Need help creating rules!

[Kyuu_chan_san]

So my CG and I are still new to the dynamic, him more than me. We live together and are exploring the dynamic, I've been interested/into it for much longer but never had the chance to explore and act in the open. He can be a mega softie when it comes to stuff, and in adult space I'm typically the more outgoing one who does stuff around the house and what not. We've had a really hard time coming up with rules and punishments for me to follow. So, I decided to use my resources like a smartie pants and ask on here! We'd love tips and ideas from both sides of the dynamic. Thanksies in advance!

[Itty_Bitty_Kitten]

I haven't been in this kind of relationship before so I don't really have experience to share, but I'd look at where you struggle and make rules around that.  If you are able to manage the household chores, and meals aren't an issue, is it possible that you have a hard time with self care (maybe taking time for a hobby you enjoy, or finding time to spend doing activities for your little)?  Do you need to take better care of your physical, emotional, or mental health?  Maybe a growth activity, like spending a certain amount of time learning a new skill?  

I'm exploring this myself, but from a single submissive perspective so consequences aren't really playing into my research at the moment, but for me, rules I'm looking into embellishing are:

✨I will take exceptional care of myself physically, emotionally and mentally.

✨ I will be mindful of how I am presenting myself to the world in my appearance and behavior.

✨I am committed to continuous learning.

I took these from a D/s site as I was exploring unique rules, trying to get past the "bedtime by 10" etc., type rules.

[CupcakeSparklies]

My rules revolve around self care type things. Daddy puts them in place to help me out like remembering to take my medicines. I struggle drinking enough water so there is a rule about that. I have to ask him before I do certain things. They are there to help me and provide some guidance for me to create better habits and such. I do not get punished for forgetting or whatever. 

I would just kinda observe the type of things you struggle with or behaviors you would like to change. You can make up rules to help form better habits or decrease certain behaviors, etc. I would start small with a few rules that you know you can succeed at like brushing your teeth everyday. Make up a chart or however you wanna track your rules. And start building from there. See what works and what doesn't for you and adjust as need be. 

[Prince]

seconding the self-care ones! you could also have rules that have the purpose of reestablishing the dynamic. as in, rules that help you feel more little, that remind you that you're little and he's your daddy, that help you get into littlespace and help you stay there (or rules that make you feel more submissive! it can apply perfectly to that as well, but i will focus on little space)

i swear like a sailor normally but i avoid it when i'm little because it snaps me out of it and makes me feel big, so a rule like "no cussing" would work well. they can be more restrictive but even simple ones like "hold daddy's hand when crossing the street" or silly ones like "be kind to bugs" can do the trick.

rules that have you ask for permission are popular too, there's also ones that focus on your appearance. and because you're normally so proactive, you can try ones that focus on letting yourself be taken care of like "i will let daddy brush my hair without protesting". everybody's different, you should think about what helps you get in that headspace, and what makes you feel safe and cared for in it

[beanbean]

10 hours ago, Kyuu_chan_san said:

So my CG and I are still new to the dynamic, him more than me. We live together and are exploring the dynamic, I've been interested/into it for much longer but never had the chance to explore and act in the open. He can be a mega softie when it comes to stuff, and in adult space I'm typically the more outgoing one who does stuff around the house and what not. We've had a really hard time coming up with rules and punishments for me to follow. So, I decided to use my resources like a smartie pants and ask on here! We'd love tips and ideas from both sides of the dynamic. Thanksies in advance!

Well more then anything sit down and figure out what you need to do in the realm of self care and such be honest with him and let him know what you need and go from there

[LuckyLilac]

Also while some like the structure of punishments for rule breaking, don't sleep on the power of rewards! I especially love having a sticker chart, I get both the smaller reward of imdividual stickers (It's really surprising how much I glow with pride sticking one down) and the bigger reward of a treat for myself when I fill it up all the way.

[Kyuu_chan_san]

Aw man, thank you everyone that's responded so far for your comments. I'll have to sit down and think on things I wanna improve or that would help me. You've all left such helpful and amazingly thoughtoit answers! 

[Journey]

I tend to spoil my wife, but after being married nearly 20 years to a middle, I would have to say there is one rule that is mandatory if you want to have a healthy relationship.

1. If your partner wants something, they must ask politely. Any disrespect is an automatic "no."
   • This applies whether they are in little space, middle space, or adult space. Treating people nicely is not optional.
   • This also applies to yourself. If you want something from your partner, you ask respectfully.

This sets a boundary and also trains your little or middle that they must be respectful to get what they want. Also, some women will lose respect for their man if they are seen as too much of a push over. Setting this boundary indicates that while you are generous, you are not a push over.

Later, I modified the above rule to include the requirement that she either says "please" or "daddy" when asking for something. Until she says one of those words, I take no action on whatever she asked for and remind her that she needs to say "please" or "daddy."

This has the nice side effect of alerting me to her state of mind. If she says "please" she is most likely in adult space. If she says "daddy" she is most likely in middle space. (At least that is the case with my wife; your results may vary.)

The other rules can be negotiated and are specific to your relationship. But respect for each other has to be the number one rule. 

Edited September 10 by Journey

[Journey]

If your little or middle has health issues that require maintenance, it is important that you make them responsible for their own health. You can help them. You can supervise them. You can monitor them. But they should not be dependent on you for their own healthcare. 

For example, if they need to take medications everyday, they need to do it without prompting. So this becomes a rule. They must take their meds at a certain time. You check on them periodically and make sure they are following the rule, but you make it clear that they are expected to follow the rule whether you are looking over their shoulder or not.

This is one area you don't want to "baby" them on. Tell them they are responsible. Make it a rule and make it a routine, that way they just do it and don't have to think about it.

In this situation, as their caregiver, you are there for support, and can help them when they ask. But for their own safety, they need to be able to do it themselves even if you were not there, regardless of whether they are in little space, middle space, or adult space.

Edited September 10 by Journey

[sheepie uwu]

Just a gentle reminder that rules, funishments, and rewards are not mandatory in order to maintain a healthy dynamic.

[sheepie uwu]

1 hour ago, Journey said:

If your little or middle has health issues that require maintenance, it is important that you make them responsible for their own health. You can help them. You can supervise them. You can monitor them. But they should not be dependent on you for their own healthcare. 

For example, if they need to take medications everyday, they need to do it without prompting. So this becomes a rule. They must take their meds at a certain time. You check on them periodically and make sure they are following the rule, but you make it clear that they are expected to follow the rule whether you are looking over their shoulder or not.

This is one area you don't want to "baby" them on. Tell them they are responsible. Make it a rule and make it a routine, that way they just do it and don't have to think about it.

In this situation, as their caregiver, you are there for support, and can help them when they ask. But for their own safety, they need to be able to do it themselves even if you were not there, regardless of whether they are in little space, middle space, or adult space.

With certain circumstances, there are medical services that can help assist with medication management.

This is typically in-home assistance, but it depends on how medically needy a person is. More complex cases typically qualify. It's not for someone who doesn't want to adult. However, some people need the extra assistance and there's nothing wrong with that. So if you're a caregiver noticing your Little struggling despite best efforts, help guide them to healthcare they need, even if it's care you can't provide. Littleheadspace is not an excuse to avoid taking care of oneself, but there's also no excuse for a caregiver to not help their partner who's otherwise struggling despite best efforts.

And if someone on medication wants to occasionally be "babied" by their caregiver, that is a valid desire as long as their caregiver is aware and consents should they comply. 

[Journey]

2 hours ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Just a gentle reminder that rules, funishments, and rewards are not mandatory in order to maintain a healthy dynamic.

I agree. The only real rule we have is that we respect each other and treat each other with dignity.

Or stated another way, abuse is not allowed. 

Without that rule, toxicity can slip into the relationship. If you tolerate verbal abuse, it tends to get worse, not better. So it is best that verbal abuse is prohibited.

Edited September 10 by Journey

[Journey]

1 hour ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

With certain circumstances, there are medical services that can help assist with medication management.

This is typically in-home assistance, but it depends on how medically needy a person is. More complex cases typically qualify. It's not for someone who doesn't want to adult. However, some people need the extra assistance and there's nothing wrong with that. So if you're a caregiver noticing your Little struggling despite best efforts, help guide them to healthcare they need, even if it's care you can't provide. Littleheadspace is not an excuse to avoid taking care of oneself, but there's also no excuse for a caregiver to not help their partner who's otherwise struggling despite best efforts.

And if someone on medication wants to occasionally be "babied" by their caregiver, that is a valid desire as long as their caregiver is aware and consents should they comply. 

Excellent points. I do help my middle with a lot of things she could do on her own, but at the same time, I make sure that she is capable of doing it by herself if I am not there.

That way me helping her is more of a supporting role rather than her being dependent on me.

Of course, there are some things she cannot do herself or would be hard for her to do herself. That is different. For those things, she really does need assistance, and I assist her or make sure she gets the care she needs. Also, as caregiver, I operate as a second pair of eyes to make sure she is taking care of her needs, and intervene if she is not doing so.

But for things like taking her medication, making appointments with doctors, or monitoring her health, she should be able to do that herself whether I am around or not.

And I am older than her, and women tend to outlive men. So I also have to think long term, not just now. It is possible that I might not always be around.

[sheepie uwu]

1 hour ago, Journey said:

I agree. The only real rule we have is that we respect each other and treat each other with dignity.

Or stated another way, abuse is not allowed. 

Without that rule, toxicity can slip into the relationship. If you tolerate verbal abuse, it tends to get worse, not better. So it is best that verbal abuse is prohibited.

Is this really a rule though? If a relationship needs this kind of rule, perhaps there's something already going on that's toxic by nature.

I like to think that decent people do this sort of thing as an unspoken personality trait or people at least try to be nice to others. And everyone has the ability to set boundaries.

I do agree with you that verbal abuse has a habit of getting worse, if you let it start.

[Journey]

37 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Is this really a rule though? If a relationship needs this kind of rule, perhaps there's something already going on that's toxic by nature.

I like to think that decent people do this sort of thing as an unspoken personality trait or people at least try to be nice to others. And everyone has the ability to set boundaries.

I do agree with you that verbal abuse has a habit of getting worse, if you let it start.

Maybe it is just me, but I was abused in the past, so I set this rule to prevent abuse in the future. It is basically a boundary set in place to protect myself from abuse. 

And perhaps it is a boundary more than a rule. 

However, there are situations where you need this as a rule. 

For example, if you are a people pleaser and spoil your partner by giving them everything they ask for, they might start taking you for granted. And once they start taking you for granted, you go from being a partner or daddy, and wind up become their servant or push over. Some women will lose respect for their man if this happens, which usually results in the woman being demanding, disrespectful, and mean, despite the fact that you have always done everything she wanted. Why? Because the man has no boundaries and she does not respect him. 

To prevent that from happening, you set a boundary. No verbal abuse. 

If you do not do this, you wind up rewarding the bad behavior. She demands something from you and insults you, and you do it. What are you teaching her? You are teaching her that she gets what she wants by being abusive. Instead of doing that, you teach her that she gets what she wants by not being abusive.

Is this a personality trait or human nature, I don't know. But I do know that at least some people will become abusive if you do not have this boundary in place. 

And this works in the opposite direction too. A woman needs to have this same boundary with their partner. No verbal abuse.

Edited September 10 by Journey

[Journey]

29 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

I do agree with you that verbal abuse has a habit of getting worse, if you let it start.

If it starts, this rule can help nip it in the bud. Which is why I invented it. Out of necessity. And it worked. At one point in the relationship, she started being verbally abusive, and after implementing this rule, she is now asking nicely and saying please. Hopefully you will never need this rule, but if you do, it works wonders because it changes the behavioral incentives. 

[Journey]

Going back to the original topic, when you think about creating rules, think about what each person wants to do, want they don't want to do, and what they are good at.

For example, originally my wife and I would take turns doing dishes and cooking. Then we realized that she doesn't like cooking, and I don't like washing dishes. She also wants me to decide what is for dinner. Once we realized that, I cooked and she did dishes, at least most of the time. I sometimes help with the dishes, and she is sometimes motivated to cook something she is craving to eat or helps out in the kitchen.

But since we are in a DDlg relationship, we added some context to it. I am the parent and I decide what we are eating for my little girl. She can make requests and I try to make her happy, but daddy is in charge of the menu. She, as the little girl, has dishes as one of her chores. She also helps daddy in the kitchen. And she does not have to think about making dinner, it just arrives as if a parent was cooking for their child.

So we took some our existing preferences and turned it into age play. 

If you can find things like that, you can turn routine stuff into a DDlg experience. 

Edited September 11 by Journey

[CuteLeon]

On 8/11/2025 at 6:55 PM, LuckyLilac said:

Also while some like the structure of punishments for rule breaking, don't sleep on the power of rewards! I especially love having a sticker chart, I get both the smaller reward of imdividual stickers (It's really surprising how much I glow with pride sticking one down) and the bigger reward of a treat for myself when I fill it up all the way.

Love that! I’d definitely wanna use that once I found a caregiver