Yearning for Her - Question Answers - SPOILERS

[Married_Lg]

Spoiler

19. I think you can do a bunch of work on yourself and loving yourself, but when others comment on it too, it further reinforces it and makes it more solid until eventually it just Is. 

Spoiler

20. Based on how I would react, I would say some humans would willingly feed an incubus. But the odds aren’t great so he had the right idea in never telling.

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21. I think her humanity keeps him in check, and the fact he has been willing to go slow. He’s giving her time to adjust, and he’s been changing too. His attitude towards humans has evolved. I think it changes his internal struggle into something more manageable too. 

Spoiler

22. I would feel violated. What he would have done is nothing short of rape. I don’t think Kian can spill all the fae secrets to her, but maybe warning her of the rules would have been nice so she could start thinking about her choice. 

Here are my answers for chapters 17-20!

Edited October 1 by Married_Lg
Left something out.

[RoseyLittle]

Spoiler

19. I think while we can do so much work with ourself, we also are impacted by the “mirrors” (society/culture, community, close friends or family, partners) around us, whether they are giving us negative or positive. And the more important that mirror is to us the deeper healing or harming potential they have. I enjoyed how the author showed the natural way that even someone who has learned to love themselves and tell the society mirror to screw right off, she still struggles from time to time, and the voice of someone important to her has power. I think no matter what we are literally born into this world attached to another, and spend our lives with nervous designed for co-regulation. So a little bit of the healing comes from the outside voice.
 

BUT…I think the order here matters. What I mean is, if we haven’t done the bulk of the internal work first. Than our outside mirrors can say all the positive things in the world and we will struggle to believe them. Does that make sense?

Spoiler

20. I don’t think humans are inherently selfish, and I do think Kian created a self fulfilling prophecy of a kind. We can’t get what we don’t ask for or risk for. But I also understood why he didn’t or felt he couldn’t. He mentioned, I think, it being against the rules to reveal fey nature to humans, something he broke with her. I’m guessing it would be a big risk to take to ask multiple potential partners if they would willingly let him feed. 

Spoiler

21. Ooo hmm tough one. I’m not completely sure. I can see the way his love for her is already shifting his perspective and experiences. It highlights how things have been stagnant for him for a long time and now he’s growing. I guess I would think that the mate bond perhaps naturally has protective features in place to prevent that. 

 

Spoiler

22. I struggled with this element in the story, I did feel like to a degree there was a lack of informed consent or risk aware choices that he left out. Like when you’re shepherding someone into completely new space, they don’t even know what questions to ask. As the more experienced one you have to give them all the risks. I would have wanted him to let her know if other fey were in the area, what do to do if she meets other fey (like is there protocol, safety measure etc?)

But I love that both of them are fallible and learning as they go, it feels more real as character development. How would he know what to tell her, he’s never been this way with a human before. 
 

It made complete sense she felt violated. She was. I would have felt the same. The author did an impressive job having themes of trauma response present…like the trying to shower the touch away. It also makes sense the way she was experiencing a wobble with him like on one hand struggling with feelings of is this what he is like too but also turning to him, reaching for her safe anchor in the experience

 

Edited October 1 by RoseyLittle

[PigtailPrincess]

On 9/30/2025 at 12:56 PM, Zina said:

Answers to the following questions;

Question 19:

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I think one alone is able to work out one's securities, and learn to accept and love themselves. However, I guess that sometimes, we do slip up like Willow did. And it's nice to have people close to you to help and get you back on track when those slip ups happen. So I believe yes, part of our securities can be healed with the help of others ^^ 

Question 20:

  Reveal hidden contents

I personally disagree with Kian when it comes to this. I actually believe that there are people who will be willing to help (Willow for example! Hahaha) and I try to believe that there are many Willows at this world. You just need to look. 

Question 21:

  Reveal hidden contents

As Kian is sure that Willow is his mate, then maybe.. just maybe... Mates can't really hurt one another when feeding? even if becomes very very intense for Kian? I'm not sure. Hopefully that's the case 😭

Question 22:

  Reveal hidden contents

Omg! What happened to Willow was awfull! her feelings of helplessness hit me hard. After I would have been a mess if I was her ngl! Something being taken from you without consent is a really heavy experience. 

I haven't thought about if Kian should have told her about the other fae around! I think he should have? But also he was secretly following and protecting her if something bad to happen. So maybe that was enough? I'm not sure 

 

Love the first answer 

Spoiler

That we have the capability to fully help ourselves but that sometimes it is easier and more pleasant to have some help. Thank you for these answers!

 

[PigtailPrincess]

On 9/30/2025 at 7:38 PM, MyMy said:

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Question 19:
I love this question I truly feel like it’s 90% you being secure in your own skin and 10% outside love. I say that because there are plenty of people who have partners who love their body/ insecurity but that person cannot see that part of them being loveable and gets the surgery or changes the hair color etc and becomes 10x version of themselves. 

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20: Closed mouths don’t get feed. I feel like he could have had the opportunity to feed freely but I also believe none would satisfy him like his violet because they were kismet. I don’t think that humans are selfish. I feel like humans have selfish tendencies just like all creatures. Self preservation requires some selfishness which is why Kian never gave anybody the chance to dive deeper into him

These were awesome questions.

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Question 21: This is such a thought provoking question I truly don’t know the answer to this one, I feel like it’s inevitable in my opinion. I’ll share one thing that makes me laugh, is at their intimate scenes they describe him having long black nails and I’m like nope not in my version because OUCH!

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Question 22: Willows feelings and reactions were completely valid but she has been living in the city long before Kian so a warning on creatures just kinda seems unnecessary plus the one thing he can do to protect her she doesn’t want. 🤷🏾‍♀️ 

 

 

Number 22 is a good point

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We dont know how many types of creatures exist and how many prefere the human world. So warning her might have just made her anxious. Thank you for your answers!!!

 

[PigtailPrincess]

On 10/1/2025 at 3:23 PM, Married_Lg said:

  Hide contents

19. I think you can do a bunch of work on yourself and loving yourself, but when others comment on it too, it further reinforces it and makes it more solid until eventually it just Is. 

  Hide contents

20. Based on how I would react, I would say some humans would willingly feed an incubus. But the odds aren’t great so he had the right idea in never telling.

  Hide contents

21. I think her humanity keeps him in check, and the fact he has been willing to go slow. He’s giving her time to adjust, and he’s been changing too. His attitude towards humans has evolved. I think it changes his internal struggle into something more manageable too. 

  Hide contents

22. I would feel violated. What he would have done is nothing short of rape. I don’t think Kian can spill all the fae secrets to her, but maybe warning her of the rules would have been nice so she could start thinking about her choice. 

Here are my answers for chapters 17-20!

Excellent answer on 21!

Spoiler

This is an amazing point. That he has shown get can adjust and I guess the hope will be that little by little he will continue to adjust for the good of the relationship. Thank you for your answers!!!

 

[PigtailPrincess]

On 10/1/2025 at 3:58 PM, RoseyLittle said:

  Hide contents

19. I think while we can do so much work with ourself, we also are impacted by the “mirrors” (society/culture, community, close friends or family, partners) around us, whether they are giving us negative or positive. And the more important that mirror is to us the deeper healing or harming potential they have. I enjoyed how the author showed the natural way that even someone who has learned to love themselves and tell the society mirror to screw right off, she still struggles from time to time, and the voice of someone important to her has power. I think no matter what we are literally born into this world attached to another, and spend our lives with nervous designed for co-regulation. So a little bit of the healing comes from the outside voice.
 

BUT…I think the order here matters. What I mean is, if we haven’t done the bulk of the internal work first. Than our outside mirrors can say all the positive things in the world and we will struggle to believe them. Does that make sense?

  Hide contents

20. I don’t think humans are inherently selfish, and I do think Kian created a self fulfilling prophecy of a kind. We can’t get what we don’t ask for or risk for. But I also understood why he didn’t or felt he couldn’t. He mentioned, I think, it being against the rules to reveal fey nature to humans, something he broke with her. I’m guessing it would be a big risk to take to ask multiple potential partners if they would willingly let him feed. 

  Reveal hidden contents

21. Ooo hmm tough one. I’m not completely sure. I can see the way his love for her is already shifting his perspective and experiences. It highlights how things have been stagnant for him for a long time and now he’s growing. I guess I would think that the mate bond perhaps naturally has protective features in place to prevent that. 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

22. I struggled with this element in the story, I did feel like to a degree there was a lack of informed consent or risk aware choices that he left out. Like when you’re shepherding someone into completely new space, they don’t even know what questions to ask. As the more experienced one you have to give them all the risks. I would have wanted him to let her know if other fey were in the area, what do to do if she meets other fey (like is there protocol, safety measure etc?)

But I love that both of them are fallible and learning as they go, it feels more real as character development. How would he know what to tell her, he’s never been this way with a human before. 
 

It made complete sense she felt violated. She was. I would have felt the same. The author did an impressive job having themes of trauma response present…like the trying to shower the touch away. It also makes sense the way she was experiencing a wobble with him like on one hand struggling with feelings of is this what he is like too but also turning to him, reaching for her safe anchor in the experience

 

Number 20 was well explained

Spoiler

While we understand Kians hesitation it is kinda sad to think of how many good encounters he has missed put on over 100s of years because he couldn't be vulnerable. Thank you for your answers!!!

 

[Married_Lg]

Spoiler

23. I think Kian would be human for Willow. Practically speaking, he can’t eat anyways without her so if the options are breaking up or being human, he has to be human. On an emotional level, I don’t think he wants to be without her for the rest of his life. He has the hardest time staying away from her. He practically stalked her.

 

Spoiler

24. I can’t say how his food felt because I haven’t been with an incubus (that I know of 🤭). Hypothetically speaking, I think there is a difference between amping up someone’s already there desire and putting in your own desire for someone that doesn’t want it. Neither is Great, but the guy needs to eat. 

Spoiler

25. I don’t feel comfortable answering which kind of SA is worse. I’m so sorry for anyone who has ever been through that situation. I think it depends on the scenario. 

 

[Aikko]

I’m still reading, sorry I haven’t checked in. Working on my questions now!!! I’m off this weekend so I hope to be caught up by this evening!

[RoseyLittle]

Spoiler

23. I do think he would give up his faeness to be with her, especially if their natural life spans didn’t match. In some ways, he already has rejected aspects of faeness (leaving the lands for the human world and living there like other incubi due to their treatment by other fae). However, he’s already mentioned how her if he fully takes her as his mate, it will expand her life length to match with his. So the sacrifice in that way is unneeded. I also think he would do it just if she wanted to have a human life tougher. He’s already recognized her as his centre.

Spoiler

24. I wrestled with this question. Within my own values, I recognize a violation, whether big or small, still being a violation. But ultimately thought about how ultimately it would be a uniquely personal experience. For one person, it may have felt like something they were already feeling was strengthened, heightened, or even let free. They could feel positive after the experience. The exact same moment with someone else could feel like something they were already feeling was manipulated and pushed them out of their comfort zone, afterwards they could feel afterburn, shame, or violation.

I also thought about the practice of harm reduction. In a way this is what Kian is practicing. It isn’t an absence of harm, but he is lowering the harm in ways he can - because ultimately he needs to feed to survive. 

Spoiler

25. Trigger warning.

Bah! I have too many thoughts on this one. I think there are unifying, universal themes in all experiences of broad spectrum traumas (from losing your home to sudden earthquake, to being a victim of robbery). Like grief. And there are common responses and stages to healing. Like meaning making.
 

BUT, different types of trauma also hold elements that are unique to them. When working with someone who survived the trauma of a natural disaster for example, I know they will often have to process spiritual questions, or aspects of survivors guilt. When working with someone who experienced SA I’m very aware there will be much healing that needs to happen within the body, and often themes of shame not seen in the same way with other trauma types. So I do think aspects of healing are also different. And people also heal in unique way because we are all made of different identity points, intersections of oppressions, or resiliencies.

The thought of it being a mental SA was interesting to me. Often in healing work with SA the survivor can connect at some point to how their body was invaded but a sacred part inside of them…The core of who they are…is untouchable and they can reconnect to it. Well…if we are psychically violated, that’s in our core, it’s literally in your mind, your inner sense of self and choices is being twisted and violated? As a trauma therapist it made me very aware the healing of this would be complex. Where is our safe space after that? With SA there is already often feelings of shame. A common one I work with is the shame of the body responding because that is what bodies do. We teach survivors arousal (just a physical reaction) IS NOT desire (the true yearning for something). And survivors can challenge shame by recognizing their body reacting does not mean they wanted it. But with this kind of mental SA I think the shame challenging of that would be harder. It would be more like trying to hold the truth that you didn’t want it, you were altered to want it (perhaps more like what we see when victims are drugged?).

In terms of impact of a trauma. One interesting piece of research we know is that it’s not necessarily the type of trauma that creates the most damage - it’s the response AFTERWARDS. What I mean by this is, when someone experiences something like SA or child abuse, and they tell someone they trust, they are believed, supported and linked to healing resources we see much less active PTSD symptoms long term (1-2 years after the incident). But when someone experiences the above and they tell someone and are not believed, or it’s minimized. When they have no safe person to tell and have to keep the secret. When they are not linked early to safe supports. THATS when we see deeper harm with longer lasting PTSD symptoms throughout the lifespan. 
 

So Willow being able to name it so clearly for Kian. Him holding it safely for her. To me it shows that while she will have healing work to do, she also has protections present.

She has other built in protections. She is an adult which means the trauma is occurring when sense of self, others and the world is already created. This can shake it up sure. But it’s not the same when these things happen in childhood and the everything is still developing. Another protection is that it is a one time event. We do understand that singular event trauma versus complex trauma is different. In this way I would expect her healing to look different. 

 

 

[Zina]

 Hi everyone! here is my answers to the following questions;

Question 23:

Spoiler

Well, given how many times  Kian expressed his wild love for Willow especially in these chapters (even if he didn't call it the L word yet per se hahaha) I blieve he would instantly choose to become human for Willow. I also blieve that getting rid of the  need to feed woud be freeing even tho he did find a mate  who is willing to feed him whenever he needs to. However, I do wonder how the connection between him and Willow could change; would she stop being his fated mate if he turned human? Maybe that would affect his decision too.

Question 24: 

Spoiler

Consent is definitely very very important, but is there exist a gray area when it comes to cases like Kian's? He did it for survival and  seeked only consenting people even if they didn't know he was feeding off of them, he didnt enslave anyone or hurt anyone. But, well...it is still a kind of a violation nonetheless. When I think about it, its really not fair for Kian because he didnt choose what he is. To be honest, I don't really know how to answer this question haha. When I personally  put myself in the shoes of the human on the other end, I would have understood, but it would have been  better if I knew. 

Question 25:

Spoiler

I guess doesnt matter mental or physical SA, both traumatizing, so they would have same effect and so would require simillar healing process

 

[Zina]

1 hour ago, RoseyLittle said:

  Hide contents

23. I do think he would give up his faeness to be with her, especially if their natural life spans didn’t match. In some ways, he already has rejected aspects of faeness (leaving the lands for the human world and living there like other incubi due to their treatment by other fae). However, he’s already mentioned how her if he fully takes her as his mate, it will expand her life length to match with his. So the sacrifice in that way is unneeded. I also think he would do it just if she wanted to have a human life tougher. He’s already recognized her as his centre.

  Hide contents

24. I wrestled with this question. Within my own values, I recognize a violation, whether big or small, still being a violation. But ultimately thought about how ultimately it would be a uniquely personal experience. For one person, it may have felt like something they were already feeling was strengthened, heightened, or even let free. They could feel positive after the experience. The exact same moment with someone else could feel like something they were already feeling was manipulated and pushed them out of their comfort zone, afterwards they could feel afterburn, shame, or violation.

I also thought about the practice of harm reduction. In a way this is what Kian is practicing. It isn’t an absence of harm, but he is lowering the harm in ways he can - because ultimately he needs to feed to survive. 

  Hide contents

25. Trigger warning.

Bah! I have too many thoughts on this one. I think there are unifying, universal themes in all experiences of broad spectrum traumas (from losing your home to sudden earthquake, to being a victim of robbery). Like grief. And there are common responses and stages to healing. Like meaning making.
 

BUT, different types of trauma also hold elements that are unique to them. When working with someone who survived the trauma of a natural disaster for example, I know they will often have to process spiritual questions, or aspects of survivors guilt. When working with someone who experienced SA I’m very aware there will be much healing that needs to happen within the body, and often themes of shame not seen in the same way with other trauma types. So I do think aspects of healing are also different. And people also heal in unique way because we are all made of different identity points, intersections of oppressions, or resiliencies.

The thought of it being a mental SA was interesting to me. Often in healing work with SA the survivor can connect at some point to how their body was invaded but a sacred part inside of them…The core of who they are…is untouchable and they can reconnect to it. Well…if we are psychically violated, that’s in our core, it’s literally in your mind, your inner sense of self and choices is being twisted and violated? As a trauma therapist it made me very aware the healing of this would be complex. Where is our safe space after that? With SA there is already often feelings of shame. A common one I work with is the shame of the body responding because that is what bodies do. We teach survivors arousal (just a physical reaction) IS NOT desire (the true yearning for something). And survivors can challenge shame by recognizing their body reacting does not mean they wanted it. But with this kind of mental SA I think the shame challenging of that would be harder. It would be more like trying to hold the truth that you didn’t want it, you were altered to want it (perhaps more like what we see when victims are drugged?).

In terms of impact of a trauma. One interesting piece of research we know is that it’s not necessarily the type of trauma that creates the most damage - it’s the response AFTERWARDS. What I mean by this is, when someone experiences something like SA or child abuse, and they tell someone they trust, they are believed, supported and linked to healing resources we see much less active PTSD symptoms long term (1-2 years after the incident). But when someone experiences the above and they tell someone and are not believed, or it’s minimized. When they have no safe person to tell and have to keep the secret. When they are not linked early to safe supports. THATS when we see deeper harm with longer lasting PTSD symptoms throughout the lifespan. 
 

So Willow being able to name it so clearly for Kian. Him holding it safely for her. To me it shows that while she will have healing work to do, she also has protections present.

She has other built in protections. She is an adult which means the trauma is occurring when sense of self, others and the world is already created. This can shake it up sure. But it’s not the same when these things happen in childhood and the everything is still developing. Another protection is that it is a one time event. We do understand that singular event trauma versus complex trauma is different. In this way I would expect her healing to look different. 

 

 

Oh, thank you for the inshights on question 25! ^^