Overview

Hi Poppy. I'm sending you positive good vibes. It's understandable for this to be nervous and scary for you. I hope your healing journey goes well.

I'm so proud of you. Please continue taking baby steps, you're doing amazing and will get there sooner than you think!

Update After the first week if appointments at Mayo, I'm feeling much better emotionally! ❤️🥰 It does look like my root problem is lifelong trauma that I was unable to recover, rest and find much needed support. I had appointments all week and I have an appointment scheduled every day next week except Wednesday. My left foot is really in bad shape with a current break (again), a not healing fracture, and extensive ligament damage to the midfoot. Both feet have arthritis in multiple joints and both knees have moderate arthritis, with the left knee being more severe. - I'm still waiting on a consult from orthopedic/bone health. I have obvious sinus problems, and will have some allergy testing next week. I got into the fibromyalgia clinic next week, too. I actually have had this diagnosis since I was 21, but never been given a treatment plan, just told I needed to get over it and see a mental health provider... Thankfully, Mayo believes in integrative health and I'm learning a lot about rest, nutrition, exercise, toxic stress, and balancing my life. I'm also scheduled with a pharmacy consult next week. My tests this week have required me to be off some of my meds, and my symptoms got better! (I was even able to eat a SALAD!😱🥰💃🎉 - veggies i can chew instead of drink!!! 🎶Celebrate good times! Oh Yeah!🎶) My Mayo providers cannot taje me off my current medications, they can make recommendations to my care team back home... so hopefully pharmacy has a plan of attack to cut back on these meds... I do have a weight-loss clinic education session, too, next week. I really excited about this. It's something I asked for because I can eat healthy and exercise, but not loose weight... My main provider actually said it goes back to the trauma and cortisol my body makes when under stress that prevents me from losing or even makes me gain. The answer is reducing stress and trauma in my life... Bottom line... life changes are coming and I am relieved. While I've been gone it has taken 2 highly trained, extremely experienced teachers to replace me at work, plus an additional staff and other specialists have stepped in to help... my students miss me, they need me, but my health is more important and that is my priority. This weekend I am looking forward to my daughters visiting. It will be nice to see them.

@melissa_kastya First, what you wrote doesn’t sound confusing at all. It sounds honest, thoughtful, and very self-aware. And that already says so much about you. You clearly love your parents. You see their humanity, their background, the world they grew up in. At the same time, you’re starting to see your own world, your own timing, your own desires. That’s not selfish. That’s growth. It makes complete sense that their constant comments would wear you down. When the first thing you hear every time you meet is: “Do you have a boyfriend?” “You need a successful, intelligent man.” “It’s time for a family.” …it stops being harmless curiosity and starts feeling like a verdict. Of course it would make you question yourself. Of course it would stick in your mind for days. That doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care. But here’s something important: Their timeline is not a universal law. It’s just a family pattern. Your mother married at 18. Her mother at 17. That was their normal. But you are not a continuation of a schedule. You are a person. And at 20, wanting to study, explore, learn, and understand the world is not only valid, it’s beautiful. You’re not “behind.” You’re not “inadequate.” You’re not less desirable because you’re not actively searching for a husband. You’re simply building yourself first. And that’s powerful. Now, about not taking their words so close to heart, that’s hard, especially when it comes from parents. But it can help to separate intention from impact. Their intention: security, stability, what they believe is happiness. The impact on you: pressure, self-doubt, frustration. Both can be true at the same time. If you want to talk to them without arguing, you might try something gentle but firm, like: “I know you want the best for me, and I appreciate that. Right now, what feels best for me is focusing on my studies and figuring myself out.” “I’m not against family in the future, I just don’t want to rush into something before I’m ready.” “When you ask me about marriage every time we meet, it makes me feel like my other achievements don’t matter.” You’re not attacking them. You’re describing your feelings. That’s different. And if they don’t fully understand? That doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes parents need time to adjust to the idea that their child has a different life path. Also, something very important: You don’t have to convince them in order to live your life. Even if they continue to think differently, you are allowed to move at your own pace. Adulthood is partly about learning to tolerate that your parents may never completely agree with your choices, and still choosing them. You said, “They’re the only ones I have.” But you also have yourself. Your curiosity. Your desire to learn. Your awareness. Those are not small things. The fact that you’re asking these questions means you’re not drifting — you’re thinking deeply about your future. That’s maturity. And honestly? There is something very brave about breaking a generational pattern gently instead of rebelling loudly. You’re not rejecting them. You’re just choosing differently. That’s strength. You are not late. You are not failing. You are becoming. And that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing at 20. 🌱

I don't think this is the most important question ever asked here, but I just want to express myself a little and ask for advice (｡´-д-)。 So, my family is pretty... conservative. They're not extremely religious or anything like that, it's more that it's just the norm in the area where I live, where they grew up, and they've absorbed it over the years. That's why I feel very uncomfortable around my parents, hehe, yes. I really love and cherish my mom, I love my dad, even though he's, to put it mildly, a domestic tyrant, but they're the only ones I have. The thing is, they put a lot of pressure on me. "Do you have a boyfriend yet?", "You know you need a successful, intelligent man." "It's high time you got married." "You're twenty years old, it's time to think about a family." etc... I hear this kind of thing almost every day, every time we interact. These are some of the first questions my parents ask me when we meet. It's annoying and depressing, to be honest, and it makes me feel inadequate every time. Am I really not good enough for someone like that man who's they talking about pay attention to me? Ugh, questions like these just eat away at my brain for days after... _(:3 」∠)_ By the age of mine, my mother already had two children. She got married at 18, her mother got married at 17, her mother's mother at 17, and so on... But I don't want that! I'm just starting to understand what's going on around me! I like studying, learning about the world, just enjoying the moment here and now! I don't want a husband, I don't want children, I don't want a family, at least not in the near future. I don't know how to stop taking their words so close to heart... I don't want to argue or fight with them about it, they want what's best for me, but in their own way, it's the world they grew up in, and I grew up in a different one, and that thought is a little comforting, but to be honest, it doesn't make it much better. If you have any advice on how to discuss this with them, or maybe you've been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear it!🌺 Thanks for listening to me, haha, it still sounds confusing, I know:p

I’ve been scared of reaching out before, but getting support made things feel less heavy. You’re allowed to take small steps and lean on people who care about you.

@BabyPoppy First, thank you for being brave enough to share your feelings with people who care. I just want to say how deeply aware and courageous you are. The fact that you can name what’s happening in your body and mind — that you recognize this as a stress and trauma response — shows so much growth. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom. A big appointment at Mayo Clinic would stir up a lot for anyone, especially when you carry a history of not being heard or validated. Of course your nervous system is reacting. It learned, over years, that medical spaces weren’t always safe. It makes sense that your body is bracing. It’s trying to protect you. And the part of you that’s slipping into old habits? That isn’t you failing. That’s a survival pattern firing up. The brain prefers familiar over healthy when it feels threatened. It doesn’t mean you want those habits. It means your system is overwhelmed. There’s a big difference. I hear how frustrated and angry you feel at yourself — but I also hear the compassion breaking through: “Deep breaths…” “Tears are healthy…” “I’m not alone…” That’s not helplessness. That’s resilience speaking. Even in the storm, you are coaching yourself toward calm. When everything feels big and intense, it’s usually because your nervous system is scanning for danger everywhere. The “I just want to hide” feeling isn’t weakness — it’s exhaustion. And honestly? It makes sense. You’ve carried so much. You don’t need answers right now. You don’t need to fix yourself. You don’t need to be stronger. You just need someone to sit with you. So I’m sitting with you in this moment. You are not crazy for reacting. You are not broken for struggling. You are not weak for wanting to run. And you are absolutely not alone. The fact that you want to trust people instead of withdraw tells me your heart is still open — even when it’s hurting. That’s huge. That’s brave. Maybe for now, the goal isn’t “stop the habits forever.” Maybe it’s just: Notice when the urge comes. Put one hand on your heart. Say, “I’m safe right now.” Take one breath. Delay the habit by five minutes. Not perfection. Just five minutes. And if you slip? That doesn’t erase your progress. It just means you’re human and healing isn’t linear. This appointment does not define your worth. Your past experiences do not define your future. Your trauma response does not define who you are. You are someone learning to stay instead of run. Someone learning to trust instead of hide. Someone learning to sit with intensity instead of disappear. That is powerful work. For this moment, just breathe. Let the tears come. Let your body feel what it needs to feel. You are allowed to take this one second at a time. Continue being strong knowing we're here with you.

Sorry, ignore this one. I misunderstood how the things in here works

Tank you for posting this! 💓💓

Sending you so many hugs Poppy. That sounds scary to be going through. I know for me it is easier to worry about everyone else before helping myself so just the fact that you are doing this for your health is a big deal. I don’t really have any words of wisdom but you deserve so many hugs for facing something scary head on and for taking care of yourself 🩷

Good luck!!!! I'm going to be sending you good vibes! I hope this process leads you to some healing and peace.

It's starting to hit me that I'm leaving... for 3 weeks... leaving my daughters, my home, my routines, my safety to find help and healing. It's not the first time I've been gone for my health and I'm starting to have flashbacks of how hard it was to resume regular life. I've been struggling today with getting things done... it's a freeze response. I've spent the past 2 weeks planning, organizing, being rational, logical, focused and making sure everyone else is ready... now it's time for me to finish packing and get the last of my stuff ready to go and I'm truly terrified! I'm an introvert, from a small town, and I really need my routine to feel safe. I'm going to a huge hospital in a big city (big to me), all by myself, and my routine will be all over the place. I'm worried about everyone else, when I need to relax, breath and prepare myself. To say the words I feel scared both that the doctors will find something major, turning my entire life will be upside down, or that I will once again be told we need more tests... I'm so tired of being sick, weak, exhausted, and not being able to eat or sleep. I want answers, but I'm also afraid of what that could mean for my future! 😞😢

It feels like it's happening to someone else, my best friend maybe, because I'm right in the middle of it, then it hits me that it's really me and I get scared... really, deeply scared all the way to my bones.... I can't explain it any better...

Of course, keeping you in mind during this ordeal.

Thank you @Daddy Bear 77

It's a site where you can ask for help from friends/ family/anyone and they can donate money to help fund something. I couldn't help with a ride but many people might help some with the cost of the trip or hiring someone to help if they couldn't directly help. https://www.gofundme.com/c/start?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=3Q_US_Brand_Plus&utm_content=general&utm_term=gofundme_e_m_&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20279257806&gbraid=0AAAAADj5gICNJUmhc2f6yDHxgmlh_yNus&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7rDMBhCjARIsAGDBuED_IIxQuvC_t-5H8lJqR__QxGsjROCrcMewn5Q7b7C0OSUxMH___QMaAgXAEALw_wcB

What's a go fund me? I did find a ride just now, but it's my ex husband... he's knows how sick I've been coz he's seen it for years and he's stable right now. The drive there and back is manageable in a day, if we leave in the morning...so I'm going to see if I can get out of my half day of work Monday. Then he doesn't have to stay with me... so many things to plan.

If I was anywhere near you I'd help TN is way far from Iowa. Do you have a go fund me?

You've got this my friend!! like you said all things are gonna fall into place, keep your faith!! I wish I were closer because I would so totally go with you!! but if worse comes to worse you can always rent a little compact car!

I have been taking big steps and today was the initial phone call to go through all my allergies, meds, and stuff! It was a lot, but it's over and in 1 week I'll have some direction on which specialists I need to see while I'm at Mayo for 2 - 3 weeks... it's getting real, but things are falling into place. My classroom is in order My kiddo has a safe place to stay I have the hotel booked I just need transportation to and from Rochester, my car won't make it and my family and friends are not available... so I'm looking for local community support, either a ride or a vehicle to borrow. I firmly believe it will be ok. All things work out in the end. Plus the nurse told me today I don't have to have a support person while I'm being evaluated, so I just need a ride, not a person the whole time! I've got this! No need to be anxious!

Good luck Poppy I'm rooting for you.

hey sweetie! So sorry you're having a rough go of it coming off the prestige! A couple months back i stopped my Wellbutrin without talking to my Dr but I didn't have any problems with that one. I can tell you a few years ago I was on Ultram (prescription Pain Medicine ) I was having lower back issues, and I was on it for I think about five months before I had my back surgery. And I had the absolute worst withdrawal coming off of that! I was sick as a dog! Like I couldn't even sit up and the world would start spinning on me!! You might be able to reach out to your provider and ask if they could give you something for the nausea. Or you could ask if it's OK to take something over-the-counter. Sometimes the medicines that you take for motion sickness can help. Like the two over-the-counter ones that I've used are just Dramamine and meclizine. But I definitely wouldn't try those unless you've talked to your doctor to make sure they're not gonna interact with your other meds. Otherwise just taking it easy, eating frequent small snacks and meals kind of helped me. Definitely make sure you stay plenty hydrated! like one of those drinks with electrolytes like Pedialyte or even Gatorade. (I think the Pedialyte even comes in like a freeze pop) And I found laying down with a cool compress on my forehead or the back of my neck really helped! Hope this helps a little bit . sending you some big hugs as well!

*little wave hi* I want to be very careful and preemptively say I am not a medical professional and this is out of my licences wheelhouse as a therapist. 🤣 But speaking just from the place of supporting others as their doctors make changes to medications or wean them off, I will agree completely with what you wrote. It can be common coming off an SNRI to experience the symptoms you named. Sometimes talked about as FINISH (flu-like symptoms, insomnia, nausea, imbalance, sensory disturbances, hyper arousal). You are already doing the best thing possible which is having the doc lead the weaning process and going slowly. Im glad you’re not having to deal with the brain zappys but I’m sorry it feels so yucky otherwise. You can use off prescription short term aids to help manage symptoms from the withdrawal but I would check anything with your health team. Otherwise just knowing you’re in a withdrawal window that does eventually end and just being really gentle with ourselves. Extra rest, extra self-care. I hope it slowly starts getting easier for you little bit by little bit. Sending virtual hugs.

Trauma hits everyone different. You are doing the right things. You will make it through this. I believe in you.

I’m so sorry this is overwhelming and hard right now. It’s beautiful that you recognize the trigger, the trauma response and old coping patterns even as they happen. That is the biggest part of the battle in slowly changing them. I can hear the way you are holding yourself with compassion in it too and I am all out Pom-pom cheerleading you doing that. I know sometimes a return of old coping mechanisms can feel like a game over button that starts us over. Womp womp. But this isn’t retro Mario style gaming, it’s 2026 rpg style! When we return to the coping mechanism we are not back at the beginning, we bring with us all our xp, and gear!! I swear this metaphor works. 🤣 Even in an old behaviour YOU are a different person than each time before, with a little more awareness, a little more practice. Like you write, you are not alone. One breath at a time, one moment at a time. You are human and beautifully imperfect. Also *climbs into the hard place with you and just sits* we don’t need to fix nothin. Happy to just sit with you in it. ♥️