If You Feel Shame, Or Feel Like You Have To Hide As A Little - Read This

[Cranius]

Hallo Meine Freuende (Hello my Friends),

I've seen some posts recently about the following:

• Feeling ashamed about being a little.
• Being afraid to open up to a partner about being a little.
• Being afraid of judgement from others.
• Negative self-talk about being a little.

I would like to plant a flag down and make one thing absolutely clear: no one will shame you here. You are safe, and you are perfect the way you are. And, as the wonderful @MissAnna is so fond of saying: you are loved and worthy of being loved. 

If you have nowhere else to go, this is a place you can go. If you have no one else to talk to, I am here to talk to you, and you may message me anytime. 

Being a little can be challenging. All our lives, we are told to grow up, to be independent. To be a little, we are going against that very strong, potent, omnipresent social current. (And my deepest empathy for little boys and mommies, who swim even further upstream against the masculinity and femininity expectations). 

Going on this journey takes strength, but if you are here, you are strong. You have already sought out community, advice, counsel, and safe-harbor. Some people go their whole lives wishing, but you are here-- you are acting upon what you know is right for you. And, if nobody else has commended you for that, I will. Good job. 

I came to these forums arguably at my lowest point in the last 60 months. I had to have the universe strip away most of my life as I knew it in order to come here. I have a whole post on my journey with shame, and I don't want to go into that here and detract from the point of the post-- I would just like you to know that you don't have to have your whole life stripped away to accept yourself. We will all accept you here.

If you're reading this and you're unsure of your journey as a little, or you're afraid to open up to your partner, or you're ashamed of yourself-- acknowledging that and processing that is the first step. 

That can start here. You don't have to hide anymore. Hiding who you are can create pain. It can repress parts of yourself, or create barriers between yourself and a partner. It can create mistrust, jealousy, resentment, sadness, and numbness.

If you have shame, fear, or uncertainty, we are all here for you. And if nobody has extended you an invitation to talk, have a friend, or have an ear: I am. 

Mit Liebe und Umarmungen (With Love and Hugs),

Joey 

 

Edited August 2 by Cranius
clarity

[Princess snuggles]

Thank you.

I’m a little and a girl, and I’ve had people, IRL friends too, even those also in the CGL community, tell me that being a little should always be easy for me.

It’s not.

I’m a childhood abuse survivor (which I try not to talk about), and I’m also the oldest sibling. I had to grow up really fast. By the time I was 5, I’d learned how to be independent and how to take care of someone who depended on me.

Me and independence have a really weird relationship, I love it and hate it. I’m so capable because I had to be, but that’s also made it really hard to trust.

I’ve had years of therapy and healing (as much as one can), but the insecurities around being a little still flare up sometimes. Truthfully, that’s because it has felt dangerous at times, especially when, as a literal child, the people meant to protect me were the ones who hurt me.

I got triggered a while ago and deleted my old account, but I’ve come back with a new one, and I’m slowly remembering that I am valid.

Lately, I’ve felt really alone and kind of broken in general. And I can’t explain how much I needed to hear what you wrote.

So thank you. Deeply.

[tressygirl1119]

Joey you're such a dang doll for writing all this--much like Princess Snuggles i needed to read all that, too. i'm fairly new to the DDlg scene (been in the BDSM broader scene for about 6yrs now) and have only just been learning to lean in to my littleness and not be ashamed of it. Daddy loooves seeing me be my truest self, which has deffo made it easier, but much like you shared, it's been a journey through shame and self-hatred to get to where i am. i only just started to consider accepting my little side about 3-4mos ago and man it's been TOUGH sometimes! Particularly since i've had to be so independent for so long because no one has been there for me my entire life up until i started dating my Daddy a little over 6yrs ago. thank you sooo much for reminding me of my strength and that i'm welcome here (i get anxious about new people and places so i've been lurking mostly until today, woohoooo yay bravery!). you seem like a great dude and an awesome little and a good friend. 🫂

 

Princess Snuggles, please know that while i wish neither of us would've had to deal with abuse of any kind, you're not alone. i'm also a trauma survivor (0-26ish) that i don't love to talk about either. i'm so glad you've also pursued healing with therapy (as much as one can, of course!) because it's been instrumental in my ability to accept myself as a little. i guess i just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone and if you ever want an ear to listen, i'd be honored, but there's absolutely no pressure! we're both valid and amazing littles and we deserve to live our authentic lives. ❤️

[LuckyLilac]

Thank you for this. I'm new here, but I think still being within my first 2 years of discovering my little side is maybe contributing to some internalised shame I feel. That, and while I have a very happy, loving, CG/l heavy polycule, that's only 1/4 of my time. For the other 3/4, I'm still living with my parents. It feels hard not to at least hold onto some shame while having to go to stupid lengths to hide this. I've had a few times of openly dressing as gothy as I can while improvising cause middlespace stood between me and something maladaptive, and gladly no questions yet. 

 

Similarly, even in my "progressive" communities, I've seen the vibe be "SFW agere for trauma is fine, but not this *edge kink*". It hurts. Not least as I don't have trauma, though this does help me cope with various things, but there's undeniably a kink side to it. That's why I came here, hoping to feel connection when I'm otherwise alone in this.

 

Mini rant over lol

[Princess snuggles]

1 hour ago, LuckyLilac said:

Similarly, even in my "progressive" communities, I've seen the vibe be "SFW agere for trauma is fine, but not this *edge kink*". It hurts. Not least as I don't have trauma, though this does help me cope with various things, but there's undeniably a kink side to it. That's why I came here, hoping to feel connection when I'm otherwise alone in this.

It can be a kink and it can be a coping mechanism. I don’t know if sharing this helps, but it helped me, so I’ll share. 

Agere (age regression) can be a medical or mental health experience though doesn't have to be trauma related often is, but the Agere community as it exists today started because people under 18 were being told (rightly) that CG/l spaces were not appropriate for them. So, they made their own space. That’s where the SFW-only stance comes from. 

But CG/l has always included both age regressors and kinky folk, and sometimes both in one person (👋 hi, that’s me). All of that is valid. 

That said, the Agere community can be very exclusive at times, especially toward NSFW regressors or those whose experiences don’t “fit” their rules. It was literally built to be separate, so it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean CG/l regressors are doing anything wrong by existing and expressing ourselves differently. I say that as someone who was regressing before 18 and now regresses as an adult, in a trauma-informed and consensual kink space. 

Your little side is valid however it shows up. Whether it’s SFW, NSFW, or both (me = the both 🤭 - complicated and beautiful!), your expression is still you, and that’s something worth celebrating. We are allowed to be complicated and beautiful because that's human nature. 

I don’t know if this helped or didn’t help, but just know we’re here for you. 

And @tressygirl1119, thank you for your message, I really appreciated it. I’m also here if you ever need a friend or listening ear! 💜

[LuckyLilac]

3 hours ago, Princess snuggles said:

It can be a kink and it can be a coping mechanism. I don’t know if sharing this helps, but it helped me, so I’ll share. 

Agere (age regression) can be a medical or mental health experience though doesn't have to be trauma related often is, but the Agere community as it exists today started because people under 18 were being told (rightly) that CG/l spaces were not appropriate for them. So, they made their own space. That’s where the SFW-only stance comes from. 

But CG/l has always included both age regressors and kinky folk, and sometimes both in one person (👋 hi, that’s me). All of that is valid. 

That said, the Agere community can be very exclusive at times, especially toward NSFW regressors or those whose experiences don’t “fit” their rules. It was literally built to be separate, so it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean CG/l regressors are doing anything wrong by existing and expressing ourselves differently. I say that as someone who was regressing before 18 and now regresses as an adult, in a trauma-informed and consensual kink space. 

Your little side is valid however it shows up. Whether it’s SFW, NSFW, or both (me = the both 🤭 - complicated and beautiful!), your expression is still you, and that’s something worth celebrating. We are allowed to be complicated and beautiful because that's human nature. 

I don’t know if this helped or didn’t help, but just know we’re here for you. 

And @tressygirl1119, thank you for your message, I really appreciated it. I’m also here if you ever need a friend or listening ear! 💜

Yeah, I'm confident it's both kink and coping mechanism for my anxiety, sometimes both at once, sometimes separately. Naturally, I have nothing against the agere community, just not the biggest fan of the animosity. I also tend to stick with little in the kink sense as a label is that my experience is somewhere between what could be considered agere and agedre. For me, it's like moods that come over me that I can't help and honestly feels kinda detrimental to supress when I have to, wouldn't say it feels fully voluntary. But I stay aware of being adult, can still safely cook or travel alone, I don't regress, cognitively.

 

It's more just the ignorance in a different vanilla community that means a lot to me. I probably don't need to tell you what people who have an NSFW element to their CG/l get wrongly branded as. Having to keep this secret at all costs is pressure.

 

I'm trying to find subtle-ish ways to express my little and middlespaces when I feel them. Darker clothes, some colourful hairclips, that kind of thing. If I can't act how I feel, I can at least covertly look it, a little bit.

[Princess snuggles]

@LuckyLilac

I completely hear you. It's hard having to hide who you are is hard. 

Sometimes for me, it helps just to do little things like currently I'm living back home as I've recently finished uni, and while it's really hard not being able to go into little space fully. I find little things like watching an episode of miraculous (or another little show) on my laptop while in bed, or listening to Disney with headphones, helps. It's not the best, but it helps. Obviously yours might look different but stuff like that, also i really like on YouTube the CG/l and DDLG bedtime stories ASMR which I listen to on my phone with headphones before bed. 

However, you're valid and seen here, in this forum. As if you need a friend I'm here whether that's a need for a little friend or someone to talk to while big. 

I'm proud of you, love snuggles. 

[MissAnna]

On 8/2/2025 at 4:10 PM, Cranius said:

Hallo Meine Freuende (Hello my Friends),

I've seen some posts recently about the following:

• Feeling ashamed about being a little.
• Being afraid to open up to a partner about being a little.
• Being afraid of judgement from others.
• Negative self-talk about being a little.

I would like to plant a flag down and make one thing absolutely clear: no one will shame you here. You are safe, and you are perfect the way you are. And, as the wonderful @MissAnna is so fond of saying: you are loved and worthy of being loved. 

If you have nowhere else to go, this is a place you can go. If you have no one else to talk to, I am here to talk to you, and you may message me anytime. 

Being a little can be challenging. All our lives, we are told to grow up, to be independent. To be a little, we are going against that very strong, potent, omnipresent social current. (And my deepest empathy for little boys and mommies, who swim even further upstream against the masculinity and femininity expectations). 

Going on this journey takes strength, but if you are here, you are strong. You have already sought out community, advice, counsel, and safe-harbor. Some people go their whole lives wishing, but you are here-- you are acting upon what you know is right for you. And, if nobody else has commended you for that, I will. Good job. 

I came to these forums arguably at my lowest point in the last 60 months. I had to have the universe strip away most of my life as I knew it in order to come here. I have a whole post on my journey with shame, and I don't want to go into that here and detract from the point of the post-- I would just like you to know that you don't have to have your whole life stripped away to accept yourself. We will all accept you here.

If you're reading this and you're unsure of your journey as a little, or you're afraid to open up to your partner, or you're ashamed of yourself-- acknowledging that and processing that is the first step. 

That can start here. You don't have to hide anymore. Hiding who you are can create pain. It can repress parts of yourself, or create barriers between yourself and a partner. It can create mistrust, jealousy, resentment, sadness, and numbness.

If you have shame, fear, or uncertainty, we are all here for you. And if nobody has extended you an invitation to talk, have a friend, or have an ear: I am. 

Mit Liebe und Umarmungen (With Love and Hugs),

Joey 

 

Thank you for the beautiful compliment

Its a true treasure and honor to see someone post such uplifting words as these

This is a safe space and it's okay to be a little, a daddy, a mommy, a sub or whatever you are comfortable with identifying with. 

We are here to lift one another up, to provide comfort as well as support for each other. 

Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 

[LuckyLilac]

@Princess snuggles Omigosh, Miraculous! 🥺

 

I recently have playlists for each headspace. Granted, mostly music I'd already go for but to keep the mood consistent without being distracted by a song with the opposite vibe lol. Trying to find more video games too, possibly clothes I could get away with. At least with both my actual family and my vanilla community, in the worst case, I could mitigate the damage by claiming SFW agedre. Not least as anything I do alone isn't too far off anyway.

[Cranius]

20 hours ago, Princess snuggles said:

Thank you.

I’m a little and a girl, and I’ve had people, IRL friends too, even those also in the CGL community, tell me that being a little should always be easy for me.

It’s not.

I’m a childhood abuse survivor (which I try not to talk about), and I’m also the oldest sibling. I had to grow up really fast. By the time I was 5, I’d learned how to be independent and how to take care of someone who depended on me.

Me and independence have a really weird relationship, I love it and hate it. I’m so capable because I had to be, but that’s also made it really hard to trust.

I’ve had years of therapy and healing (as much as one can), but the insecurities around being a little still flare up sometimes. Truthfully, that’s because it has felt dangerous at times, especially when, as a literal child, the people meant to protect me were the ones who hurt me.

I got triggered a while ago and deleted my old account, but I’ve come back with a new one, and I’m slowly remembering that I am valid.

Lately, I’ve felt really alone and kind of broken in general. And I can’t explain how much I needed to hear what you wrote.

So thank you. Deeply.

You're welcome! Welcome back. We are here for you. We are going against societal norms and that's tough. Trauma is tough, too. I'm glad my words resonated with you. And I'm so happy to hear they helped. That's why I wrote them-- to help someone feeling what I felt, and continue to feel, sometimes. 

You're welcome. We love you.

[Cranius]

19 hours ago, tressygirl1119 said:

Joey you're such a dang doll for writing all this--much like Princess Snuggles i needed to read all that, too. i'm fairly new to the DDlg scene (been in the BDSM broader scene for about 6yrs now) and have only just been learning to lean in to my littleness and not be ashamed of it. Daddy loooves seeing me be my truest self, which has deffo made it easier, but much like you shared, it's been a journey through shame and self-hatred to get to where i am. i only just started to consider accepting my little side about 3-4mos ago and man it's been TOUGH sometimes! Particularly since i've had to be so independent for so long because no one has been there for me my entire life up until i started dating my Daddy a little over 6yrs ago. thank you sooo much for reminding me of my strength and that i'm welcome here (i get anxious about new people and places so i've been lurking mostly until today, woohoooo yay bravery!). you seem like a great dude and an awesome little and a good friend. 🫂

 

Princess Snuggles, please know that while i wish neither of us would've had to deal with abuse of any kind, you're not alone. i'm also a trauma survivor (0-26ish) that i don't love to talk about either. i'm so glad you've also pursued healing with therapy (as much as one can, of course!) because it's been instrumental in my ability to accept myself as a little. i guess i just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone and if you ever want an ear to listen, i'd be honored, but there's absolutely no pressure! we're both valid and amazing littles and we deserve to live our authentic lives. ❤️

I admire your experience in BDSM. I haven't had any negotiated play outside the bedroom. I play by myself as a little. So I am glad you have some experience. It is a helpful guide. 

I appreciate the kind words. Know that overcoming shame is a process and not linear. I struggle with shame in some form almost daily, I just handle it better, and be little in spite of it. There will be days or times where that shame might still surface.

Just know that you can heal here, and you are not your shame, and you can be who you want to be.

Mit liebe und umarmungen,

Joey