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Daddy abandoned me, how to cope?


paqerstars

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I met someone on here who was amazing. They brought out the best in me, helped my self esteem, made me better myself, and showed me something new that I wholeheartedly enjoyed (Magic the Gathering). We had lots in common, lots of the same life goals, we would be able to visit each other, is was my dream relationship. One day he called me on skype, which I was excited for, and he said he never really loved me...that I was just a replacement for his ex. Yet he allowed me to buy him presents, and him send me stuff, and we stayed up all night several times just talking. We clicked so well but he just slammed down the fact that it was actually a lie. I told him I'd be abandoned by exes because of my depression or because I was just a replacement, yet he did the same thing to me after acting all understanding. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone with my heart again because I truly thought this person was different...but you can never really tell. I honestly just don't want to love or live anymore after dealing with this on top of my less than stable home environment...I don't know what to do or how to get over him. 

 

Also: he said he was very sorry and we could be friends and then proceeded to completely ignore me for several days (still going) so I guess that was a lie too.

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First off.. Don't fall victim to the "we can be friends". He used you. The we can be friends is his way if keeping your hopes up and keeping you on the line so he can do it again. Block and delete him. He's worthless.

 

Second... Your young, there's no need for you to be worried about never trusting someone again. At 18 you don't need to be focused on a relationship. It sounds like you should focus on learning to be happy on your own. Its my experience that when you gain some self knowledge and confidence in yourself your less likely to fall for peoples BS.

 

Its not your fault that you were used. But there are bad people who do shitty things just because they can. At the same time there are a lot of really great people. You gotta sometimes pick through the bad to get to the good. But don't let it bring you down forever. Learn from your experiences.

 

Think about your experience with this last guy. Did you move too fast? Give away too much of yourself too soon? Did you really feel what you think you felt or did you just fall for smooth talk?

 

Every experience, good or bad, brings you to where you need to be.

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Hi paqerstars,

 

Please, please, please... listen to what I have to say to you and please understand that I'm imparting this knowledge to you from my own experience(s).  And just because I'm a lesbian, it doesn't mean that I cannot relate to being abandoned by a Caregiver to whom everything was given.  Thirteen months ago (May 2015) I was abandoned by my online Mommy but instead of going into details right now, here's the link...  https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/8372-abandoned-by-mommy-update/?do=findComment&comment=48075

 

First and foremost... you are clearly hurting and are understandably upset but the good news (and I know it appears difficult to glean anything good from your experience) is that you will recover.  But it will take time, a lot of time.  And trust will be an issue too.  You will have some considerable difficulty trusting the next Daddy to come along but that's quite normal and understandable.  And as tempting as it may be to clutch on tight to your favourite stuffed animal and run & hide underneath the covers (or your favourite blankie) for the next eternity, be good to yourself.  Try to go outside and experience the rest of your world as much as you can without relying on a Daddy or other Caregiver and learn from this unfortunate experience.  Hold your head up high and tell the world... "forget him, he does not define me, I am a better person for the experience and I am wholeheartedly me."  Treat yourself... to new experiences, new things, new tastes, new ideas and new people.

 

And if you ever need a sympathetic ear... I listen without judgement.

 

Take care of yourself,

 

cutie_patootie (aka Carly)

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Guest Teagan (means little poet)

It is scary how many posts like this there are on here.  And it isn't fair being used and them left is not our fault but it is our problem and it is our pain and hurting we have to figure out how to be ok. I wish there was a way for us to protect ourselves from users or how to recognize it. What do you think about me emailing the administrator Sophie and asking if we can start a thread on the littles section about Daddys on here we should be crareful of. May I ask what the three of you think of that? Maybe then multiple littles won't be hurt by the same person or better still maybe it will chase the users away if they know they can't get away with that behavior on here. 

 

In the mean time I can start a thread asking other littles on here for advice on how to recognize if a Caregiver is just being a user or not.

 

Don't loose hope. Being used or lied to doesn't taint you it taints the user. 

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Not to derail the original topic but I don't think that starting a thread with a list of names of "bad Caregivers" is a good idea. That's just cause for lies and drama.

 

There are a lot of very immature people here and it would be impossible to monitor who is naming someone for actual reasons and who is naming someone because they are just resentful for one reason or another.

 

If you think someone is on here catfishing or being a predator or just plain up to no good you can report them and give your reason to the proper people.

 

As for recognizing someone who is using you I believe I've seen a thread on that already. Unfortunately its not always easy to tell. Some signs are unwillingness to share images/face to face chat through Skype or other apps, truing to rush relationships, using pet names right off the bat, approaching you with a offer to be your Caregiver or little without having gotten to know you first, really other than the very obvious signs its almost impossible to tell. Just have to be cautious and go with your gut. And learn from each experience.

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Not to derail the original topic but I don't think that starting a thread with a list of names of "bad Caregivers" is a good idea. That's just cause for lies and drama.

 

There are a lot of very immature people here and it would be impossible to monitor who is naming someone for actual reasons and who is naming someone because they are just resentful for one reason or another.

 

If you think someone is on here catfishing or being a predator or just plain up to no good you can report them and give your reason to the proper people.

 

As for recognizing someone who is using you I believe I've seen a thread on that already. Unfortunately its not always easy to tell. Some signs are unwillingness to share images/face to face chat through Skype or other apps, truing to rush relationships, using pet names right off the bat, approaching you with a offer to be your Caregiver or little without having gotten to know you first, really other than the very obvious signs its almost impossible to tell. Just have to be cautious and go with your gut. And learn from each experience.

I agree with the post I quoted 100%. 

 

A "Bad Caregivers/Doms" thread sounds like a good idea in theory...but what would likely end up happening would be people would start using it to post names of people who had done nothing wrong out of revenge. There is even the danger of soundalike nicknames ruining reputations.

 

But as for the original poster...I am so sorry. I have seen that happen here a bit. It has also happened to me with people who were not in a BDSM/DDlg relationship with me. Being abandoned is always horrible. 

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Guest Teagan (means little poet)

I met someone on here who was amazing. They brought out the best in me, helped my self esteem, made me better myself, and showed me something new that I wholeheartedly enjoyed (Magic the Gathering). We had lots in common, lots of the same life goals, we would be able to visit each other, is was my dream relationship. One day he called me on skype, which I was excited for, and he said he never really loved me...that I was just a replacement for his ex. Yet he allowed me to buy him presents, and him send me stuff, and we stayed up all night several times just talking. We clicked so well but he just slammed down the fact that it was actually a lie. I told him I'd be abandoned by exes because of my depression or because I was just a replacement, yet he did the same thing to me after acting all understanding. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone with my heart again because I truly thought this person was different...but you can never really tell. I honestly just don't want to love or live anymore after dealing with this on top of my less than stable home environment...I don't know what to do or how to get over him. 

 

Also: he said he was very sorry and we could be friends and then proceeded to completely ignore me for several days (still going) so I guess that was a lie too.

How are you holding up today?

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