Decision Making for Dominant Daddy or Mommy

[Journey]

I am married to a middle who comes from a culture that prefers dominant/submissive relationships, and she is attracted to dominant men and expect the husband to play the father-figure role in the relationship. (Yes, very traditional.) I, on the other hand, am naturally submissive and raised in a culture that promotes equal relationships. (How we got together is a long story. Probably has something to do with me being a caregiver and her wanting to be a little girl.)

This meant that I actually had to learn how to be dominant in the relationship. As a result, I have figured out things that work and things that don't work, at least with my wife.

As such, I had to come up with a decision-making method that she responds well to. This is what I came up with and she seems to respond well to it. I am curious what other people think.

It should be noted that she is submissive and wishes to be a little girl for life. She expects her man to be both dominant and daddy, both as a personal preference but also because it is her culture.

Important Notes

Before we begin, there are a couple of important notes.

• Each relationship is different, so you have to figure out what works for you as a couple.
• And there are three major ways to make decisions in a relationship: 
  • Delegated Responsibility - This is when someone let's someone else make the decisions for them, often seen in a dominant/submissive relationship.
  • Divided or Split Responsibility - This is when each partner takes a realm or domain of responsibility. Each partner has their own domain in which they are the final decision maker.
  • Equal or Shared Responsibility - This is where they come together and make a decision as a couple, usually by consensus. 
• You can mix and match the above. You can delegate some decision-making to your partner, while reserving decision-making authority in another area or domain.
•  For couples engaged in age play or age regression, the rules may be different in little space, middle space, and adult space.
• Although I reference male and female below, the gender of the person actually does not matter. This works the same if the mommy is dominant, or in same sex relationships where one is dominant and one is submissive. Just put yourself in the appropriate dominant or submissive role if applicable.
• Did I mention all relationships are different? What makes one person happy will make another person miserable.

That should give you some context for the decision-making cycle I came up with for me and my wife.

This is a long read, but I felt I had to cover multiple possibilities, since not everyone is the same. 

The Decision-Making Cycle

Since my wife, a submissive who age regresses to 11 years old, wants me to make decisions for her (and enforces that dynamic), I came up with this procedure, which seems to work pretty well. (If your partner is not submissive, this probably won't work out well.)

As the dominant partner, the decision-making flow is as follows:

1. Make decisions for her and the family.
   • Exceptions:
     • An exception is an area or domain that she is in charge of. For example, if she is in charge of the household or her career, she has final say in that area. It is best to negotiate these domains in advance so you don’t step on each other’s toes. This is a form of dividing responsibility.
     • This also does not apply in areas you both have agreed to make joint decisions on, by consensus. This is a form of equal responsibility. Ideally, this should be negotiated in advance so you know to have a sit down to discuss it rather than making the decision for her.
     • In many cultures, each partner has certain domains and each is in charge of that domain. You make decisions on your domain, and she makes decisions in hers. Be aware of your partner’s culture and also be aware about whether she wants to adopt these cultural practices. Sometimes she may want to go against her culture, at least in some areas. Know what she wants instead of assuming what she wants based on her culture. 
   • All decisions should take into account her wants and needs, and what makes her happy. As the decision-maker, that also makes you responsible for their happiness and well-being. You are their caregiver and you have a duty to take care of them as the decision-maker.
   • Some people age regress when you take control and remove responsibilities, on purpose or automatically. If your partner is age regressing, you need to know which domains you are allowed to make decisions for and which domains she has a say in. You also need to know if things change when she is age regressed. For example, she may want you to be more dominant (like a loving father-figure) while age regressed and more equal when she is in adult mode. If she is naturally submissive, things may not change at all and it is the same whether she age regressed or not (but perhaps more intense). This all should be understood and agreed upon in advance. 
   • Also recognize that women will take the initiative and make decisions if they don't trust you to make the right decision, feel threatened, or in an emergency. She should never be punished for making decisions, and as the dominant figure in the relationship, you should ask yourself whether you could have done something better. For example, if she feels she cannot trust you to make good decisions, that is likely a problem with what you are doing rather than what she is doing. What can you do to gain her trust again? If she felt threatened or it was an emergency, is there something you can do to make sure she is protected from harm in the future? This may need some real talk between you are your partner. 
   • Both of you should have boundaries. Know what they are and don't cross them. 
2. State decisions with authority.
   • If you have a woman who prefers a dominant man, she will be attracted to this.
   • If you have a woman who is looking for a father-figure for a husband, she will be attracted to this.
   • If you have a woman that wants an equal relationship, she will respect you for this, although she will want more of say in decisions. 
   • If you do not act with authority, most women will lose respect for you. For most women, being wishy-washy and indecisive is a turn off. 
   • Even if your partner is not a woman, most submissive people will respect you more if you do this.
3. Pause and give her a chance to give her objections and suggestions. 
   • If she has a history of being able to speak up for herself, then a pause will work since she will tell you if she does not like it. 
   • If she doesn’t say anything, but you get a negative reaction, such as a frown, ask her what she thinks about the decision to prompt feedback. 
   • If she seems too timid to say anything, encourage her to speak up, and if necessary suggest something else you know she likes. 
     • This does two things. First it reassures her that it is okay to tell you how she feels and to tell you what she really wants. It also shows that you are attentive to her needs and want her to be happy. 
     • You don’t want her to live in fear and want her to be able to express herself. Since we are not mind readers, the better communication you have with your partner, the better you can live in harmony. After all, the goal is to make her feel safe, secure, and happy. If she allows you to make decisions for her, it should be because she trusts you, not because she is afraid to speak up. 
     • You want her to be happy and to trust you. If she is timid, she doesn’t trust you. Work on building trust with her by making her happy and taking care of her emotional needs.
4. Respond to her reaction.
   • If there are no objections or suggestions, do what you decided. Keep your word. Don't backtrack, unless there is an important reason to deviate.
     • This tells her you are reliable and she can trust what you say. It also shows you are a leader.
   • If there are objections or suggestions, adjust the plan accordingly. Implement good ideas, deny bad ideas. Sometime throw in a “next time.” 
     • This tells her that you are attentive to her needs and listen to her.
   • If necessary, explain why you decided something and do so with confidence. 
     • If she knows the decision is not arbitrary, that you thought trough the logic and reasons, and that you are taking her needs and wants into account, she is more likely to let you decide for her, and even want you to decide for her.
     • Explaining can be as simple as saying “you said you would like donuts the other day, so I decided to buy some donuts for you.” It shows you were thinking of her and explains why you made the decision to buy donuts without consulting her first. It also works as a nice surprise, which adds variety to the relationship.
     • You don’t always have to explain, but it can build trust if you do. 
     • If you have made the same decision multiple times in the past and she liked it, there is no need to explain, unless it reinforces that you did it for her. 
     • Don’t over explain and don’t do it to seek her approval. You want her to be happy, but if you seek her approval, you shift the power dynamic back to her, which negates the whole dominant and submissive dynamic going on. The whole point is that you are dominant and she is submissive, at least in that particular area.
5. Get her feedback after the fact.
   • What did she like and what did she not like?
6. Use her feedback to make better decisions in the future.
   • This does two important things. If you make better decisions, she is more likely to trust you to continue to make decisions on the future. And since you are paying attention to what makes her happy and doing things that make her happy, she has little reason to resist your decisions. 
7. If you said “next time” on something, then do it in the future, preferably sooner than later.
   • This is important since you are making a promise when saying “next time” or “later.” If she cannot trust your word, she is less likely to trust your decisions. If necessary, set a reminder. 

Examples:

• Instead of asking her what she wants for dinner, I decide what is for dinner. I already know what she likes and does not like, so I can prepare a menu of items she is happy eating. 
• If there is some new dish I would like us to try, I can get her opinion in advance, but not about a specific meal on a specific date. In other words, “would you like to try this recipe sometime?” instead of “do you want this recipe tonight?” The first indicates planning ahead and considering her wishes. The second gives the impression that I am indecisive and need her to decide for me. 
• I have made a variety of dishes before, so I should know how to make them. If I am asking questions during the preparation, it means that I have not been paying attention or that I want her to guide me. It either makes me look like an idiot who can’t remember how to do it after making it 100 times, or it makes it look like I am incapable of being in control and am a child she needs to guide. Either way, I look bad and she loses a little bit of respect for me. It also upsets the dominant/submissive dynamic and the DDlg dynamic. 

Summary

This is what I came up with for my relationship and it seems to be very effective with my wife, who is submissive and age regresses to 11. She is happier, more affectionate, and respects me more when I implement this decision-making flow.

I am curious what other people think. 

Edited September 25 by Journey

[Journey]

The short version of the decision-making cycle for a dominant and submissive is:

1. Make decisions for the submissive.
2. State decisions with authority.
3. Pause and give her a chance to give her objections and suggestions.
4. Respond to her reaction.
5. Get her feedback after the fact.
6. Use her feedback to make better decisions in the future.
7. If you said “next time” on something, then do it in the future, preferably sooner than later.

Note, this is specifically for someone who wants you to make the decisions for them, either as a submissive partner, or as a little or middle.

This is what works for us. I am curious about your feedback. 

See above for details.

[Journey]

1 hour ago, Journey said:

t should be noted that she is submissive and wishes to be a little girl for life. She expects her man to be both dominant and daddy, both as a personal preference but also because it is her culture.

Clarification. Her culture expects the man to take on the father-figure role in the relationship, even with the wife. The provider, protector, and decision-maker. DDlg and age regression is not part of her culture (at least openly), but a lot of relationships are still structured as "daddy" and "baby" anyway, implying a power relationship that is similar to daddy/little girl. 

My wife not only expects that, she enforces it. If I am not being daddy and am not being dominant, she is not happy since that is supposed to be the man's role, according to her and her culture.

My wife also openly admits that she wants to be a little girl for life and has practically made that her life goal. Whereas others may not want to openly admit that to themselves and others, yet still expect the husband to act as their father-figure anyway. 

Very different perspective than we have over in the western world. I had to learn to adapt, and so did she. 

Edited September 25 by Journey

[Journey]

I should add that for minor or routine decisions, I don't always tell her the decision unless she asks, especially if she is age regressed. 

The perfect example is mealtime. 

I treat mealtime as if I was the parent and she was the child. Unless it is a special occasion, you would not ask what they wanted to eat at every meal. You, as the parent, would just decide what to make and then make it. The meal just magically appears for the little or middle without them having to think about it at all. If they ask, you tell them, but otherwise let them play while you prepare dinner or let them help prepare dinner with you.

I have found this to be very effective at creating the daddy/little girl dynamic since it mimics what typically happened when she was younger. When I started practicing this every meal, within a week she was instinctively taking on the middle role during meals. 

The decision-making flow above mentioned telling her the decision, but for some routine things where she trusts you to act, you don't even have to tell her in advance unless she asks. 

When you ask for feedback after the fact, you will figure out if she likes this dynamic or not. My wife happens to love this dynamic, and I cook most of our meals this way now.