Gender feeling more fluid in a headspace?

[LuckyLilac]

Writing from middlespace rn so thoughts may be a bit scattered, but is this just me? Generally, I'm very much a binary trans woman, very statically. But either in little or middlespace, being gendered male doesn't seem to hurt. It can even be fun to mix and match gendered terms, when little I've been known to be my Mummy's brave little prince 🥺. And here in middlespace, boy, girl, it all just works. For middlespace my best guess is that when I actually was in that 12-15 range, I was questioning for the earlier part and having my gender expression suppressed against my will in the later part. I guess for littlespace, I was socialised male, it might be oddly nostalgic, but also an exploration with so many possibilities I maybe wish I had at that kind of age.

[Journey]

We all have different aspects of ourselves, some we embrace, some we reject, some that lay dormant. It's all still part of us. 

One part of me wishes I was a little girl. Another part of me is glad that I am a man. Sometimes I want to be an adult. Sometimes I want to be a child. I am naturally submissive, but I have learned to be dominant when I have to be, although usually in a gentle way. And even though being dominant is not my preferred or default state, I do find joy and empowerment in it at times. 

And I have also found that over the years we tend to change. The person I was when I was at 20 is not the same person I was at 50. 

In the end, it is about discovering yourself and deciding what is best for you and what brings you the most joy. And if you are with another person, figuring out what gives them joy too. 

 

[Journey]

It is interesting that it is different though. And now that I think about it, it is different for me too.

I have never wanted to be a little boy. But I have wanted to be a little girl. And still wish I was a little girl.

But as an adult, I prefer to be a male... although a feminine male. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Journey

[LuckyLilac]

4 minutes ago, Journey said:

It is interesting that it is different though. And now that I think about it, it is different for me too.

I have never wanted to be a little boy. But I have wanted to be a little girl. And still wish I was a little girl.

But as an adult, I prefer to be a male... although a feminine male. 

That is interesting, from a presumably cis perspective? The way we're socialised, little girl has a different energy. That said, I'll just as happily be a pretty little princess playing with toy cars. Maybe it is something about the word prince in particular.

[Journey]

2 minutes ago, LuckyLilac said:

That is interesting, from a presumably cis perspective? The way we're socialised, little girl has a different energy. That said, I'll just as happily be a pretty little princess playing with toy cars. Maybe it is something about the word prince in particular.

No, I actually want to be a little girl with all the girl parts too. I wish I was a girl that never had to grow up and was always taken care of.

I was born a feminine male, and decided not to get surgery. I am not CIS and I am not trans. I don't identify as male and I don't identify as female. Having a ding dong does not define me. And I feel insulted when someone calls me CIS. I am just who I am and people have to deal with it. I don't fit in a neat little box.

But getting back to the conversation, I am sure some of it is socializing... and some of it is biology too. 

Sure I like the fact that little girls are typically treated differently than little boys. That is part of the socialization. But I also wish I was physically a girl... who could make babies. So that is the biology aspect.

My ideal life would have been to be in a romantic relationship where I could be a little girl for life (socialization), and be barefoot and pregnant (biology). But I was born with a ding dong. I can still be a little girl, but I can't make babies, at least not with current technology.

[LuckyLilac]

No offense was intended, it was only a question.

[Journey]

4 minutes ago, LuckyLilac said:

No offense was intended, it was only a question.

No, I get it. I know you did not mean to insult.

[Journey]

36 minutes ago, LuckyLilac said:

That said, I'll just as happily be a pretty little princess playing with toy cars. Maybe it is something about the word prince in particular.

Or it may just be the little boy inside of you coming out. I am old enough to know that most people have multiple sides to them. They show one in public, and if you get to know them intimately, they show some other sides you may not even expect. Give them a safe space to be truly honest, and that's when the kinks usually come out.

Got explore and enjoy the journey. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Journey