I've Been Suppressing My Little Instincts For a Long Time.

[Cranius]

TL;DR -- I've come across a few posts asking where all the mommy doms or little boys are. I can't speak for everyone, but I explain my absence from MDLB this way: I was ashamed for a long time. I'm JUST NOW starting my journey because of that shame. 

I'll start off by saying that this is my story. Everyone is different, and everyone is walking their own path. Some, much, or all of what I've written here may not apply to you, and that's fine. I'm writing this both to answer the question: Where are all the little boys at? and to reflect on why I'm just now starting this journey, when I've known that I should for a long time. 

My first experience as a little was with my first girlfriend. Similar to many experiences in actual childhood, I don't remember it.

I remember her telling me: "I told you that you were a little, but you thought that was weird when I mentioned it."

That always stuck with me: the fact that she told me and that I had dismissed it or treated it with disdain. So much so that I don't even remember the conversation. After that, I decided to dip my toes in more, try a few play experiences. We had interspersed play sessions, but neither of us negotiated, made it a regular thing, or knew anything about kink/MDLB/DDLG. All we knew was that she enjoyed making me chicken nuggets and playing with stuffed animals alongside me. That happened when I was about 20. 

Throughout my early and mid 20's, I had various partners, but never felt comfortable enough about being a little to really mention it to anyone. Some people would play "mommy" in the bedroom, and that was fun, but I could never bring myself to ask or even explore it outside the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, I was a "man". And it's inculcated in us that men aren't boys: men are men, we provide, protect, yada yada yada. To explore that outside the bedroom was to go against what felt natural. In other words, it felt like I was voluntarily being a "mommas boy" 

My most recent ex balked at the idea that I could call her "mommy," but two weeks later, she had asked me to call her "daddy". And I pointed out that the only difference between the two: the "daddy" kink seems more socially acceptable. Think about it outside of the dynamics. In the eyes of society writ large, a woman can rely on her father, her big, strong protector. But if a man relies on his mother, he's a mommas boy. 

At least, that's what I would posit. There's probably more expectation that a man "handle himself" or be self-sustaining. The term "mommas boy" also describes a man who is dependent on a parental figure to a debilitating extent. I think both of those things might play a role in stigmatizing MDLB to some degree. I'm using "seems," "might," and "probably" here because I have no empirical evidence to support this claim-- these are just observations that I am articulating right now in this moment. From my own experience as a nascent male little, I cannot deny the existence of pernicious self-talk. Thoughts of the following like or kind precluded my exploration of and/or acceptance of my male little side for a long time:

• You shouldn't need a mommy.
• You should be able to take care of yourself.
• You have nothing to offer a mommy.
• All you'll do is take.

To be super clear, these aren't thoughts I am having all the time, or thoughts that stop me from pursuing an MDLB dynamic, but they are thoughts I've had at one point or another. 

For me, personally, I also perceived that there would be an imbalance in any MDLB dynamic I entered into. As someone who struggles with self-care, I've also had to confront a poignant thought: Maybe I would take too much if I was not careful. I often get distracted in work or play and forget to address basic needs. However, I cannot rely on a mommy dom to address those needs for me. My CG could work with me, but cannot take care of me for me. Although I think that structure and routine would be a great boon, the perception of imbalance has been another preclusion to seeking a dynamic. Whether there's truth to that perception or not is another matter.

I'd like to be abundantly clear: I'd never expect my caregiver to fully prepare my meals or workouts. At the end of the day, I AM a grown adult and am responsible for my health. At the same time, the fear of "overtaxing" a potential caregiver caused me not to seek one. Again, this is my personal experience as someone who's known they are a little for a long time, but only recently sought to pursue that. And, to relate to my earlier point, I think I can trace some of that fear of "overtaxing" a CG to the aforementioned thoughts of not being worthy of one in the first place. 

I say all this to say that the ideas of self-sufficiency and provision are inculcated in men, and MDLB inverts that expectation. That inversion of expectations led me to negative, and possibly distorted, perceptions. That made me uncomfortable for a long time in even acknowledging my desires.

So, if I had been more self-aware, I'd have shown up years ago. Maybe it's not that there's a shortage-- maybe it's that accepting either side of the MDLB dynamic goes against what is traditional, expected, or encouraged. 

I would welcome any other male little or female CG perspectives.  

[BabyPoppy]

This is quite the journey you are on and my heart goes out to you.

I am a single mom and was raised by a single mom. I struggle with many of the same beliefs you do about myself.  I believe I need to be strong for everyone, support them in their needs, be the Caretaker, not only at home, but at work, in social circles and with close friends. I raised my siblings and took care of my mother growing up. The phrase "Daddy's Little Girl" is actually a trigger for me, as it was used to hurt me as a child, by my mother. 

When I explored being a baby girl/little girl in college... I fully regressed and my friends and family repeatedly hospitalized me for my mental health, saying "real women take care of themselves and their family... just grow up!" Eventually,  with enough medication and psychotherapy I managed to build enough walls to block my inner self off. I raised my kids, succeeded at work, volunteered in the community, but every few years I slip... my family and friends call it "anxiety, panic attacks, depression, exhaustion,  weakness, poor life choices, ... the list goes on" 

Over the past 2 years I've been learning about ddlg. It has been very painful sometimes.  So many of the things people share really resonate with my personal experiences and I wish I had been validated when I was younger. I wish I had the opportunity to know my potential without fear, shame, anxiety, depression.  It really is beautiful to be myself. To be free to include all parts of who I am into one glorious vision of strength and happiness.  I CAN be both strong and weak, independent and dependent,  powerful and needy. There is balance.

A few things I do to help me feel more comfortable with being little is say good morning and good night to my little friends. Or randomly post hello messages on peoples pages! My little friends are really the bestest thing in the world. I know having a caregiver is the ultimate goal for everyone.  But for me, in my life rn, I need friends. People who are ok with me disappearing for a week coz life was nuts, and when I come back they are so happy to hear from me! No one is upset if I forget to message coz I oversleep or coz therapy was hard or I got stuck at work an extra hour. Until my life is in a place where I'm ready for more, my little friends are the best thing for me.

I would be happy to be your friend too! 

 

[Cranius]

 

13 hours ago, BabyPoppy said:

This is quite the journey you are on and my heart goes out to you.

I am a single mom and was raised by a single mom. I struggle with many of the same beliefs you do about myself.  I believe I need to be strong for everyone, support them in their needs, be the Caretaker, not only at home, but at work, in social circles and with close friends. I raised my siblings and took care of my mother growing up. The phrase "Daddy's Little Girl" is actually a trigger for me, as it was used to hurt me as a child, by my mother. 

When I explored being a baby girl/little girl in college... I fully regressed and my friends and family repeatedly hospitalized me for my mental health, saying "real women take care of themselves and their family... just grow up!" Eventually,  with enough medication and psychotherapy I managed to build enough walls to block my inner self off. I raised my kids, succeeded at work, volunteered in the community, but every few years I slip... my family and friends call it "anxiety, panic attacks, depression, exhaustion,  weakness, poor life choices, ... the list goes on" 

Over the past 2 years I've been learning about ddlg. It has been very painful sometimes.  So many of the things people share really resonate with my personal experiences and I wish I had been validated when I was younger. I wish I had the opportunity to know my potential without fear, shame, anxiety, depression.  It really is beautiful to be myself. To be free to include all parts of who I am into one glorious vision of strength and happiness.  I CAN be both strong and weak, independent and dependent,  powerful and needy. There is balance.

A few things I do to help me feel more comfortable with being little is say good morning and good night to my little friends. Or randomly post hello messages on peoples pages! My little friends are really the bestest thing in the world. I know having a caregiver is the ultimate goal for everyone.  But for me, in my life rn, I need friends. People who are ok with me disappearing for a week coz life was nuts, and when I come back they are so happy to hear from me! No one is upset if I forget to message coz I oversleep or coz therapy was hard or I got stuck at work an extra hour. Until my life is in a place where I'm ready for more, my little friends are the best thing for me.

I would be happy to be your friend too! 

 

Thanks for the kind words. It seems like you have undergone a lot of pain, change, growth, and acceptance. Thanks, also, for being vulnerable enough to share that with an internet stranger over a public forum. It seems like, for you, being able to fully embrace DDLG and be yourself has come with many years of struggle and also learning. I cherrish that learning for you-- that you're able to accept duality and balance in things.

Having a friend sounds wonderful! I need them more than I realized. I'll send you a follow request!

[MissAnna]

17 hours ago, Cranius said:

TL;DR -- I've come across a few posts asking where all the mommy doms or little boys are. I can't speak for everyone, but I explain my absence from MDLB this way: I was ashamed for a long time. I'm JUST NOW starting my journey because of that shame. 

I'll start off by saying that this is my story. Everyone is different, and everyone is walking their own path. Some, much, or all of what I've written here may not apply to you, and that's fine. I'm writing this both to answer the question: Where are all the little boys at? and to reflect on why I'm just now starting this journey, when I've known that I should for a long time. 

My first experience as a little was with my first girlfriend. Similar to many experiences in actual childhood, I don't remember it.

I remember her telling me: "I told you that you were a little, but you thought that was weird when I mentioned it."

That always stuck with me: the fact that she told me and that I had dismissed it or treated it with disdain. So much so that I don't even remember the conversation. After that, I decided to dip my toes in more, try a few play experiences. We had interspersed play sessions, but neither of us negotiated, made it a regular thing, or knew anything about kink/MDLB/DDLG. All we knew was that she enjoyed making me chicken nuggets and playing with stuffed animals alongside me. That happened when I was about 20. 

Throughout my early and mid 20's, I had various partners, but never felt comfortable enough about being a little to really mention it to anyone. Some people would play "mommy" in the bedroom, and that was fun, but I could never bring myself to ask or even explore it outside the bedroom. Outside the bedroom, I was a "man". And it's inculcated in us that men aren't boys: men are men, we provide, protect, yada yada yada. To explore that outside the bedroom was to go against what felt natural. In other words, it felt like I was voluntarily being a "mommas boy" 

My most recent ex balked at the idea that I could call her "mommy," but two weeks later, she had asked me to call her "daddy". And I pointed out that the only difference between the two: the "daddy" kink seems more socially acceptable. Think about it outside of the dynamics. In the eyes of society writ large, a woman can rely on her father, her big, strong protector. But if a man relies on his mother, he's a mommas boy. 

At least, that's what I would posit. There's probably more expectation that a man "handle himself" or be self-sustaining. The term "mommas boy" also describes a man who is dependent on a parental figure to a debilitating extent. I think both of those things might play a role in stigmatizing MDLB to some degree. I'm using "seems," "might," and "probably" here because I have no empirical evidence to support this claim-- these are just observations that I am articulating right now in this moment. From my own experience as a nascent male little, I cannot deny the existence of pernicious self-talk. Thoughts of the following like or kind precluded my exploration of and/or acceptance of my male little side for a long time:

• You shouldn't need a mommy.
• You should be able to take care of yourself.
• You have nothing to offer a mommy.
• All you'll do is take.

To be super clear, these aren't thoughts I am having all the time, or thoughts that stop me from pursuing an MDLB dynamic, but they are thoughts I've had at one point or another. 

For me, personally, I also perceived that there would be an imbalance in any MDLB dynamic I entered into. As someone who struggles with self-care, I've also had to confront a poignant thought: Maybe I would take too much if I was not careful. I often get distracted in work or play and forget to address basic needs. However, I cannot rely on a mommy dom to address those needs for me. My CG could work with me, but cannot take care of me for me. Although I think that structure and routine would be a great boon, the perception of imbalance has been another preclusion to seeking a dynamic. Whether there's truth to that perception or not is another matter.

I'd like to be abundantly clear: I'd never expect my caregiver to fully prepare my meals or workouts. At the end of the day, I AM a grown adult and am responsible for my health. At the same time, the fear of "overtaxing" a potential caregiver caused me not to seek one. Again, this is my personal experience as someone who's known they are a little for a long time, but only recently sought to pursue that. And, to relate to my earlier point, I think I can trace some of that fear of "overtaxing" a CG to the aforementioned thoughts of not being worthy of one in the first place. 

I say all this to say that the ideas of self-sufficiency and provision are inculcated in men, and MDLB inverts that expectation. That inversion of expectations led me to negative, and possibly distorted, perceptions. That made me uncomfortable for a long time in even acknowledging my desires.

So, if I had been more self-aware, I'd have shown up years ago. Maybe it's not that there's a shortage-- maybe it's that accepting either side of the MDLB dynamic goes against what is traditional, expected, or encouraged. 

I would welcome any other male little or female CG perspectives.  

It takes courage to speak up about how one became involved in our lifestyle

There are so many caregivers out there, remember it takes time to find the right one who fits your needs 

Best wishes 

Anna

[-Soul-]

Hello! Hi! Friendly neighbourhood Soul here!

 

I can’t give a little perspective being a CG myself but I wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your story so openly, it takes real courage to put all of that out there, and I just want to say, it absolutely matters.

What you said about shame really hit home. You're definitely not alone in that in fact so many folks (especially male littles) wrestle with the same inner dialogue you described. Society does a fantastic job at telling boys to "man up," and not a great job at leaving space for softness, care, and vulnerability. So it’s no surprise that MDLB dynamics can feel like swimming upstream.

But here's the beautiful part!! you're swimming anyway. You're here. You’re talking about it. You’re beginning to explore and embrace a part of yourself that’s always been there and that’s incredibly brave. You’re not "too late," you’re right on time for your journey.

You also nailed something I really appreciate, the idea that MDLB challenges traditional expectations in a way that can feel unsettling at first. That discomfort? It’s not a flaw. It’s the growing pains of unlearning stuff we were never supposed to carry alone in the first place.

I promise you, you do have something to offer in a dynamic, not just to a Mommy Dom, but to yourself. Littles bring so much joy, creativity, emotional depth, and honesty into this world. The idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough” is a lie shame tells to keep us from connection. Something I am constantly reminding my @MissAnna!

So thank you again. For being here. For writing this. For helping other little boys who might be scrolling quietly and thinking, “Maybe it’s not just me.” You’re already making this space a little more welcoming, just by being you.

Looking forward to seeing more of you around!

– Soul

[MissAnna]

35 minutes ago, -Soul- said:

Hello! Hi! Friendly neighbourhood Soul here!

 

I can’t give a little perspective being a CG myself but I wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your story so openly, it takes real courage to put all of that out there, and I just want to say, it absolutely matters.

What you said about shame really hit home. You're definitely not alone in that in fact so many folks (especially male littles) wrestle with the same inner dialogue you described. Society does a fantastic job at telling boys to "man up," and not a great job at leaving space for softness, care, and vulnerability. So it’s no surprise that MDLB dynamics can feel like swimming upstream.

But here's the beautiful part!! you're swimming anyway. You're here. You’re talking about it. You’re beginning to explore and embrace a part of yourself that’s always been there and that’s incredibly brave. You’re not "too late," you’re right on time for your journey.

You also nailed something I really appreciate, the idea that MDLB challenges traditional expectations in a way that can feel unsettling at first. That discomfort? It’s not a flaw. It’s the growing pains of unlearning stuff we were never supposed to carry alone in the first place.

I promise you, you do have something to offer in a dynamic, not just to a Mommy Dom, but to yourself. Littles bring so much joy, creativity, emotional depth, and honesty into this world. The idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough” is a lie shame tells to keep us from connection. Something I am constantly reminding my @MissAnna!

So thank you again. For being here. For writing this. For helping other little boys who might be scrolling quietly and thinking, “Maybe it’s not just me.” You’re already making this space a little more welcoming, just by being you.

Looking forward to seeing more of you around!

– Soul

Thank you daddy 

@-Soul- is right @Cranius you aren't too much nor should you be ashamed of being a little.

I struggle daily thinking I am an imposter for being a middle when I was a Mommy Dom for 20 plus years. Its a feeling I deal with daily and the guilt, sometimes weighs me down, because I'm always thinking I'm not good enough. Or that I will never measure up to being a true little or middle. I have to thank Soul, my daddy for helping me and keeping me level headed, as well as reminding me I'm not too much. I talk a lot and ramble too, plus I get sidetracked like a squirrel on a fence riding a gummy bear looking for his lost acorns.

Our door is always open if you need a friend, please don't be so hard on yourself. You have a whole community behind you now, you're not alone anymore.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 

Edited Saturday at 07:23 PM by MissAnna

[Cranius]

1 hour ago, MissAnna said:

It takes courage to speak up about how one became involved in our lifestyle

There are so many caregivers out there, remember it takes time to find the right one who fits your needs 

Best wishes 

Anna

Thank you for the kind words @MissAnna! I have seen some of your other posts and I appreciate how caring and welcoming you have been. Thanks for taking the time to read this and leave a note. It means a lot. 

1 hour ago, -Soul- said:

Hello! Hi! Friendly neighbourhood Soul here!

 

I can’t give a little perspective being a CG myself but I wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your story so openly, it takes real courage to put all of that out there, and I just want to say, it absolutely matters.

What you said about shame really hit home. You're definitely not alone in that in fact so many folks (especially male littles) wrestle with the same inner dialogue you described. Society does a fantastic job at telling boys to "man up," and not a great job at leaving space for softness, care, and vulnerability. So it’s no surprise that MDLB dynamics can feel like swimming upstream.

But here's the beautiful part!! you're swimming anyway. You're here. You’re talking about it. You’re beginning to explore and embrace a part of yourself that’s always been there and that’s incredibly brave. You’re not "too late," you’re right on time for your journey.

You also nailed something I really appreciate, the idea that MDLB challenges traditional expectations in a way that can feel unsettling at first. That discomfort? It’s not a flaw. It’s the growing pains of unlearning stuff we were never supposed to carry alone in the first place.

I promise you, you do have something to offer in a dynamic, not just to a Mommy Dom, but to yourself. Littles bring so much joy, creativity, emotional depth, and honesty into this world. The idea that you’re “too much” or “not enough” is a lie shame tells to keep us from connection. Something I am constantly reminding my @MissAnna!

So thank you again. For being here. For writing this. For helping other little boys who might be scrolling quietly and thinking, “Maybe it’s not just me.” You’re already making this space a little more welcoming, just by being you.

Looking forward to seeing more of you around!

– Soul

Thanks for the kind words @-Soul-. Your point about unlearning the discomfort is a great way to reframe all of this. I appreciate the supportive and insightful reply, and that you took the time to read it. The worst thing I can do right now is hurry-- I'm doing my best to really sit with all of these feelings, process them, be present with them, and then continue forward in spite of them. I'm learning to view my little side not as a separate person to be excluded, but as an extension of myself to be encouraged. 

One wonderful thing about this place, in contrast to Fetlife, is that there seem to be very few negative posts and more emphasis on the emotional side of little/CG dynamics, which is great to see! There is so much wisdom and kindness here, and it's an honor to be a part of that. 

[Cranius]

1 hour ago, MissAnna said:

Thank you daddy 

@-Soul- is right @Cranius you aren't too much nor should you be ashamed of being a little.

I struggle daily thinking I am an imposter for being a middle when I was a Mommy Dom for 20 plus years. Its a feeling I deal with daily and the guilt, sometimes weighs me down, because I'm always thinking I'm not good enough. Or that I will never measure up to being a true little or middle. I have to thank Soul, my daddy for helping me and keeping me level headed, as well as reminding me I'm not too much. I talk a lot and ramble too, plus I get sidetracked like a squirrel on a fence riding a gummy bear looking for his lost acorns.

Our door is always open if you need a friend, please don't be so hard on yourself. You have a whole community behind you now, you're not alone anymore.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 

Tyvm @MissAnna! i I am so glad that you and @-Soul- have that bond with each other. It is great to see you both happy for each other and happy for others! Your similie about the squirrel did make me laugh behind the keyboard!

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience as someone who was a CG and is now a little. It's not a journey I understand, but the feelings behind it are real and potent. I commend you for continually confronting your own guilt and having the strength to share it. I'm sure that 20 years of not being a little was difficult in a way that I can't comprehend. I am so glad that I found everyone here. This place really does seem like a sanctuary, and that's so rare in today's world.

For me, so much of this last year has been about letting go. 14 months ago, I had a job, a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend, and was building the life that everyone sort of expects. That's all gone, now. I work for myself, am single again, and am free to really chase the life I want, and being a little is a big part of that (along with being a big in the future, perhaps)! The worst thing I can do right now is rush. I'm still young, and I'm in a great spot to really hit the pause button and take every step forward with intention. It's like @-Soul- said, I'm here now. The door is open now. And I choose to celebrate that open door, rather than lament its prolonged past closure.   

[MissAnna]

19 minutes ago, Cranius said:

Tyvm @MissAnna! i I am so glad that you and @-Soul- have that bond with each other. It is great to see you both happy for each other and happy for others! Your similie about the squirrel did make me laugh behind the keyboard!

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience as someone who was a CG and is now a little. It's not a journey I understand, but the feelings behind it are real and potent. I commend you for continually confronting your own guilt and having the strength to share it. I'm sure that 20 years of not being a little was difficult in a way that I can't comprehend. I am so glad that I found everyone here. This place really does seem like a sanctuary, and that's so rare in today's world.

For me, so much of this last year has been about letting go. 14 months ago, I had a job, a monogamous relationship with a girlfriend, and was building the life that everyone sort of expects. That's all gone, now. I work for myself, am single again, and am free to really chase the life I want, and being a little is a big part of that (along with being a big in the future, perhaps)! The worst thing I can do right now is rush. I'm still young, and I'm in a great spot to really hit the pause button and take every step forward with intention. It's like @-Soul- said, I'm here now. The door is open now. And I choose to celebrate that open door, rather than lament its prolonged past closure.   

@-Soul- has a beautiful way of talking and being able to pull people in towards him 

I just ramble a lot, but I do love helping others know they aren't alone. I'm a huge advocate for mental health.

Yes it's been a journey going from a Mommy Dom to a middle, I have learned a lot about myself and who I truly am. 

You are still young and the possibilities are endless remember that 

I'm so sorry for your loss, remember to take time to grieve for yourself okay? 

Plus if you go to the personal ads you will find so many wonderful CGs as well as littles who just want someone to connect with.

We are all here to connect with people who understand us, society always tries to demand we fit into a cookie cutter shape mold. But society isn't always right, and I have never been a fan of a cookie cutter shape mold. I prefer my cookies to be unique and different shaped like me. 

[Lil_K47]

welcome! Hopefully here you will find friends who understand what you're going through! Be patient and kind to yourself. We all have different needs and wants and there's nothing to be ashamed of! I think maybe the key is finding somebody who has the need to take care of someone as much as you need/desire  to be taken care of!

Be patient love will find you when you least expect it. Sending big hugs