels comfortable enough to give you a tour of her space with photos/videos, stuffies, littlespace corner, favorite blanket, fidget toys, or any of her hobbies. It can also fun to share yours to compare as well. 😄 Like if you decorate the same way. Are there similar interests you have to just talk and share? Pets you have? Goals working on? Music? Silly memes?

 

Think of ways that you show you care, with words, affirmations, gifts... Are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages? I like to reflect on that often for not only how I receive love but also give it. It could also be helpful for her to do a quiz on love languages too. See what is compatible between both of you.

 

I second the advice about time. Consistency with your words and actions means the world about your character. Be genuine. Be honest, not just with her but yourself. Let things develop naturally. If it's meant to be then it will be 🩷 good luck!

[MrJJ]

@Andriel_Isilien This is an awesome response and amazing suggestions, thank you so much. My brain just gets stuck in a certain way of thinking and I have a hard time breaking out of it or thinking of fun things or ways to do things. Thank you again, I will try some of these.

[Plum]

Regarding getting to understand your new little friend, something that my Daddy had me do when we had barely first started exploring our dynamic together was to just write a little fun short story about what my dream "best little day ever" would look like. It helped me to understand more about what I actually liked about the lifestyle in a fun and creative way where I didn't feel like I was being pressured with questions, and he didn't have to wrack his brain thinking of different things to ask me. No stressy, just a little story about a littlespace adventure day! We did it short story style so that I could really let loose, get creative, and just let the littlespace out without it seeming like a quiz or something. Maybe something like that could work! Best of luck! ^^

Edited June 17 by Plum

[DD1702]

Sounds like she is still suffering with some trauma from her previous daddy

just be patient 

don’t push her to be little that will come when she is ready

be supportive and comforting most of all let her do things at her speed