Grown Up But Not Grown Up

[Journey]

A similar discussion called  Does anybody feel like they need to "Grow Up" was started in the little space forum, but since I am not a little, I felt I should start a new topic and not encroach on their space. 

The two questions they raised were:

• Does anybody feel like they need to "Grow Up"
• Anybody else just never grew up?

I would say that neither my wife (the middle) or I (the caregiver) have grown up. 

We are forced into circumstances where we have to act like an adult and be responsible like an adult, but we don't always act or feel like an adult.

I have been married to her long enough to know that she hovers around 11 years old age regression these days, even when she thinks she is being an adult. And after years of trial and error have realized that if I treat her as if she were 11, she thrives and is happy. Not as role play. I just treat her as if she were actually 11, despite her being over 40. Mentally old enough to be responsible, mentally young enough to still need daddy, and still interested in things an 11 year old would be interested in.

As for me, I did not realize this until recently, but I think I unknowingly age regress when under extreme stress. This obviously can cause some tension, when the wife is a middle, and then daddy suddenly stops being daddy and turns into a middle too. She had to become the mommy at times, and hated having to do so. That caused some rough times in our marriage, but once she understood my past and got to know my parents, she became a bit more sympathetic. My sister and my wife both agree that my parents messed me up. But back to the topic at hand.

Neither my wife or I have really grown up, but we do grown up things when we have to.

She is still the middle and I am still the caregiver though, and in many ways I am living vicariously through her.

What about you? What is your experience in this, either as a little, middle, or caregiver?

Edited September 11 by Journey