Age-gap being a kink

[BabyPoppy]

I have read a lot lately about age-gap being called a kink or desired part of a relationship... I am a bit confused by this.... before I was into BDSM, DDLG, or anything more than basic hand holding really... I was always interested in older partners. Not sure that it was a kink per se... more of a what I was comfortable with, but now that I'm in my mid 40s it is much more difficult to find someone 10 - 15 years older than me, willing to take on my energetic personality... Plus I have kids and many partners do not want that anymore... I have noticed that I am more attracted to maturity than a physical age... so it's not necessarily the age (meaning physical number of years alive), but more the maturity level of my partner that more draws me toward another person... Someone who has their life figured out and is able to be at peace, is much more appealing than someone who is still juggling multiple responsibilities and the drama that come with younger adulthood... 

Is this similar for Daddies? I am a little so I see things from my perspective... Do daddies maybe look for little that have some innocence to their thinking, and a need to have help with some stuff... not that we cannot be successful adults... I manage a lot as a professional teacher, team leader, and single Mom, but the submissive part of me, the little girl deep within needs guidance and nurturing, too.  Is the age-gap thing more a thing of how we view the world?

I think I'm trying to understand... 

[Lil_K47]

that's a really good question and I'm curious about the responses!

[MissNMTX]

I think desiring an age gap is very natural in this dynamic. Very natural. I think you are also 100% correct that age has absolutely no correlation to maturity. So, even though it's natural to look for an older daddy, it may not be what you need to feel the best in your dynamic. Does that make sense? Just to say I've engaged with younger guys who were much more mature as men than some older ones.

The second part is much more interesting to me personally. I'm very independent, capable, and responsible in my everyday life, but likewise I have a piece deep inside me that needs  nurturing and care, tenderness. I'm also, a middle so not quite like what most people are familiar with.. I have a difficult time bringing out my middle side, it sort of needs to be encouraged and supported out of me. I've found most daddies seem to enjoy something a bit younger in tone and theme. I'd be curious what daddies have to say about that.

 

[Cebakes]

2 hours ago, BabyPoppy said:

I have read a lot lately about age-gap being called a kink or desired part of a relationship... I am a bit confused by this.... before I was into BDSM, DDLG, or anything more than basic hand holding really... I was always interested in older partners. Not sure that it was a kink per se... more of a what I was comfortable with, but now that I'm in my mid 40s it is much more difficult to find someone 10 - 15 years older than me, willing to take on my energetic personality... Plus I have kids and many partners do not want that anymore... I have noticed that I am more attracted to maturity than a physical age... so it's not necessarily the age (meaning physical number of years alive), but more the maturity level of my partner that more draws me toward another person... Someone who has their life figured out and is able to be at peace, is much more appealing than someone who is still juggling multiple responsibilities and the drama that come with younger adulthood... 

Is this similar for Daddies? I am a little so I see things from my perspective... Do daddies maybe look for little that have some innocence to their thinking, and a need to have help with some stuff... not that we cannot be successful adults... I manage a lot as a professional teacher, team leader, and single Mom, but the submissive part of me, the little girl deep within needs guidance and nurturing, too.  Is the age-gap thing more a thing of how we view the world?

I think I'm trying to understand... 

Your interest and desires are all very normal for a woman in her 40s. I would not give up or become frustrated on finding someone in that desired age range.  Being honest, I’ve been looking for a middle in her 40’s for almost 2 years….ugh

I think most daddies who have a little or middle have that desire and passion to  help with certain things.  That’s kind of natural and should be easy for most daddies. 
I would be concerned if a daddy did not show an interest in that. 

29 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

I think desiring an age gap is very natural in this dynamic. Very natural. I think you are also 100% correct that age has absolutely no correlation to maturity. So, even though it's natural to look for an older daddy, it may not be what you need to feel the best in your dynamic. Does that make sense? Just to say I've engaged with younger guys who were much more mature as men than some older ones.

The second part is much more interesting to me personally. I'm very independent, capable, and responsible in my everyday life, but likewise I have a piece deep inside me that needs  nurturing and care, tenderness. I'm also, a middle so not quite like what most people are familiar with.. I have a difficult time bringing out my middle side, it sort of needs to be encouraged and supported out of me. I've found most daddies seem to enjoy something a bit younger in tone and theme. I'd be curious what daddies have to say about that.

 

Would I turn down “something a bit younger in tone and theme?  Probably not, but I’ve been very focused on trying  to find middles or subs in their 40s.  I’m on Fet and I do get messages from women in in their 40s and 50s, but they are always far away!!  They say the same thing to me in their messages about wanting a daddy. 

Some daddies  should evaluate and take a look at things out there and be more open to older women and middles. Life is going to pass them by while they sit around, searching for “something younger in tone and theme”. They also need to face the reality, as they get older, the majority of younger women are not going to be interested in them. 

i’m pretty confident I could bring out the goofy, silly, carefree, teen side of an older middle.

[MissNMTX]

@Cebakes your post sounds completely reasonable. I'm a bit shocked honestly.😂

[BabyPoppy]

1 hour ago, MissNMTX said:

I think desiring an age gap is very natural in this dynamic. Very natural. I think you are also 100% correct that age has absolutely no correlation to maturity. So, even though it's natural to look for an older daddy, it may not be what you need to feel the best in your dynamic. Does that make sense? Just to say I've engaged with younger guys who were much more mature as men than some older ones.

The second part is much more interesting to me personally. I'm very independent, capable, and responsible in my everyday life, but likewise I have a piece deep inside me that needs  nurturing and care, tenderness. I'm also, a middle so not quite like what most people are familiar with.. I have a difficult time bringing out my middle side, it sort of needs to be encouraged and supported out of me. I've found most daddies seem to enjoy something a bit younger in tone and theme. I'd be curious what daddies have to say about that.

 

As I have explored my little mostly on my own, I feel very little and more connected to 2 - 3 age in littlespace, I think because it is easiest to do on my own... snuggles with stuffies, paci, online stories, cute cartoons and fun clothes all help get me there. But there are times where I definitely feel little and act totally like a 7-9 year old or even a tween... I think most of this is something that will continue to evolve as I grow closer to a Daddy and feel safe enough to really be little around him.

As I think about it, I kinda think of littlespace as more of a part of who I am, since I am later to the game... I really had "embraced my little self" as I grew through adulthood, before  I knew about DDLG. The coloring, crafting, Legos, watching little shows, dressing in cute clothes and having cute accessories, was all a part of who I am and I just went with it. If I was judged for it, I walked away, hurt for a while, but I always found people who liked me again... (the good thing about teaching preschool, you are expected to be a kid at least part of the time). lol   

Once I learned there were actually others like me, I tried to fit myself into a mold of I must be this age or that age or express myself this way or that way, but I was so unhappy being just one thing! My litttlespace is very eccentric and eclectic... as I hope all littles are, because we are unique people with individual hopes, dreams and lives. To say I am 2 -3 yrs old in littlespace, really means nothing... because sometimes, I am really 12, (making a 3D wooden puzzle of Hello Kitty is not for a 3 yr old!) Even what I color is not really for a 3 yr old... I'm more in the realm of a 5 yr old when I color... When I trust a Daddy or little friend and share my head space with them, it really means something. I agree with your statement about bringing out your middle side "sort of needs to be encouraged and supported out of me" but sometimes, I have already gotten there myself and it just falls all over the place in a big mess that I need help sorting out, too. It really depends on the day or what is going on in my life. 

Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing!

[Lil_K47]

5 minutes ago, BabyPoppy said:

As I have explored my little mostly on my own, I feel very little and more connected to 2 - 3 age in littlespace, I think because it is easiest to do on my own... snuggles with stuffies, paci, online stories, cute cartoons and fun clothes all help get me there. But there are times where I definitely feel little and act totally like a 7-9 year old or even a tween... I think most of this is something that will continue to evolve as I grow closer to a Daddy and feel safe enough to really be little around him.

As I think about it, I kinda think of littlespace as more of a part of who I am, since I am later to the game... I really had "embraced my little self" as I grew through adulthood, before  I knew about DDLG. The coloring, crafting, Legos, watching little shows, dressing in cute clothes and having cute accessories, was all a part of who I am and I just went with it. If I was judged for it, I walked away, hurt for a while, but I always found people who liked me again... (the good thing about teaching preschool, you are expected to be a kid at least part of the time). lol   

Once I learned there were actually others like me, I tried to fit myself into a mold of I must be this age or that age or express myself this way or that way, but I was so unhappy being just one thing! My litttlespace is very eccentric and eclectic... as I hope all littles are, because we are unique people with individual hopes, dreams and lives. To say I am 2 -3 yrs old in littlespace, really means nothing... because sometimes, I am really 12, (making a 3D wooden puzzle of Hello Kitty is not for a 3 yr old!) Even what I color is not really for a 3 yr old... I'm more in the realm of a 5 yr old when I color... When I trust a Daddy or little friend and share my head space with them, it really means something. I agree with your statement about bringing out your middle side "sort of needs to be encouraged and supported out of me" but sometimes, I have already gotten there myself and it just falls all over the place in a big mess that I need help sorting out, too. It really depends on the day or what is going on in my life. 

Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing!

@BabyPoppy well said!! you my friend are a smart,beautiful,intelligent woman and I'm so glad we're friends! 🥰

[Josey Wales]

We all are unique in the dynamic with a multitude of desires. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men , for you it might be a kink for others not so much.  It’s difficult to find the “ONE” but not impossible. Patience is the key but in the mean time this forum has the most wonderful people on it where you can voice your opinion be supported and be supportive of others. 

[DeadStarsStillBurn]

I'm a Daddy and find a similar thing. The older I get, the broader the range of people I'm attracted to. I am still attracted to 18+ but I'm 42 and find myself attracted to some people into their 50's or 60's. The thing for me though is that I've dated all over the age range from 18 to 58, and I've found that the only people who seem to be ready to just take the plunge and get into a relationship and stick with it for anything approaching long term have been people 18-25. People 26+ have, in my experience, had this "I just don't know what, exactly, it is that I want" air about them that keeps getting in the way of relationships because they don't want to commit to anything, they don't want to build a solid foundation together, they frequently get so involved in baggage with an ex (understandable but still frustrating), etc. that the relationships founder and don't amount to much. Or alternatively, they are littles who have gone so long without a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver that they've just learned to take care of themselves (which is commendable and I can't fault them for it, but when they won't let you in at all, it is an impediment).

So I do not fetishize an age, I just find that as I'm matching with people on dating apps, the 26-35 yo's tend to ghost after 3-4 days of otherwise seemingly playful banter back and forth and the 35-55+ year olds seem to get into a relationship but say they want me to be in charge but then end up trying to top from the bottom instead of just bottoming or they just get into their own heads about stuff and kind of short circuit the relationship.

I am sure that no one will read this caveat and will jump up my ass about what I've written, but I am going to make this caveat anyway: obviously I am certain there are people of all ages all over the world who would make great partners, great littles, great subs, great playmates, great friends, etc. I just do not seem, for whatever reason, to match with them or retain them, so my lived experience leads me to conclude ANECDOTALLY (because I can't have a sample size > 1 for my own lived experience) that it seems generally that the 18-25yo crowd is who seeks me out and sticks around for at least a few years at a stretch (though obviously I would personally like a forever partner and am always sad and disappointed when those relationships do not stand the test of time).

So yes, I would say for me as a Daddy it comes down to the behavior of the person, but certain behaviors seem to be more common among certain age ranges, and it seems like the "what the hell, let's go for it and see what we can build together" attitude is most common amount younger women in America in my own personal experience. Since I am established and stable, I don't mind that those younger women are still figuring their own lives out because I can afford to buy dinner etc.

[BabyPoppy]

1 hour ago, DeadStarsStillBurn said:

I'm a Daddy and find a similar thing. The older I get, the broader the range of people I'm attracted to. I am still attracted to 18+ but I'm 42 and find myself attracted to some people into their 50's or 60's. The thing for me though is that I've dated all over the age range from 18 to 58, and I've found that the only people who seem to be ready to just take the plunge and get into a relationship and stick with it for anything approaching long term have been people 18-25. People 26+ have, in my experience, had this "I just don't know what, exactly, it is that I want" air about them that keeps getting in the way of relationships because they don't want to commit to anything, they don't want to build a solid foundation together, they frequently get so involved in baggage with an ex (understandable but still frustrating), etc. that the relationships founder and don't amount to much. Or alternatively, they are littles who have gone so long without a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver that they've just learned to take care of themselves (which is commendable and I can't fault them for it, but when they won't let you in at all, it is an impediment).

So I do not fetishize an age, I just find that as I'm matching with people on dating apps, the 26-35 yo's tend to ghost after 3-4 days of otherwise seemingly playful banter back and forth and the 35-55+ year olds seem to get into a relationship but say they want me to be in charge but then end up trying to top from the bottom instead of just bottoming or they just get into their own heads about stuff and kind of short circuit the relationship.

I am sure that no one will read this caveat and will jump up my ass about what I've written, but I am going to make this caveat anyway: obviously I am certain there are people of all ages all over the world who would make great partners, great littles, great subs, great playmates, great friends, etc. I just do not seem, for whatever reason, to match with them or retain them, so my lived experience leads me to conclude ANECDOTALLY (because I can't have a sample size > 1 for my own lived experience) that it seems generally that the 18-25yo crowd is who seeks me out and sticks around for at least a few years at a stretch (though obviously I would personally like a forever partner and am always sad and disappointed when those relationships do not stand the test of time).

So yes, I would say for me as a Daddy it comes down to the behavior of the person, but certain behaviors seem to be more common among certain age ranges, and it seems like the "what the hell, let's go for it and see what we can build together" attitude is most common amount younger women in America in my own personal experience. Since I am established and stable, I don't mind that those younger women are still figuring their own lives out because I can afford to buy dinner etc.

Thank you for you perspective! Powerful words come when we share from our own experiences.  Thank you for your vulnerability here. 

[MissNMTX]

@DeadStarsStillBurnThank you for sharing your perspective. As you write, I can see where certain similar things have happened in the past.

The downside being, if you don't find a good fit from an earlier age you really do have to care for yourself and then you run across a potential daddy and he doesn't appreciate that about you are for you. It really is the strangest catch 22 to try and navigate.

[Lil_K47]

@DeadStarsStillBurn thanks so much for sharing! Very heartfelt response! I wish you the best of luck! Sending big hugs!

[DeadStarsStillBurn]

23 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

@DeadStarsStillBurnThank you for sharing your perspective. As you write, I can see where certain similar things have happened in the past.

The downside being, if you don't find a good fit from an earlier age you really do have to care for yourself and then you run across a potential daddy and he doesn't appreciate that about you are for you. It really is the strangest catch 22 to try and navigate.

I think we often take people off all ages for granted. I feel like I have been taken for granted by younger, older, and same age partners.

[BabyPoppy]

59 minutes ago, DeadStarsStillBurn said:

I think we often take people off all ages for granted. I feel like I have been taken for granted by younger, older, and same age partners.

It's really difficult to find people who we connect with, add in life experience,  and dynamic expectations and it's really a hot mess sometimes. 

I hear all the time that slow and steady is best (thank you Aesop for that tale), but that seems so overwhelming the older I get, but also so much more necessary! 

To quote another of my beloved authors... "a person's a person no matter how small" Dr. Seuss... I believe every age, including little or big head space, has it's joys and challenges,  but our hearts are what really matters. 

Thanks for all the beautiful conversation here! 

[DeadStarsStillBurn]

I'm fine to go slower, but at 42 I don't have infinite life left to live and not all of it is going to be in a body that is sort enough to travel, dance, give Piggy back rides, etc so I really want a partner NOW because I hear it will be too late to give her all the things she deserves to have when I am infirm. I just want to enjoy my life with someone and it's hard.