Overview

Thank you for your kind words. Sending you hugs, too. I find keeping a healthy routine with a regular sleep schedule, very gentle stretches and breathing exercises, staying hydrated, and proper nutrition helps the most, but I do need extra reminders that people love and support me when these feelings start to get big again.

I have been struggling with my mental health a lot lately too so I don't have any words of wisdom, but I am definitely sending you hugs and a reminder to be gentle with yourself. Our little brains need gentleness from us when the world isn't so gentle with them.

I struggle this time of year with my mental health every year. I start school (I'm a teacher) in August and by late October I am exhausted, physically and mentally. Last year I broke my foot about this time, a month after I left my first daddy. He had been there with me through a previous foot surgery and carpal tunnel surgery. He was there when I moved my kid to college on a knee scooter. When my mom had a heart attack. When my ex was crazy and I was scared, but I couldn't call him this time. So I reached out to my ddlg friends at the time and said some stuff I shouldn't when I got lost in my memories. They did the right thing by stepping away, they are friends, not professionals, but it hurt to lose them just before Thanksgiving when I couldn't travel. I did connect with them a couple weeks later to apologize and have closure on the relationship. My foot didn't heal either I was in a walking boot until June and they finally diagnosed a chronic non-union fracture. I've been to over a dozen specialists this year and still no answers only more tests. I've had 2 more incidents where I needed a walking boot or knee brace since June and I've been in physical therapy since August to rebuilt the lost strength from so long in a boot. I graduated physical therapy this week and was able to be without any braces. But now I'm stuck in my head. I can't let it go. I keep thinking I did something wrong to cause all these injuries in my feet and knees, that by taking time to have a relationship with a daddy, for allowing myself to be little, for spending time in littlespace or with little friends I am some how causing all these physical and mental health problems. I feel so weak lately. I keep oversharing and repeating the mistakes of the past, so I stay away. I hide. I'm so scared of losing everyone again that I don't really know how to trust the people around me to be there when I need them. I have a long ugly trauma story, too, which doesn't need to be discussed, but it effects my ability to feel safe. I hate this part of my personality. This fear, panic, freeze response that holds me back. I work so hard at fighting it, but the smallest things just make it so big. Things like the same time of year, smells, sounds, clothing are all triggering or reminding me of what happened and I desperately wanna be thankful for all that I've learned this year, but I'm so scared....

WOW! This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering, glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨ This is such a beautiful, thoughtful activity, thank you for sharing it so warmly. I love how you highlight the why behind it, because it’s so true: when we’re activated or overwhelmed, even the simplest grounding tools can slip right out of our minds. Having a kit ready, created by our calmer selves, is such a compassionate gift to our future selves. And the way you describe it makes the whole process feel joyful and empowering - glitter, sparkles, soothing textures, comforting memories, all woven together into something that’s both practical and deeply personal. 💕 Your ideas are wonderfully accessible too. Whether someone wants to go all-out decorating a treasure box or just pick up something simple and fill it with care, there’s no wrong way to do it. I especially love the mix of sensory items, comfort objects, and mind-focusing tool, it’s such a gentle reminder that grounding can come from so many places. Thank you for sharing this in a way that feels safe, creative, and motivating. It’s the kind of post that makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to try something nurturing for themselves. Keep up the good work!🌿✨

I love this idea!!! Thank you Rosey, I will definitely be on the lookout for a box to decorate now...

Here’s a fun little activity for grounding and self care! Creating your own little grounding kit. We always have fun running this in trauma group programming. The ‘why’ behind this activity is because when we are activated or triggered, it is hard for us to think and remember what things help us. So keeping a kit stocked by you in your room or a safe place means you just have to remember to open your box. And partners or loved ones can be told about it too. Plus it’s just fun and we can use glitter and sparkles! 💕 You can get creative and decorate a box, crate or chest of any kind. You could use a shoe box, or craft stores/dollar stores have all kinds of ones to choose from. You can decorate the outside and inside, with decoupage, paint, stickers, gems! Anything that speaks to you. Not feeling creative? That’s okay, there’s lots of pretty boxes out there to choose from that you can just pick up and fill. Then you put in things that are soothing to you like: - your favourite grounding tools (maybe a journal, a list of people you can reach out to, breathing visualization steps, grounding technique cards), - things for your senses (could be your favourite scent candle or essential oils, play doh or slime to squeeze or other sensory toys, a suckable candy or chocolate to put on your tongue, BUBBLES TO BLOW!) - comfort objects (could be grounding photos of loved ones or special memories/places, nostalgic items like shells from a trip, a soft stuffie, a letter you write yourself or someone else has written you) - things that focus your mind (could be a colouring or puzzle book, fidget toys, crochet or knitting, a favourite book to read) These are all just ideas, whatever works for you! This thread can be a space people can post their own kits if they already have them, or want to try making one!

@MasterPhotog @RoseyLittle I was really hoping you both would chime in here!! I don't know why I didn't think to tag you guys! lol as always you guys give fabulous, comforting, and encouraging advice! Insights which are useful to all of us! Thank you both for being here to guide us! ❤️❤️

I really can't top the great advice above, but I was wondering, is it just the word "Daddy" or all titles of that kind? Like could you call him an alternate and maybe ease into "Daddy"? When I first started admitting to myself that I was little, saying "Daddy" felt really weird because of the stigmas but I was raised Southern so saying "Sir" was easy so that is how I referred to my first Daddy. I never once called him "Daddy" our whole relationship. I'm comfortable with it now but it definitely took time and having an alternate title helped.

Thank you for writing what you did, and having the courage to risk for yourself. My heart constricted reading the pain you went through at the hands of others. And it soared reading how you have honoured that wound by taking care of yourself and resourcing yourself, and how safely it seems your daddy is holding you in it too. You are so welcome and wanted here. ♥️ you deserve to take up space and voice. And you deserve to let your little fly free! I’ve only been here a little while but, but I’m constantly amazed by the care of others in this space. As shown in the beautiful replies of @Lil_K47 and @MasterPhotog Im going to take a threat response approach and just normalize the way our system can go into a freeze response when it feels triggered or activated by the feeling of threat/stress. It’s really normal to have things we just can’t say yet. Certain words or even just getting a little none verbal as a whole. That happens to me sometimes and it’s absolutely like all the words are in your head, but you can’t push them out your throat. And sometimes no matter what we try to do from our head, it’s the body that is storing the trauma response and is holding on tight. Something I’ve learned that can help, in my own process and when working with the trauma of others is to help ground and soothe the trauma response down. And work with tiny little tips and tricks. So here’s a few I know: 1. We can just be compassionate and patient to the process, knowing it will come when ready. We don’t need to push it or force it. Not saying it doesn’t make it not true. He’s your daddy. 2. We can embrace the nonverbal and do thinks that speak it in other ways. Most connection is felt through non verbal any way! 😜 I’ve had clients who text the words or write them down. Who pick a code word they can say that means the word they can’t. Who choose a touch that means what they want to say but can’t. Even one who could sing it when they couldn’t say it! We can get creative. 3. We can put ourselves in as much as a soothing grounded state before we try. When I have to say vulnerable things, I can’t make eye contact. I need my daddy to squish me close to his body and burrow my face in. And then sometimes I can whisper it. And sometimes not. And it’s okay. 4. We can do a somatic exercise to wake up the throat and help shift out of the freeze response. Moving our body can help move the state. Dance party! Silly wiggles. Or my absolute favourite, I get the client and myself to both start a low hum together and then slowly build up and up in sound til we are yelling a big strong loud note! One time I did this exercise in a day program trauma group I was running at a shelter I worked at, with like 40 guys in the room. I didn’t think about how loud that would actually get and shelter security came bursting in the door. 🤣 Oops! The point is that literally singing, or humming or having a good roar can help unfreeze our voice. But no matter what, it’s already in your heart. It’s in your eyes the way you look and him and thoughts. The way you are with him. It’s okay to let your body find the trust and healing to happen in its time. And it’s also okay to practice. There’s no right or wrong. Just what feels good to you. ♥️

@marshmalloww First, thank you for being so strong and for sharing this with us. Congratulations on removing yourself from a negative situation that caused you so much pain, shame, and grief. And congratulations as well for taking care of your anxiety and allowing yourself to grow into the new person you feel you’re becoming. Your daddy sounds like an amazing, supportive, and loving individual, which I know you're proud of having in your life. Sometimes we don’t have a choice but to be extremely busy. What matters most is that you continue to make time to care for yourself, rest well, and spend meaningful moments with your daddy. That’s what truly counts. It’s unfortunate that some people in our society still choose judgment and negativity. Please remember that their behavior says everything about them and nothing about you. Their discomfort is not yours to carry. Their comments do not define your future. Their judgment will never outweigh the truth of who you are or the beauty of what you’ve built. In addition to following great advice that @Lil_K47 has offered you, here's a motivational letter you want to write and read on difficult days: Dear Me, I know today feels heavy. I know the world can be loud, unkind, and confusing when others project their fears and insecurities onto your relationship. But before you absorb even a fraction of that negativity, take a breath and come back to what is real: your love, your integrity, and your courage. You and your Daddy did not choose each other by accident. You chose each other because your hearts connect in a way that is genuine, meaningful, and grounded in real care. That choice is an act of strength, not something to be doubted or diminished. Remember this: people's negative behavior says everything about them and nothing about you or your daddy. Their discomfort is not your burden. Their comments do not define your future. Their judgment will never outweigh the truth of who you are or the beauty of what you’ve built. You have already survived so much more than anyone can see on the surface. Every moment you stand in your love — openly, honestly, proudly, you are choosing courage over fear and authenticity over pressure. You deserve to be treated with dignity. You deserve safety. You deserve joy. And you deserve a relationship that reflects your heart, not other people’s limitations. When the world feels harsh, hold on to what’s yours: Your compassion. Your resilience. Your place beside someone who loves you deeply. Your right to walk in public without apology. Let today’s heaviness fall away, piece by piece. You are not alone. You are not fragile. You are not wrong for loving boldly. You are growing into the strongest version of yourself — the one who knows their worth, stands tall in their truth, and refuses to shrink for anyone’s comfort. And on every tough day to come, remember this: You are bigger than the shadows cast by small, negative minds. You are deserving of love in its fullest, freest form. And your story is one of courage, connection, and unshakeable strength. With pride in your journey, Your future and proud self - - - Please take care of yourself, and feel free to reach out to me directly anytime without worrying about being judged. Wishing you happiness — now and always!

i'm so very sorry you went through such a difficult time, I'm so very sorry people made you feel uncomfortable with who you want to be. And let me just say there is absolutely nothing wrong with you that you are perfect exactly the way you are! This community here is incredibly welcoming and we accept everybody for who they are! So I hope you will find lots of great friends and great support here within these "walls" Mental health is definitely no joke I am so glad you were able to find a good provider and get started on some medicines that are helping you that's a very big step! One I've had to take as well! It sounds like your daddy is wonderfully supportive of you. Id say take things slow. talk with him and let him know how you're feeling and then together come up with a plan to maybe ease yourself back into that little set of mine with him. In a real life almost like you're having to rebuild the trust even though I'm sure it's still there, once you've had a bad experience and you've been hurt it's hard to start over again. And it sounds like he understands that and that's a wonderful thing! I'm sure some others will chime in here eventually with some great advice! Sending you some big hugs and if you ever need to have a chat feel free to reach out anytime! Also the lighthouse circle is a great club here and it's a great space for getting advice letting loose your feelings. The moderators of that club are absolutely fabulous and always available for personal messages!

Hi, So im going to be very vulnerable here because i hsave something that makes my tummy hurt. I have been a little for a while and my Daddy Dom is my husband. I shared in my intro that i ran a little space instagram years ago and stopped because of the growing bullying that was coming from others. Because i felt deeply ashamed i pretty much stopped actively being little and would break down in to ugly crying if i did go into little space. In thelast couple of months, I finally to get anxiety medication and therapy and wow do i feel like brand new person in so many ways. Thats why i finally made an account after YEARS of visiting this site. I was afraid that I was bad, that you all wouldnt like me or that I was stupid for being in this commeunity. As I have been eorking through so much there is something I cant manage and I feel horrible about it. I havent been able to call daddy "Daddy" outloud. It makes me nervous now for some reason. He shared he missed little me so much and has been patiently waiting through my healing and im so greatful but i am scared now to say it for some reason. Hes been sooooo good to me and when we redid out contract a month ago, when we got to that point in what i call him, i panicked a little and he stopped me and said i can call him whatever I feel comfortable with. My heart knows he's my daddy, my heart wants to say it but for some reason i just cant . Like it gets trapped in my throat and i end up just yelling "Hiiii" or going a little non verbal with hand movements. Has anyone experienced this... any advice? I feel so frustrated with myself and I wish I would just stop it!

I have this same problem, when I find my depression getting the best of me I push everyone and everything away as well. I am a very bubbly person as well, when I get sad, its a drastic change for those around me, some can't handle me being sad and they left (I've had a few people in my life leave when I was diagnosed and I had a friend for over 20 years tell me she couldn't handle my illness). Those who leave were never truly meant to stay in our lives, and those who stay will always be in our corner no matter what life may bring our way. When I was first diagnosed my depression hit me hard, it hit worse when my doctors told me i had to have treatments, I remember closing off. My cheerful disposition was nowhere to be found, I was sinking with no life boat to be found. I remember making a post and blog about how sad I truly was. You all rallied around me, you lifted me up when I felt as if I would never feel the sun again. As you can see, so many people are here to rally around you. You are seen, you are valued, you are needed and you are loved. Until next time remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 🫶

hey sweetie I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. You know I think most of us have that reaction when we get into that dark place. We want to crawl away in our Heidi hole and hide from the world while desperately, secretly hoping someone will reach out and ask if we're OK, and see through the front that we're putting on! Admitting that you're struggling and reaching out is a huge step! It's not easy to do, it's not easy to admit that you're struggling even to people that you're comfortable with. Sometimes our inner self can be our own worst enemy! So good job for reaching out and staying connected! You've been given some great advice here and I truly hope it helps! Feel free to reach out anytime if you need to have a chat. Sending big hugs!

I echo everything already said here. You are absolutely not alone. These are the processes that happen over tons of little baby steps woven together. Our adaptive survival based responses have often been around for years and years, honoring them for how they helped us, and then changing them into new ones takes lots of messy practice along the journey. And I just wanted to offer…you’re actually already doing it. You’re already in the steps doing something so vulnerable and hard and it’s freakin beautiful. ♥️ You sent a message to someone (or a space) you trusted, you said an honest sentence about how you feel, and then you let yourself receive something from it without apology or minimizing it. You did that! It’s an act of radical rebellion from what you grew up in. I grew up in a lot of trauma, and I learned it was never safe to have needs/feelings of my own. It took me a long time to unpack and shift that, and it’s still a daily practice sometimes. One thing that helped me was beginning to realize that vulnerabilities create intimacy. That when I let people around me know the truth of my struggling it doesn’t create burden at all (with safe others/spaces), it creates permission for them to show their vulnerabilities too. It creates connection and depth. So thank you for being brave and vulnerable here. It’s meaningful.

It honestly is nice to see people being able to relate and reading bout the experiences. Brings me a lot of comfort 💛

Hi, I skimmed through the resources for professional support and I didnt see this one! https://www.kapprofessionals.org/ Kink Aware Professionals I knew they had therapist but they have all types of doctors and fields for support. Both my therapist and psych are on there and hsve been very kind and supportive. Of course therwpy isnt one size fit all but this made getting into therapy much easier. I would really rec it!! You aren't alone, some of the are praticing so really understand some of the things you are sharing. Love ya!!!

Thank you both for making me not feel so alone 🫶 And @MasterPhotog thank you so much for the kind words and the tips for how to reach out when I need to. Number 2 &3 on that list are going to take practice but it helps to have something to work towards. I come from a family where we were told to cry in the shower so no one would know and am definitely taking baby steps yo unlearn all that.

Thank you for trusting us enough to share all of this. Truly. The amount of courage it takes to open up while you’re in the struggle, while everything feels heavy and dark, is enormous, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now. What you wrote is honest, brave, and incredibly human. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this pattern. So many people, far more than you’d ever guess, feel exactly what you’re describing: needing support the most right when it feels hardest to reach for it… worrying about being “too much”… fearing that showing the darker moments will push people away. That doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human and sensitive. And those qualities, even when they feel like burdens, are actually signs of how deeply you care. It also makes complete sense that past experiences have taught you to hide your pain. When you’ve been celebrated only for being the “happy, bubbly” version of yourself, it trains you to think that your darker moments are unwelcome. But the people who truly care about you, the ones who deserve a place in your support system, want all of you, not just the polished parts. You don’t have to present a guidebook or have the perfect words. Reaching out can be as simple as: “Hey, I’m having a rough day. Can you check in with me?” or “I don’t need solutions, I just don’t want to feel alone right now.” It’s okay if your voice shakes when you ask. It’s okay if you cry. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what you need. Support doesn’t require perfection, it just requires connection. And you are not “too much.” You are someone who is trying their best while carrying something heavy. People who care about you don’t want the edited version of your life; they want the real one, even when it’s shadowed. Learning to stop pushing people away is a process, not a switch you flip. You can start very small: Send a single message to someone you trust. Practice saying one honest sentence about how you feel. Let yourself receive something without apologizing for it. Little steps count. They build the muscle. You deserve support. You deserve softness. You deserve people who stay, even in the dark. And the fact that you’re here, reaching out, tells me you’re already moving toward that. One day, you’ll look back at this version of you with so much compassion and pride for how hard you fought to show up for yourself. You’re not doing this alone, even right now. You’re doing better than you think. Keep going. 💛

Of course I think lots of us have the same problem it’s easier to to push people away then deal with people or lash out at them at least in my experience when I am in my dark space I try to calm down before interacting with people so yes I push people away

I don’t really know how this post is going to turn out but I’m struggling with my mental health right now and know this is a safe place. My depression has been really bad the past couple of days. Like almost as dark as it gets. I realized yesterday that when it gets this bad and I need people around me the most is when I push people away. I know part of it is because I have been shown in the past that most people don’t want to see the darkness; they only want the happy, bubbly Nicky. In the front of my brain, I know that I have people that would listen and support me even when I’m in this dark place but I just can’t bring myself to reach out and say “hey I’m struggling right now”. I feel like if I can’t tell you how to support me, that I should just keep it to myself. And the people pleasing side of me doesn’t want to bring others down with my darkness. I guess what I want to know is if other people have this problem too, and if so, how do you ask for support? I’m so bad at it that I’m crying just writing this because I feel like I’m being too much. I’m usually really good at self soothing and very independent but sometimes that’s not enough. I would appreciate any tips anyone has on how to stop pushing people away and learning how to actually have a support system.

I often find people who say things like this... especially in regards to moving forward is to simply forgive. That's often impossible depending on the scars they've made. You can forget but never forgive and even still you'll never forget. Truly, healing is prioritizing you and your little humans and move forward with your head held high and hope and faith in yourself for a good future without harm being done to you or them. Healing doesn't always include forgiveness. To share, I'm adopted because my Birth mother was heavy in drugs. She passed this year and many people suggested I forgive the abandonment because I would heal. There s still anger, frustration, pain, and deep anxiety but you know what! It doesn't rule me. I won't let it. I move forward knowing that my boundaries have kept me sane and safe and moving on with my life will not include forgiveness but it includes her being put aside for a happier me and life. I hope you get to have that. You deserve it. I often, when people try to share their thoughts on that touchy topic for me is very honestly say that I'm not seeking advice for that and I've made my decision. I dunno if you can do that but strong boundaries around that topic has brought me peace.

Oh wow... this hit very close to home. I'm so sorry you've been through this. I can actually say that I understand because it seems we've had similar experiences with an abusive person. When I was going through therapy the idea of forgivness came up and I hope it's okay if I share my thoughts on this. The way that I understand it is that forgiving the person that did these awful things isn't about them at all, it's about you and your healing. Forgiveness is about changing your emotions and your actions regarding the person that hurt you. Forgiveness is not about "letting it go" and the abuser facing zero concequences for their actions! It's also not about reconciliation because that's not always desirable or even possible. Perhaps you need to figure out how you can forgive this person? For me, it means not giving in to strong feelings of anger and resentment (sometimes I feel so angry at what he did to me and how unfair it was that he got off with such little punishment!), not being bitter and allowing that to seep into relationships with others (my now husband doesn't deserve for me to react to him as though he were the abuser from my past) and it means not trying to create difficulty in my abusers life (boy! would I love to message his "new family" and lay it all out). Of course this is a complicated and painful topic. It's also unique to your individual circumstances. Perhaps you need to have a bigger conversation with your eldest child about forgiveness and what it means to you and to them?

Goodmorning/evening you shoudn't forgive him, a person who abused you once he will do it twice and even more... my father is the exact same, but my mom always forgived him.... you do not have to forgive him, you have to heal first do it for your children. I can tell by experience it's better to not have a father if he has to be abusive and cheater.

Great advice as always!! thank you for sharing this!!