Different ≠ Wrong: a little reminder

[Princess snuggles]

A little reminder about kink shaming.

It’s 100% okay if a kink isn’t your cup of tea. We all have likes, dislikes, hard limits, and boundaries. That's normal, valid, and really healthy.

What isn’t okay is assuming that just because you don’t like something, it must be wrong, gross, or unhealthy for others. We’re already a marginalised corner of BDSM; the last thing we need is to start turning on each other.

Unless you ask, you don’t know how someone else experiences their dynamic. Judging based on assumptions or stereotypes doesn’t help anyone.

The truth is: with communication and consent, a wide range of kinks and dynamics can be built safely and beautifully.

You don’t have to like what someone else enjoys, but shaming them for it, is not it. As long as it’s between consenting adults and grounded in SSC play or RACK, it’s valid. Different ≠ Wrong.

Let’s respect each other’s dynamics. something might not be your cup of tea, but it could be someone else’s whole home.

👏 If you've made it here, thank you for reading 📖 👏 

💭 If you have kinks or dynamics that are often misunderstood, I'd love to hear what the reality looks like for you! 

[sheepie uwu]

As a dominant Little, there are definitely days I feel wildly out of place here. I don't share some common things with the average Little and "Daddies" question my authoritative pink nature- they can't handle it, but to a point of rudeness. Well, I'm not a pushover and will not tolerate bullshit. Sorry not sorry.  

[Princess snuggles]

1 hour ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

As a dominant Little, there are definitely days I feel wildly out of place here. I don't share some common things with the average Little and "Daddies" question my authoritative pink nature- they can't handle it, but to a point of rudeness. Well, I'm not a pushover and will not tolerate bullshit. Sorry not sorry.  

Hi @.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. It’s so important to remember we can all present differently. I’m a submissive little (and also a brat, more so in big space), and I have a CNC kink too. I’ve definitely been questioned by “Daddies” about both of those, sometimes to the point of rudeness.

I really believe that a good, healthy person within BDSM, especially in something as vulnerable as CGL, shouldn’t be rude about another person’s kinks or experiences, even if they’re different from their own.

Even though I’m only a submissive little, you’re more than welcome in any little space I’m in, and I’d actually love to hear more about your experience of being a Dominant little.

[sheepie uwu]

3 minutes ago, Princess snuggles said:

Hi @.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

I’m sorry you’ve been made to feel that way. It’s so important to remember we can all present differently. I’m a submissive little (and also a brat, more so in big space), and I have a CNC kink too. I’ve definitely been questioned by “Daddies” about both of those, sometimes to the point of rudeness.

I really believe that a good, healthy person within BDSM, especially in something as vulnerable as CGL, shouldn’t be rude about another person’s kinks or experiences, even if they’re different from their own.

Even though I’m only a submissive little, you’re more than welcome in any little space I’m in, and I’d actually love to hear more about your experience of being a Dominant little.

I think it's the overall vibe that stems from tradpartner ideals and is not actually anybody's fault deliberately and more so a societal issue in regards to anything out of the norm.  So while you apologizing is not necessary, I appreciate the social awareness.  As far as feeling like I can present differently, I've got no problems there.  Life would be boring if everybody was the same.

Oh gosh, openly admitting to having a CNC is bound to have caused you some problems at some point.  

It would be nice if people in BDSM/CGL would just stop being judgmental and rude,  but part of that is just human nature. To judge others in regards to how it reflects oneself and our own needs. However, it would be nice if people in BDSM/CGL would stop being rude to others based on those judgements, at least the ones that don't directly effect them. But that might be a rant for another day, lol.

And I don't mind sharing my experiences. So if you have questions, I might have answers, lol. I know it's definitely not a common topic, but still an interesting one. And of course, I'd be speaking exclusively for myself and from my own experiences. 

[Princess snuggles]

Hi @.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

I think it’s a bit more nuanced than just ‘human nature’ to judge. People do make judgements, but it’s always a choice whether they’re rude about it or curious about someone’s actual lived experience.

I used to only share my CNC kink after a while of dating, but I’ve realised the people who judge CNC are often the same ones who judge me for being a child abuse (including SA) survivor. So personally, I’d rather be judged for a kink than for trauma.

I know you’re only sharing from your own perspective, but I’d love to hear more if you’re open. I’m the least Dominant person I know, so I struggle to picture it: like, if you’re the Dominant one, do you get to overrule ‘no more chocolate’? 🤭

[sheepie uwu]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through all that. You're CNC kink, while a foreign kink to me on a personal level, makes way more sense now in regards to why others might do this, so thanks for sharing. And of course, no negative judgements from me prior to this new information. Curiosity, yes, but I feel that's fair, if not valid as CNC is not often discussed here, or I haven't seen it discussed.

I don't consider telling my partner that they can't have something, such as a no more chocolate rule, or rules in general, as true dominant behavior. Some might, but I consider that trivial in the grand scheme of things as my partner is a consenting adult. Unless it's an activity that is potentially physically harming them in a way that leads to a more instant death (my wife suffers from depression and suicidal ideation), that's when I'll give a more direct rule. Otherwise, in my current relationship, I do more of the finale decision making after carefully weighing potential options and hearing her input.

However, I'm not necessarily against giving rules and funishments either, even though I'm not particularly fond of them in certain settings or with my current partner. I consider true dominance to be more of a leadership role, than a dictatorship. Think more of a pillar of a community, someone who helps others reach their goals and dreams in life- not just in the bedroom. So a partner has to actively want rules in order for me to even begin to feel comfortable giving them. My wife's goals, physical/emotional needs, and desires all matter to me way more than caressing a fragile ego. And no, what I'm describing here isn't just me being considerate towards a partner. I always have the finale say, but I'm not a douchebag about it.

So while my relationships don't revolve around rules, they do revolve around treating me like a prince(ss). I don't have my partner wrapped around my finger per se, but I do end up getting my way due to her enjoying spoiling me. It's more a certain level of autonomous devotion (wanting to see me be happy while enjoying my happiness and not religious worship) sorta thing. The best way to describe it would be to think of an actual toddler who's treated well (within sane reason) by their caregiver, but flip it to age appropriate levels between two consenting adults.  

Edited August 21 by .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

[LuckyLilac]

While I've not really felt judged for it, it can be hard to feel seen/represented with a looser, switchy, more fluid dynamic. When little, I less have rules and more just feel more easily pursuaded by my Mummy toward things I know are good for me. I have a reward chart system too, but that's more for not letting my anxiety keep me from actually doing things lol. When she's little, pretty similar thing of gently encouraging her toward self care and praising her when she does, and just a general way of speaking to her. Though when I'm middle, I might brat my way to a funishment.

And again, while not judged, I have had some allosexual play partners seem to struggle with the idea that I don't want anything sexual at all, despite explaining that I'm sex averse and find it stressful. I've had boundary pushing multiple times, to the point I just feel like not playing with allosexuals unless tightly vetted.

[Princess snuggles]

Hi @.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ, 

What you've share is really interesting, thank you. While it's vastly different from my experience, it's very interesting. Honestly, I can't see why Dominant CGs would question your authority. Maybe that's because I'm looking from the point of view of a sub but what you've shared it just sound like someone who's a good Dominant and also a little. 

Also I'm really sorry to hear about your wife.

Also, yes lots of people don't like to talk about CNC because it's assumed to be roleplaying SA, though it doesn't have to be sexual at all, interestingly. For me, I find CNC quite empowering (whether sexual or not) as it touches on things that happened but in a way where I am present, consenting and wanting it. 

[Princess snuggles]

1 hour ago, LuckyLilac said:

While I've not really felt judged for it, it can be hard to feel seen/represented with a looser, switchy, more fluid dynamic. When little, I less have rules and more just feel more easily pursuaded by my Mummy toward things I know are good for me. I have a reward chart system too, but that's more for not letting my anxiety keep me from actually doing things lol. When she's little, pretty similar thing of gently encouraging her toward self care and praising her when she does, and just a general way of speaking to her. Though when I'm middle, I might brat my way to a funishment.

And again, while not judged, I have had some allosexual play partners seem to struggle with the idea that I don't want anything sexual at all, despite explaining that I'm sex averse and find it stressful. I've had boundary pushing multiple times, to the point I just feel like not playing with allosexuals unless tightly vetted.

Hi @LuckyLilac

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you don't always feel seen or represented. I love the reward chart to help you with anxiety and not letting it stop you, I might need to try that. 

It sounds like you have a really healthy and supportive relationship, and if you want to share I'd love to hear what your experience as a switch is like. 

I'm so sorry, you've had boundaries pushed, that's not okay or acceptable. Your asexuality or being sex adverse is completely valid. If people can't accept that it's a reflection on them not you, I hope you know that! 

[LuckyLilac]

I guess it's just a case of being uncommon, I have tangentially heard of it happening so I know I'm not the only one.

I guess dominant side might be an overstatement, though have been meaning to explore that in scenes too. I know I wanna be childfree, and I probably don't stay in one place long enough to own a pet, so it's a nice outlet for my occasional maternal instincts. Plus she's so precious making noises and being a little gremlin, sometimes even bossy. I suspect that framing helps her feel less bad about needing so much help with her disability, if she's just a precious child with her Mummies doing things for her. 

I'm not sure if some just don't consider foreplay type stuff to be sex, but to me it feels like the same energy, or maybe just similarities to past experiences. My trust was already kinda not entirely there, but I just feel even more selective, half waiting for new people to steer things back toward sex.

[sheepie uwu]

On 8/21/2025 at 2:07 PM, Princess snuggles said:

Honestly, I can't see why Dominant CGs would question your authority.

Because their ego is convinced all I do is throw temper tantrums to get my way and that I, as a Little, am subservient to them.  Meanwhile, I'm over here metaphorically something similar to this:

Spoiler

They have issues being the clown, despite being toxiclowns. 

 

[Cranius]

On 8/19/2025 at 1:51 PM, Princess snuggles said:

A little reminder about kink shaming.

It’s 100% okay if a kink isn’t your cup of tea. We all have likes, dislikes, hard limits, and boundaries. That's normal, valid, and really healthy.

What isn’t okay is assuming that just because you don’t like something, it must be wrong, gross, or unhealthy for others. We’re already a marginalised corner of BDSM; the last thing we need is to start turning on each other.

Unless you ask, you don’t know how someone else experiences their dynamic. Judging based on assumptions or stereotypes doesn’t help anyone.

The truth is: with communication and consent, a wide range of kinks and dynamics can be built safely and beautifully.

You don’t have to like what someone else enjoys, but shaming them for it, is not it. As long as it’s between consenting adults and grounded in SSC play or RACK, it’s valid. Different ≠ Wrong.

Let’s respect each other’s dynamics. something might not be your cup of tea, but it could be someone else’s whole home.

👏 If you've made it here, thank you for reading 📖 👏 

💭 If you have kinks or dynamics that are often misunderstood, I'd love to hear what the reality looks like for you! 

I'd also like to add in PRIC to SSC and RACK- Personal Responsibility in Consent!

100% agree with everything you said! Engaging in MDLB is a bit of an uphill battle. Even as a LB, I have sometimes faced frostiness for it. I don't take it personally. I do my best to remind myself that people fear or find revulsion in what they cannot understand. At the same time, that's easier said than done. 

Edited August 23 by Cranius

[sheepie uwu]

41 minutes ago, Cranius said:

Engaging in MDLB is a bit of an uphill battle. Even as a LB, I have sometimes faced frostiness for it. 

Which is a shame, because LBs are just as valid as LGs.