self-care and recovery

[Guest annemarie]

i've noticed there are a lot of littles on here (i haven't seen as many caregivers, but i'm sure they exist) who are mentally ill and who seem to be...stuck like they don't know how to get better. and as someone who used to feel that way and doesn't anymore (though i am still struggling) i figured i might as well give some self-care tips that i've found helpful as well as tips for recovery! i created this thread bc i thought other people who are finding themselves in the same boat could add on to this with their own recovery and self-care tips!! i am also adding this because i've had a few people on here approach me and accidentally hurt me by trying to be my friend and doing some of the things i am going to suggest not doing in the recovery section.

 

self-care

• bubble baths (or baths in general)
• coloring 
• reading
• talking a walk outside
• honestly it's hard to know what to put here bc everyone's self-care is different

 

recovery (and tips to make it work)

• don't treat your friends like your therapists: they aren't. they have their own problems too. please be conscientious of this. sometimes you talking about your problems can be very triggering. try to avoid triggering topics or ask before discussing them. also ask before venting. sometimes your friends aren't always in the right place for you to vent to them.
• don't constantly play the victim: you may not be trying to hurt people by doing this, but...you kind of are. when all you talk about is how awful your life is, but then reject any suggestion anyone gives as to how to make it better...you have a victim complex. what you do when you do these things is tell the person trying to help you that you have no interest in getting better and that their opinion and time mean nothing to you. someone is taking the time to talk to you and help you. the least you can do is actually listen to their suggestions, even if you disagree with them.
• don't always make it out that your life is worse: important first fact: you have not had it worse than anyone. and even if you think you have, when someone talks about their pain and then you instantly talk about yours and how it's worse, that's invalidating (you're telling the person their pain doesn't matter), insulting (which is what telling someone their pain doesn't matter compared to yours is), selfish (you're only talking about yourself without giving someone else a turn), unfair (which is what this is), and rude (you behave as though they don't care about you when all they're doing is trying to help). please don't do that. you hurt people that way. talk to a therapist about your pain if this is the only way you can talk about it. 
• fake it till you make it: a lot of people are against this because it means pretending to be something you're not. however, i believe in it in this case because you're doing it for your own benefit. fake loving yourself until you do. stand in front of a mirror and point to all the parts you hate and say "beautiful" even if you don't believe it. eventually you will. and then it won't be fake anymore will it? fake not letting people get to you until it's true. fake anything you wish you were until that's what you are. it sounds so cheesy, but it actually works!!

anyway, feel free to add on if you have suggestions of your own!

 

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I think this thread and post is a great idea!

 

The only thing I would add at present to your "don't do" list is that it's okay if you /can't/ fake it until you make it. The OP mentions that it's an unpopular viewpoint because it's being something you aren't, but sometimes the reason people are against the idea of pretending is because they simply can't. I have a really hard time hiding how I'm feeling from people who know me well, so being able to fake my happiness or self-love would be great, if I could do it convincingly. I absolutely don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but if you can't fake it, that's okay. Self-love takes time, and if faking it doesn't work, don't feel likely are broken. Just like self-care is different for everyone, so is finding ways love yourself. I meet a lot of people in my mentoring and daily life that are frustrated that they can't find something they love about themselves, or even pretend to love themselves.

 

Sometimes, simply the validation that it's okay to feel the way you are is enough to help move the train in the right direction. I know I certainly didn't hear that the way I felt was okay enough growing up. Instead I heard a lot of "Don't think that way! You're beautiful!" It's a nice sentiment, but it's hard to believe and then we end up feeling worse that we don't believe it. Do they think I'm just doing it for attention? Should I bottle up my emotions?

 

Find a way to release those negative feelings in a healthy way. Create a Negativity or Worry Book for these emotions. Bang a drum. Write down your bad thoughts and burn them (safely)!

 

Just some alternative suggestions. (:

[Guest QueenJellybean]

Sorry for the double post! Edited July 30, 2016 by BabyBelugaBelle

[Guest annemarie]

I think this thread and post is a great idea!

 

The only thing I would add at present to your "don't do" list is that it's okay if you /can't/ fake it until you make it. The OP mentions that it's an unpopular viewpoint because it's being something you aren't, but sometimes the reason people are against the idea of pretending is because they simply can't. I have a really hard time hiding how I'm feeling from people who know me well, so being able to fake my happiness or self-love would be great, if I could do it convincingly. I absolutely don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but if you can't fake it, that's okay. Self-love takes time, and if faking it doesn't work, don't feel likely are broken. Just like self-care is different for everyone, so is finding ways love yourself. I meet a lot of people in my mentoring and daily life that are frustrated that they can't find something they love about themselves, or even pretend to love themselves.

 

Sometimes, simply the validation that it's okay to feel the way you are is enough to help move the train in the right direction. I know I certainly didn't hear that the way I felt was okay enough growing up. Instead I heard a lot of "Don't think that way! You're beautiful!" It's a nice sentiment, but it's hard to believe and then we end up feeling worse that we don't believe it. Do they think I'm just doing it for attention? Should I bottle up my emotions?

 

Find a way to release those negative feelings in a healthy way. Create a Negativity or Worry Book for these emotions. Bang a drum. Write down your bad thoughts and burn them (safely)!

 

Just some alternative suggestions. (:

 

yes i agree with that and what i was trying to say (which obviously didn't come across very well so i apologize) is that you have to actively try to pretend you love yourself until you do. and it's fucking hard. like REALLY hard. i try to do it, but yeah. like you i have a very hard time doing it. i suggested it only because when i do actively try to do it, it actually works and makes me feel a hell of a lot better than just ignoring it or doing self-care. hence why i put it on there