DDlg: Relationship or dynamic?

[the_trucking_pawpaw]

Is DDlg a relationship? Or is it a dynamic? How about this: we have a relationship with a dynamic. Why do I ask this question? This statement: "We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic." I accepted this statement for awhile, but after a couple of weeks it started to get to me, especially the way things have been for the last week. I've been told I'm valid. I've been told I'm valued. I'm worth it. Yet, I don't feel it. I don't feel valued that's for sure. And as long as I'm not getting communication I will continue to feel that way about it. To be honest, the above statement gives me a sense of attempting to detach oneself from emotional involvement. Well, relationships are emotionally involved. Without that I don't know what it is exactly, but it's not a relationship.

 

So, what is a relationship? A Google search defines relationships like this: In the context of interpersonal connections, a relationship is the overarching state of connection between two or more individuals. What exactly does that mean? It is the general state of being connected to someone. It encompasses the overall bond and connection between individuals. Relationships can be romantic, platonic, familial, professional or casual. The term relationship implies connection and ongoing interaction.

 

OK. So, what then is a dynamic. Google defines a dynamic as: the specific patterns of interaction, communication, and emotional exchange within a relationship. Do you see now why I question the aforementioned statement? No, DDlg is not a relationship by definition. So, what is DDlg? It is the dynamics of the relationship. Whether our relationship is in-person and romantically involved or strictly online as a caregiver and little, it's still a relationship. DDlg is the dynamic that describes how we behave, react and communicate with each other in whatever shape the relationship takes form. 

 

"We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic."

 

Understanding the definition of those two words, relationship and dynamic, I'm not sure what to do with that statement. I'm emotionally involved. I'm emotionally connected. It leaves me unsure of where I stand. I don't feel valued now, having this knowledge. I don't feel I'm treated as being worthy. We value honesty in the relationship and dynamic. What about respect? Respect for me as a Daddy and you as a little. I don't feel respected. I don't feel honored by the term. I should, but now I don’t. Because I don't feel like the relationship or the dynamic are being respected. Respect. For me as a person, as an emotional creature.

 

So, now what do we do with these two words. I can separate them in this post. Relationship. Dynamic. That was easy. Can they be separated from each other in life? Can you have a relationship without dynamics? Can you have dynamics without a relationship? As defined, I don't believe so. They go hand-in-hand. And they come with emotions. If you take away one or more of those three things what is left? What do we call it? Emotional detachment? If we can detach ourselves emotionally we don't feel the obligation of guilt or shame for hurting someone else emotionally. I can't detach my emotions. Whether you like it or not it is a relationship. Even if we're just online friends, it's still a relationship. With dynamics.

 

I don't know what to do with this now.

Relationship.

Dynamic.

I am emotionally involved.

[DaddysMonkey]

I will be back to reply to this - just marking my piss spot here so I don’t forget to drop Monkey wisdom. 

[MissAnna]

46 minutes ago, the_trucking_pawpaw said:

Is DDlg a relationship? Or is it a dynamic? How about this: we have a relationship with a dynamic. Why do I ask this question? This statement: "We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic." I accepted this statement for awhile, but after a couple of weeks it started to get to me, especially the way things have been for the last week. I've been told I'm valid. I've been told I'm valued. I'm worth it. Yet, I don't feel it. I don't feel valued that's for sure. And as long as I'm not getting communication I will continue to feel that way about it. To be honest, the above statement gives me a sense of attempting to detach oneself from emotional involvement. Well, relationships are emotionally involved. Without that I don't know what it is exactly, but it's not a relationship.

 

So, what is a relationship? A Google search defines relationships like this: In the context of interpersonal connections, a relationship is the overarching state of connection between two or more individuals. What exactly does that mean? It is the general state of being connected to someone. It encompasses the overall bond and connection between individuals. Relationships can be romantic, platonic, familial, professional or casual. The term relationship implies connection and ongoing interaction.

 

OK. So, what then is a dynamic. Google defines a dynamic as: the specific patterns of interaction, communication, and emotional exchange within a relationship. Do you see now why I question the aforementioned statement? No, DDlg is not a relationship by definition. So, what is DDlg? It is the dynamics of the relationship. Whether our relationship is in-person and romantically involved or strictly online as a caregiver and little, it's still a relationship. DDlg is the dynamic that describes how we behave, react and communicate with each other in whatever shape the relationship takes form. 

 

"We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic."

 

Understanding the definition of those two words, relationship and dynamic, I'm not sure what to do with that statement. I'm emotionally involved. I'm emotionally connected. It leaves me unsure of where I stand. I don't feel valued now, having this knowledge. I don't feel I'm treated as being worthy. We value honesty in the relationship and dynamic. What about respect? Respect for me as a Daddy and you as a little. I don't feel respected. I don't feel honored by the term. I should, but now I don’t. Because I don't feel like the relationship or the dynamic are being respected. Respect. For me as a person, as an emotional creature.

 

So, now what do we do with these two words. I can separate them in this post. Relationship. Dynamic. That was easy. Can they be separated from each other in life? Can you have a relationship without dynamics? Can you have dynamics without a relationship? As defined, I don't believe so. They go hand-in-hand. And they come with emotions. If you take away one or more of those three things what is left? What do we call it? Emotional detachment? If we can detach ourselves emotionally we don't feel the obligation of guilt or shame for hurting someone else emotionally. I can't detach my emotions. Whether you like it or not it is a relationship. Even if we're just online friends, it's still a relationship. With dynamics.

 

I don't know what to do with this now.

Relationship.

Dynamic.

I am emotionally involved.

This is so true, it is a relationship that you build with someone, regardless if they say it's just a dynamic. Feelings will always come into play when entering a dynamic or relationship whichever way you want to call it.

I'm so sorry you dont feel valued or even worthy. 

Remember we are here for you, you have a giant community behind you that will support you. 

Please remember you truly do matter, you are worthy of love and you are valued.

 

 

[-Soul-]

Hello! Hi! Friendly neighbourhood Soul here!

First off, I just want to say thank you for putting this out there with such raw honesty. It takes courage to speak from a place of emotional vulnerability, especially in a community where people can sometimes hide behind semantics or roles instead of addressing the human side of things.

You’re absolutely right to question that statement: “We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic.” Because, truth be told, that phrase sounds like a wall, something someone might say to maintain emotional distance while still reaping the comfort, structure, or attention that comes with being in a dynamic. But here’s the thing: even dynamics are relationships. The DDlg structure doesn’t exempt us from basic emotional truths.

A dynamic isn't a sterile machine running on protocols, it’s two (or more) people interacting through a shared understanding, yes, but also through emotion, care, and connection. What you’ve described, being emotionally involved, wanting mutual respect, needing communication, that’s not weakness. That’s the foundation of any healthy relationship, regardless of its flavor.

And let’s be clear: respect goes both ways. As a Care Giver, you deserve to feel heard, valued, and seen! not just for what you provide, but for who you are. If someone is leaning on the "it's just a dynamic" line to avoid emotional accountability, that's not a structure issue; it's a boundary and care issue.

We don't get into this lifestyle to play house with our feelings turned off. DDlg isn’t just about roles, it’s about safety, connection, and, yes, love (in whatever form that takes). When that connection starts to feel one-sided or dismissed, it hurts. And you're right again: relationship and dynamic aren't mutually exclusive. They coexist! just like structure and emotion should.

You’re not wrong for wanting both. You’re not "too much" for expecting communication, emotional reciprocity, and respect. You’re just someone who values the real connections this lifestyle can offer and if you feel like that’s missing, it’s okay to name that, and to re-evaluate what’s best for your heart.

Thanks for voicing what I know many in this space have felt. Keep holding that standard! you deserve nothing less.

With respect,
—Soul

 

P.S - sorry if anything I said was a hard truth and upset you, I am rooting for you 

Edited July 24 by -Soul-

[the_trucking_pawpaw]

Thank you both so much! I guess I needed to hear that. The last week jas been a strain for all involved by things I can't relate here. One person chose to step back. We are still friends and that's ok. Now, it's just the two of us, but it does feel one-sided. She doesn't "need rules" but I think some rules are long overdue lol. And a longer discussion of expectations. 

[Lil_K47]

i'm really sorry you've had a rough week, I'm not gonna try to offer up any more advice because I think Miss Anna and Mr Soul said everything really well! You most definitely do deserve to feel valued and if you're not getting that out of your relationship/dynamic whatever you wanna call it then perhaps you are doing the right thing by taking a step back and reevaluating. 

Know that we're all here to listen to what you have to say, and your thoughts are valued here! we will offer all the emotional support that we can! Big hugs, and hoping the coming weeks will start the healing process for you. 

[Little kaiya]

For my Daddy and I the relationship comes first and foremost with the DDlg dynamic inside that bigger bubble.

There may be times of stress or crisis that necessitate we set the DDlg dynamic to one side temporarily but neither of us can foresee something that would lead us to set our relationship aside. For instance, when my Daddy had surgery He needed additional physical care and support so that's what I provided to Him. It doesn't mean a gentle Daddy cuddle was off the table but it did mean He needed a supportive adult partner which is what He had because of the relationship.

Honestly if He told me, "we don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic.", I'd be out. Without that emotional connection I personally don't understand or see the point.

[the_trucking_pawpaw]

1 hour ago, Little kaiya said:

For my Daddy and I the relationship comes first and foremost with the DDlg dynamic inside that bigger bubble.

There may be times of stress or crisis that necessitate we set the DDlg dynamic to one side temporarily but neither of us can foresee something that would lead us to set our relationship aside. For instance, when my Daddy had surgery He needed additional physical care and support so that's what I provided to Him. It doesn't mean a gentle Daddy cuddle was off the table but it did mean He needed a supportive adult partner which is what He had because of the relationship.

Honestly if He told me, "we don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic.", I'd be out. Without that emotional connection I personally don't understand or see the point.

I wholeheartedly agree. Even with that though it was hard to walk away. Once I'm emotionally invested that's it. And I will get invested. That's just who I am. I know the right little is out there. One that we fit each other. I do have takeaways. I understand the dynamic better for one. And I realize and understand my needs and wants from it. The needs to are most important of my all and the biggest need is a return on my emotional investment!

[the_trucking_pawpaw]

18 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

I will be back to reply to this - just marking my piss spot here so I don’t forget to drop Monkey wisdom. 

Still waiting for some Monkey wisdom lol

[DaddysMonkey]

32 minutes ago, the_trucking_pawpaw said:

Still waiting for some Monkey wisdom lol

I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK ! It’s hard to write my novels during work hours 😭

[shadowrider]

 I won't say a lot since others have laid a good foundation and I know DM will be back to frame it all out.

 I will say this is why I refuse to do platonic or babysitting. Feelings always get involved because we are humans and thats what we do. And to try and give someone the care they deserve in a relationship/dynamic without feelings is impossible and unrealistic. Why would I ask if you slept ok or if you remembered to eat if I didn't care ? I wouldn't. Why would I spend my time chatting with someone and learning about them if I didn't care on some level ? I wouldn't.

 Sounds like they want a (and I hate this term) situationship. Be here when I want you and for what I want and thats it. But even then, why would I want someone checking on me and doing things for me if I knew they didn't care one way or the other about me ? That to me is ridiculous. 

 Sometimes you have to put yourself first and do what is right for you.

 

 

[DaddysMonkey]

22 hours ago, the_trucking_pawpaw said:

"We don't have a relationship. We have a dynamic." I accepted this statement for awhile, but after a couple of weeks it started to get to me, especially the way things have been for the last week. I've been told I'm valid. I've been told I'm valued. I'm worth it. Yet, I don't feel it. I don't feel valued that's for sure. And as long as I'm not getting communication I will continue to feel that way about it. To be honest, the above statement gives me a sense of attempting to detach oneself from emotional involvement.

I am going to start with the thought that rings in my mind the most when reading your post : 

Do the labels of what you’re wishing to build (relationship or dynamic) really matter if one party is being left feeling the way you currently feel ? Not being valued , not feeling worthy , as though you’re a convenience rather than a partner. In my humble opinion before I even get into anything - it doesn’t matter. Neither of these labels matter if you feel the way you do and it will cause you damage in the long run and is not worth the blips of happiness you might catch in your net in between feeling unvalued and unworthy. No label matters if both parties aren’t putting equal energy into each other to begin with. I think you should sit with that a little bit - are you grasping at labels to try and create something to grab onto instead of letting it fade ? 
 

Even the most shallow interactions between people have equal rewards (to the parties involved - outsiders may disagree) such as sugar babies and sugar daddies , as the simplest example. Do you think a sugar daddy would continue to provide his sugar if he’s not getting any sugar in return ? Maybe if the guy is massively desperate for emotional or physical intimacy … but eventually that will dwindle as well. Along with the funds. 
 

I also consider if this was flipped. What if you were a female and a little that was making a post like this - being vulnerable and opening up about how you feel so unappreciated. Everyone would be up in arms and I’m sure much more people would reply how the Caregiver is an asshole and you should move on. 

Guess what I’m gunna say ? This chick is an asshole - and you should move on and invest time into yourself , whatever that looks like. 
Just from this post alone , I have no doubts that you have expressed your wants and desires - as well as possible outcomes for whatever ends up being your label. And I’m gunna be an asshole and say - does this chick even know the true definitions ? I’ll lay out Websters - my all time favorite book besides the one that shall not be named. 

Understandably , dynamic is going to be interpreted differently even though there is a literal definition. 
 

In my world - a dynamic is an exchange between two people. An equal exchange of forces and power where both sides benefit. 
A dynamic happens WITHIN a relationship. The two are intertwined in my world but I understand that there are people that separate them - but as @shadowrider stated … that only lasts so long before the dynamic shifts - one person demands more and it either fizzles out - blows up - or turns into a relationship. One cannot survive long without the other - they’re symbiotic labels in the end and one will shrivel up and die if the other is not treated with care. 

There is a reason people will call relations between two people “one sided” at times. One person is in it for the dynamics (exchanges between two people) and the other is in it for the possible relationship. 

My question is - do you put up with the behavior from this person that leads you feeling unworthy and undervalued so you have a person , a “friend” or the idea that you might be able to obtain a relationship ? If that is the case - this person is not a friend and not someone I would suggest you keep entertaining. From an outsider looking in - especially you being so obviously heartfelt and loving … this person isn’t a friend. If you’ve discussed how you felt with them and their answer was cold and “we have a dynamic not a relationship” … run for the hills.
This is the type of person that will bang your door down when they need something but when YOU are bleeding out - they’ll shrug , say you’re not their problem and walk away. If you’re not in a “relationship” then why would they care to be there anyways ? 

Having this type of mindset in the DDLG world , to ME specifically is a huge red flag. I am probably the biggest and loudest advocate for men that the site has - and this type of shit makes me angry. Genuine men who want to care for someone being treated like this can break them down and destroy their hope of finding a little - or turn them into straight up monsters. Of course I only have the context that you provided … but to me it sounds like you’re being played like a fiddle. 
 

If someone ever said this to me when I'm pouring myself into building something , regardless of the label … please let the door hit your ass when I walk you out of my space and heart. No amount of “dynamic” activities (Ddlg activities that partners share) would ever fix the unworthy feeling it would create. In fact , it would make me feel more used to continue those activities KNOWING the other person has no interest in anything other than emotionless activities. 
 

I will be back later with more thoughts - but I’m literally shoving the last of my lunch in my face and now my phone is covered in honey mustard 😅 Those are my short lunchtime thoughts for now. 

Edited July 25 by DaddysMonkey

[MissAnna]

21 minutes ago, DaddysMonkey said:

I am going to start with the thought that rings in my mind the most when reading your post : 

Do the labels of what you’re wishing to build (relationship or dynamic) really matter if one party is being left feeling the way you currently feel ? Not being valued , not feeling worthy , as though you’re a convenience rather than a partner. In my humble opinion before I even get into anything - it doesn’t matter. Neither of these labels matter if you feel the way you do and it will cause you damage in the long run and is not worth the blips of happiness you might catch in your net in between feeling unvalued and unworthy. No label matters if both parties aren’t putting equal energy into each other to begin with. I think you should sit with that a little bit - are you grasping at labels to try and create something to grab onto instead of letting it fade ? 
 

Even the most shallow interactions between people have equal rewards (to the parties involved - outsiders may disagree) such as sugar babies and sugar daddies , as the simplest example. Do you think a sugar daddy would continue to provide his sugar if he’s not getting any sugar in return ? Maybe if the guy is massively desperate for emotional or physical intimacy … but eventually that will dwindle as well. Along with the funds. 
 

I also consider if this was flipped. What if you were a female and a little that was making a post like this - being vulnerable and opening up about how you feel so unappreciated. Everyone would be up in arms and I’m sure much more people would reply how the Caregiver is an asshole and you should move on. 

Guess what I’m gunna say ? This chick is an asshole - and you should move on and invest time into yourself , whatever that looks like. 
Just from this post alone , I have no doubts that you have expressed your wants and desires - as well as possible outcomes for whatever ends up being your label. And I’m gunna be an asshole and say - does this chick even know the true definitions ? I’ll lay out Websters - my all time favorite book besides the one that shall not be named. 

Understandably , dynamic is going to be interpreted differently even though there is a literal definition. 
 

In my world - a dynamic is an exchange between two people. An equal exchange of forces and power where both sides benefit. 
A dynamic happens WITHIN a relationship. The two are intertwined in my world but I understand that there are people that separate them - but as @shadowrider stated … that only lasts so long before the dynamic shifts - one person demands more and it either fizzles out - blows up - or turns into a relationship. One cannot survive long without the other - they’re symbiotic labels in the end and one will shrivel up and die if the other is not treated with care. 

There is a reason people will call relations between two people “one sided” at times. One person is in it for the dynamics (exchanges between two people) and the other is in it for the possible relationship. 

My question is - do you put up with the behavior from this person that leads you feeling unworthy and undervalued so you have a person , a “friend” or the idea that you might be able to obtain a relationship ? If that is the case - this person is not a friend and not someone I would suggest you keep entertaining. From an outsider looking in - especially you being so obviously heartfelt and loving … this person isn’t a friend. If you’ve discussed how you felt with them and their answer was cold and “we have a dynamic not a relationship” … run for the hills.
This is the type of person that will bang your door down when they need something but when YOU are bleeding out - they’ll shrug , say you’re not their problem and walk away. If you’re not in a “relationship” then why would they care to be there anyways ? 

Having this type of mindset in the DDLG world , to ME specifically is a huge red flag. I am probably the biggest and loudest advocate for men that the site has - and this type of shit makes me angry. Genuine men who want to care for someone being treated like this can break them down and destroy their hope of finding a little - or turn them into straight up monsters. Of course I only have the context that you provided … but to me it sounds like you’re being played like a fiddle. 
 

If someone ever said this to me when I'm pouring myself into building something , regardless of the label … please let the door hit your ass when I walk you out of my space and heart. No amount of “dynamic” activities (Ddlg activities that partners share) would ever fix the unworthy feeling it would create. In fact , it would make me feel more used to continue those activities KNOWING the other person has no interest in anything other than emotionless activities. 
 

I will be back later with more thoughts - but I’m literally shoving the last of my lunch in my face and now my phone is covered in honey mustard 😅 Those are my short lunchtime thoughts for now. 

I absolutely love this 🥰

If you ever read my post you know I lost my brother due to mental health issues, this makes me so happy that there is someone like me who takes men's mental health seriously 🥰

[-Soul-]

I love a @DaddysMonkey post!, if anything from above Truck’ take heed of her post! 

[the_trucking_pawpaw]

1 hour ago, DaddysMonkey said:

I am going to start with the thought that rings in my mind the most when reading your post : 

Do the labels of what you’re wishing to build (relationship or dynamic) really matter if one party is being left feeling the way you currently feel ? Not being valued , not feeling worthy , as though you’re a convenience rather than a partner. In my humble opinion before I even get into anything - it doesn’t matter. Neither of these labels matter if you feel the way you do and it will cause you damage in the long run and is not worth the blips of happiness you might catch in your net in between feeling unvalued and unworthy. No label matters if both parties aren’t putting equal energy into each other to begin with. I think you should sit with that a little bit - are you grasping at labels to try and create something to grab onto instead of letting it fade ? 
 

Even the most shallow interactions between people have equal rewards (to the parties involved - outsiders may disagree) such as sugar babies and sugar daddies , as the simplest example. Do you think a sugar daddy would continue to provide his sugar if he’s not getting any sugar in return ? Maybe if the guy is massively desperate for emotional or physical intimacy … but eventually that will dwindle as well. Along with the funds. 
 

I also consider if this was flipped. What if you were a female and a little that was making a post like this - being vulnerable and opening up about how you feel so unappreciated. Everyone would be up in arms and I’m sure much more people would reply how the Caregiver is an asshole and you should move on. 

Guess what I’m gunna say ? This chick is an asshole - and you should move on and invest time into yourself , whatever that looks like. 
Just from this post alone , I have no doubts that you have expressed your wants and desires - as well as possible outcomes for whatever ends up being your label. And I’m gunna be an asshole and say - does this chick even know the true definitions ? I’ll lay out Websters - my all time favorite book besides the one that shall not be named. 

Understandably , dynamic is going to be interpreted differently even though there is a literal definition. 
 

In my world - a dynamic is an exchange between two people. An equal exchange of forces and power where both sides benefit. 
A dynamic happens WITHIN a relationship. The two are intertwined in my world but I understand that there are people that separate them - but as @shadowrider stated … that only lasts so long before the dynamic shifts - one person demands more and it either fizzles out - blows up - or turns into a relationship. One cannot survive long without the other - they’re symbiotic labels in the end and one will shrivel up and die if the other is not treated with care. 

There is a reason people will call relations between two people “one sided” at times. One person is in it for the dynamics (exchanges between two people) and the other is in it for the possible relationship. 

My question is - do you put up with the behavior from this person that leads you feeling unworthy and undervalued so you have a person , a “friend” or the idea that you might be able to obtain a relationship ? If that is the case - this person is not a friend and not someone I would suggest you keep entertaining. From an outsider looking in - especially you being so obviously heartfelt and loving … this person isn’t a friend. If you’ve discussed how you felt with them and their answer was cold and “we have a dynamic not a relationship” … run for the hills.
This is the type of person that will bang your door down when they need something but when YOU are bleeding out - they’ll shrug , say you’re not their problem and walk away. If you’re not in a “relationship” then why would they care to be there anyways ? 

Having this type of mindset in the DDLG world , to ME specifically is a huge red flag. I am probably the biggest and loudest advocate for men that the site has - and this type of shit makes me angry. Genuine men who want to care for someone being treated like this can break them down and destroy their hope of finding a little - or turn them into straight up monsters. Of course I only have the context that you provided … but to me it sounds like you’re being played like a fiddle. 
 

If someone ever said this to me when I'm pouring myself into building something , regardless of the label … please let the door hit your ass when I walk you out of my space and heart. No amount of “dynamic” activities (Ddlg activities that partners share) would ever fix the unworthy feeling it would create. In fact , it would make me feel more used to continue those activities KNOWING the other person has no interest in anything other than emotionless activities. 
 

I will be back later with more thoughts - but I’m literally shoving the last of my lunch in my face and now my phone is covered in honey mustard 😅 Those are my short lunchtime thoughts for now. 

Well I will say I got similar responses from a post on another sight, just not as angry sounding lol. You know the saying: tell me how you really feel. I appreciate that you're an advocate for the men! I tend to want to stand up for littles because I get angry every time I hear about a little being taken advantage of or even potentially coerced into a dynamic they don't want and clearly state it. In their profile. I pisses me off to hear a Dom who calls himself a daddy does that. And I'll tell you why. I can't tell you the number of littles I've me here and elsewhere who were introduced to DDlg as minors. That absolutely infuriates me, so when I hear of Dons treating all littles like this is nothing more than a kink I get pissed.

 

So, I see your POV in reverse. I guess I should be more mindful of myself when meeting a little. Maybe I should take more time and not let myself or them move forward at a pace that feels too fast regardless of the connection. And state from the beginning what I'm looking for, what I expect from them and what they can expect from me.

 

I can appreciate your anger at the situation regardless of anyone's definition of relationship or dynamic. As someone replied to my other post on another site, I need to find someone whose world view aligns closer with mine.

I'm ready for chapter/part 2 lol

[Cranius]

Thanks for being so honest and vulnerable! What stuck out to me is the striking and simple observation that a dynamic is encased in a relationship. The rules, regulation, negotiation-- they're all part of the greater whole: connecting with someone on a more meaningful level.

I'm sorry that you don't feel valued-- everyone deserves to feel that way.

Your vulnerability has reminded me that we can have the best dynamics in the world-- the clearest negotiations, rules, quirks, interpersonal interaction. It's all moot if the overarching relationship isn't healthy or present. We can be good littles or bigs for someone, but, more importantly, we have to be good for that person overall, too! EDIT: And that person has to be good for us!

Edited Friday at 10:02 PM by Cranius

[DaddysMonkey]

1 hour ago, the_trucking_pawpaw said:

Well I will say I got similar responses from a post on another sight, just not as angry sounding lol. You know the saying: tell me how you really feel. I appreciate that you're an advocate for the men! I tend to want to stand up for littles because I get angry every time I hear about a little being taken advantage of or even potentially coerced into a dynamic they don't want and clearly state it. In their profile. I pisses me off to hear a Dom who calls himself a daddy does that. And I'll tell you why. I can't tell you the number of littles I've me here and elsewhere who were introduced to DDlg as minors. That absolutely infuriates me, so when I hear of Dons treating all littles like this is nothing more than a kink I get pissed.

 

So, I see your POV in reverse. I guess I should be more mindful of myself when meeting a little. Maybe I should take more time and not let myself or them move forward at a pace that feels too fast regardless of the connection. And state from the beginning what I'm looking for, what I expect from them and what they can expect from me.

 

I can appreciate your anger at the situation regardless of anyone's definition of relationship or dynamic. As someone replied to my other post on another site, I need to find someone whose world view aligns closer with mine.

I'm ready for chapter/part 2 lol

I will always stand up for men - and I will also always be the devils advocate. 
As angry or mean as I might sound or seem to some - I am very anti “stand up for all littles.” I’ve seen first hand , too many men , in your exact position and littles are made out to be saints. 

Yes , some littles are coerced and taken advantage of. But the amount of the ~actual~ number of this happening is much lower than people realize. When littles cry wolf they’re almost always trusted to be honest and transparent. Men / caregivers are made out to be monsters and a small minority are deemed “good” … until another little cries wolf. 
 

I could go on about that topic for a very extended amount of time - but it leads me back to yourself. 
 

Just because other men have been bad , just because some littles have been treated badly - does that mean you have to have the same story for yourself ? I don’t think so. 
 

I believe with your behavior on the forum , especially your heartfelt posts on this situation - you’ve got a really good chance at finding someone who wants the exact same thing as you and will not make you feel undervalued. 
 

This can be genderless but for the sake of this situation I’ll be blunt and precise :

Don't dwindle yourself , your wants , your happiness or your desires for any woman. Friendship is a ploy , one of my favorite sayings about women and monkeys fo hand in hand … 

“Women are like monkeys.. they won’t let go of the first branch until they know the second branch can hold their weight.” 
 

Have you ever consider you might be the second branch in this situation ? 
Don’t let yourself be a branch - be the whole tree my friend. 
 

🫶🏼

Edited Friday at 11:18 PM by DaddysMonkey