How to stay optimistic during a relationship break as a codependent little?

[l0v3bug]

So today my grieving partner decided he needed a break from the relationship. I'm still crying over it and just wanted to ask for your tips on keeping myself occupied for however long we don't talk. I told him to contact me when he's ready but my BPD is scared to death he will stop loving me even though he promises he wouldn't... I need advice on how to self soothe and comfort myself now that i am a lonely little waiting for her daddy to be ready for her and the stress of the relationship again?

I'm also planning on asking my therapist in a few days...

 

Update,

I am planning on just texting him gm gn and ILY texts, and not bothering him... I feel scared not knowing when he will be back to his usual caring self. I also had an extremely bad week (lost my pet, got into an accident, and had an issue at work) and I find solace by being closer to him... So i feel incredibly vulnerable and without my safe person to confide it

Edited August 23 by l0v3bug
Update

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Your partner is grieving? But didn't automatically come to you for solace? You might be dodging a bullet by getting out of this relationship. It's never to late to try relying on yourself a little more than others. I know it's hard, particularly for those of us with mental health conditions, but it is possible with enough desire for personal growth. This way, if breakups do happen, you aren't left feeling stranded.

I imagine your therapist will suggest what I have, but also mention looking to family, other friends, and peer support to help fill the gap your partner left. Oh and of course talk about your coping mechanisms that don't involve other people.

I wish you well and good luck at feeling better over this.

[MasterPhotog]

1 hour ago, l0v3bug said:

So today my grieving partner decided he needed a break from the relationship. I'm still crying over it and just wanted to ask for your tips on keeping myself occupied for however long we don't talk. I told him to contact me when he's ready but my BPD is scared to death he will stop loving me even though he promises he wouldn't... I need advice on how to self soothe and comfort myself now that i am a lonely little waiting for her daddy to be ready for her and the stress of the relationship again?

I'm also planning on asking my therapist in a few days...

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it makes so much sense that you're feeling overwhelmed and scared right now. When someone we love takes space, especially during something as heavy as grief, it can bring up a lot of uncertainty and pain. You're not alone in this, even if it feels like it right now. It’s actually really wise and loving of you to give him that space, even while your heart is hurting, that takes strength.

In the meantime, it might help to gently create some structure in your day to give your mind and heart something to hold onto. Try to mix in little moments of comfort: a warm shower, a walk outside, your favorite meal, journaling your feelings, or even just watching something light and familiar. These aren't meant to fix the pain, but they can be small ways to anchor you.

Also, it’s okay to cry. Letting those emotions move through you is part of the healing. You don’t have to rush to feel okay. You’re already doing something incredibly self-aware by planning to talk to your therapist, that’s a huge step, and I’m glad you have that support coming.

And just a gentle reminder: love doesn’t disappear overnight. His need for space likely reflects where he is emotionally, not a lack of love for you. But no matter what happens, you still deserve to feel cared for, connected, and grounded, and those things can start from within.

You're doing better than you think, even in the middle of all this.

[l0v3bug]

1 hour ago, MasterPhotog said:

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it makes so much sense that you're feeling overwhelmed and scared right now. When someone we love takes space, especially during something as heavy as grief, it can bring up a lot of uncertainty and pain. You're not alone in this, even if it feels like it right now. It’s actually really wise and loving of you to give him that space, even while your heart is hurting, that takes strength.

In the meantime, it might help to gently create some structure in your day to give your mind and heart something to hold onto. Try to mix in little moments of comfort: a warm shower, a walk outside, your favorite meal, journaling your feelings, or even just watching something light and familiar. These aren't meant to fix the pain, but they can be small ways to anchor you.

Also, it’s okay to cry. Letting those emotions move through you is part of the healing. You don’t have to rush to feel okay. You’re already doing something incredibly self-aware by planning to talk to your therapist, that’s a huge step, and I’m glad you have that support coming.

And just a gentle reminder: love doesn’t disappear overnight. His need for space likely reflects where he is emotionally, not a lack of love for you. But no matter what happens, you still deserve to feel cared for, connected, and grounded, and those things can start from within.

You're doing better than you think, even in the middle of all this.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it

[l0v3bug]

2 hours ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Your partner is grieving? But didn't automatically come to you for solace? You might be dodging a bullet by getting out of this relationship. It's never to late to try relying on yourself a little more than others. I know it's hard, particularly for those of us with mental health conditions, but it is possible with enough desire for personal growth. This way, if breakups do happen, you aren't left feeling stranded.

I imagine your therapist will suggest what I have, but also mention looking to family, other friends, and peer support to help fill the gap your partner left. Oh and of course talk about your coping mechanisms that don't involve other people.

I wish you well and good luck at feeling better over this.

Thank you so much for your advice ❤

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

3 minutes ago, l0v3bug said:

Thank you so much for your advice ❤

Sorry if I come across as blunt. You'll get over this, I know you can! And like MP said, it's okay to cry~

[l0v3bug]

2 hours ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Sorry if I come across as blunt. You'll get over this, I know you can! And like MP said, it's okay to cry~

I completely understand your view, dw. I really do love him and I'm hoping it's just a bump in the road and combined with his trauma, I understand why he would pull away... It just hurts me a lot that he does