Heartbroken and empty

[MrBrian]

My Little Girl and I had an amazing relationship; soul mates even, twin flames, best friends, Dom/Sub, Daddy/Little. We assumed the DDLG roles naturally with almost no effort. We had a strong relationship like that for 6 years... but she wasn't healthy. Her mental health spiraled after she started to skip and miss therapy sessions and her illness caught up with her and then bled into our relationship. I had to do the most painful and unthinkable thing in my life and leave.

Now, where Daddy used to be is... nothing. Nothing feels right to me anymore. No relationship I can imagine feels as natural. And trying to explain the special dynamics behind the DDLG relationship usually leads to harsh judgment, even among the other lifestyle communities, so normal grief o  support groups I've found don't seem to touch upon this subject. And while every part of my brain knows I needed to get out, the other part of my brain feels like a complete failure that just abandoned my Little Girl.

I don't have any way to describe this kind of grief, and I don't think society has any way to describe this grief. All I know is that it's more painful loss than any other kind of relationship I've been in, even my 19 year marriage!

[Lil_K47]

hi and Welcone! i'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time right now!! we have a club here called the lighthouse Circle, everyone there is very warm and welcoming and it's a great place to get your feelings and frustrations out! And the folks there give some really sound advice. Grief and healing is a process that takes time which I'm sure you know. Hang in there you've come to the right place for support!

[NR_Daddy]

I'm sorry things have turned out like that for you. I can relate to your loss, albeit in a slightly different way.

Can I suggest to you that you should consider seeking professional help in the form of therapy?
The last thing that should come out of this is that your mental health declines to a point where you're in a downward spiral.

Is there any hope your ex little will realise her mistake, go back to therapy and get herself back on track, or is it beyond that? You need to decide if it's totally over in order to heal and be able to move on.

[Guest Cebakes]

6 hours ago, MrBrian said:

My Little Girl and I had an amazing relationship; soul mates even, twin flames, best friends, Dom/Sub, Daddy/Little. We assumed the DDLG roles naturally with almost no effort. We had a strong relationship like that for 6 years... but she wasn't healthy. Her mental health spiraled after she started to skip and miss therapy sessions and her illness caught up with her and then bled into our relationship. I had to do the most painful and unthinkable thing in my life and leave.

Now, where Daddy used to be is... nothing. Nothing feels right to me anymore. No relationship I can imagine feels as natural. And trying to explain the special dynamics behind the DDLG relationship usually leads to harsh judgment, even among the other lifestyle communities, so normal grief o  support groups I've found don't seem to touch upon this subject. And while every part of my brain knows I needed to get out, the other part of my brain feels like a complete failure that just abandoned my Little Girl.

I don't have any way to describe this kind of grief, and I don't think society has any way to describe this grief. All I know is that it's more painful loss than any other kind of relationship I've been in, even my 19 year marriage!

Sorry  for your loss. I can relate to what you are going through and was in an amazing ddlg relationship from 2019-2023.    It was supposed to be a summer fling for her, a new experience, it ended up being like a DDLG romance novel. While our break up was mutual due to our age gap, and needing to move on with our lives, it was devastating. I lost my little girl, girlfriend, and best friend.  I really had no one to talk to it about, my adult children became aware of our relationship and warned me that this was going to happen.   

It’s going to take time to heal. Getting counseling is not a bad idea.  I did a fair amount of reading about break ups at that time, and a normal break up takes several months to get over. These type of breakups are not what I would describe normal and it really is going to take you some time to get over it.

Have  you tried to add things to your life that will take your mind off of this? Exercise, going to the gym, reading is highly recommended, self improvement,.  It’s probably going to take time before you are comfortable talking to another woman, dating, and entering into another DDLG.  Don’t rush into anything or settle. 

Like you, my little girl did have a dark side and some demons.  You need to hold on and remember all of the good times with your little girl, but her issues are always going to prohibit her from having a healthy relationship with you.

Best of luck. It will get better and you will move on. 
 

 

 

 

 

[MrBrian]

 

 

On 7/24/2025 at 7:33 AM, Cebakes said:

Sorry  for your loss. I can relate to what you are going through and was in an amazing ddlg relationship from 2019-2023.    It was supposed to be a summer fling for her, a new experience, it ended up being like a DDLG romance novel. While our break up was mutual due to our age gap, and needing to move on with our lives, it was devastating. I lost my little girl, girlfriend, and best friend.  I really had no one to talk to it about, my adult children became aware of our relationship and warned me that this was going to happen.   

It’s going to take time to heal. Getting counseling is not a bad idea.  I did a fair amount of reading about break ups at that time, and a normal break up takes several months to get over. These type of breakups are not what I would describe normal and it really is going to take you some time to get over it.

Have  you tried to add things to your life that will take your mind off of this? Exercise, going to the gym, reading is highly recommended, self improvement,.  It’s probably going to take time before you are comfortable talking to another woman, dating, and entering into another DDLG.  Don’t rush into anything or settle. 

Like you, my little girl did have a dark side and some demons.  You need to hold on and remember all of the good times with your little girl, but her issues are always going to prohibit her from having a healthy relationship with you.

Best of luck. It will get better and you will move on. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for the reply! I do have quite a bit of activities I shifted a lot of focus on. It's the stupid little things that trigger me just when I'm doing OK. Like walking through Walmart and passing the fitting rooms and looking at the shelf where she used to ask me what she should wear our next weekend together. Everything, and I mean everything attached to that single moment just hits all at once -  not just my girlfriend, but as everything else we were.

Luckily, burying myself in solder fumes and rebuilding retro video game consoles as my side business fills in a lot of that gap since she had no interest in that. But I'm sick of these stupid little nothing moments throughout the course of the rest of my day, creating this cascade of emotions!

This loss goes well beyond a normal relationship. I'm fortunate that I already have a therapist anyhow who already knows me, just not the dynamic she and I had. Unfortunately, a week before our blowout, my therapist went on maternity leave for 5 months! 

 

[MrBrian]

On 7/24/2025 at 6:08 AM, NR_Daddy said:

I'm sorry things have turned out like that for you. I can relate to your loss, albeit in a slightly different way.

Can I suggest to you that you should consider seeking professional help in the form of therapy?
The last thing that should come out of this is that your mental health declines to a point where you're in a downward spiral.

Is there any hope your ex little will realise her mistake, go back to therapy and get herself back on track, or is it beyond that? You need to decide if it's totally over in order to heal and be able to move on.

It's beyond that hope. She caused a lot of pain and trauma on her way out of the relationship. On one hand, at least when I start thinking about "maybe one day" and grieving for that... I remind myself "but there was the brutal torture you endured..." and then my mind snaps out of fantasy land. 

Unmanage Borderline Personality Disorder is something I hope nobody ever has to be the target of!!

[Lil Baby Stoner]

I have dealt with this but I was the person that got left and honestly I don’t blame him I wasn’t in an okay head space anymore I was so sad he left but I went to therapy and realized I wasn’t mad he choice to save himself and I’m glad he did him leaving me at my darkest time actually saved me I went to therapy and made some major life changes it sucked but I can say now almost 4 years later it was for the best on both parties 

[BabyPoppy]

2 hours ago, MrBrian said:

It's beyond that hope. She caused a lot of pain and trauma on her way out of the relationship. On one hand, at least when I start thinking about "maybe one day" and grieving for that... I remind myself "but there was the brutal torture you endured..." and then my mind snaps out of fantasy land. 

Unmanage Borderline Personality Disorder is something I hope nobody ever has to be the target of!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is so difficult to deal with unmanaged BPD. My mother has it and has never received treatment.  

As a little I cannot understand what you're going through, but I did leave my husband for mental health issues, bipolar disorder. He was dangerous and it was scary. We left with what fit in the car and started over.  Almost a decade later and I'm still in weekly therapy.  Wounds like that are deep. Mental illness is painful not just for the person who suffers, but for those of us who love them, too.

 

I'm glad you have a therapist you trust, maybe someone in the office can see you until she comes back?