Judgment vs Preference on Physical Appearance

[Guest babygirlxalice]

I suppose this doesn't have to be placed under DDlg discussions, but the thought has come to my mind due to an interaction I just had with someone from an online forum/site.

 

It has to do with lying about physical appearance online.

 

I'm sure people do it, as it would be admittedly quite easy to do. I can honestly say that I don't do it, and would appreciate it if people didn't do it, but what can you do. With that being said, I could be lying right this very moment and anyone reading would never know. But, just try to believe me when I say: I am being totally honest.

 

Now, what happened was I was chatting with a potential Dom/caregiver/Daddy on Kik when he brought up that he was 4'10". I explained to him that I prefer guys who are at least my height (5'7") or taller than me, as this is my personal preference. A sort of standard. Also, it would be easier for me to feel little around a Daddy if he was taller than me. People naturally have standards and preferences for who/what they are attracted to. I'd like to think that I'm not the only person who thinks this way.

 

However, what he replied with was along the lines of: "Oh, so you're judging on physical appearance only? Good thing I lied about my height to [weed out] those kinds of girls" etc etc. Then he said: "I started lying about my height because I started realizing girls on that site were fat. If they didn't say their actual weight, they ended up being fat. I would much rather be with a girl outside of my height requirement for a girl than be with a fat girl". And then he stopped talking to me.

 

After reading that, I can certainly say that I lucked out for not having him as my Daddy, considering how rude and hypocritical that was of him.     I'm also admittedly not someone who has a very "healthy self-esteem" and suffers from severe depression and anxiety, so I think those who are in the same sort of situation can understand why I wouldn't choose to put my weight online. I'll be honest when I say I'm not fit, but I wouldn't call myself fat either. (I am trying to lose my pregnancy weight and become more healthy, but what I said still stands.) Also, the number on the scale is very contradicting in itself when you put the person's height, lifestyle, bone structure, etc into play.

 

I got kinda carried away there, but my point is: Is it wrong for me to have a physical preference? Am I really being shallow or judgmental simply because I'm not physically attracted to shorter men?

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear your feedback.

Edited July 13, 2016 by Babygirl Alice

[Osah]

Seeeeee thats why i put skype is needed in my personal, so i know they wont be able yo lie about aopearance and stuff

[Guest babygirlxalice]

Sure, skype is always good, but my concern is mostly about the "shallow" part.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

sounds like you hurt someone's ego lol

[Guest babygirlxalice]

But he said he lied about his height? Doesn't sound like I offended him. Unless he actually didn't lie, and was getting defensive.

[HeCallsMePrincess]

men are men. doms, Daddies or otherwise. and they tend to be sensitive about things that society says are "masculine". i don't think you're being judgmental or shallow or anything else. he probably was trying to cover for himself, saying "oh I'm actually taller than i told you, i just wanted to make sure you weren't shallow and you are". most likely, he's just a short guy who's insecure and was trying to make you feel bad for your preferences.

[Guest babygirlxalice]

Otay, I understand. I spose I'll never know what the real reason was, but I appreciate the answer you gave me heehee!

 

Thanks for making me feel better!

[HeCallsMePrincess]

you're welcome just some advice from a little who's been there, done that lol

[LoralieHaze]

I agree with the post above that says he was probably lying about lying. There are much more efficient ways of filtering out shallow people than saying you're short and then gauging someone's reaction. It seems to me that unless you said something like "Ew, shorts guys are gross! Don't talk to me!" then he was obviously overreacting. It's very ironic that he accused you of judging solely by appearance when it sounds like he was doing exactly that.

 

In general, I think this is a complicated issue for a lot of people since the line between judgement and preference is often blurred by those without tact, or brains, like the guy you mentioned above.

 

As a plus-sized little, I know that not every potential daddy is going to be attracted to someone who doesn't fit the petite stereotype of a little girl. This isn't the impetus to lie about my body, but the impetus to be upfront with potential partners so they know the truth before becoming involved with me. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with me because of what I look like, that's fine, as long as they do it in a respectful way.

 

As a 26-year-old little who prefers men significantly older than myself, I know that preferences are instinctual and can't be "controlled", for lack of a better term. I don't judge men who are around my own age or younger just because I'm not attracted to them; I don't think they're inherently bad people or aren't deserving of love. They just simply aren't what I'm looking for in a romantic relationship.

 

TL,DR: Just because you aren't turned on by someone that doesn't mean you should or do hate them. Everyone's preferences are different and you can't force people to be attracted to you. 

[Mrbeardman]

its absolutly fine to have a preference. and You are not being "shallow" for it.  everyone has their own set of likes and dislikes,  whether they are physical, emotional, kink, it doesn't matter.  You need to find someone that fits yours, and vis versa, a relationship wont work otherwise.   it was both disrespectful of him to lie about himself , and for faulting you for having a physical preference when he admitted to lieing about his height to try and "weed out" those that didn't fit his.

[Princess-P]

Both men and women have social standards of what they "should" be. What's considered masculine or feminine. So maybe he lied about lying, maybe not. Who cares. He wasn't right for you obviously.

 

That being said, you should feel no shame in having preferences. Its not judging someone based on their looks. You don't have to be attracted to everyone, that's rediculous. And sure maybe someone is a great person, awesome personality, lots in common... But guess what? If you aren't physically attracted to them then what's the point? You can offer them friendship and nothing more. And you don't even have to feel obligated to offer them that.

 

And let's be honest preferences go way beyond the physical anyway. For me I'm not attracted to blonde, short men, skinny men, men without facial hair (even when my own Daddy shaves his face I don't feel the same jump his bones attracted to him),and a lot of other things. BUT even someone who is the perfect physical specimen of what IM attracted too there's also a lot more to consider. I have preferences for income, living situation, and lifestyle choices. And I don't consider any of that shallow. I've always worked hard to support myself and so even when I was younger I didn't settle for someone living with parents, not working, and no vehicle. I wanted an equal not a Dependant.

 

There's no shame in your game,go for what you want and don't worry about offending someone. Those that get offended that easily have their own issues to deal with.

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

Going to put a little input as a pansexual here. Though I do greatly prefer intelligence and personality over looks, it is okay to have standards of what you're attracted to and what you aren't attracted to. Personally I like bigger girls, but that doesn't meant I wouldn't date someone smaller if they had the right personality or meet my standard. My Daddy is the same height as me and his hair is longer than mine. I don't care for a guys height so long as they aren't significantly shorter than me (I'm 5'5", so to a lot I'm considered short already). I also like people who are odd and men with long hair. It doesn't make me shallow to have a preference, and I see no point to lie about yourself unless you're looking to catfish. People that do that sort of stuff are mean. Weight is one thing, height is another. it's okay to have preference. He was probably upset cause he is an asshole and sensitive about his height.

[Guest babygirlxalice]

Thank you all for your comments! They really make me feel a lot better about the whole situation.

 

I just thought I was a mean, prejudiced person, but I felt like there was more to it. And you've all reassured me that it's okay to have standards and preferences, and not be considered shallow.

 

You're all wonderful!