Feeling ignored by my daddy

[Craftyfrog]

 

I’m fairly new to ddlg, I enjoy talking to my daddy. We have a long distance relationship. It makes me feel sad when he doesn’t respond for a while. Usually he takes 2-4 hours sometimes although we can talk back and forth consistently maybe 1-3 times a day. I respond back quickly but I understand not being able to respond at that very moment. But it feels like the least he could do is check his phone a little more. He’s gone up to 8-12 hours of not talking to me a few times. I understand life gets busy, so maybe I’m over dramatic? I make him lots of little things and buy him snacks and other things to send him in the mail. But I’ve never gotten a package back. It makes me kind of sad. I don’t know if I’m just being self centered for feeling this way. It’s not his job to buy me or send me things. But it would be nice to feel a little special I guess. 

[Journey]

It might be useful to know his schedule. For example, if he is in meetings or at work, he might not be able to respond immediately. If you know when he is available and when he is not available, that would help manage your expectations. 

[beanbean]

I don’t think your self centered have you tried telling him how you feel?

 

[Craftyfrog]

Thank you for the replies! I do know his work schedule loosely, what time he goes in and leaves, and when meetings are. But it doesn’t seem to help us talking more. We have talked about it, in fact I had to take a break because of it. He has told me before he doesn’t feel like he does enough for me, and he wants to do better. But why doesn’t he? I sometimes feel as though I have to give more to get something.

[Journey]

Sometimes some people have their own issues they are going through. I know with my relationship, there was a period where I was not the daddy I promised I would be because I had my own issues to deal with at the time. My middle was mad and frustrated at first, but once she understood I was working through some issues, she became much more understanding. Now, I can be the daddy she wants me to be, and things are going well.

Remember, daddies are often expected to be strong, but daddies are human beings too. 

He might think he needs to shield you from his issues so that he continues to look strong to you. If you have your own issues, he may not want to add to your burdens.

This may or may not be what is happening in your situation. The only way you will know for sure is to communicate with each other. 

What makes this harder is that it is a long distance relationship, so you only see the verbal communication part and not the non-verbal communications part. 

It may be something else, but I wanted to mention that this could be one possibility. 

Edited October 3 by Journey

[Zina]

Of course that's not over dramatic of you! Your feelings are valid. I believe best thing to do here is for you both to open up and communicate and try to understand each other's feelings and needs, and then compromise. But if one doesn't try to follow up with what they said they would do... That's not a good sign for me personally. 

 

[sheepie uwu]

I strongly urge you to stop sending him things if he's not reciprocating it. And 8-12 hours sounds like a work shift with sleep. He's probably messaging you while at work, but isn't always able to do so.  Not to be the devil's advocate, but this is something you really should be talking to him about.    

[MissAnna]

10 hours ago, Craftyfrog said:

 

I’m fairly new to ddlg, I enjoy talking to my daddy. We have a long distance relationship. It makes me feel sad when he doesn’t respond for a while. Usually he takes 2-4 hours sometimes although we can talk back and forth consistently maybe 1-3 times a day. I respond back quickly but I understand not being able to respond at that very moment. But it feels like the least he could do is check his phone a little more. He’s gone up to 8-12 hours of not talking to me a few times. I understand life gets busy, so maybe I’m over dramatic? I make him lots of little things and buy him snacks and other things to send him in the mail. But I’ve never gotten a package back. It makes me kind of sad. I don’t know if I’m just being self centered for feeling this way. It’s not his job to buy me or send me things. But it would be nice to feel a little special I guess. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this, please talk to him and tell him your feelings.

You aren't being dramatic and You aren't being self centered either. I won't lie that would hurt my feelings if I didn't hear from my daddy in over 8 hours.

I know life does it get busy and sometimes we get overwhelmed but being in a LDR it's crucial to have communication. So please I urge you to talk to him, let him know how you are feeling and why you are feeling this way. 

Remember your feelings are valid, they are real and they matter. Talk to him, let him know this hurts you and why it hurts you. 

We are all here to help you in anyway we can, my door is always open 

[Craftyfrog]

I’m nervous to bring up the topic of feeling like this because he will think I’m leaving him. He didn’t take having a break well, and now he has a fear of me leaving him. I don’t want to leave him at all, so I’m wondering if I should wait until that fear subsides more to bring it up.

[sheepie uwu]

 

12 minutes ago, Craftyfrog said:

I’m nervous to bring up the topic of feeling like this because he will think I’m leaving him. He didn’t take having a break well, and now he has a fear of me leaving him. I don’t want to leave him at all, so I’m wondering if I should wait until that fear subsides more to bring it up.

I see red flags from manipulative behavior.

It ounds like he possibly doesn't respect boundaries, but also like he's guilt-tripping you out of expressing your feelings or guilt-tripping you into staying with him.

I have some self help guides that I think you could benefit from. Please protect yourself and stay safe. 

 

[Journey]

How you frame the conversation is important. If you frame it as "he is doing something wrong," then he is probably going to react negatively. But if you frame it as "wanting to spend more time with him," then he will probably respond much better.

You could start off with some small hints, like "I miss you" and "I wish we could spend more time together." It sounds like he wants that too, but perhaps things are getting in the way. 

Expressing these things will tell him how you feel, but at the same time is non-threatening. And it opens the door to a conversation when both of you are ready to discuss it more.

Eventually, you will need to have a discussion though. The sooner the better. That is the only way to work this out.

Just be sure to avoid the blame game. Blaming him for how you feel or him blaming you for how he feels usually is not a productive way to have a conversation, no matter how true it feels at that moment. 

Talking about mutual goals, like how to spend more time together, will be more effective. It gets you on the same page trying to solve the same problem, which is why it is more effective. 

Hopefully that helps a bit. I know long distance relationships can be tough. My wife and I had a long distance relationship while waiting for her fiancée visa. So I understand how it is.

P.S. Like @sheepie uwu said, make sure he is not being manipulative. Having an honest conversations with him will help reveal what is going on, because it seems like he is not telling you everything. If you have an open conversation with him and are not blaming, and things still seem off, then it may be time to consider how committed he is to the relationship. But before you get too worried, you need to have an open and honest conversation with him about this.

Edited October 3 by Journey

[beanbean]

I mean framing it as anything that’s someone’s fault just be candid in what you need and look and see if there is simple solutions 

[Craftyfrog]

I am ready to talk to him about how I feel. I have been going through issues with my family, and I texted him about it and got one response. But the other two times I texted him I got no response. It’s been a whole day since we talked. I don’t need him to cope with how I’m feeling about my parents, but it just would have been nice to have someone there for me. I feel kinda disappointed.

[beanbean]

Yeah if he doesn’t want to talk about it and is not providing what you need you might need to think of moving on sadly 

[CupcakeSparklies]

4 hours ago, Craftyfrog said:

I am ready to talk to him about how I feel. I have been going through issues with my family, and I texted him about it and got one response. But the other two times I texted him I got no response. It’s been a whole day since we talked. I don’t need him to cope with how I’m feeling about my parents, but it just would have been nice to have someone there for me. I feel kinda disappointed.

I feel like this may be a mute point right now, but this is definitely one of those conversations that needs to be had at the beginning.  I consider this just as important if not one of the most important things when discussing what each of you want and expect out of this dynamic. 

I was told I was "too needy" by a "Daddy" when I expected for us to be able to chat everyday.  Expecting that is not being too needy, it is just what I need when I am in a relationship. I make it very clear from the beginning this is what I expect and if that is too much for someone, then we just arent compatible. 

Hopefully he will message you back and everything will be fine, but if not I would make it a priority when discussing things with potential new daddies. 

[Journey]

How much they want to talk to you is a good litmus test for the strength of a relationship, especially when you are starting to get serious about a relationship. The more they are into you, the more they will want to talk to you and be with you. There may be things that get in the way, like meetings, work, travel, and other obligations, but they will still want to connect with you regularly.

When I was looking for a wife, I noticed that the more a person was interested in me, the more they wanted to talk to me. And vice versa. And with my wife, when we started chatting, we talked everyday for hours, despite both of us having full time jobs and being on opposite sides of the planet.

Even now, after 20 years of marriage, we still have together time daily just for us. While at the same time respecting each other's obligations and private time.

Something to consider when you look for a daddy or a partner. Are they going to put the same level of energy and effort into the relationship that you put in? 

Edited October 13 by Journey