is this a red flag?

[prettylittlepumpkin]

i wish this post could be anonymous but here goes. i've been connecting with a few people (mostly cgs) on here and most of the time i'm able to recognize when someone gives me "the ick" but with ddlg i've found it can be difficult.

for starters, i've never had a ddlg relationship or a traditional one for that matter, so when it comes to connecting with potential matches i'm a bit at a loss. when someone opens up about their expectations, interests, kinks, etc. i see that a a green flag and therefore respond by doing the same. however i am hyper aware that some (especially men from my experience) out there are in it for the sex or kink of it all, and as someone who has experienced sa before i am terrified of being seen as an object or taken advance of. i am especially aware that ddlg is a form of escapism for many and lots of us struggle with mental health or trauma. 

that said, i started talking with a cg and they said something that i'm unsure how to feel about given i use little space as a form of escapism and closure. basically they said they want me to feel safe/secure enough til i don't need little space anymore. at first i was like safety yay but then i reread it and furrowed my brows at the idea of someone eventually wanting me not to be little. it makes me believe that this person might dislike my little tendencies and see it as someone who needs improvement rather than a vulnerability thing. is this a red flag? will i one day stop being little even though i enjoy it? can little space simply be about enjoyment and play rather than mental health/trauma? 

[Littlest-Ryan]

That's a hard one and I can't really say for sure. Perhaps you could ask them to expand on what they meant by that?

Assuming the best of intentions, they may mean that they wish you to feel so safe that you don't need the escapism of littlespace, but you can still be little if you want to. Not needing littlespace doesn't preclude still having littlespace because you like it and it makes you happy. That may be what they meant. Because little space can be about simply enjoyment and play. We all go into littlespace for our own reasons, and every single one of those reasons is valid  

[SweetLittleDreamer]

It’s really hard to know if it’s a red flag or not.. because that could be either. 

I would start by asking if he could further explain what he meant by it. If his hesitant to or it feels disingenuous then I would say it’s a red flag. 
 

I suggest seeking his clarification as he could have also meant that he simply wants little space to be somewhere you go because you enjoy it & not as an escape from things. 
 

but, I want to stress that I can’t say either way as I don’t have the context around it. So he is the best person to ask that & then decide from there. 
 

for your question of little space being about enjoyment and play.. absolutely it can, not all littles go into little space because they have past traumas. Theres a number of littles who go into little space simply because it brings them joy, to unwind if they have had a stressful day or for whatever reason they may. You won’t lose your little side if you find someone safe, in fact it may have the opposite effect, your little side may blossom and grow the more comfortable you feel with someone. 
 

some advice to leave you with, if your gut says something isn’t right.. listen to it, there’s usually a reason for it. 
If vibes change that’s ok, that’s part of getting to know someone & there’s nothing wrong with it. 
Never feel like you can’t ask advice & reach out to people on here, there are so many people who are a wealth of knowledge and give such good advice & they are always more then willing to help. 
 

anyway I hope I was able to help a little 

[beanbean]

21 hours ago, prettylittlepumpkin said:

i wish this post could be anonymous but here goes. i've been connecting with a few people (mostly cgs) on here and most of the time i'm able to recognize when someone gives me "the ick" but with ddlg i've found it can be difficult.

for starters, i've never had a ddlg relationship or a traditional one for that matter, so when it comes to connecting with potential matches i'm a bit at a loss. when someone opens up about their expectations, interests, kinks, etc. i see that a a green flag and therefore respond by doing the same. however i am hyper aware that some (especially men from my experience) out there are in it for the sex or kink of it all, and as someone who has experienced sa before i am terrified of being seen as an object or taken advance of. i am especially aware that ddlg is a form of escapism for many and lots of us struggle with mental health or trauma. 

that said, i started talking with a cg and they said something that i'm unsure how to feel about given i use little space as a form of escapism and closure. basically they said they want me to feel safe/secure enough til i don't need little space anymore. at first i was like safety yay but then i reread it and furrowed my brows at the idea of someone eventually wanting me not to be little. it makes me believe that this person might dislike my little tendencies and see it as someone who needs improvement rather than a vulnerability thing. is this a red flag? will i one day stop being little even though i enjoy it? can little space simply be about enjoyment and play rather than mental health/trauma? 

I would ask them what they meant by it if they explain it to your satisfaction then cool . But also the answer if it’s not what your looking for doesn’t mean it is a red flag as much as what your not looking for

[Lil_K47]

@SweetLittleDreamer

@Littlest-Ryan

Great advice ladies!

As someone who hasn't had any major trauma in their own personal life, little space isn't really somewhere that I go to particularly escape anything. I mean after a long day at work I want to go home, unwind and you know maybe color, watch cartoons, craft... whatever! but I'm not really going there to escape anything. I'm going there because I enjoy it and it's my me time!

 

So I most definitely agree with everyone who's already commented , it would be best to ask this caregiver to elaborate.

and really,  take this from somebody older ,it is wise to hold back some of the more intimate details of what you enjoy until you've really gotten to know someone.  because if you're anything like me, and you get excited with that whole , oh this is new! you start doing and saying some things that you may regret in the long run.

Until you're sure someone genuinely wants to get to know you, I would keep the conversation light and friendlywith getting to know you questions. And then if you feel comfortable enough with them to start discussing the more intimate things, that's OK. But don't rush it! You should never feel like you have to share just because they did! You do things at your own pace in your own time! 

Hope everybody suggestions help you out! Big hugs! 

 

[MissAnna]

On 7/24/2025 at 1:10 AM, prettylittlepumpkin said:

i wish this post could be anonymous but here goes. i've been connecting with a few people (mostly cgs) on here and most of the time i'm able to recognize when someone gives me "the ick" but with ddlg i've found it can be difficult.

for starters, i've never had a ddlg relationship or a traditional one for that matter, so when it comes to connecting with potential matches i'm a bit at a loss. when someone opens up about their expectations, interests, kinks, etc. i see that a a green flag and therefore respond by doing the same. however i am hyper aware that some (especially men from my experience) out there are in it for the sex or kink of it all, and as someone who has experienced sa before i am terrified of being seen as an object or taken advance of. i am especially aware that ddlg is a form of escapism for many and lots of us struggle with mental health or trauma. 

that said, i started talking with a cg and they said something that i'm unsure how to feel about given i use little space as a form of escapism and closure. basically they said they want me to feel safe/secure enough til i don't need little space anymore. at first i was like safety yay but then i reread it and furrowed my brows at the idea of someone eventually wanting me not to be little. it makes me believe that this person might dislike my little tendencies and see it as someone who needs improvement rather than a vulnerability thing. is this a red flag? will i one day stop being little even though i enjoy it? can little space simply be about enjoyment and play rather than mental health/trauma? 

Little space doesn't have to be because of trauma or mental health 

Plenty of littles on here are little without having a traumatic upbringing. 

I was a Dom before I was a little and yes I had a traumatic upbringing but that wasn't the reasons I became a Mommy Dom. And now I am a middle, something that I love being because it helps me not have to focus on control and I enjoy it. Yes I still have my Mommy Side at times, but I love being a middle.

Is what they said a red flag?

Honestly I'm not sure, but what I do know is that you have to do what's right for you. 

Having someone say they want you to step away from little space is like someone asking me to stop eating gummy bears, which is unfair and as well as hurtful. 

So please no matter what you choose make sure you choose the right path for you, not the path someone wants you to take. Because you are worthy of being loved just the way you are.