omgkate Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 I havent been able to fully outline every aspect of my life to anyone, mostly because my relationship with others doesn't warrant the burden of knowing my troubles and not having any control over it. In the beginning of July, I met this sweet, handsome, funny, sarcastic guy... We'll call him James. We went driving around, getting to know eachother, and site seeing. He picked me flowers and didn't try anything sexual. I had an unexpectedly wonderful evening. July 4th, I went home with the wrong person after hanging out with people from work. I knew he wanted to fuck me, but I also thought we could be friends. I was drunk, said no, and went to bed. I woke up to him fucking me. I told him no and tried to push him off, but he still kept going. And it happened numerous times. On my ride home, I was so unsure of everything. I knew what he wanted all along. I probably could have beat the shit out of him. I could have slept in my car. But instead I let him have me. Was it even rape then? I decided that I would report the incident. I was drunk, I said no, and I was asleep. On top of that, he'd lodged a tampon so far in me that I couldnt reach to get it out. In my report, I had tried to make him not seem like a monster. I said he stopped when I'd asked him to, and couldn't detail every time he had me. The authorities told me that the district attorney will decide if he goes to court and whatnot. I spent 10 hours in the hospital, and they had to surgically remove the tampon. For the next week, I wasnt myself. I dont know if I'm myself even still. Customers could tell something was wrong, and yet I have to lie. It's not okay to talk about being raped at work. Especially in a small town. I worried that he would walk in at any moment. I still do. Durring all of this, the only person I wanted to reach out to was Daddy. I needed him to comfort me and care about me and tell me that I was a big girl and I'd be okay. Though I did hear from him a couple of times through this, it wasn't nearly enough. I knew he was a busy man, but I'm his puppy and I've been hurt and I want him to take care of me. A few days later, I drove up off of the road and up the mountain. I'm lucky it wasnt off of the mountain. I fucked up the front end of my car. I spent the weekend with James, and felt comfortable and safe. I get my car straightened out and then sprain my ankle the next week. Then, this week, I end up with a black eye from fighting with my roommate. Work told me to put on makeup and I refused and now I'm laid off. On top of that, I lost my paid position at the church. The same roommaye responsible for my black eye has a tendency to be protective and affectionate with me when he's drunk. He tried kissing me a few nights before the black eye incident, and the night of the black eye incident, I had his throat in my hand for slapping my ass. I also lost a very dear cousin of mine. I'm almost a thousand miles away from home, so the people who would normally help me through this sort of thing are physically unavailable. I havent heard from James or Daddy, and I really need cuddles and kisses on the forehead. #endrant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omgkate Posted July 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 A few details I missed... The police wont press charges and now my rapist knows I went to the cops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williamx Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 I'm sooo sorry this happened to you,i can never understand whats wrong with people sometimes.. i hope the best for you. You seem like a very intelligent, caring, and loving person and i hope you can find a daddy that will be there for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest whatever Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 I can't even imagine what you're going through, but my heart is breaking for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I helped my friend go through a similar situation. I hope things get better for you. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omgkate Posted July 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 I know I can handle it... I have no choice. But all the little things that pile up just cover up any good... I got a new phone so I could play pokemon go right before I sprained my ankle. Wouldnt you know my phone is cracked already too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Williamx Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 Well good luck sweetheart, and hope you catch them all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebylittle Posted July 31, 2016 Report Share Posted July 31, 2016 Dear Kate, I'm very sorry to hear all this. I must say many, many details of your story raise concerns (how can you Daddy not be enough there when something so serious happen? why so much violence in your flat? not mentioning an act that should be punished by law enforcers....) but I don't know the whole situation. Anyway, I hope you will overcome all these obstacles. And don't forget to look at some cute kitten videos (and hear a bit of good relaxing music). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlevvitch Posted August 1, 2016 Report Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hi there, Kate. I'm not sure if this gonna help you or not, but since your Daddy or James isn't around, there's this book called I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors that probably can help to get you through. I know it's actually for people with PTSD but it's still can be helpful. Hope you'll be fine soon! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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