Unable to ask for gender support/ advice

[Phoenix78]

This might sound dumb. Im not out to my family gender wise yknow lile how I feel and what i prefer to be called that stuff. 

My grandma ordered a piece of clothing in the wrong size small for her so she asked what size I was and if I would try it on. Obviously I said yes because if I say no she will hoard it somewhere until the end of time. Knowing it would upset me to wear because it was so feminine, I really just set myself up for failure. I feel so bad and disgusting and wrong. Its not usually this triggering. 

I don't know I just feel stupid about this whole thing. Also my grandma is religious and that is why this stuff isn't something to tell her. 

 

[Lil_K47]

2 minutes ago, Phoenix78 said:

This might sound dumb. Im not out to my family gender wise yknow lile how I feel and what i prefer to be called that stuff. 

My grandma ordered a piece of clothing in the wrong size small for her so she asked what size I was and if I would try it on. Obviously I said yes because if I say no she will hoard it somewhere until the end of time. Knowing it would upset me to wear because it was so feminine, I really just set myself up for failure. I feel so bad and disgusting and wrong. Its not usually this triggering. 

I don't know I just feel stupid about this whole thing. Also my grandma is religious and that is why this stuff isn't something to tell her. 

 

i'm really sorry you don't have the support of your family that's gotta be rough. Just know that your feelings are not stupid or dumb, they are very valid! Here is a really great place to get support!  there's a group called the lighthouse Circle, it's a great place for posting your feelings. Not sure where you're from but perhaps you could look for a support group in your area? Or I'm sure there might even be some online support groups, that would at least be a great way to get some support and have people to talk to who are  going to understand what you're going through! 

[Little kaiya]

Being genderfluid certainly isn't easy and sometimes it can be tougher for other people to understand compared to people who have a static gender identity that doesn't match their sex. 

I've been open about being genderfluid for the past 8 years. It wasn't longer simply because the term didn't really exist previously but obviously I've been genderfluid my entire life, so add another 39 years.

Some days are going to be better and some worse. I speak publicly to various government departments, businesses and social groups and as much as I'd like to say at some point it stops hurting it really doesn't.

The best advice I can offer is find your close friends, family, chosen family or whoever you trust and rely on them during the hard days. When it gets bad I go to my Wife, my Daddy, my old boss/friend and a close friend, who is also genderfluid, that is like a sibling. They can't make it go away but they can be that calm and comforting presence on days where it's just too much.

[kuuchan]

i'm so sorry to hear your going through this!

i remember when i was younger i loathed wearing anything girly. But i guess the big difference here is i would tell my mother very straight that i don't want any girly clothes and if she's dumb enough to get me any i won't wear them lmao. But i understand that's not an option here lol, i was a very rude child. (mostly due to my autism probably, i would just say it how it is you now?) 

I still think it would be beneficial to tell her the truth at some point? Not necessarily the gender identity part maybe, that's up to you, but the part about not liking feminine clothes. Not every cis woman likes to wear the girliest stuff, and that's normal right? You'll just feel more bad about it the longer you let it go on for.

Also about finding a support system: I think the internet is a goo option for this. I have friends online i rely on for gender identity stuff, tho admittedly, i also don't share too much about this stuff with anyone, it's quite difficult to put into words and being vulnerable like that.