I echo what everyone has said here. This isn’t on you and I hope you can keep letting that in as much as you can. Because you are worthy of care and compassion. My heart is with you in all you are having to hold right now. ♥️ Sometimes when I’m working with parents who are desperately worried about being good parents and not like the trauma they grew up with (I promise I have a point and this connects *laughs*) I find the helpful answer is: You know how I know you’re a good parent? Cause you’re worried about it! You’re asking the question, you’re reflecting, you’re resourcing yourself. It’s the same here. You know how I know that you don’t “break and damage” everyone you touch? Because I can hear how worried you are about it. People who TRULY break and damage others NEVER ASK THEMSELVES THAT QUESTION. I can hear within your own struggle and questions that you are a deeply caring person who is sensitive to those around them. And I know I only know you a little, but I truly believe you would be a gift to have in someone’s life. Because I can hear the way this matters to you. You gave compassionate understanding to every single person you wrote about…to your ex fiancé in his identity, to your daddy dom in his pull away, to your friend in their spiral. The one person I’m hearing your struggle to give compassion to is yourself. Now I’m going to say something a little silly but also true: you are always the common denominator in your own life! It’s a natural negativity bias to make the connection that it must be me. Because I bring me into EVERY single situation I live. Okay I know I’m being a little facetious and yes it’s true as a therapist I sometimes ask people to notice the common pattern in their stuck pattern is them. And I can happily offer that mirror. But with lots and lots of people it’s not them, it’s things that are happening TO them. And I see that here. And it sounds like a part of you does too. The way you write and the way you reached out means there is a part of you that knows these are things that were outside your control. But that tricksy other part gets louder sometimes. I know what that’s like to battle. It helps me to recognize that when activated we are more likely to hyperbolize. ‘It’s all my fault.’ Words like never, always, a million times, ruined etc can cue us that our most grounded, wisest, part is not the part of us holding that feeling or pushing that old script. It helps me to recognize how I need to soothe and ground, access my trusty mirrors (like you did in this space) so I know if I’m in a blind spot, and practice strengthening the other voices in my choir. And honestly, sometimes that’s a little scary! It’s scary to have to sit with the existential truth that it’s NOT all our fault. Cause if it isn’t that means we aren’t in total control, we can’t fix it all, and bad stuff can just happen willy nilly! Gah chaos! So sometimes it can be helpful just to explore the way it feels weirdly less anxious to have it all be our fault. That we might have a part that is more comfortable with the old script it’s all our fault. I know for me, I still have to work that skill on the regular! *laughs* And I’m not saying being reflective is bad. In fact, it can be really important to reflect back and learn from each experience. But I never want anyone reflecting while activated parts are more in control. If that makes sense? Anyway, I have no idea that this is helpful, so I, like everyone here, just want to remind you of how lovable and worthy you are. And I hope you can turn that amazing heart and compassion inwards that you so easily give to others. ♥️

@MasterPhotog @MissAnna Thank you both. It's hard to focus right now, and it's hard to dissect the takeaway and how to learn and grow from these situations and its hard to figure out how to heal from it when your mind is stuck on a on track loop of being the problem- but I am trying not to think that way, I am trying to reframe it and to accept that each situation wasn't my fault and out of my control. It's just really hard.

I couldn't imagine what you're going through the pain of losing so many people at once. Don't blame yourself please don't, life is hard and love, well love can be so messy. I have a saying that I tell everyone: People come into our lives for seasons or for reasons. The seasons might be long or the seasons might be short, the reasons might be to teach us how much we need them or how strong we are without them. Take this as a learning experience, you've lived it, you've learned from it and now you can grow from it. I promise in time it gets better, for now focus on healing and reminding yourself how amazing you truly are. Until next time remember you do matter, you are loved and you are so worthy of being loved

@SleepyLynn I'm sorry you're feeling like you're the one to blame for everything that didn't work out. But after taking a closer look, and as @Lil_K47 has suggested, it's clear that even though you were involved in all three situations, the responsibility doesn't fall on you whatsoever. Going forward, clearer communication and paying attention to the subtle cues in conversations may help you avoid similar situations. For now, try to focus not on blaming yourself, but on understanding what happened so you can learn from it and move confidently into the future.

@Lil_K47 Thank you- it's really hard not to feel this way- like logically I know, emotionally my brain is like "lock up logic and reason- hard send it's your fault" and struggling hard with trying to convince myself to listen to reason and logic. I really appreciate the hugs and like the care - it just sucks and hurts.

this is a wonderful idea! thank you so much for sharing!!

oh sweetie I'm so sorry you're having a rough go of it right now, and I can definitely see how you would feel like you were the common denominator in all the situations. but honestly it just sounds like a run of bad luck. You have no control over the fact that your fiancé is gay. that's not a reflection on you, he just is who he is. As for your daddy, sounds like maybe an open relationship wasn't for him and he wasn't upfront with you about hiw it bothered him. Again not really in your control. If your partners aren't open and honest about their feelings there isn't a lot you can do about that. With your friend that you're kind of crushing on, you really can't control the fact that he's still has feelings for his ex sounds like. Again I don't think that's a reflection on you, he can't help how he feels and he's not completely ready to move on from that yet. All three situations are definitely awful for you, but honestly you didn't do anything wrong! It's not a good answer but sometimes these things just happen. Hang in there sweetheart! It's tough right now but better days will come! Sending some big hugs your way!

Within the last 2 months, I've lost two important relationships to me. 1 was my fiancé - the other was my daddy dom. For context, I was in an open relationship because my ex-fiancé and I couldn't meet each other's needs completely, and eventually, within the last two months, he confessed to me that he was not Bi like he thought and was straight up Gay. To which I understood and told him it was okay, and I wasn't angry or anything, because you are who you are and like what you like, but with that confession ended our relationship. With the end of that Relationship, my Daddy dom also pulled away shortly after, and he told me he blamed himself for me and my ex breaking up, which he had no part in; it was a mutual breakup. For a while, I was doing okay, but then I started talking more with a friend. We both developed a crush on each other and tried to slow things down because we had both recently lost relationships. We decided not to act on these feelings and just talk, see where things might go in the future if anything developed. However, two days ago, he started to pull away because he was spiraling over his ex, who he assumed was talking to another guy. He realized he wasn't over her yet or ready to pursue something else, which I understand, and ever since, he has been in a depressive mood. Logically, I know it's not me... but emotionally, the common factor in all these is me. My ex-fiancé emotionally cheated on me with guys online- and when I found out, I asked him to stop, he did for a short while and started again, which also contributed to us having that open relationship which was something I pushed for to try and save my relationship so he could get what he needed and I could get what I needed - and that's when I met my Daddy dom and he knew about the open relationship and seemed okay with it.. But when he ended the dynamic, he confessed that he pushed himself to do it despite it going against his morals, and it was something he wanted to try, and now he blames himself for how my ex-fiancé and I split apart, even though logically he knows it's not his fault.. And I kind of blame myself for this because I feel like I should have done better and tried harder to make sure he was okay with the situation, i did ask and check in a few times, but I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder. and then with my friend that I've developed a small crush on recently- I feel like it's my fault. I feel like it's my fault he's spiraling right now -and I feel like everything I touch, I break and damage. I didn't plan to crush on my friend, frankly, I was kind of planning on not dating / or doing a dynamic because they always seem to blow up in my face... And I didn't plan for him to crush on me either- We both just kind of started talking more out of a spontaneous whim and connected really easily, and then boom - it all kinda blows up around me.. I don't know, I just feel like I'm the main issue and problem, like maybe I'm doing/did something wrong in every situation- and I'm just not seeing it and I don't know how to deal with these feelings.

Thank you, it deeply warmed my heart reading this.

Yay, I’m so glad you can have fun with it 💕

@RoseyLittle @Lil_K47 @NickyMoon @MasterPhotog First I want to thank each of you for being so kind and supportive! I had to take some time because I hit a sharing fatigue after a challenging week but your words sang in my head as i closed the week out. This has been such a difficult and frustrating journey but hearing that im not alone and there are ways to slowly get back to it has been very helpful. I've decided after talking with him to slowly work up to it and communicate my feelings clearly. Papa for now when im ready and then maybe we get there maybe we don't. Its about healing and allowing for time. Im so often, something im working on in therapy, trying to just get past problems without addressing myself and why they exist in the first place. I have read each and everyone of your notes and have taken them to heart and shared them with him and he, of course, was responsive, helpful, and grateful that there is a safe community for me to come to. I just want to thank you all and will be being much more kind to myself about this 💗🤗💗🤗 You are the best of the best and Im grateful that you are here.

Thank you for your kind words. Sending you hugs, too. I find keeping a healthy routine with a regular sleep schedule, very gentle stretches and breathing exercises, staying hydrated, and proper nutrition helps the most, but I do need extra reminders that people love and support me when these feelings start to get big again.

I have been struggling with my mental health a lot lately too so I don't have any words of wisdom, but I am definitely sending you hugs and a reminder to be gentle with yourself. Our little brains need gentleness from us when the world isn't so gentle with them.

I struggle this time of year with my mental health every year. I start school (I'm a teacher) in August and by late October I am exhausted, physically and mentally. Last year I broke my foot about this time, a month after I left my first daddy. He had been there with me through a previous foot surgery and carpal tunnel surgery. He was there when I moved my kid to college on a knee scooter. When my mom had a heart attack. When my ex was crazy and I was scared, but I couldn't call him this time. So I reached out to my ddlg friends at the time and said some stuff I shouldn't when I got lost in my memories. They did the right thing by stepping away, they are friends, not professionals, but it hurt to lose them just before Thanksgiving when I couldn't travel. I did connect with them a couple weeks later to apologize and have closure on the relationship. My foot didn't heal either I was in a walking boot until June and they finally diagnosed a chronic non-union fracture. I've been to over a dozen specialists this year and still no answers only more tests. I've had 2 more incidents where I needed a walking boot or knee brace since June and I've been in physical therapy since August to rebuilt the lost strength from so long in a boot. I graduated physical therapy this week and was able to be without any braces. But now I'm stuck in my head. I can't let it go. I keep thinking I did something wrong to cause all these injuries in my feet and knees, that by taking time to have a relationship with a daddy, for allowing myself to be little, for spending time in littlespace or with little friends I am some how causing all these physical and mental health problems. I feel so weak lately. I keep oversharing and repeating the mistakes of the past, so I stay away. I hide. I'm so scared of losing everyone again that I don't really know how to trust the people around me to be there when I need them. I have a long ugly trauma story, too, which doesn't need to be discussed, but it effects my ability to feel safe. I hate this part of my personality. This fear, panic, freeze response that holds me back. I work so hard at fighting it, but the smallest things just make it so big. Things like the same time of year, smells, sounds, clothing are all triggering or reminding me of what happened and I desperately wanna be thankful for all that I've learned this year, but I'm so scared....

WOW! This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering, glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨ This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering - glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨

I love this idea!!! Thank you Rosey, I will definitely be on the lookout for a box to decorate now...

Here’s a fun little activity for grounding and self care! Creating your own little grounding kit. We always have fun running this in trauma group programming. The ‘why’ behind this activity is because when we are activated or triggered, it is hard for us to think and remember what things help us. So keeping a kit stocked by you in your room or a safe place means you just have to remember to open your box. And partners or loved ones can be told about it too. Plus it’s just fun and we can use glitter and sparkles! 💕 You can get creative and decorate a box, crate or chest of any kind. You could use a shoe box, or craft stores/dollar stores have all kinds of ones to choose from. You can decorate the outside and inside, with decoupage, paint, stickers, gems! Anything that speaks to you. Not feeling creative? That’s okay, there’s lots of pretty boxes out there to choose from that you can just pick up and fill. Then you put in things that are soothing to you like: - your favourite grounding tools (maybe a journal, a list of people you can reach out to, breathing visualization steps, grounding technique cards), - things for your senses (could be your favourite scent candle or essential oils, play doh or slime to squeeze or other sensory toys, a suckable candy or chocolate to put on your tongue, BUBBLES TO BLOW!) - comfort objects (could be grounding photos of loved ones or special memories/places, nostalgic items like shells from a trip, a soft stuffie, a letter you write yourself or someone else has written you) - things that focus your mind (could be a colouring or puzzle book, fidget toys, crochet or knitting, a favourite book to read) These are all just ideas, whatever works for you! This thread can be a space people can post their own kits if they already have them, or want to try making one!

@MasterPhotog @RoseyLittle I was really hoping you both would chime in here!! I don't know why I didn't think to tag you guys! lol as always you guys give fabulous, comforting, and encouraging advice! Insights which are useful to all of us! Thank you both for being here to guide us! ❤️❤️

I really can't top the great advice above, but I was wondering, is it just the word "Daddy" or all titles of that kind? Like could you call him an alternate and maybe ease into "Daddy"? When I first started admitting to myself that I was little, saying "Daddy" felt really weird because of the stigmas but I was raised Southern so saying "Sir" was easy so that is how I referred to my first Daddy. I never once called him "Daddy" our whole relationship. I'm comfortable with it now but it definitely took time and having an alternate title helped.

Thank you for writing what you did, and having the courage to risk for yourself. My heart constricted reading the pain you went through at the hands of others. And it soared reading how you have honoured that wound by taking care of yourself and resourcing yourself, and how safely it seems your daddy is holding you in it too. You are so welcome and wanted here. ♥️ you deserve to take up space and voice. And you deserve to let your little fly free! I’ve only been here a little while but, but I’m constantly amazed by the care of others in this space. As shown in the beautiful replies of @Lil_K47 and @MasterPhotog Im going to take a threat response approach and just normalize the way our system can go into a freeze response when it feels triggered or activated by the feeling of threat/stress. It’s really normal to have things we just can’t say yet. Certain words or even just getting a little none verbal as a whole. That happens to me sometimes and it’s absolutely like all the words are in your head, but you can’t push them out your throat. And sometimes no matter what we try to do from our head, it’s the body that is storing the trauma response and is holding on tight. Something I’ve learned that can help, in my own process and when working with the trauma of others is to help ground and soothe the trauma response down. And work with tiny little tips and tricks. So here’s a few I know: 1. We can just be compassionate and patient to the process, knowing it will come when ready. We don’t need to push it or force it. Not saying it doesn’t make it not true. He’s your daddy. 2. We can embrace the nonverbal and do thinks that speak it in other ways. Most connection is felt through non verbal any way! 😜 I’ve had clients who text the words or write them down. Who pick a code word they can say that means the word they can’t. Who choose a touch that means what they want to say but can’t. Even one who could sing it when they couldn’t say it! We can get creative. 3. We can put ourselves in as much as a soothing grounded state before we try. When I have to say vulnerable things, I can’t make eye contact. I need my daddy to squish me close to his body and burrow my face in. And then sometimes I can whisper it. And sometimes not. And it’s okay. 4. We can do a somatic exercise to wake up the throat and help shift out of the freeze response. Moving our body can help move the state. Dance party! Silly wiggles. Or my absolute favourite, I get the client and myself to both start a low hum together and then slowly build up and up in sound til we are yelling a big strong loud note! One time I did this exercise in a day program trauma group I was running at a shelter I worked at, with like 40 guys in the room. I didn’t think about how loud that would actually get and shelter security came bursting in the door. 🤣 Oops! The point is that literally singing, or humming or having a good roar can help unfreeze our voice. But no matter what, it’s already in your heart. It’s in your eyes the way you look and him and thoughts. The way you are with him. It’s okay to let your body find the trust and healing to happen in its time. And it’s also okay to practice. There’s no right or wrong. Just what feels good to you. ♥️

@marshmalloww First, thank you for being so strong and for sharing this with us. Congratulations on removing yourself from a negative situation that caused you so much pain, shame, and grief. And congratulations as well for taking care of your anxiety and allowing yourself to grow into the new person you feel you’re becoming. Your daddy sounds like an amazing, supportive, and loving individual, which I know you're proud of having in your life. Sometimes we don’t have a choice but to be extremely busy. What matters most is that you continue to make time to care for yourself, rest well, and spend meaningful moments with your daddy. That’s what truly counts. It’s unfortunate that some people in our society still choose judgment and negativity. Please remember that their behavior says everything about them and nothing about you. Their discomfort is not yours to carry. Their comments do not define your future. Their judgment will never outweigh the truth of who you are or the beauty of what you’ve built. In addition to following great advice that @Lil_K47 has offered you, here's a motivational letter you want to write and read on difficult days: Dear Me, I know today feels heavy. I know the world can be loud, unkind, and confusing when others project their fears and insecurities onto your relationship. But before you absorb even a fraction of that negativity, take a breath and come back to what is real: your love, your integrity, and your courage. You and your Daddy did not choose each other by accident. You chose each other because your hearts connect in a way that is genuine, meaningful, and grounded in real care. That choice is an act of strength, not something to be doubted or diminished. Remember this: people's negative behavior says everything about them and nothing about you or your daddy. Their discomfort is not your burden. Their comments do not define your future. Their judgment will never outweigh the truth of who you are or the beauty of what you’ve built. You have already survived so much more than anyone can see on the surface. Every moment you stand in your love — openly, honestly, proudly, you are choosing courage over fear and authenticity over pressure. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You deserve safety. You deserve joy. And you deserve a relationship that reflects your heart, not other people’s limitations. When the world feels harsh, hold on to what’s yours: Your compassion. Your resilience. Your place beside someone who loves you deeply. Your right to walk in public without apology. Let today’s heaviness fall away, piece by piece. You are not alone. You are not fragile. You are not wrong for loving boldly. You are growing into the strongest version of yourself — the one who knows their worth, stands tall in their truth, and refuses to shrink for anyone’s comfort. And on every tough day to come, remember this: You are bigger than the shadows cast by small, negative minds. You are deserving of love in its fullest, freest form. And your story is one of courage, connection, and unshakeable strength. With pride in your journey, Your future and proud self - - - Please take care of yourself, and feel free to reach out to me directly anytime without worrying about being judged. Wishing you happiness — now and always!

i'm so very sorry you went through such a difficult time, I'm so very sorry people made you feel uncomfortable with who you want to be. And let me just say there is absolutely nothing wrong with you that you are perfect exactly the way you are! This community here is incredibly welcoming and we accept everybody for who they are! So I hope you will find lots of great friends and great support here within these "walls" Mental health is definitely no joke I am so glad you were able to find a good provider and get started on some medicines that are helping you that's a very big step! One I've had to take as well! It sounds like your daddy is wonderfully supportive of you. Id say take things slow. talk with him and let him know how you're feeling and then together come up with a plan to maybe ease yourself back into that little set of mine with him. In a real life almost like you're having to rebuild the trust even though I'm sure it's still there, once you've had a bad experience and you've been hurt it's hard to start over again. And it sounds like he understands that and that's a wonderful thing! I'm sure some others will chime in here eventually with some great advice! Sending you some big hugs and if you ever need to have a chat feel free to reach out anytime! Also the lighthouse circle is a great club here and it's a great space for getting advice letting loose your feelings. The moderators of that club are absolutely fabulous and always available for personal messages!

Hi, So im going to be very vulnerable here because i hsave something that makes my tummy hurt. I have been a little for a while and my Daddy Dom is my husband. I shared in my intro that i ran a little space instagram years ago and stopped because of the growing bullying that was coming from others. Because i felt deeply ashamed i pretty much stopped actively being little and would break down in to ugly crying if i did go into little space. In thelast couple of months, I finally to get anxiety medication and therapy and wow do i feel like brand new person in so many ways. Thats why i finally made an account after YEARS of visiting this site. I was afraid that I was bad, that you all wouldnt like me or that I was stupid for being in this commeunity. As I have been eorking through so much there is something I cant manage and I feel horrible about it. I havent been able to call daddy "Daddy" outloud. It makes me nervous now for some reason. He shared he missed little me so much and has been patiently waiting through my healing and im so greatful but i am scared now to say it for some reason. Hes been sooooo good to me and when we redid out contract a month ago, when we got to that point in what i call him, i panicked a little and he stopped me and said i can call him whatever I feel comfortable with. My heart knows he's my daddy, my heart wants to say it but for some reason i just cant . Like it gets trapped in my throat and i end up just yelling "Hiiii" or going a little non verbal with hand movements. Has anyone experienced this... any advice? I feel so frustrated with myself and I wish I would just stop it!

I have this same problem, when I find my depression getting the best of me I push everyone and everything away as well. I am a very bubbly person as well, when I get sad, its a drastic change for those around me, some can't handle me being sad and they left (I've had a few people in my life leave when I was diagnosed and I had a friend for over 20 years tell me she couldn't handle my illness). Those who leave were never truly meant to stay in our lives, and those who stay will always be in our corner no matter what life may bring our way. When I was first diagnosed my depression hit me hard, it hit worse when my doctors told me i had to have treatments, I remember closing off. My cheerful disposition was nowhere to be found, I was sinking with no life boat to be found. I remember making a post and blog about how sad I truly was. You all rallied around me, you lifted me up when I felt as if I would never feel the sun again. As you can see, so many people are here to rally around you. You are seen, you are valued, you are needed and you are loved. Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 🫶

hey sweetie I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. You know I think most of us have that reaction when we get into that dark place. We want to crawl away in our Heidi hole and hide from the world while desperately, secretly hoping someone will reach out and ask if we're OK, and see through the front that we're putting on! Admitting that you're struggling and reaching out is a huge step! It's not easy to do, it's not easy to admit that you're struggling even to people that you're comfortable with. Sometimes our inner self can be our own worst enemy! So good job for reaching out and staying connected! You've been given some great advice here and I truly hope it helps! Feel free to reach out anytime if you need to have a chat. Sending big hugs!